7

Im sorry... no authors note, just an apology. Also, listen to this song and the next song, they're awesome.
***

A few weeks had passed since that fateful night and Emerson and Codie had grown significantly closer. Remington and Sebastian had both noticed it. If Emerson was having a nightmare, the first person he would confide in would be Codie, she would speak to him in a hushed voice whilst his brothers watched on.

Sebastian had told Remington countless times to leave it, after all their brother was speaking to someone and not just letting it brew inside of himself, but Remington was furious. He claimed that she didn't have a right and that Emerson should be opening up to his brothers before her. At this point, he was outright ignoring her presence and glaring at every chance he got.

He knew it was childish behaviour, but he couldn't help it. He felt betrayed by his own brother. He and Sebastian were supposed to be the one Emerson confided in, his brothers! Not some stranger who he had known for all of four months. It wasn't fair. All his life he had been Emerson's confidant and had been the brother who was always there. Yes, Sebastian and Emerson were close, but Remington and Emerson had been closer because of their similar ages. So he couldn't help but feel betrayed because of his brother's lack of trust to confide.

Codie, on the other hand, was oblivious to Remington's outright 'dickish' behaviour. She was too busy focusing on other things, like being there for Emerson and eating properly. A few hours after they had returned from the café Emerson had made her eat and then refused to let her go to the bathroom. He was trying to help her like she was helping him.

Even though it had only been a month, she had put on a few pounds, not a lot but enough to show Emerson and herself that she was getting somewhere. She had also found a list of foods that she was able to keep down and not throw up after eating. She wasn't better, far from it, but she was healing and that's all that mattered.

She had no idea why Emerson was trying to help her, he should've been focusing on himself, and getting himself better. She liked how Emerson was confiding in her, she would have preferred if he did it to one of his brothers, but at the end of the day all that mattered was that he was confiding in someone.

"Over there will do, just look to your left, hands in pockets" at the moment she was out with Sebastian who had declared they have a photoshoot. She watched as he pulled the pose and placed her eye against the lens, waiting until the sun hit his face in the right spot to snap the picture. "Same pose, just look towards the camera but above it slightly" Once again she waited for the light to hit his features until taking the picture.

"Let me see. Let me see!" he jumped up and down in front of her like a child waiting for a new toy from their mother. She turned the camera around letting him see the pictures she had taken, and laughed as he clapped his hands in delight.

Codie hadn't spent too much time with Sebastian, he seemed too much for her. She didn't mean it in a bad way, it was just that they had very contrasting personalities. He drank gin and got drunk every night, whilst she preferred to drink water and read a book at night. They were just different. However she could not deny that he wasn't fun to hang around with.

"Okay now sit on the fountain, legs crossed, arm leant on the fountain beside you and look away from the camera" He gave a confused expression at her request, not quite understanding what she wanted him to do, so she went and pulled the pose that she was envisioning. "Got it?" he nodded and proceeded to follow directions.

It had been about an hour since they stopped the photoshoot, and now they were just in the nearby park lay on the grass. The sky was darkening and the air was cooling. It reminded her of the park near her childhood home where she played with her older sister El.

The park was empty and the overall place felt serene which added to the nostalgia of her old home in England. Not the home she had grown in from the ages of five to 18, the one she was born in. She had been raised in a small village near Warrington where everyone knew everyone, and everyone helped everyone else.

She had also developed a cute accent according to her mother, however that all went away when their family moved to a city near Manchester when she was five, which was significantly less pleasant than her old village. Her accent turned less posh and more suited for her surroundings, yet she couldn't find herself missing something she didn't know existed.

"Codie! Say cheese," just as she turned to face Sebastian she heard the fateful sound of a picture being taken. He had taken a picture. Of her! All of her insecurities and anxiety returned in one solid wave, knocking the air out of her lungs. She knew that Sebastian didn't know her backstory and her body issues, but her brain was in overdrive.

Panic was her executive function, and she couldn't control it. Her vision clouded over as feelings of panic flowed through her and filled her from top to bottom. She tried to focus on the feeling of the grass below her fingertips but as the panic became more overpowering in her system the feeling of the grass disappeared and the tips of her fingers began to feel numb.

"Codie?" She could faintly hear Sebastian's voice, but it was drowned out as 2 years' worth of torment and abuse came back with the click of a picture. "Codie please try to find my voice" the worry in his voice travelled through the thick cloud of memories, hitting her like a bullet to the brain. He was worried about her. People cared about her, Sebastian cared about her.

The years of conditioning her to think she was unlovable and no-one cared about her washed through her, however, the memories of Liam screaming this at her couldn't stick. She had a weapon against them. The knowledge that Sebastian cared. People cared about her. 'I am cared for, I am loved' she repeated the mantra in her head whilst listening to Sebastian talk her through the breathing exercises.

It wasn't long before her breathing was beginning to steady, and her vision became clearer. With her eyes now fully functioning she was able to see the worry in his eyes and knew she wouldn't be able to lie to him, not after him helping her. "Are you okay?" there it was. The infamous word. 'Okay' could anyone really be defined as okay? She knew for certain that she couldn't be called okay, especially at this moment in time.

"No" she further went on to describe her relationship with Liam and all of the things he did throughout her relationship. She explained how she had grown insecurities from his constant conditioning and hated her body. What she did not tell him though, something she had only told Emerson, was the aftermath. How she defaced her own body to make a difference between the thing he loved and what she looked like.

Sebastian held her tight as she told him her story, she knew he wasn't doing it for her as much as he was doing it for himself. She had somewhat opened up to him and he was able to sit with her as she did and hold her, very much like she knew he wanted to do with Emerson.

It was in this moment that she truly felt bad that she was the one that Emerson had opened up to. He should have opened up to one of his brothers, at least then she knew he'd have a better chance at getting help, she was in her own hole of problems and was in no way, shape or form fit to help someone else through their problems.

Even after Codie had finished speaking, Sebastian held her, both of them stuck in the bliss of the cooling atmosphere and the feeling of a weight being lifted from their chest. Whilst they were in this bliss, they were both unaware of the disaster awaiting them at home.

Remington had had it. He was fed up with his brother confiding in someone else. Ever since Maisie had broken Emerson, Remington had been waiting in the shadows for the perfect time to pick up the pieces of the man that had been his brother.

He wasn't stupid, he knew that his brother wasn't the same after Maisie. Damn, even the fans had begun to speculate. He just didn't know how bad his brother truly was because his brother- his own flesh and blood- would not tell him, and instead chose to tell a complete stranger. The only thought that passed through Remington's brain these days was that if he knew how bad he was, he would be able to save his brother.

Yet, he didn't know how. How was he supposed to help him if he didn't want any? How was he supposed to help if the only person he was telling was someone else? How was he going to save his brother?

Remington didn't know anymore, their relationship hadn't been the same since Maisie. She thoroughly destroyed his brother. Shattered his heart into a thousand pictures. He wanted to be the person to save his brother, the one that would heal the broken man. Yet he wasn't able to because someone else was doing it for him.

He knew he was being selfish and malicious, and an all-around dick; he couldn't help it. For 21 years he had been there for his brother, helped pick him up when he fell, helped him fight his battles, helped when others around him were trying to put him down. So why wasn't his brother letting him help now.

He had a plan of action in his mind, he knew he couldn't force his brother to open up, but maybe if he spoke to Emerson, let him know that he was there for him and that he would always be there. Yet the minute he stepped into the bus, the civil thoughts left him. His brother was there drawing on the wall of his bunk, peacefully oblivious of the storm that was about to hit hard.

"Emerson" there was a certain harshness to his voice that made Remington flinch, he didn't want it to go like this, but he had no control. Months of pent up frustration at his brother's unwillingness to allow him to help got the better of him. The taste of malice was on his tongue and he knew, he knew that every word that followed would be lined with layers of it. "Stop drawing, we need to talk"

There were two different emotions behind Emerson's eyes. One was that of knowing like he already knew what this conversation would be about. And the other, the other emotion was fear. The harsh tone, as well as Emerson's fragile state, had embedded fear into the 21 year old man. Once again, Remington flinched internally at himself. He was scaring his own brother.

The other man climbed down from his bunk, and stood less than 3 feet away from his brother playing with the end of the long sleeve shirt he was wearing. "Sit down" Remington gestured to the couches that stood beside them, yet neither of the men sat. "I'm your brother Emerson, I've been here since the beginning fighting your battles with you. I know Maisie hurt you, I want to help but you just won't let me" Remington's voice started of soft, but as he continued, it got progressively louder and more aggressive.

"I want to help. You're broken! I know it, Sebastian knows it, hell even Codie knows it. But Codie knows everything, doesn't she? You told someone you've known less than four months and not even your own brothers" Remington had begun using his arms to exaggerate his frustration, and slowly began pacing in from of Emerson as he released pent up frustration and anger that had been building slowly eight months.

"You're my brother! We both hit rock bottom together, I tried to help you climb out, but you found Maisie. You're always using other people to help you and not your own fucking brothers!" Emerson flinched at the mention of the woman who had been haunting him for eight months, Remington saw this, and on the inside, he felt bad, but he couldn't stop. It was like a dam had broken inside him, causing him to shout everything he had been feeling.

"I came in here to have a civil conversation but the minute I walked through the door, I knew it wasn't going to happen because you don't talk to me anymore. I used to be the first person you would confide in, yet here I am. I'm shouting at you to get you to open up, and even now you're not even going to,"

"I love you Em, I really do. These days though, it seems that you don't love me. We're family, we're brothers for fuck sake. You don't trust me! But you trust her!" Remington had his back to his brother because he knew he would only scare his brother if the other man saw the fury in his eyes, and he knew he would break entirely if he saw the pain his words were inflicting.

"Who helped you when you thought your art wasn't good enough? You might not know this but Sebastian and I stayed up all night sending your art to anywhere and everywhere, waiting for the replies. How fucking happy were you when you saw your art in the weekly magazine of the art gallery that you always visited on the weekends? Sebastian and I did that!"

"Do you remember that time those kids a few years older than you cornered you and picked on you, they threw your sketchbook into a muddy puddle and pushed you in the puddle as well? Who helped you get cleaned up? Who fought those bullies and got suspended because of it? I did! Not Codie!" Remington threw his hands up in the air and turned around to face his brother who was now looking down at the ground.

"No look at me! This isn't because of Maisie, this isn't because of Codie! This is you! You chose the wrong person to open up to" Remington knew he was at breaking point, not only that but he welcomed it. He didn't want to do this, but it seemed the only way to get through to his brother was through loud volumes and shouts.

"Rem-" Emerson tried to console his brother, he tried to defuse the bomb that was his brother's rage. But he couldn't. If anything, Emerson's voice increased his brother's rage. Remington looked at him, the fury was like a fire in his eyes and the sight of his brother was the fuel that made the flame burn higher. The rage sat in his chest like a dragon protecting its eggs, and every now and then one of the eggs would hatch, which would ignite a new flame of fury.

"No don't speak! I'm done trying to get you to talk to me. I get it you don't want to talk, well fucking listen" The singer was now speaking through gritted teeth, anger rolling off him in waves. The waves of anger hitting the drummer like a knife to the heart.

"Let's play a game, its called remember when. I'll start. Remember when you fell out of the tree and broke your arm, who helped you up? Me! Remember when that kid tripped you up in the hallway in middle school, who punched the kid and picked you up? Me! Remember when Maisie tried to lie and tell you the pictures were photo-shopped, who told you she was lying and stopped you taking her back? Sebastian and I"

Emerson turned to leave, fed up of the pain his brother was inflicting upon him, he needed to release it. He needed control. "I don't know where you think you're going, I have more. This one is special, Remember a few months ago when you saw Maisie and locked yourself in the bathroom, who sat outside for over 12 hours until you came out? It wasn't Sebastian; It wasn't your precious Codie; It was me! Your fucking brother! Do you know why? We're family! We're meant to be there for each other, meant to use the other as a support"

"You and me, we share the same blood, you and her share nothing but a fucking tour bus! I am you fucking family, it's me and you. Not you and her" He had reached the limit, and even though he wanted his brother to open up to him, all he wanted to do was punch something.

"I-" once again Emerson tried to speak, but his brain and Remington cut him off, "Don't fucking bother, it's too late now for explanations, apologies and excuses" Remington looked down, the pain was hitting him. He had not only shouted at his brother, but he had also caused his brother pain with the words he had screamed. He was at a point of submission, he was done trying. He wanted to save his brother, he wouldn't even mind just being there for his brother, but clearly the other one didn't want that, so he was done.

"I'm done," Remington grabbed his jacket which he had disposed of when he entered the bus, and turned to leave, but not before turning to his brother and uttering three words, "Sort your shit" after this, he turned back to the door, and opened the door ready for him to leave and cool down.

"I'm broken Remington"

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