You knew this song would happen didn't you?

Forgive me for being very annoying with the amount of detail i go into with Codie's movement, it's purposeful in order to slow the speed of the story and just essentially make it feel like every second and action takes multiple minutes.

"What the hell?" Codie looked at the man before her, his arms were making her nauseous with the amount of blood pouring out of them. She wanted to yell and scream at him for making stupid decisions but guilt surged through her when she saw the look on his face, it was just pure pain.

She took a wary step forward but he moved backwards in small steps until his back was pressed straight against the bathroom wall. He held his bloody arms across his lower abdomen keeping the cuts out of her sight, however she could still see the blood trickling down his stomach. Codie continued to walk towards him, her arm was slightly reached out in front of her, to show that she wasn't a threat. It almost seemed like she was trying to approach a wild animal.

"Please... no" His voice was small and fragile that it almost didn't sound like him. The overall fatigue and exhaustion were evident in the 21 year old's voice, and her heart broke once again. Despite her not knowing the man for that long, she had still grown close to him and seeing him so broken and in such a state of vulnerability was painful for her also.

She stopped moving and stood looking at him. His breathing was becoming shallow as he became increasingly panicked. "Emerson, breathe. Focus on my voice. Breathe in. Breathe out" her attempts to soothe him were to no avail and she only had one idea left. "Okay Emerson, I'm just going to try something, don't panic"

Slowly and tentatively she ­­reached her hands out and placed them on his shoulders. She felt the muscles tense under her touch and she tried to ignore the nauseating feel of the cuts which were now under her palms on his skin. Her hands pulled the man forward slowly, and manoeuvred him so he was now facing the wall and not her. "Emerson, what I want you to do is look at the drawing, your drawing. Now take a finger, it doesn't matter which and I want you to trace the lines in the picture. Focus on the lines and ignore your surroundings"

Moving away from him, she watched as he took his right hand and placed his index finger on the lines of the castle and slowly traced each and every line. Her eyes flickered to his shoulders and watched as his breathing became slower, yet she couldn't help but stare at the lines crowded on his delicate skin. She knew that each line signified a time when he felt he couldn't talk to anyone, and could only gain control on his own.

Ten minutes had passed before she heard the man in front of her speak, "Thank you" he was still facing the wall and was very intent on not turning around, fearing he would lose control once again when he saw that she was real and not a figment of his imagination.

"Emerson?" her voice was soft and quiet so that it would not be audible to anyone outside of the door. She had already begun forming reasons as to why he hadn't turned around and was trying to think of a way she could do what was needed whilst also keeping him calm. "Emerson, I'm going to need you to turn around"

She saw how his shoulders began to shake in panic at the mere concept of it. "How about you close your eyes, that way you can't see me?" She had no idea what she was doing, she didn't even know if her presumptions about why he didn't want to turn around were right. Codie had never had to do this.

Hope became a more acceptable feeling to her when she saw the man's body turn around, both of his eyes squeezed shut trying to keep out reality as it was coming at him full speed. She saw the pain on his face. She also saw his body twitch as he fought the urge to turn back around to face the wall and block out reality.

Slowly, as to not startle the temporarily reality blind man, her hand reached for a wet cloth in the sink. She knew it was hers because she had her initials embroidered in the corner, and so she knew that there wouldn't be questions about the presence of blood on the cloth from another resident of the bus who owned it. She held the corner of the rag so that she would have precision when doing the necessary task.

Once again, she warily moved her other hand which didn't hold the cloth and reached out for the man's left arm which was significantly worse than the other one. He flinched under her touch and almost opened his eyes, however when his brain reminded him of the consequences he squeezed them together again. Her hand still remained unmoving on his wrist until he regained some composure for her to continue.

Once he had stilled she got to work cleaning up the blood around the cuts, not yet cleaning the actual cuts. Her hands moved softly against his skin, fearing that the harshest of movements would shatter the man further into the void. Once she had cleaned the blood from around the cuts on his left arm she was able to assess the damage that he had inflicted.

She stepped back from the man, her task wasn't finished, far from it, but she needed to grab some stuff from her bunk before she could continue. So, after telling Emerson that she would be back, she left to her bunk. Luckily her bunk was the closest to the bathroom and not near the other two Kropp's who were peacefully sleeping in their bunks.

Even though she had left, Emerson still hadn't opened his eyes, the reality of the situation too daunting for him to think about. He presumed she wasn't going to come back, he knew that once she saw how fucked up he was she would leave, she just needed the right time when his eyes were closed. It was exactly like what was going to happen with Remington and Sebastian when they found out.

The door opened again, stayed open for about two seconds and then was shut and locked again. The light foot falls in the small bathroom told him exactly who was there, and even though he didn't want her there, she was better than one of his brothers walking in.

"This is going to sting like a bitch, I'm sorry" before he could even speak he felt something get sprayed against the exposed raw flesh on his arm. The pain was unbearable and he tugged his arm back into his chest, holding it close. The corner of his eyes stung as well, and he could feel the reflex tears brew up.

When Codie had gone, she had grabbed a small first aid bag that she always carried with her, once she had returned, she had made sure to warn him beforehand, but when she saw his reaction to the anti-septic spray, she felt the tears prickle in the corner of her eyes. She tried to keep them at bay, but when she saw the man hugging his arm to his chest once more and the tears forming in his eyes, she knew she would have to be fast or the tears would fall also.

"I'm sorry Emerson, but it's just anti-septic spray, its going to help make sure the cuts don't get infected. They're scarily deep and will become infected if you just leave them exposed. Please can I continue, if you wish I will tell you everything I am going to do?" her hope was fading and she felt like she had lost his trust even though she had only tried to clean his cuts. However, a renewed hope filled her when she saw him nod his head at her last request and move his arm away from his bloody chest.

Once again she was holding his wrist whilst she cleaned away the blood that had come from his chest when he pulled it from her. After that was done, she warned him that she had to finish putting the anti-septic spray and didn't continue until she saw him nod in confirmation for her to continue.

Even though he had given her confirmation he still tried to pull his arm away from her, however this time she wrapped her hand around his wrist tightly and prevented him from placing his wrist away from her once more.

Soon after he relaxed and she continued treating the wounds. She was done with the spray and went back in with the cloth to give one last clean before she moved on. One of her hands was still wrapped around his wrist whilst the other reached for a bandage from the bag, when she had tucked that under her arm, she reached again into the bag and pulled out a gauze.

Throughout her wrapping the exposed wrist in bandages and gauzes she spoke to Emerson in a soft voice, telling him exactly what she was doing.

When she had finished wrapping both arms, she looked at him chest. Not in a lustful or creepy way, she was looking at the blood that had accumulated from him keeping each of his bleeding wrists pressed against it. So once again, after warning Emerson, she began cleaning the blood from his chest, this time she was able to press harder to get the blood off as there were no cuts on his chest.

"If you're comfortable, you can open your eyes now" she didn't want to press him, but she had to talk to him. After all, it wasn't just his secret that was exposed tonight. Despite her belief that he would not open his eyes, he did. The photographer watched as he examined his arms, looking at the thin layer of bandages that would be easy enough to hide, as well as looking at her.

She had blood on her pyjamas, she hadn't even noticed, she had been too wrapped up in 'healing' Emerson. She wasn't even expecting a thank you, she didn't want one. It would remind her of her own weak will that led her to the bathroom in the first place, so that's why she was utterly surprised when the man pulled her into a hug.

The hug itself didn't last more than five seconds, but it was the underlying message behind the hug that mattered. This was his non-verbal thank you. After he had pulled from the hug, he began pulling his long sleeved night shirt on hoping it would signal to her that he did not want to talk.

However, she had different plans. "I get it, you don't want to talk right now, I don't even want to talk right now, but we will be talking" knowing there was no escaping it, he gave a final nod before exiting the bathroom. He didn't try and climb into his bunk, his sensitive wrists would not allow it, so he sat in the living room doodling on a scrap piece of paper he found.

He heard Codie approach and sit on the opposite couch, her laptop in her lap as she finished the editing on a few of her favourite pictures she had taken with the band so far. He saw her stop editing and zoom in close on an image, he could tell it was of him as there was a drumstick present.

"Emerson? Do you want me to edit these out?" She turned the laptop to show a zoomed in image of his wrist, where a few lines were showing from under his sleeve. They wouldn't have been noticeable for someone not looking, however, Codie had been looking. Now that she knew, she was trying her best to limit the amount of images posted that could clue someone else in.

Emerson's body froze. If Codie had managed to catch this on a camera, then anyone there could have. She seemed to pick up on the panic in his body, "Hey don't worry, I took these images from an angle none of your fans could have, also all their pictures will be blurry because they're zooming in, let's not forget it's fairly dark and I have changed the contrast and brightness in this" he visibly became calm, and she knew, she just knew that they had to speak now or they would never speak.

"Let's go get some breakfast? I saw this cute looking café nearby, it should be open now" He knew what was happening, he knew she was getting him away from his brother's so he would feel more comfortable talking. Even though he knew all this, he found himself getting dressed and heading out the door with her.

They walked in silence towards the café, unsure of whether small talk would suffice after the night's revelations. The small café was empty except the people working there and Emerson and Codie, which made it the perfect setting for a conversation like this one.

"So..." neither of them knew what to say, exemplified by Codie's awkward attempt. "I don't exactly know how to start" she picked at the sleeve of her blue long summer skater dress, a method of distraction she had learned just a few years ago.

Emerson looked at her, he knew she wanted- no needed- to know. She was trying to help. A true difference between the two women, Codie wasn't pushing him to open up. "I'm not good at dealing with the pain," His eyes followed every detail on his cup of coffee and refused to even acknowledge Codie's continued presence, and his hands played with the napkins placed in the centre of the table.

"Well you're alive, that counts for something" her hand reached over and settled atop Emerson's which was fidgeting with the napkins. Her eyes locked with his as he looked up, "You've not given up the fight yet!" Despite the intimate position, both of them felt so secluded. They were trapped in their own problems, trying to diffuse the situation to keep their issues hidden.

"Yes, but she's winning. I've reached a point where I don't care about the consequences of cutting too deep," his inner consciousness was mortified. Why had he told her? She wasn't family. She didn't deserve to know about his problems. She was prying the information to use it for blackmail. He fought against his inner voice which was making up preposterous scenarios about Codie's reasons.

Codie was taken aback, she hadn't expected such honesty. Those who said the truth would set you free clearly hadn't faced this kind of truth. It was like a dark entity wrapping itself around her heart, squeezing it until it stopped beating, and she couldn't even begin to imagine how it felt for Emerson all this time.

"She's not winning Emerson, you are! So long as you stay alive and push through this, you will always win" Her hand was not on his anymore and was playing with the hem of her dress, "You can start from the beginning if you wish? It will help to have someone else know what you're going through" her voice was just as soft and gentle as it had been a few hours earlier, and he couldn't help confiding in her.

"The nightmare got worse, it was so real and I had no control," he looked at his coffee before continuing, "It wasn't the same as the other dream, Maisie wasn't visible but I could hear her. She was taunting me, and then Remington was there. She made me rip his heart out of his chest, she was controlling me, embedded in my brain" He closed his eyes to gain control as he relived all of the memories again.

"The feeling was something else, it wasn't the pain so much as the lack of control over my life and reality that led me into that position tonight. My sense of reality and dreams are twisted into something else, they're merging" She nodded, she couldn't exactly put herself into that situation but she understood how the lack of control felt. "So why were you in that bathroom?" there it was. The question she was dreading. She had to tell him now, after all she had made him tell her.

"Not too long ago, I was in a relationship. My ex, Liam, was a lying, manipulative bastard that hurt me in more ways than one," she pulled down the collar of her dress to reveal a two inch scar just below her collar bone, "One day he came home and he was furious, claimed I had been seeing other men behind his back, which was far from possible as he had taken my phone and forbid I left the house.

He grabbed a knife from the kitchen and he stabbed me, it wasn't a big knife, but he kept moving it and making the cut bigger" She moved her hand from her dress and let the fabric fall back into place covering the scar. "I left him that day. He had left to go 'have fun' with one of his whores, I packed a small bag of clothes and ran to my mum's house, I didn't live anywhere close to my mum, but the fear and adrenaline spiking through me gave me the energy to run.

At first, I wanted to go back, he had brainwashed me into believing he would be the only one to love me. Throughout the relationship, he had conditioned me into believing I was ugly, fat and unlovable. He kept saying he was 'doing me a favour' by giving me a moment of his time. My mum wouldn't let me go back, and after a while, I was able to reconnect with my family.

Not so long after I realised that he didn't love me. He loved his control over me. He loved my body. So I became determined to defile my own body, create a difference between the body he loved and the body I had. At first, I struggled, my mum kept forcing me to eat, but then it became automatic for me. I moved out and it became easier to hide. I got better once, gained a bit of weight, I had become a different person to the thing he loved, I was happy with myself.

But about a month before I joined you guys on your, I found out he had done it again, she was barely 18. The memories came back with a vengeance and I went downhill again. Last night, I got a message from my mum, he got off with no charges." Throughout the story she had kept her body abnormally still and stared at the window behind Emerson.

"None of what he said was true, he was just trying to deter your own perception of your self-worth so he could continue to do what he was doing" His voice brought her out of her trance like state and she looked at him again, he wasn't looking at her, just the coffee cup in front of him. "Let's go okay? Remington and Sebastian will be waking up now" It was true, it was about 9am and they had been out for 3 hours just sat in the coffee shop.

***

So I had to split this chapter into two because it totalled to 6267 words... I'm really sorry, I'm a mess. I have no idea when I'll upload the next half, but I'll try and make it so that I've gotten at least half of the next chapter written before I upload it... it's a good chapter, the beginning is boring in my opinion but it's a necessary evil, but the ending... oh boy. It's sure got an ending.

Also, let me apologise for this chapter... it's something else. Codie's backstory is... yeah.