The green hand hovers just over the shoji screen door, three fingers in a perfect fist as he wills the contact to be made, tree leaves rustling as a breezes sneaks through the grate above.

A shiver runs down the motionless body and the fist tightens, the most movement it's experienced in several minutes. A held breath is let out; the anxiety in his bones leaving him a statue molded to the floor.

He doesn't understand why he can't knock. He's been working up to this all evening, but now that he's here, now that the slow film that is his life is coming to the crucial scene that it's been building up to- he can't do it.

Leo lowers his hand to his side and soundlessly exits the dojo.

Someone screams on the tv as he heads to the kitchen. He plops onto a stool, head falling into his hands as his entire body slumps in defeat. It isn't supposed to be this hard. He needs to get a grip.

Sensei had been the one to fight his brainwashed daughter and throw her down a sewer pipe. The same daughter that he thought died in a fire years ago and then found out was being raised by a psychopath out to kill them. The same daughter that they thought had been lost to her snake mutation.

His father is hurting and he needs to be there for him.

He lowers his hands to the table, staring down at them with fresh betrayal. 

So why couldn't he bring himself to knock?

It's a dumb question. He knows why. The truth just leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

He's talking like she's gone.

They're all talking like she's gone.

Hadn't they gone through this almost a year ago? Under the impression that they'd lost a family member after seeing him chucked into the depths of the sewers?

Not Leo personally. He never knew how blessed he was to not have been there. Hearing the news after waking up from a coma had been bad enough. .

He learned the hard way that witnessing it was an entirely different batch of horrors. Watching your father almost dive in afterward is somehow even worse.

Leo couldn't- wouldn't- lose hope as long as there was a chance. They had seen her fall, but then she'd disappeared. If she was still under Shredder's control then it would make sense that she wouldn't return to them. She'd be returning to a losing battle.

They need to find her again, but he knows that he should talk to Splinter before they begin any new missions. She's his daughter. She's family.

Splinter deserves to know that they haven't given up hope.

Leo sends a sharp look in the direction of the main room as a feminine shriek sounds.

Mouth drawn in a thin line of contemplation, he decides that it can't hurt to come up with some sort of plan first. Get the team on board and prove to their father that they are ready and willing to do whatever it takes.

He rises and makes his way into the main room.

Mikey is sitting far to close to the television as he absently rocks back and forth, hands tucked under his legs to keep him balanced. Raph has a comic, legs crossed and sprawled across the couch with his arm supporting his head. They're in the same positions that they'd been in the last time he'd passed through, acting as if they don't have a care in the world.

He has several choice words for both of them, but he forces himself to breathe.

Neither brother acknowledges his presence, so he addresses them. "Anyone seen Donnie?"

Mikey doesn't look away from the tv, but his rocking has stopped, so it's obvious that he's listening. Raph looks over his shoulder. "Not in a while. Been cooped up in his lab."

"Cooped up like 'he's been in there all night' or cooped up like 'he hasn't actually been outside it in days'?"

Raph raises an eye ridge and Leo doesn't know why he bothers asking. He rubs his forehead, already regretting this interaction. "How long?"

His hardheaded brother shrugs dismissively, returning his attention to the comic. "Went in the lab to take care of his burns and never came back out."

Leo mulls this over. He has a distant memory of Mikey asking Donnie about the red marks on his head and getting a grumble to mind his own business. Leo interjected and told Donnie to take care of his burns and waited until his younger brother complied to follow his father into the dojo, not wanting to leave him alone in his mourning state.

Leo looks from the closed lab door to his distracted brothers. "You mean he hasn't left the lab in four days?"

Mikey's the one to answer, but he doesn't look away from the tv. "Yep."

"And you guys just let him?"

Raph sits up with a dark glare as Mikey shrugs. "You know how D is. I tried to give him food and stuff, but he didn't want it."

"He hasn't eaten?" Leo has flashbacks about that first week of mutating April's dad and losing her. Donnie had dived so deeply into creating the cure that he was a mess by the time they realized he was essentially robbing himself of life-giving necessities.

It was a wonder he hadn't decided that breathing was also a waste of energy and given up on that entirely.

"Maybe." Mikey's voice quiets. "I mean, he's went in the kitchen a few times..."

Leo knows what that's code for. His kitchen runs are likely coffee breaks, and the leader is already past done with his brother's behavior.

Seclusion is always how his brainy brother chooses to deal with being upset, but he isn't going to fool himself into believing it's over Karai.

Donnie didn't have any close connection with Karai. Leo could recall his many reminders for his little brother to work on the cure when she was first mutated. With their plans to save the city on hold as they tracked down their missing sister, he was certain that Donnie had the time that he needed to create them a way to bring her back.

In the end, all he got was an excuse.

"It- doesn't work- Donnie?"

"I told you, Leo. Karai is special. She's not a normal mutant."

If he knows his younger brother, which he does all too well, then he's pouting because Leo had called him out evenings prior.

They needed that cure for Karai and Donnie was going to just give up. He was going to move on to some other project and pretend their lost sister wasn't out there suffering because of his selfishness. Now, if it had been April-

Leo grits his teeth as a familiar anger sears through him, ready to forsake a planning session because there's no way he can face Donnie with a clear head. He turns to head back into his room to block reality until he has enough control to face him, but his youngest brother's hopeful voice stops him. "Maybe you should talk to him?"

"And why should I do that?" The snide remark slips out before he can catch himself. He fights to slip his calm mask back into place, and adds, "If Donnie wants to hide in his lab and pout, then he can pout. He wanted to work on his other important projects anyway."

It's a condescending tone, but he decides that he doesn't mind. He almost wishes that Donnie was present to hear exactly what he thought of him.

Raph sounds a mix of bitter and smug. "What'd I say, Mikey? Nothin' changed. Still up on his high horse thinkin' about what big screw-ups everyone is compared to his leadership."

Leo knows Raph's trying to push buttons and he takes a calming breath before answering. "Stop it, Raph."

"Stop what? Truth to much for you?"

"Guys-"

Leo whirls back around. Mikey has no place in their argument, so Leo has no qualms with cutting him off. "It's not true! Even if it were, I'm leader! I'm supposed to take notice when you guys need improvement. And guess what? You need some serious attitude adjustments."

The comic book lands several feet away as Raph stands, every muscle tense. "You wanna say that to my face?"

"I've said it hundreds of times! Why not one more?"

Raph's feral-dog growling certainly isn't helping his case, but now Mikey's on his feet and standing with both hands between them, once again butting in where he wasn't wanted.

Leo is ready to let it slide and use the distraction to head back to his room, but Raph doesn't even give Mikey a passing glance, stopping so Mikey's palm rests on his plastron. "Maybe you're the one who needs some attitude adjustment, fearless leader! We got other things to worry about other than moping about Karai!"

"I'm not moping!" Leo knows he's slipped into a direct reflection of Raph's stance, and it's only through pure willpower that he doesn't stoop to his level and attempt a tackle. So what if Mikey went down too?

He chose to get in the middle of this, and that's his own fault. "I'm planning!"

"You're moping and hiding." Raph snarls. "You haven't even noticed that Donnie hasn't been around."

"I have more pressing things to worry about than Don's fit!"

Something flickers over Mikey's expression and he lowers his hand as Raph barks, "It's not a fit! You're a jerk and flipped out!"

"You all did as much flipping out as me!" Leo doesn't know why he bothers entertaining his hardheaded brother. "And I'm not a jerk for saying what needed to be said!"

"Dude." Mikey's tone has an unrecognized cool that makes both brothers do a double-take. The youngest has his narrowed eyes on Leo, his tone and stance making the leader weirdly uncomfortable. "None of that needed to be said."

Leo's voice rises in pitch. "He was about to give up!"

"And he had every right to. She's a lost cause who tried to mutate, bake, slice, and brain-fry all of us." Raph snaps in darkly. "And now she's a lost cause at the bottom of a sewer tank."

Mikey frowns at Raph and Leo snaps. "She is not a lost cause! She was never a lost cause! This is exactly your guy's problem! None of you seem to grasp the situation! You know how much this means to Splinter-"

"How much it means to Splinter, or how much it means to you?"

Mikey's looking at him again, and Leo's fury subsides as he tries to voice a response. "W-well, -I-I mean, obviously, I care, but- but that's not-"

Mikey's features soften as he approaches, thankfully losing the weird commanding air. "We're worried about our sis too, Leo, even Raph."

Raph snorts and stomps away from them, but he's easily ignored.

Placing a hand on his arm, Mikey continues. "And Donnie was just feeling bad 'cause he couldn't crack the worm. He wasn't really gonna give up, dude. He's Donnie. Wasn't fair that you got all up on his shell like that when he was only trying to help."

Leo has to stare at Mikey for a full minute before he could process the fact that he was getting sensible advice. Giving the lab door an uncertain glance, Leo admits, "Maybe. But it's a bit too late to do anything now."

"It's never too late to say sorry, bro." Mikey jerks a finger in the air with a confident grin. When Leo's expression deadpans, he simply turns from the leader to make his way back to the television, apparently having his full say and ready to continue his show.

Leo's left standing uselessly as he tries to catch Raph's eye, but the hothead is back to ignoring him, his head buried in the comic.

With a short sigh, he decides that he might as well go check up on Donnie anyway, if only to make sure that the reason nobody had seen him for hours isn't because he'd injured himself during a more dangerous project.

He finds the door cracked open and peeks inside, unsure why he suddenly feels like he swallowed a rock.

A quick scan of the area reveals a still form at a desk across the room, olive head lying on scrawny arms as he breaths evenly, lost to the world.

Leo closes the door behind him to block out the sounds of the Crognard war cries and makes his way across the room, glancing at the new vials and chemicals that decorate a nearby table since he was last there.

He stops by Donnie's desk, looking over the several strewn coffee cans and the papers upon papers of science-looking gibberish.

He picks up a few from the floor curiously, surprised to find that many of them were crumpled and some were completely scribbled out, leaving anything written on it unrecognizable. One of them is ripped near the bottom, as if someone pressed down so hard that the pen slashed straight through the paper.

He glances from the small pile in his hand to his younger brother, confused as to why the genius who prized his work and stored journals of neatly organized information would be so careless.

He puts them down and removes the paper Donnie's drooling on, making a face and setting it to the side. The fact that he still hasn't sensed his presence tells Leo that he must have been in a deeper sleep than his usual naps.

He leans over and realizes his younger brother's mask is askew, revealing the dark purple rings of a brother who had probably forsaken sleep even before the incident with Karai. A strange uncertainty descends on him as he studies the faint burn marks left by the Foot's trap, and the notable paleness that could have been a sign of malnourishment.

"Oh, Donnie." He sighs, placing a hand on his shoulder.

The contact jolts his younger brother awake and he shoots upright. The leader tears away his hand as Donnie practically knocks over his chair in his panic. "It wasn't my fault!"

Donnie frantically scans his surroundings a couple times before he seems to realize where he is. His entire body slumps in relief as he leans against his chair, closing his eyes and taking a few calming breaths.

When he opens them again, he absently glances in Leo's direction before he scowls, turning his attention back to his desk. "Oh, great. It's you."

Before Leo has a chance to respond, Donnie adds, "And, no, I haven't gotten any further on a brain worm solution. So if that's what you're here for, you might as well just leave."

"Brain worm- you're still working on that?" Leo feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

"Yep." Donnie mutters without looking up. "I'm sure everyone will sleep better knowing that I've figured out the cure, even if it might be too late."

Leo frowns at the reminder and watches as the genius sifts through papers, scanning a few over before setting them to the side. The leader quickly realizes what he's looking for and hands him the paper that he'd taken. Donnie scrunches up his face at the drool.

The genius continues to search around him and Leo questions, "Donnie, are you feeling okay?"

Donnie acts as though he doesn't hear, scooting back to retrieve a pen from the floor. Leo narrows his eyes. "Donnie."

"If you absolutely must know, I have a mild headache, but I'm sure it'll pass on it's own. It's not going to interrupt my working on the cure. " Donnie snaps curtly, glancing at the wet paper and then beginning to copy the information down on a blank one. "I did not intend to fall asleep, and I'm getting back to work, so you can go back to Space Heroes or training or whatever you were doing before you felt the need to check up on me."

"You don't look very okay." Leo replies, earning a deadpan stare. "Maybe you should take a break. Eat something."

"I can eat later." Donnie turns his attention back to the paper. "Now would you please leave me alone?"

Leo remains firm. "How much later?'

"I don't know." Donnie scribbles more intensely. "When this is done?"

"You've been working on the cure for weeks."

Donnie slams his pen down on the desk and Leo jumps, startled by the harsh glare being sent his way. "You don't think I know that?"

"Of course." Leo blurts with wide eyes. "I wasn't-"

"I just said that I was fine, Leo! Can't you trust me on anything?"

Leo scrambles to figure out what he said to cause this much aggression. The only thing that comes to mind is that Donnie isn't as okay as he claims and that his emotional state is suffering for it.

He feels himself switch into the offensive. "Not with your health. Your track record of self-care is pretty terrible."

"My track record is fine." Donnie argues dismissively, even though Leo is fairly certain that they both know this is a blatant lie.

Leo crosses his arms. "Donnie. Take a break."

"Take a break?" Donnie's glare turns accusing. "Taking a break isn't going to magically make the brain worm cure appear. In fact, taking a break would be the exact opposite of-" His younger brother makes air quotes."-trying harder."

Leo blinks as he tries to remember why that sounds familiar.

"Donnie! You know how much this means to sensei!"

"Leo, I'm trying as hard as I can."

"Well- try harder!"

"Try harder!? I always have to find the solution! You're leader, Leo! You find the answer!"

The leader avoids his younger brother's gaze as the memory resurfaces and he recalls the way Donnie couldn't have been more eager to respond to 'April's' call and leave. He barely remembers what was said before the t-phone began going off.

"It's not MY role, it's YOUR job to-!"

"I am really, really SICK of all of you-!"

In that moment of chaos, realizing his father had arrived and attempting to think straight with their siblings bickering, he hadn't noticed that Donnie was walking away until he was decidedly already gone. What had Donnie been going to say before the t-phone rung?

He stares numbly at the mess on the desk as a sudden guilt worms it's way to the surface.

But he doesn't have any reason to feel guilty. He was only telling the truth, wasn't he?

They all have their places on the team and this is Donnie's.

Leo glances back to Donnie- back to the younger brother who is refusing to acknowledge his exhaustion because of what Leo had told him

Is he really the cause of all this?

The leader can't read the cold expression. "Just get out, Leo."

Leo hesitates. "But-"

"I'm not taking a break!" The anger is back in full force. "I can't! I have to make a cure! Isn't that what you want?! Because I'm trying harder! I'm trying and you're interrupting!"

Leo bristles at the implications. "Look, Donnie, I know what I said, okay? But this- this isn't what I meant-"

"Then what did you mean?!" Donnie's voice is almost a growl. "Because I feel like your expectations are pretty clear! Try harder, right? As if I haven't been trying hard enough! And- what? Am I trying too hard for you now? Is that it? I can't ever meet Mr. Perfect Turtle's expectations, can I?! It's either too hard or not hard enough! Well, which one do you want, Leo, because I can't do both!"

Leo takes a step back. Donnie has gotten plenty angry on occasion, but nothing like this. The utter fury that burns in his normally passive glare gives the leader an uneasy feeling. Maybe it would be best if he just left. It's all too obvious that he isn't wanted. "I-I- just-"

"You- you just- what?" Donnie mocks before throwing up his hands. "Expected better from me? More results from the supposed team genius? Didn't want to have to witness yet another failure? Thought that just once he could do something right and not be a complete and total disappointment?"

His voice cracks and he turns away from the frozen eldest, staring down at the cluttered desk. "Yeah. Me too."

Leo's heart pounds as he tried to figure out where all of- all of that came from. "D-Donnie-"

"Just get out." Donnie's voice is quiet again, his hand shaking as he picks up a paper. "Get out and let me figure this out in peace."

Something rises in the leader, similar to the gut instinct he gains when his team is about to walk into a trap, or there's a danger lurking just out of sight. He knows that it would be easy to leave, to obey his stressed younger brother and allow him to continue his work.

In a way, this had been what he'd wanted, hadn't it?

But this is wrong.

Donnie had left during their argument a few evening before. Left on a horrible note of blame and anger and stress that hadn't faded. His little brother may not have realized it yet, but they needed to remedy this or it was only going to get worse.

Leo started this, and now he's going to finish it.

"No." Donnie stiffens at the resolve in this tone. Leo instinctively squares his shoulders and plants his feet as his younger brother turns to him. He knows that look. It's something he's seen on Raph's face one too many times. "I'm not leaving until we sort this out."

"Sort out what?!" Donnie demands as he slams the paper onto the desk. "I'm doing what you want! Why can't you just let me do that!?"

"Because all this." He stares him down evenly, gesturing around them and then at him. "What you're doing to yourself. Is not want I wanted."

"You're impossible!" Donnie's hands clench into trembling fists. "Nothing I do will ever be good enough for you! You said to try harder and now I'm trying harder! I'm doing exactly what you want so why are you scolding me for that too!?"

"I'm not-"

"You are! You always expect more and more- just all of you- and it's always- 'Donnie, we need some crazy new invention to defeat the bad guys in the next two days!' 'Donnie, we need these twelve things fixed on top of that very important thing you have to do!' 'No, don't explain how impossible that is Donnie, just get it done!' or better yet-!"

He's pacing now, hands in the air as every ounce of frustration comes pouring out. "'Leo's in a coma, Don, heal him!' 'D, Karai's turned into a mutant snake, fix her!' 'Donatello, April is dying from Karai's bite, why can't you do anything?' and my personal favorite, 'Donnie, you have to alter the retromutagen that took you months to create in the first place in the next few weeks so that we can cure Karai's unique mutation before she loses her mind and we lose her forever'!"

Donnie pauses to breathe, face red and arms shaking, and Leo remains quiet, wondering when he stopped being aware of all the pressure that they stuck on Donnie's shoulders.

Or worse, when it was that he stopped caring.

"Donnie always has to have the answer." Donnie spits through heavy breathes, stomping forward. "Fine. Then let me find it. Let me make the cure and get your useless shell out of my-"

Donnie reaches out to grab his arm, possibly intending to drag him to the door and throw him out, but Leo simply swats his hand away before taking a step back.

Whatever composure Donnie's holding onto shatters.

Leo dodges when Donnie attempts a shove. Swerving to the side before his younger brother can tackle him, he roundhouse kicks his carapace to knock him to the ground. Donnie gets to his feet, brown irises disappearing under a livid white lid and sending Leo on high alert.

There's something unspokenly scary about Donnie when his anger truly leads him in battle. It isn't often that it happens. Leo can probably count the number of times on both hands, but maybe that's what makes it so unnerving.

It has to be about how he fights. It's missing the same blind rage that throws Raph off. It's like someone wipes away his usual worries and hesitations in battle to switch on a cold, calculating, ruthless warrior.

Leo hates this side of him because of how un-Donnie it is, and he fears the day that this kind of aggression might turn on a non-family member.

Block- dodge- kick- block- flip- dodge- swerve- duck- block- too close, too close, knock him back-!

The leader doesn't risk going on the offensive. Not only because he intends to spar the aggression out of him, but because he doesn't want to encourage his brother to put more strength into his blows.

He envisions himself as a tree, routed to the ground, firm and steady, moving with the winds but never falling in the storm. His guess is that his younger brother wants the satisfaction of knocking him down, but he refuses to give it to him.

Then Donnie is removing his bo and Leo gets a split-second to remove his katana, but he's not fast enough. The smooth wood slams under his shoulder, sending a blast of pain across his arm as the force of the weapon's collision knocks him into Donnie's desk.

A couple vials roll off and shatter on the floor when Leo collides, practically slipping on papers as he regains his balance and fights to steady his breathing. Donnie's unmoving, as if he either doesn't notice the destruction or chooses to blame that on him as well.

Leo knows that if he drops the weapon and apologizes, if he backs out now and leaves, Donnie will let him walk away.

Leo's arm throbs as he switches the blade to his other hand, cautiously stepping away from the desk so he wouldn't be left in a cornered position. Donnie's eyes narrow as his hands clench over the staff, teeth gritted with new adrenalized fury.

Leo's prepared for when he charges, blocking the staff as if they were simply sparring in the dojo, fighting the urge to pull out his other katana or do more than defend. He holds him off a short while longer before Donnie abruptly stops aiming low and goes for his skull.

If the unexpected move is meant to catch him off-balance, then he gets his wish. Leo ducks to avoid the swing and hits a knee when the staff flies down, his injured arm screaming as his palm lies safely against the flat of the katana's blade.

His younger brother doesn't pull back or strengthen the attack, his frustration obvious. "Just go down!"

Leo's unnerved at the way his eyes remain that tell-tale white, realizing that the spar is getting them nowhere. His brows furrow. "Would that make you feel better?"

"What do you think?" The sarcastic venom is unmistakable.

Donnie pulls back and Leo gets to his feet, watching as Donnie spins his bo to gain momentum. Years of cataloged training and the thirst for violence go too well in hand for his passive brother, and Leo wonders if he's only able to defend because of his experience in perfecting ninjitsu.

His little brother's stance reveals where he's about to aim, one of few faults of having a long-distance weapon in close-quarters combat.

Donnie's staff stops it's fluid motion as he steps forward.

Leo knows he can easily deflect the blow.

He drops his katana.

Donnie strikes without hesitation, slamming his plastron with enough force that a solid crack echoes throughout the lab. Leo's knocked from his feet and onto his side, carapace scratching against the floor as he skids across it.

Silence falls as his world goes black.