after a long time thinking, i have already planned the ending for this book and how'll it go and hopefully it won't be more than 17 chapters, i hope. :D i am reallyyyy digging to write an ongniel fanfic guys help meeee

-

long story short, yeonjoo and i were paired up to almost.. everything.

i would meet her 24/7 at school at a few classes, glancing over to her side there and there, hoping for her to return that warm smile of hers. three times a week she'd be leaving school with me, taking over the subway station in a breeze. from the cold winter air to the subtle weather of spring, we never miss the chance to go to the fantagio building together. sometimes we'd take the taxi when it's raining, or just walk as per-usual when we're not in a rush, but the point is that we go together. and i liked that concept.

april was the month of mark's debut. of course, the trainees' closest friends and relatives were given a chance to watch the debut showcase (and i could say it is the hottest debut showcase for the second half of this year, as this is sm we're talking about) and mark invited friends, trainees, ex-trainees— all alike. he even invited yeonjoo, in which in my dictionary, has never had a proper interaction with him.

and to my surprise, yeonjoo agreed to come.

she said it was so that she could see how improved the trainees are now, but as we split up to meet our friends and she reunites with her the girls she trained with back then (they all welcomed her with open arms) we all noticed that they were here just to talk about how good taeyong and jaehyun looked on stage. donghyuck, johnny-hyung and i (along with the other male trainees) could only stare at those ladies silently, hoping they'd stop screeching at one point.

i was happy that yeonjoo was still comfortable with her sm friends.

and as for me? i would say that i'm not that bad either. at least i still had the guts to carry jisung around like a little chick and to hang out with the hyungs of the sm rookies that they call 'grandpas' for obvious reasons, and strangely i wasn't awkward with taeyong-hyung at all, though i expected myself to stutter every time i see him because of how intimidating he is.

it's safe to say that i enjoy being here and i certainly miss the atmosphere, but i have never regretted my decision leaving. i know yeonjoo agrees with me too.

the stories of sm are completed, then let me tell you about what was happening in fantagio during those times. i mean, these are events that happen regularly and i couldn't count how many times it had happened after yeonjoo and i are seen together frequently.

certainly suspicion grew not only from our teammates, but it also followed to the higher classes, reaching sanha and minhyuk in no time. the fact that yeonjoo and i were so close in terms of everything in general has became a part big question to the other trainees; are these people making a death wish? a couple of senior trainees (but mainly the female ones) like to ask what was happening between us, and i'd always have to explain that we're just friends.

yoojung and doyeon didn't believe that.

in fact, they didn't believe in anything that we said. but knowing the fact that 'exposing' our relationship (strange choice of words, we didn't have an established relationship to expose after all) could lead to trouble for the both of us, and they didn't of course they didn't want that for the both of us.

those questions have haunted us ever since, until someone decided to put an end for it.

the unfamiliar voice caught up with me when i finished practicing. "hey jihoon, can i talk with you for a while?"

i turned around to see park jinwoo, someone who i barely talk with, acknowledging me with a smile. he is broader than i thought he is, and the look on his eyes is no more but the look of concern. "yes, sunbaenim."

"please, just call me hyung." he walked to the nearest empty room and invited me in. "do you have 5 minutes?"

"yeah sure," i got in the room with him.

i never knew him that much. it was strange that i felt more intimidated by him than i ever felt with taeyong hyung, because for starters; he was younger than taeyong hyung, and his face wasn't as sharp and charismatic like the sm rookies leader, yet something about him still lingers. maybe it's because i knew taeyong hyung since his trainee days, whereas i only saw jinwoo hyung from the pictures or the glass wall that separates us.

"jihoon, i could see that you're doing good here." he said, his eyes shining brightly. something about him felt just about right, so i followed him and let my shoulders relax for a while, positioning myself on the green sofa.

i grinned. "what, are you some kind of a evaluator here?"

"well, i do a better job than doyeon, i suppose." he chuckled.

"she told you everything, did she?"

"at least the things that mattered." he took a breath and rested his arm on my shoulder so i wouldn't be so stiff as we stared at the tv screen in front of us. "in fact, you want to watch last week's episode of 101 here? i recorded it because i couldn't watch it live."

"never missed any episodes all my life, but i guess it's nice for a little rewatch." i nodded along. "so, what did she talk about?"

"she told me that you're a great trainee and.." he paused, "even manager-nim is planning on putting you in a class."

my ears lit up once i heard that. "really?"

"yes, alongside with the other two male trainees in b class," he informed. "there might be a short evaluation for your additional skills, in this case your acting, but most of us pass that easily. i think you'd do great, too."

i paused. "what about the female trainees?"

"hm?"

"there's a lot of them who actually trained longer here than me; even doyeon-"

"doyeon is placed there to be in charge, if that's the case."

"but the other trainees.. i think it wouldn't be fair for them."

"well," he bit his lip, "i am not the one who makes the decision, but i can assure you that our managers rank us not from how long we train, but from our own skills."

"but there's a lot of female trainees who are just as talented, don't you think?"

"jihoonie, are you bringing this conversation back to her?" and then i froze. it was hard to read the look on his eyes, but it was anything but mad.

i sighed. "i don't think the issue is as big as you think."

"really?"

"at least it's not as dramatic if you hear it from yoojung and doyeon." i cleared out. "it's just.. us."

"a boy and a girl," he frowned. "friends."

"perhaps."

"not official?"

i shook my head. "she wouldn't let me, obviously."

"have you ever tried?"

i looked at him strangely. "are you even encouraging me to?"

"i'm just asking."

i paused and continued to shake my head. "nope."

"do you want to?" he asked again, now his tone led more to curiosity than seriousness. "you look like you do."

"does it matter?"

"yes, it matters." he answered. "a lot of people do wild things out of love."

i wheezed. "like drawing cartoons and praying that it'd turn real?"

"yeah, something like that." he replied uninterestedly. "but you haven't answered my question."

i sighed. "the thought comes to me sometimes."

jinwoo lowered his head. "ah, jihoon. it's just.."

"just what?"

"whatever happens, we don't want any of you to feel burdensome."

then why don't you just delete that stupid protocol? "i mean, it's not necessary."

"you keep saying that to yourself, park jihoon, but you'd be surprise how your heart could respond differently than your mind." he turned off the tv.

"so what am i supposed to do?"

"what i'm saying is," he cleared his throat. "we'd be respecting any decision that you make."

i paused. "that includes dating another trainee?"

"and let yourself be consumed with the feeling of hiding it from anyone in charge in this company? i wish all lucks for you." he tilted his head. "i'm not going to force you to do anything, jihoon. it's just you and your heart. i've seen a lot of people leaving the company because they're hurt physically, but if you're hurt mentally— especially out of love — it's more painful."

i nodded. "i'll think about it."

-

hehehe kim samuel's vlive made me wanna cry :,D
- yuehua