Rainkeeper: Um.....Why?

Seashell: Because it'll be priceless.

Joy: Trust me.

Nightflyer: Why the hell would we trust you?

Joy: ....You don't trust me?

Air: No.

Seashell: Nope.

Nightflyer: Not at all.

Rainkeeper: Not even the slightest.

Joy:...... Well THANKS.

*players appear*

Starflight: WHAT NOW?!!?

Air: Geez Starflight. Why so angry?

Joy: Don't go Hulk on us.

Starflight: MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE ALL JUST GOT MURDERED BY PERIL.

Umber: Wait what?

Riptide: Hey! I was still alive!

Tsunami: Yea. Thanks so much for the HELP.

Riptide: Nice, Tsunami, nice.

Moon: What are we doing now?

Seashell: You're all going to couple's therapy.

All:.......................

Glory: ....Why?

Turtle: None of us have relationship issues.

Sunny: Some of us don't even have relationships.

Air: BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY!

Nightflyer: Now, does anybody know a marriage counselor?

*silence*

Nightflyer:..... A psychiatrist?

*crickets*

Nightflyer: How about a guidance counselor?

*nothing*

Nightflyer: Okay..... what about a therapist?

Joy: Oh yea. I got one of those on speed dial.

All: *stares at Joy*

Rainkeeper: Wu- Why do you have a therapist on speed dial?

Joy:....... Why would I NOT have the Devil's therapist on speed dial?

Air: WAIT WHAT THE DEVIL!?!?!?! *pulls out a Colt pistol*

Nightflyer: *takes gun from Air*

Nightflyer: Since when does Lucifer have a therapist?

Joy:.......

Joy: Long story. Don't ask.

All:...........

Joy: Her name is Linda.

Seashell: Okay then. *snaps talons*

*everyone is teleported to therapist's office*

Linda: .....Um.

Joy: Linda! Darling! SO good to see you again! How's Lucifer doing?

Linda: Uh, he's fine?

Joy: Wonderful! Listen, can you do me a favor?

*ten minutes later*

Clay:*sitting on a couch*

Peril: *standing on flame retardant metal*

Linda: So..... Tell me about your relationship.

Peril: Well, I'm an ex-arena fighter with fire scales. I kill everyone I touch and am generally hated by the public.

Clay: I'm one of the five dragons who ended a 20 year war and pretty much beloved by all. I also have fireproof scales and love food.

Peril: The man takes his food very seriously.

Clay: I love eating.

Peril:.....Like seriously, I think he might love food more than me.

Clay: That's not true!

Peril: *glares*

Clay:........ Not COMPLETELY true.

Linda: Well, let's see. If Peril and food were both in a burning building, and you could only save one, Who would it be?

Clay: The food. Duh.

Peril: SEE!

Clay: Peril, you're ON FIRE. YOU LITERALLY CANNOT BURN TO DEATH.

Linda: *sighs*

*later*

Glory/Deathbringer: *sitting in chairs like Mr. and Mrs. Smith*

Linda: So, tell me about yourselves.

Glory: Well, I'm a young Queen running two tribes that hate each other in a very flammable environment. I am also highly sarcastic and generally don't like people.

Deathbringer: I'm a sexy, smug assassin that tried to kill her, then fell in love with her, and now is her loyal stalker bodyguard.

Linda:......Oh.

Glory: He's also an annoying egomaniac.

DeathbringeR: She's also a cold-hearted murderer.

Glory: Wasn't that your JOB at one point?

Deathbringer: Didn't I retire from said job for you?

Glory: Yes. You retired in order to stalk me on a daily basis.

Deathbringer: I don't stalk you- I protect you.

Glory: Yea, and watch me while I sleep.

Deathbringer: You're cute when you snore!

Glory: *points at Deathbringer*

Glory: STALKER.

*later*

Tsunami: I'm a badass princess with an overprotective mother.

Riptide: I'm exiled from her mother's kingdom and my father stole her for a prophecy.

Tsunami: Let's just say our parents don't exactly see eye to eye.

Linda: I see. And, are you experiencing any issues in your relationship?

Tsunami: No.

Riptide: Yes.

Tsunami: What issues could we possible have?

Riptide: You're bossy.

Tsunami: And you're pretentious.

Riptide/Tsunami: DEAL WITH IT.

*even later*

Turtle: I have 31 brothers and our mother doesn't eve know we exist.

Kinkajou: I have no family. 

Linda: Any issues you'd like to discuss?

Turtle: *glances at Kinkajou*

Kinkajou: NOPE!

Turtle: But if we bring my sister Anemone in here...

Kinkajou: Prepare for a blood bath.

*later*

Linda: Wait...I'm confused. How does this relationship even work?

Moon: *sighs*

Moon: I'm Moon. This is my boyfriend Qibli. And that's Qibli's boyfriend Winter. I like Winter and Qibli, Qibli like me and Winter, and Winter hates all of us.

Qibli: It's difficult to understand at first.

Linda:..... I dealt with two angels, a demon, and the goddess of all creation trying to go to hell and back to get a poison recipe from a dead guy in order to save a homicide detective. 

Linda: And my ex-husband wasting two years of his life obsessing over my client only to walk into my office and shoot him- Don't worry, he's still alive. 

Linda: I think I can handle this.

Moon: Good!

Qibli: *points at Winter*

Qibli: HE'S A NARCISSISTIC JACKASS.

Qibli: *points at Moon*

Qibli: AND SHE'S FRIENDS WITH A MOUNTAIN SIZED PSYCHOPATH THAT MURDERED HIS FATHER.

Moon: Well, YOUR GRANDFATHER IS A MASS MURDERER!

Qibli: SO IS YOURS!

Winter: ALL OUR FAMILIES ARE MURDERERS- DEAL WITH IT!!

*even even later*

Fatespeaker: He's still in love with a girl who doesn't like him back.

Starflight: I told you, I'M WORKING ON GETTING OVER HER!

Fatespeaker: WELL WORK HARDER!

Linda: Maybe you should give him some space to work out his feelings before rushing into a relationship.

Fatespeaker: No.

Starflight: SEE WHAT I MEAN? SHE'S EXTREMELY CLINGY!!!

Fatespeaker: I'M PROTECTIVE- THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!

*later*

Nightflyer: She loves Destiel more than she loves herself.

Air: *nods solemnly*

Air: I'm thinking of expanding to Sabriel.

Nightflyer: NO.

Linda: Air, maybe you should spend less time on Supernatural, and more time with your boyfriend.

Air: BUT I HAVE TO CATCH UP BEFORE SEASON 13!!

Nightflyer: AIR, I WILL KIDNAP JENSEN ACKLES AND HOLD HIM HOSTAGE IF I NEED TO!

Air: And Misha Collins?

Nightflyer: No.

Air: *screams*

Air: FINE! I GIVE! I GIIIIIIIIVE!!!!

*later*

Pear: He's an alcoholic in the future.

Rainkeeper: I stop in the future!

Pear: SUUUURE YOU DO.

Rainkeeper: Oh for crying out loud.

*later later*

Seashell: He tells Clownfish jokes.

Seashell: All. The. Freaking. Time.

Geyser: What? I'm a comedian!

Seashell: THEN TELL A DIFFERENT JOKE!

Geyser: Like what?

Seashell: Ya Shivu v Bolshom Dome Na Kholme. 

Geyser: What?

Seashell: THAT'S RUSSIAN, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Geyser: What does that even mean?

Seashell: I live in the large house on the hill...

Geyser:........ I don't get it.

Seashell: *facetalons*

*even even EVEN later*

Linda: So, what do you two do for fun?

Kelp: Well, we dance,

Joy: And we kill things.

Kelp: Polar opposites, I know. But it fits.

Linda: Um, okay. Any problems?

Kelp: Nope.

Joy: Not in this current moment in time.

Joy: Come back when we're like thirty.

Kelp: Yea....

Joy: We'll save that story for Valentine's day.

Kelp: good move.

Joy: Anyway, Thanks for counseling everyone!

Linda:...........Yea.

Linda: *is scarred*

Linda:......... Sure.