Kelp: Joy's about to do that thing again where she quotes a George Carlin bit, so enjoy.

Joy: *inhales*

Joy: *says everything in this video*

https://youtu.be/3ZWA_cw9tss

Nightflyer: We....We need to stop quoting him.

Joy: NEVER.

Nightflyer: It's just so controversial...

Joy: I LIVE FOR CONTROVERSY! IF GEORGE CARLIN IS WRONG, I DON'T WANNA BE RIGHT!

*players appear*

Air: Here, memorize these *passes out scripts*

Winter: Uh....Why?

Rainkeeper: It's for the next two dares, you'll see.

Deathbringer: *shrugs* Okay.

Peril: So, um, someone had to describe me and apparently, after firescales, the most notable thing I've ever done is yell at a bowl.

Turtle: That was hilarious-

Peril: I'VE DONE SO MANY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN THAT, THOUGH.

Clay: We know, Peril! It's just that people like to focus on funny stuff!

Kelp: Speaking of funny stuff, has anyone ever watched "The Men Who Stare at Goats?"

Players:.........

Glory: No.

Joy: Well it's a great movie, it's on Netflix, you should check it out, it's funnier then it looks.

Umber: What are we being forced into doing today?

Air: Besides mentally preparing to go back to school? Singing.

Seashell: Singing Candy Store from THE HEATHERS.

Joy: Love that movie.

Seashell: THE MUSICAL. AND I ONLY KNOW THE SONG BECAUSE OF THE RIVERDALE MUSICAL EPISODE, AND I REGRET NOTHING.

Seashell: Cheryl Blossom looks SO much like a Heather, it's ridiculous.

Rainkeeper: So Kinkajou, Moon, Sunny, and Carnelian get to sing.

Sunny: YES!

Carnelian: NO.

Kinkajou: YES YES YES!

Carnelian: Did you not hear me the first time? NO.

Moon: YESSSS!

Carnelian:.......DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT FOR YOU? N-O. NO. I'LL EVEN SAY IT IN SPANISH. NO. NUNCA. NOOOOOO.

Nightflyer: Oh a spanish side note, Don Quixote is a lot duller than I thought it'd be. 

Joy: CARNELIAN, SHUSH, YOU ONLY HAVE LIKE ONE LINE.

Carnelian: Oh, okay, fine. 

Air: You get to be Veronica, and the others get to be Heathers.

Seashell: You'll draw straws for which Heather is which.

Sunny/Kinkajou/Moon: *draws*

Seashell: And Heather Chandler will be played by Kinkajou.

Kinkajou:....Great.

Seashell: Heather Duke will be played by Moon.

Moon:....Which one is that?

Seashell: And Heather McNamara will be played by Sunny.

Sunny: Cool name!

Joy: *clicks on boombox and music starts*

https://youtu.be/BQOoTX1Nxx8

Kinkajou: Are we gonna have a problem?
You got a bone to pick?
You've come so far,
Why now are you pulling on my dick? 

Players: *spits out water and starts dying*

Kinkajou: I'd normally slap your face off,And everyone here could watch.But I'm feeling nice.Here's some advice.Listen up, biotch!

Glory: Out of everyone, Kinkajou is totally most likely to say biotch. 

Sunny/Moon: I like!

Kinkajou: Lookin' hot
Buying stuff they cannot

Moon/Sunny: I like!

Kinkajou: Drinkin' hard
Maxin' Dad's credit card

Sunny/Moon: I like!

Kinkajou: Skippin' gym
Scaring her
Screwing him

Moon/Sunny: I like!

Kinkajou: Killer clothes

Sunny/Moon/Kinkajou: Kickin' nerds in the nose!

Kinkajou: If you lack the balls
You can go play dolls
Let your mommy fix you a snack

Sunny/Moon: Woah!

Kinkajou: Or you could come smoke
Pound some rum and coke
In my Porsha with the quarterback

Kinkajou/Moon/Sunny: Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatchu waitin' for?
Welcome to my candy store
It's time for you to prove
You're not a loser anymore
Then step into my candy store

Kinkajou/Sunny: Guys fall

Moon: At your feet
Pay the check

Sunny: Help you cheat

Sunny/Kinkajou/Moon: All you

Moon: Have to do

Kinkajou: Say goodbye to Shamoo

Moon/Sunny/Kinkajou: That freak's

Sunny: Not your friend
I can tell in the end

Sunny/Kinkajou/Moon: If she

Sunny: Had your shot

Kinkajou/Moon/Sunny: She would leave you to rot

Sunny: 'Course if you don't care
Fine! Go braid her hair
Maybe Sesame Street is on

Moon/Kinkajou/Sunny: Woah!

Sunny: Or forget the creep

Moon: And get in my jeep

Kinkajou: Let's go tear up someone's lawn

Sunny/Moon/Kinkajou: Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatchu waitin' for?
Welcome to my candy store
You just gotta prove
You're not a pussy anymore
Then step into my candy store

Kinkajou: You can join the team

Sunny/Moon: Or you can bitch and moan

Kinkajou: You can live the dream

Moon/Sunny: Or you can die alone

Kinkajou: You can fly with eagles

Kinkajou/Moon/Sunny: Or if you prefer

Kinkajou: Keep on testing me

Moon/Sunny: And end up like her!

Fatespeaker: Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party. This proves he's been thinking about me.

Carnelian: Color me stoked.

Fatespeaker: I'm so happy!

Sunny/Moon/Kinkajou: Woah!

Moon: Honey, whachu waiting fo—

Kinkajou/Sunny/Moon: Step into my candy store! Time for you to prove
Oooh woah! Woah oh oh! You're not a lame ass anymore
Then step into my candy store
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store

All:........

Sunny: OH THREE MOONS, I FEEL LIKE A HORRIBLE PERSON.

Kinkajou: WHO SINGS THIS?!?!

Moon: Yep, we're awful.

Carnelian: WHY COULDN'T I SING THE MEAN SONG!?!!??!

Sunny: No wonder they kill Heather!

Moon: Which one?

Sunny:......

Sunny: I.....I don't know.

Kinkajou: TOO MANY HEATHERS!!! *screams*

*Winona Ryder appears*

Winona: Hi!

All:.....*screams bloody murder and tramples each other as they run away*