Ember: HELLO?!?!?!?! HELLO?!!?!?!? PLEASE, GOD, I JUST WANT A BLACK COFFEE!!!

Shore: What-

Ember: The guy who didn't like musicals is the best musical ever, fight me.

Ander: Why would I fight you on something that's factual?

Ember: Hamilton move over, your new competition's in tooowwnnnn,

Haze: What-

*players appear*

Ember: Hey, are you going to the play at the Starlight Theater?

Kelp: I never miss a musical at the Starlight, and if anyone thinks that makes me less of a man, they can talk to my fucking GUN *pulls out a gun*

Seashell: Joy, why does he have a gun?

Joy: Because I authorized him to use my firearm.

Rainkeeper: sHOW ME YOUR HAAAANDS, SHOW ME THOSE JAZZ HANDS!

Haze: Why-

Permafrost: I'm going to kick your head!

Kelp: We hated you guys!

Shore: We hated ourselves!

Haze: WHAT IS GOING ON?

Rainkeeper: Is that an iPhone?

Shore: Yeah, it's a 6S-

Rainkeeper: *takes phone, throws it*

Rainkeeper: WEAR A WATCH!!

Joy: *fires a rifle and then points it at the hosts*

Joy: Now SING THE BEGINNING OF MOANA!

Haze: WHAT?

Joy: I SAID SING, DAMMIT!

Hosts: *badly attempt to sing Moana, messing up the lyrics*

Haze: I AM SO CONFUSED!!!!

Ember: Okay, everybody get that out of their systems?

Joy: For now.

Seashell: So what's the dare?

Ander: Oh, Shore gets to kill cat Juniper nine times.

Permafrost: And it's our last dare hosting for now, WAH!

Haze: Good, end this insanity.

Ember: You should reference The Trail to Oregon next time.

Nightflyer: Already noted.

Ember: Good.

Ander: *snaps talons*

*Cat version of Juniper appears*

Shore:.......

Shore: The apotheosis is upon us.

All: *cheers like small children*

Shore: *steals gun from Kelp and shoots Juniper*

Juniper: *dies and respawns*

Joy: Awww, like mother, like son.

Shore: Alexa, activate self destruct mode.

Air: Uh, I don't think it can do that.

Shore:.......It's 2018... and it CAN'T EVEN BLOW ITSELF UP?!?!

Shore: *picks up Juniper and throws her at a wall*

Juniper: *dies and respawns*

Haze: WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING THIS?

Shore: My first love was, and ALWAYS WILL BE, MUSICAL THEATER!

Juniper: OH. MOONS. NO.

Shore: *forces Juniper to sit through the worst musical in existence until it kills her*

Shore: *takes out a needle and injects Juniper with dysentery*

Ember: THERE'S the Oregon trail.

Juniper: *dies and respawns*

Shore: Hold on, I'm calling some friends in for this one *makes phone call*

*Trevor, Alucard, and Sypha from Castlevania pop up*

Shore: Sypha, could you please?

Ander: Wait- 

Sypha: *uses magic and blows up Juniper*

Juniper: *dies and respawns*

Ander: wAT IS THAT THING?!?!? *points at Sypha*

Sypha: I'm a witch, I suppose.

Ander:.....*lights torch*

Joy/Kelp: *wisely restrain Ander*

Shore: Alucard?

Alucard: *uses epic sword thing and kills Juniper*

Juniper: *dies and respawns* 

Shore: Trevor fucking Belmont?

Joy: That's his legal middle name.

Trevor: *slaughter Juniper*

Shore: Okay, thanks guys! Go back to dealing with vampires and stuff!!

Haze: Only two left.

Shore: Hmmmm.

Shore: *locks Juniper in a room with Celaena Sardothien*

*muffled screams are heard*

Joy: Whoever that scavenger is, I'm recruiting her.

Shore: It's Celaena Sardothien. Best assassin in Erilea. 

Joy: AWESOME.

Shore: Only on Crown of Midnight, don't give us anymore spoilers than we already have please and thank you.

Juniper: *dies and respawns*

Shore: Hmmm.....How to kill you this time....

Shore: Oh, I know. ORANGE!!!

*Orange appears*

Orange: Yes?

Shore: Can you kill this cat for me? *hands her cat Juniper*

Juniper: NO NO NO NO NO-

Orange: You want me to kill a talking cat?

Shore: No, I want you to kill the cat version of Juniper.

Orange: *snaps Juniper's neck*

Orange: I think I can do that.

Air: *starts counting talons*

Air: Yep! That's nine!

Permafrost: And that's all the cat death dares we have!

Nightflyer: Are you satisfied now???

Haze: Geez, what dare are you gonna do now?

Rainkeeper: One of the hundreds we have yet to get to.

Joy: But for nooowwwwww.....

Joy: It's. A. Show stoppin' number,

Kelp: A real show stopper,

Rainkeeper: Something to shock 'em, to bring them a-crawling

Seashell: A big-time box-office draw

Nightflyer: With the press and the glamour, we'll kill the reviews

Air: Spotlight on Mr. Ingenue

Permafrost: So fill up your tumblr

Ember: Got a show stoppin' number for you

All: One more SHOW STOPPING NUMBER-

Haze: *screaming*

All: *keeps singing and does a kickline*

All: A KICKLINE IS INEVITABLEEEEEEE!!!!

Haze: *runs away in fear*

A/N: So, you should really watch The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals...

https://youtu.be/IrxKX44qBJ0