https://youtu.be/Dd7FixvoKBw

Seashell: Joy, can I borrow a blunt object with which I can beat someone?

Joy:.....One Lucille comin up.

Seashell: Excellent. *snaps talons*

*Riverdale writers appear*

Rainkeeper: Oh geez, what happened?

Seashell: *brandishes bat with barbed wire wrapped around it and starting attacking the writers while screaming*

Seashell: YOU DON'T TOUCH JUGHEAD'S FUCKING HAT,  LET ALONE BURN IT!!!! I HATE YOU!!! 

Joy: I love it when you guys act like me.

Nightflyer: My fear and anxiety triples whenever someone acts like you.

Air: Well in that case, sorry.....

Seashell: *screeches*

Rainkeeper: You okay?

Seashell: NO. RIVERDALE SEASON FINALE HAPPENED.

Air: And?

Seashell: AND THE SHOW'S WRITING HAS GONE REALLY DOWN HILL AND THEY JUST BURNED JUGHEAD'S HAT, AND I'M SO FREAKING DONE AT THIS POINT THE ONLY REASON I'M GONNA WATCH NEXT SEASON IS FOR THE BUGHEAD ANGST.

Hosts:.....

Air: Nice. 

*players appear*

Rainkeeper: So here's the thing.

Air: You OBVIOUSLY have perfect lips.

Rainkeeper: what?

Air: Wait, sorry, that's my prepared speech for if I ever meet Misha Collins in person. Continue!

Nightflyer: Can..... Can we hear the speech?

Air: Do you want to?

Joy: I'm curious now, so yes.

Air: So HERE'S the problem. You OBVIOUSLY have perfect lips. Which is totally fine if the rest of you is a little bit fucked up, but the rest of you ISN'T fucked up, the rest of you is also perfect and THAT'S NOT FAIR.  Look at his eyes. PERFECT FUCKING EYES. My heart MELTS when I looks at him, like are you kidding me? Is this a joke? Are you photoshopped? It's okay, I bet his ears aren't perfect, I bet they look stupid or something, NOPE his ears look....GREAT. FUCK. 

All:.......

Clay: Peril, what happened to our child?

Peril: The fandom has corrupted her, she's gone now.

Clay: Okay....

Sunny: I'll get the bugle so you can properly mourn your loss.

Carnelian:..........Am I still married to Ruby?

Hosts:........*looks at Nightflyer*

Nightflyer: Well, did you divorce her?

Carnelian: No.

Nightflyer: Did she divorce you?

Carnelian: No.

Nightflyer: Then TA-DA! Still married.

Kinkajou: Like me and Turtle!

Qibli: And me and Winter!

Tsunami: WHY DID THE WHOLE JADE WINGLET GET MARRIED, BUT NONE OF US DID?

Riptide: Is that your non-subtle way of you giving me a hint?

Tsunami: No.

Riptide: suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

Umber: What's on the gaygenda for today?

Deathbringer: Agenda, just say agenda.

Umber: That's what I said.

Deathbringer:.......Agenda.

Umber: Gaygenda.

Deathbringer: Cool whip.

Umber: Cool Hwip.

Deathinger: No, no no it's cool WHip!

Umber: That's what I said, cool Hwip.

Deathbringer: Why are you putting so much emphasize on the H?

Umber: I'm not!

Deathbringer: say whip.

Umber: whip

Deathbringer: Now say cool whip

Umber: cool Hwip!

Glory: Oh here we go.

Sunny: What's the dare?

Kelp: Well for starters, Starflight needs to get high on cocaine again.

Fatepeaker: Oh NO, HE JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB!

Starflight: Cocaine?

Joy: Yes.

Starflight: HOW MUCH?

Joy: 300 grams,

Starflight:........

Fatespeaker: Starflight, no, we've been over this, you don't need it.

Seashell: *holds up bag of cocaine*

Starflight: I don't need it.

Starflight: I don't need it.

Starflight:............

Starflight: I NEEEEEEEEEEDD IIIIIITTTT!!!!! 

Starflight: *tackles Seashell and takes all the cocaine*

Starflight: *inhales*

Starflight: AHHHHH, that's the stuff.

Fatespeaker:.......Why am I surprised?

Turtle: No idea. 

Rainkeeper: And now high Starflight will be teaching History class to the Jade Winglet.

Carnelian: HISTORY CLASS?

Joy: Yep.

Carnelian: NO! *runs away screaming*

All:............

Qibli: You know, she hasn't gone back to history class.

Moon: I think it's PTSD.

Air: *screeches*

Nightflyer: Uh oh. 

Deathbringer: Cool whip.

Umber: Cool hwip.

Deathbringer: Cool WHIP

Umber: Cool HWIP

Deathbringer: COOL WHIP!

Umber: COOL HWIP!

Deathbringer: YOU'RE EATING HAIR! 

Umber: *gags*

Starflight: DING DONG, THE BELL HAS RONG, GET TO HISTORY CLASS, MUSHROOMS!

Fatespeaker: *facetalons*

*in History class*

Starflight: OKAY FIRST THINGS FIRST, I'M A REALIST AND WE NEED TO DO THE FREAKING ATTENDENCE.

Starflight: *looks at list*

Starflight: A A RON?

Starflight: JAY QUELLE?

Starflight: BA LA KAY?

Starflight: DEE NICE?

JW:..........

Umber: What is happening?

Qibli: I'm gonna say it's a reference to something and move on. 

Turtle: So, What will we be learning about today?

Starflight: Ummmm..... Shit, what the fuck did Webs teach in this? 

Moon: He talked about the Scorching mostly-

Starflight: YEAH, THAT CRAP! OKAY, WE'LL BEGIN THERE! TAKE NOTES.

Kinkajou: On what paper...?

Starflight: I DON'T KNOW, I CAN;T THINK OF ALL THE ANSWERS, UM, Shit, what's her name again? Isn't there some inappropriate word in it? Is it Shitberry?

Kinkajou: No, it's-

Starflight: Whatever, USE YOUR IMAGINATION SHITBERRY!

Turtle: It's Kinkajou, HER NAME IS KINKAJOU!

Starflight: I WILL NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF FOUL LANGUAGE IN MY CLASSROOM, TORTOISE!

Turtle: *facetalons*

Starflight: NOW! SCALDING-SCORCHING CRAP! I know, it's a dumb name, sounds like the aftermath of a hug from Peril, whatever, MOVING ON.

Starflight: *draws a stick figure on the board* NOW! Can anyone tell me what THIS IS?

Winter: A badly drawn excuse for a scavenger?

Starflight: HEY WIN-TURD?

Winter: Yes?

Starflight: NOBODY LIKES YOU, SO QUIT SASSING SHIT. 

Starflight: But he's kinda right! This is a scavenger! And believe it or not, before we were on Pyrrhia, THESE IDIOTS USED TO RULE THE WEARTH!

Moon: Don't you mean Earth?

Starflight: I KNOW WHAT I SAY AND I MEANT WHAT I SAID. I'M THE TEACHER AND YOU'RE THE STUDENT WHICH MEANS THAT I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG AND I'M BIG AND YOU'RE SMALL AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

Qibli: You know, he may be rude, but this is the most attentive I've ever been in history class. 

Starflight: KIBBLE, shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting. 20 more points! 

Qibli: From WHAT?

Starflight: You know, for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes. 

Starflight: Oof. Ten points to Dumbledore!

Umber: WHEN DID DUMBLEDORE GET INVOLVED IN THE SCORCHING?

Starflight: THE QUESTION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING GAY STUDENT, IS WHEN WAS DUMBLEDORE NOT INVOLVE DIN THE SCORCHING?

Winter: This is stupid. *throws a paper airplane at Starflight*

Starflight: *snatches it and sets it on fire*

Starflight: MALFOY, YOU LITTLE SHIT!

Winter: I'M NOT MALFOY!

Starflight: you're right, BUT YOU'RE THE CLOSEST THING WE COULD FIND ON SUCH A CHEAP BUDGET, NOW SHUT UP.

Starflight: SO THE SCORCHING ACTUALLY STARTED LIKE A BIJILLION YEARS AGO WHEN SCAVENGERS RULES THE EARTH. 

Starflight: But then these rats gave them a disease and all the scavengers died and set their bodies on fire to try and kill the disease, and they accidentally burned everything THUS WHY WE CALL IT THE SCORCHING!

Starflight: And then DRAGONS, who had previously been living in the ocean under the alias of the Loss Ness Monster, ventured onto the land and spread across the terrain and evolved into the seven tribes we know today!

Moon: What would you say if I told you there were 10 DRAGON TRIBES?

Starflight: I'D SAY YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT AND YOU HAVE NO PROOF, SO SHUT THE HELL UP MOON,  NOBODY LIKES YOU EITHER.

Moon: But if you just go to the Lost Continent-

Starflight: WELL THE MEDALLION SAYS THAT'S DUMB SO WE'RE NOT GONNA DO THAT. 

Moon: What medallion-

Starflight: AND QUESTIONS ON THIS SHIT?

Turtle: *hands hoots up*

Starflight: YES MAGIC TORTOISE?!?!

Turtle: Did animus magic come from the scorching or something else?

Starflight: WHY, WHAT A FASCINATING QUESTION! 

Starflight: Animus magic was taught by a few remaining living scavengers to a select group of Skywings and Icewings that learned how to use it and the ability to use magic became hereditary and overpowered in our hands, so Skywings learned to fear it and kill their animuses while Icewings learned how to control it until Arctic fucked that shit up, and one of those tribes, probably the Skywings, must've breeded with Seawings so that they could get the ability to, but it was rarer in Seaswings until the royal family started inbreeded like the rest of Real World Royalty does and animuses because more common. SO LONG STORY SHORT, YOU HAVE MAGIC BECAUSE OF MAGIC SCAVENGERS AND INCEST, AREN'T YOU HAPPY YOU KNOW THAT NOW?

Turtle:.....No.....

Starflight: AND THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T ASK QUESTIONS YOU DON'T WANT THE ANSWERS TO! ANY MORE QUESTIONS? NO? GOOD! HERE'S YOUR FUCKING QUIZ, HAVE FUN! *throws test and them and leaves*

Starflight: ANYBODY WHO CHEATS WILL BE STUFFED AND PUT IN A GLASS CASE ON DISPLAY AS A WARNING SIGN TO OTHERS. 

JW: *eyes widen*

Hosts:.......

Joy: I. LOVE. High Starflight.

Rainkeeper: If I wasn't go afraid he'd overdose, I'd keep him high all the time.

Seashell: We should work on that.