Nightflyer: You guys ever heard of a book called House of Leaves?

Air: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, no.

Joy: Nope.

Seashell: Never.

Kelp: What's that?

Rainkeeper: I... vaguely know it?

Nightflyer: It's freaking WEIRD, man.

*players appear*

Deathbringer: *smiles*

Deathbringer: So! How's Pennywise?

Players:........

Tsunami: *punches Deathbringer in the face*

Glory: THANK you.

Deathbringer: You broke my smolder!

Sunny: GOOD.

Turtle: Please tell me whatever we're doing today does not involve murdering scavenger scary clowns.

Rainkeeper: Well, no promises...

Seashell: Let's see what we have for today! *grabs dare from jar*

Players: *cringe in anticipation*

Seashell: You all get Pokemon and are going to battle!

Players: *sigh of relief*

Joy: But the losers get killed by their loved ones while their parents watch.

Players: *scream*

Starflight: I swear to three moons, playing this game is like looking both ways before you cross the street only to get hit by an airplane.

Moon: FACTS.

Kinkajou: FICTION.

Moon: What?

Kinkajou: Stranger than fiction.... Stranger than FANFICTION-

Nightflyer: That's a great book.

Rainkeeper: Alright, hopefully our limited knowledge on Pokemon will be enough to get us through this.

Air: and by limited, we mean that we watched Detective Pikachu, and that's about where our knowledge ends.

Joy: Favorite Pokemon, go. Mine's Psyduck.

Air: Bulbasaur.

Kelp: Squirtle.

Seashell: Charmander.

Rainkeeper: Pikachu, duh.

Nightflyer: Jigglypuff.

Air: Isn't there one called Mewtwo?

Kelp: And that's it, that's all the Pokemon we know.

Nightflyer: WAIT, isn't there one that can morph into all sorts of different things, like a shapeshifter? I think its name starts with S?

Air: Oh yeah! Squishy or something. It's like a pink blob?

Nightflyer: Yeah! That one.

Joy:...... I have no idea what its name is.

Nightflyer: No clue either, oh well.

Seashell: So we're gonna use a random Pokemon generator, and put those on the wheel.

Air: So you get to spin two wheels! One for who you'll battle, and one for your Pokemon.

Rainkeeper: Clay, you start.

Clay: Okaaayy. *spins wheels*

*Wheel lands on Wigglytuff*

*wheel lands on Peril*

Air: YES THE WHEEL SHIPS CLERIL TOO!

Clay: What's a Wigglytuff?

Air: It's this little cutie

Clay: Awwww

Rainkeeper: And you're fighting Peril with it, so good luck.

Peril: *spins for Pokemon*

*wheel lands on Lickilicky*

Peril: The hell....

Tsunami: *spins wheels*

*wheels land on Glory and Psyduck*

Joy: TSUNAMI YOU GOT MY FAVORITE, USE HIM WELL.

Tsunami: It's got anxiety....

Glory: *spins for Pokemon*

*wheel lands on Donphan*

Glory: I'll take it.

Joy: Why do I feel like the person who named Donphan is just a guy named Don who likes Dan and Phil?

Nightflyer: I thought it was a play on Dolphin, but okay.

Air: Don't take a joint from a guy named Don.

Riptide: *spins wheels*

*lands on Fatespeaker and Talonflame*

Riptide: Whatever this little bird does, PLEASE let it be better than whatever Fatespeaker gets.

Fatespeaker: *spins for Pokemon*

*lands on Bulbasaur*

Fatespeaker: OH MY GOSH, IT'S SO CUTE.

Clay: Mine's cuter.

Fatespeaker:........FIGHT ME.

Starflight: *spins wheels*

*lands on Carnelian and Jigglypuff*

Starflight: I'm freaking dead, I got the Harry Potter ripoff one.

Nightflyer: HEY! DON'T INSULT HP OR MY FAVORITE LIL POKEMON!

Carnelian: *spins for Pokemon*

*lands on Mandibuzz*

Carnelian: Looks like an angry Vulture. YES.

Starflight: OH COME ON!

Sunny: *spins*

*lands on Moon and Delibird*

Sunny: Awwww

Clay: Wait, wait, wait- THERE WAS A DELIBIRD? 

Clay: CAN I EAT IT???

Sunny: NO!

Clay: Awwww

Moon: *spins*

*lands on Dewgong*

Moon: Oh my moons, it's adorable, I'm going to DIE.

Deathbringer: HAHA!

Qibli: *spins*

*lands on Charmander and Umber*

Qibli: Cool, it's got a dangerous tail, just like me!

Umber: *spins*

*lands on Kabutops*

Qibli: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING???

Umber: It's the thing that's going to kick your ass, that's what!

Winter: *spins*

Joy: Guys, I just realized we have an uneven number since Deathbringer's not playing.

Hosts:.........

Nightflyer: So whoever doesn't end up as Winter's partner gets a free pass!

Turtle:.......

Kinkajou:.........

Turtle/Kinkajou: *start screaming at the wheel*

Air: Ironic that Wheel in the Sky just started playing....

Nightflyer: Ironic indeed.

*wheel lands on Turtle and Pikachu*

Turtle:..............CRAP.

Kinkajou: HAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!

Deathbringer: HAHAHAHAHAHA- *high fives Kinkajou*

Turtle: *spins for Pokemon*

*lands on Golem*

Turtle: Okay....

Winter: I'm gonna crush you.

Joy: THEN LET THE POKEMON BATTLES BEGIN!!!

Seashell: We have no idea how they actually work other than 'Pikachu, I choose you, soooo'

Nightflyer: Please enjoy listening to the Pokemon theme song sung by a sad Pikachu while we consult Pokemon experts about who would win in a fight.

https://youtu.be/dn-6tbP3Ldo

*several minutes later*

Hosts: *hang up with three separate Pokemon experts*

Nightflyer: ALRIGHT, we figured it out. If you disagree with our choices, blame them, not us.

Clay: Wigglytuff! Activate.....cute charm?

Peril: Lickilicky! USE OWN TEMPO! WHATEVER THAT IS!

Wigglytuff: *annihilates Lickilicky with the power of cuteness*

Clay: YES!

Peril: NOOOOOOO

Tsunami: Psyduck! I choose you! To.... have an anxiety attack or something!

Joy: WHAT?

Glory: Donphan! Use Sand veil!

Donphan: *kills psyduck*

Joy: PSYDUCK NOOOOOO

Glory: *evil laughter*

Riptide: Talonflame! Activate FLAME BODY!

Fatespeaker: Uh oh, QUICK! BULBASAUR! USE CHLOROPHYLL!!

Talonflame: *kills Bublasaur*

Riptide: HELL YEAH!!!!

Fatepeaker: Oh, I hate you. 

Riptide: Nah, we're besties.

Fatespeaker: YOU KILLED MY PET BULBASAUR!!

Starflight: Jigglypuff! Do something helpful please!

Carnelian: Mandibuzz. Big pecks.

Mandibuzz: *destroys Jigglypuff*

Starflight: *cries*

Carnelian: Me- 1. You- 0.

Sunny: Delibird! Use Hustle!

Moon: Dewgong! I choose you to use Ice body!

Dewgong: *kills Delibird*

Sunny:.......

Moon:.......

Moon: Gonna be honest, I didn't see that coming.

Sunny: Me neither.

Qibli:  Charmander! Activate! BLAZE!

Umber: Kabutops! Use Swift battle!

Kabutops: *ends Charmander*

Qibli: Noooooo

Umber: I TOLD YOU!

Winter: You're going down. I've got PIKACHU! PIKACHU! USE LIGHTNING ROD!

Turtle: Oh moons- GOLEM, UH, USE GALVANIZE!

Golem: *wins*

Winter:......

Turtle:.........

Turtle: HOLY SHIT, I BEAT PIKACHU!!!

Kinkajou: WOOHOO! GO TURTLE!

Winter: I hate you.

Rainkeeper: and our losers are Peril, Tsunami, Starflight, Fatespeaker, Sunny, Qibli, and Winter! 

Joy: Which means that you're going to be killed by Clay, Riptide, Fatespeaker, Starflight, Meerkat, and Moon while Kestrel, Chameleon, Coral, Gill, Farsight, Mastermind, Thorn, Stonemover, Cobra, Tundra, and Narwhal watch!

Seashell: *snaps talons and all necessary dragons appear*

Clay: Wait.... I HAVE TO KILL PERIL???!!?!?!

Kelp: Yup.

Moon: I'm fine with this. *stabs Winter*

Winter/Qibli: *screams*

Tundra: That's what you get, working with a Nightwing.

Narwhal: DO YOU SEE WHY WE HATE THEM NOW?!?!?!

Moon: *kills Qibli*

Cobra: WEAKLING!!!

Thorn: *punches out Cobra* 

Thorn: MY SON, NOOOOO!!!!

Meerkat: *crying* I'm sorry, I'm  sorry, I'm sorry-

Sunny: It's okay, really.

Meerkat: *kills Sunny*

Thorn:.......

Stonemover: RUN MOFO, RUN!!!

Meerkat: *takes off*

Thorn: *unleashes the entire Sandwing army to capture and torture Meerkat before she viciously slaughters him*

Clay: *crying*

Peril: Clay, you have to kill me now.

Clay: No!

Kestrel: WIMP! YOU COULDN'T KILL A FAT COW IF IT FELL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF YOU!

Clay: The only FAT COW I SEE IS YOU, KESTREL!

Joy: Wow, Clay out here with the shots.

Riptide: Always wondered what would happen if I did this. *kills Tsunami*

Coral: No one in the history of torture's been tortured like the torture you'll be tortured with.

Air: AYYYYYYYEEEEE

Fatespeaker: *kills Starflight* CAN I BE IN THE PROPHECY NOW, MORROWSEER!?!?!?!

Mastermind: I mean, I'm not Morrowseer, but I'd say yeah.

Farsight: I HATE ALL OF YOU.

Starflight: *is resurrected only to kill Fatespeaker*

Fatespeaker: I have no parents to watch me die *single tear, then dies*

Peril: Clay, just KILL ME ALREADY!

Clay: I CAN'T! I CAN'T HURT YOU! YOU'VE BEEN HURT TOO MUCH ALREADY!

Peril: Oh for the love of,

Joy: Clay, here *tosses him a dragonflame cactus* Can you light this toy on fire for me?

Clay: Sure! *sets it on fire*

*explosion kills Peril*

Clay:...........

Clay: *sobs*

Nightflyer: And this is why we don't play Pokemon.

Hosts:.......

Air: POKEMON!

Rainkeeper: GOTTA CATCH EM ALL,

Kelp: IT'S YOU AND ME,

Joy: I KNOW IT'S MY DESTINY,

Nightfyer: POKEMON!