Air: TEN. DAYS.

Nightflyer: I know.

Air: *inhales*

Air: TEN! DAYS!

Rainkeeper: We should be apologizing in advance at this point.

Air: THEFINALSEASONOFSUPERNATURALCOMESONINTENFUCKINGDAYSANDIAMCOMPLETELYLOSINGMYMIND.

Joy: Makes sense.

*players appear*

Nightflyer: So, by popular request, we're doing this dare first.

Joy: And because it's a cool dare and we do what we want.

Kelp: I do what I WANT WHEN I WANNA DOIT! NENENENENEN NUH!

Joy:......Did you watch Barnyard recently?

Kelp:....How did you know?

Turtle: So, what mindless task are we encountering today and why is Starflight here?

Starflight: I was promised cocaine.

Kelp: *hold up baggie of cocaine*

Starflight: *takes all of it*

Starflight: NOBODY TELL FATESPEAKER.

Rainkeeper: Once again, I shall remind the impressionable youths in the audience- Don't Do Drugs.

Joy: Because if you do you might kill your mother in a drug rage, go to jail for 12 years, change your name, and then become a shady spokesperson who goes to school and tells kids not to do drugs.

Nightflyer: We're leaving out a lot of darker details, but yeah, that happened and the spokesperson came to our scavenger author's school. Fun times.

Starflight: THAT WAS WILD START TO FINISH, BTW I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT I'M REAL HONORED TO BE IN THE PRESENCE OF ROYALTY!

Turtle: Does..... Does he mean me?

Winter: OBVIOUSLY he means ME.

Joy: 'Cuse you, but I'm a freakin QUEEN sooooo

Rainkeeper: Hi, still a prince.

Kelp: Technically I'm a disowned prince AND a king. I'm doing pretty good.

Seashell: Disowned princess, hello.

Umber: Guys, obviously he's talking about moi, the actual crowned Queen of the Dragon Gays

Starflight: I MEAN COME ON, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY I GET TO SEE QUEEN SUNSHINE OF THE SCREAMYWINGS AND THE HIDEOUS WALRUS, KING BUTTERFLY AND WHO COULD FORGET PRINCE CAPRICORN???????

Carnelian: That's right. Bow before the king.

Starflight: *frantically bows*

Joy: MOVING ON!

Nightflyer: SO TODAY, *bounces in excitement*

Nightflyer: WE'RE CONTINUING THE HARRY POTTER THEME AND ALL THE DADA TEACHERS ARE GONNA TEACH YOU SOMETHING! AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE A CONTEST TO SEE WHO'S THE BEST AND WHO'S WORST!

Joy: And Nightflyer and I get to punish the worst.

Nightlfyer: *laughs*

Air: And Kinkajou and me get to reward the best!

Kinkajou: YAY!

Air: *high fives Kinkajou*

Winter: Who;s deciding the best and worst? Us?

Rainkeeper: No, that'd be cocaine Starflight

Starflight: *staring at a wall*

Starflight: GUYS..... I DON'T WANT TO ALARM YOU, BUT I THINK THE EARTH IS SPINNING.

Starflight: THAT'S........... THAT SHOULD STOP, RIGHT? OH MY MOONS, WHAT IF THE WHOLE WORLD IS JUST SOME BASKETBALL SOMEONE IS SPINNING ON THEIR FINGER AND WHEN IT FALLS OR STOPS SPINNING, WE ALL DIE?????

Starflight: THIS IS THE CAUSE OF CLIMATE CHANGE! *shoves against the wall* I COMMAND YOU TO STOP SPINNING!!! YOU'LL KILL US ALL!!!!

JW:.........

Kinkajou: I trust his judgment.

Qibli: The teachers are screwed.

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*JW appears in Defense Against The Dark Arts Classroom, Starflight watching from the back of the room*

Nightflyer: Your first teacher will be Professor Quirrell.

*Quirrell appears*

Starflight: YOOOOOO, WHAT'S UP TWO-FACE?

Quirrell: That t-type of behavior is not permitted in my c-classroom, I'm af-fraid. P-please raise your hand if y-you have something to say.

Starflight: BUZZKILL! What happened to you, Quirrell? YOU USED TO BE COOL! WE WERE GONNA GO ROLLERSKATING AND GO TO THE MOVIES, REMEMBER?!?!?!? what happened to THAT EPIC PLAN??

Quirrell: VOLDEMORT BROKE HIS PROMISES AND DIED, THAT'S WHAT! *runs away sobbing*

JW:.....

Moon: What.....Were we supposed to learn from that?

Kinkajou: You mean you didn't learn anything?

Umber: Do you think our essays on Quirrelmort are due next class or next week?

Starflight: HERE COMES THE NEXT CONTESTANT!

Seashell: My moons. High Starflight just quoted a Nickelback song- what has the world come to?

Joy: Yes, but did you just RECOGNIZE a quote from a Nickelback song, thus confirming that you listen to Nickelback?

Seashell:......*runs away*

Nightflyer: Your next teacher is Professor Lockhart.

*Lockhart appears*

Moon: Oh.

Kinkajou: Hi.

Umber: Hello hottie scavenger, you have my full attention.

Carnelian: Is he supposed to be attractive or something?

Winter: If he is, I certainly don't see it.

Qibli: Winter, your bi is showing.

Winter: Uh oh.

Lockhart: TODAY, my darling class, we will be exploring the next chapter in my autobiography. I assume you've all read it and have your copies with you.

Players:.........

Turtle: You wrote a book?

Kinkajou: *raises hand* What's an autobiography?

Starflight: LOCKHART, YOU BEAUTIFUL LIL SHIT STOP TRYING TO TEACH AND GO BACK TO FLAUNTING IN THE MIRROR!

Lockhart: Well, if you insist. *tosses hair*

Qibli: *flipping through a book* Narcissistic Personality Disorder, now THIS ONE he could have.

Umber: *somehow found a copy of the autobiography and is reading it*

Kinkajou: So how interesting is he really?

Umber: Um, VERY.

Turtle: *reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets*

Turtle: Actually everything in his book is a lie and he's a giant memory-wiping fraud.

Umber: Never mind. *throws away autobiography*

Moon: NEXT!

Nightflyer: *walks out and places a throne at the front of the room*

Nightflyer: I want you to take VERY GOOD CARE of this next teacher because he is my precious baby and if any of you harm him in any way, I WILL DESTROY YOU.

Starflight: WOOOOOAAHHHHHH SCARY NIGHTY ALERT, SOUND THE ALARM! WEEEWOOOOWEEEOOOWEEEWOOOOO!!!!

*Remus Lupin appears and sits in throne*

Lupin: Today we're going to learn how to cast a Patronus Charm, so if you'll all open your books,

Starflight: EXCUSE ME MR. WEREWOLF TEACHER, CAN YOU PLEASE PROVE J.K. WRONG AND TELL ME THAT YOU'RE BI?

Lupin: What does my sexual preference have to do with anything?

Starflight: IT'S FOR WOLFSTAR REASONS, HELP A BRO OUT.

Lupin: In that case, yeah, I'm hella bi for Sirius Black. Who isn't in love with him?

Starflight: THANK YOU, THAT WILL BE ALL, CONTINUE WITH THE LESSON, O MIGHTY WOLF OF WERE!

Lupin: Now in order to cast a Pat-

Winter: *hits Lupin with a snowball*

Winter: HA!

Starflight: OH, YOU'VE DONE IT NOW, DUM DUM.

Nightflyer: *tackles Winter out of his chair, drags him out into the hallway in silence*

Winter: *his faint screams are heard throughout the rest of the lesson*

Lupin: *actually teaches an informative, interesting, and interactive lesson*

Air: Next up is my favorite! Professor Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody!

*Moody appears*

Starflight: WOAH! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? ARE YOU A PIRATE? But wait, your eye is like from the future.....OH MY MOONS, YOU'RE A TIME-TRAVELLING FUTURE MAGIC PIRATE, AREN'T YOU???? DOES YOU KNOW CAP'N JACK?

Moody: No.

Starflight: CAP'N CRUNCH??!?!?!

Moody: I'm not a bloody pirate.

Starflight: ARE YOU SUUURREEE??????

Moody: NOW! Today, we will be learning about the three unforgivable curses *starts writing on the board*

Moody: And NOTE THAT I DO NOT CARE IF YOU SERVED IN QUEEN RUBY'S ARMY OR NOT, YOU NEED TO FIND A DIFFERENT PLACE TO PUT YOUR CHEWING GUM BESIDE THE SIDE OF YOUR DESK, MS. CARNELIAN!

Carnelian: *stops dead*

Starflight: Ooooooh, I like this one.

Moody: *continues the lesson*

Starflight:.......

Starflight: CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Moody: *takes out his magical eye and throws it at Starflight*

Starflight: *bursts out laughing* OH-OH MY MOONS I DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS ACTUALLY GONNA WORK AHAHAHAHAHA- I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE ACTUALLY GONNA DO IT, I- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Nightflyer: *walks back in, his knuckles bleeding*

Winter: *physically crawls back in the room, severely beaten*

Winter: Sorry.

Nightflyer: Our next teacher will be *growls* Dolores. Jane. Bitchbridge.

Starflight: HA!

*Umbridge appears*

Starflight: Well, aren't you a fabulous drag queen. UMBRIDGE SMASH!

Umber: Oh three moons, he's right....

Qibli: You look familiar..... Have we tortured you in this game before?

Umbridge: There will be no need to talk in my classroom.

Kinkajou: Oh, that's not gonna work.

Moon: But then.... How do we learn?

Umbridge: You will learn by listening. Now. Open your books-

Turtle: What spell are we learning today?

Umbridge: We won't be using spells in this class. There will be no need to have magic at all, actually.

Turtle: No....magic...?

Starflight: AREN'T WE IN A FREAKING MAGIC SCHOOL, LADY?

Umbridge: Yes. In fact, if everyone would hand in their wands, that would be helpful.

Turtle: No wand's not gonna stop me... *glares*

Umbridge: *starts lecturing a very boring lesson*

Starflight: *staring in boredom*

Starflight: I swear to the moons, SOMEONE PROVIDE ME ENTERTAINMENT!

Turtle: I want fireworks.

*fireworks start exploding all over the classroom*

Carnelian: *screams and ducks for cover*

Kinkajou: *laughing and clapping*

Starflight: OH MY MOONS THE STARS ARE EXPLODING, THE SKY IS FALLING, WE SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO THE CHICKEN!!! QUICK! GRAB THE IPHONE BABY ALIEN AND RUUUNNNNN!!!

Umbridge: *stops the fireworks and glares at Turtle*

Turtle: *smiles*

Umbridge: Detention.

Turtle: *is forced to the back of the room and has to write 'I will not use magic' with the quill*

Starflight: *watches as 'I will not use magic' gets carved into Turtle's hand*

Starflight: WHAT THE FUCK, LADY???

Umbridge: Unruly behavior must be punished.

Starflight: BY DISMEMBERMENT AND SCARRING A CHILD? BITCH!

Starflight: *punches Umbridge*

Starflight: WE'RE DONE WITH THIS ONE! NEXT!

Nightflyer: That would be Professor Snape, who had to let Voldemort rule the school in order to get the job he wanted rather than just accepting that HE'S BETTER AT POTIONS THAN THE DARK ARTS.

*Snape appears*

Snape: Turn to page 394.

Nightflyer: I know you read it in the voice, don't lie.

Starflight: WOOOAAAAAHHHHH, COOL.

Starflight: But like also "The Call" by Regina Spektor just popped up on my spotify playlist, so Imma not listen to the next three minutes of your lesson because IT'S LIKE MY GIRLFRIEND AND MINE'S SONG SO.

Snape: 50 points from Gryffindor for talking out of turn.

Starflight: Actually, Imma Ravenclaw-

Snape: 10 more points from Gryffindor.

Starflight:..........

Starflight: So you're like Hogwarts House Racist. House-ist? Yeah! SNAPE YOU FABULOUSLY HAIRED HOUSE-IST, LET LILY GO, SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!

Snape: 500 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!

Qibli: Starflight, for the love of Moon, SHUT UP.

Umber: Yeah, Gryffindor needs our points. We haven't won a House Competition since Dumbledore died.

Umber/Qibli:........*stare at Snape*

Qibli: Wait a second.

Snape: Today we will be learning about werewolves,

Kinkajou: OH I KNOW! I KNOW LOTS ABOUT WEREWOLVES!!! *frantically raises hand*

Snape: Does anyone know where Werewolves are most commonly found? Yes?

Kinkajou: EVERYBODY KNOWS THE BEST PLACE TO FIND WEREWOLVES IS IN SIRIUS BLACK'S ARMS, AND THAT THEY'RE THE MOST GENTLE, CINNAMON ROLL LIKE CREATURES EVER AND THEY LOVE CHOCOLATE AND FUZZY SWEATERS!

Turtle: *facetalons*

Snape:....Not even one part of that answer was even remotely correct. I've never heard something so wrong.

Kinkajou: *scoffs* Come on Snape, you went to school with Remus. That answer was 100% right.

Starflight: AGREED IN THE NAME OF WOLFSTAR! *high fives Kinkajou*

Snape: 10 points from Hufflepuff and Gryffindor.

Qibli/Umber: *groans*

Qibli: WHAT DID WE DO???

Umber: Winter, do you have any more snowballs?

Winter: Yep.

Umber: Wonderful. QIBLI!

Qibli/Umber:.......

Snape: Now-

Qibli/Umber: *start pitching snowballs at Snape's face*

Qibli: TAKE THIS YOU HOUSE-IST BASTARD!

Starflight: *cackling*

Moon: *steals a snowball and throws it*

Moon: OBSESSION IS NOT THE SAME THING AS LOVE AND LILY DESERVED BETTER THAN YOU ANYWAYS, JILY IS ENDGAME!!!!

Snape: *gets hit square in the face with snowball*

Starflight: *dying of laughter*

Nightflyer: And we're not gonna have Amycus Carrow teach a lesson because A) Nobody cares, and B) Fuck that guy, he hurt Neville.

Starflight: *gasps*

Starflight: BURN THE WITCH!!!

Carnelian: I vote that all our classes include High Starflight.

Starflight: AS LONG AS NOBODY TELLS FATESPEAKER, I'M IN.

Joy: So Starflight, who was the best professor?

Starflight: UMMMMM

Starflight: Real close, but R.J. LUPIN IS KING SO YEAH, HE WINS!

Air: YES!

Nightflyer: *hugs Lupin*

Kinkajou: YAY!

Joy: And the worst?

Starflight: UM, NO SHIT SHERLOCK, IT'S BITCHY-BRIDGE JANE.

Nightflyer: Excellent choice.

Rainkeeper: All of you but Kinkajou are free to go now.

Moon: YES!

Starflight: IDK, I kinda wanna see them get punishe-

Fatespeaker: *appears* Starflight! There you a-

Starflight: *screams in fear and tramples the JW running away*

Air: I really missed Cocaine Starflight.

Kelp: We all did.

Joy: So Nightflyer, how would you like to punish Umbridge?

Nightflyer: Way ahead of you, Joy.

Nightflyer: *straps Umbridge to a chair and carves the entirety of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix onto her skin while she screams*

Joy:.....*blinks*

Joy: I didn't know you liked torturing....

Nightflyer: Only when it comes to Harry Potter and Supernatural villains.

Joy: Makes sense.

Nightflyer: You should ask Air what I did to Metatron.

Air: It was glorious.

Joy: I....I'm proud, but need to stop influencing all of you innocent people.

Nightflyer: Okay Joy, your pick. Should we torture her Roman style, or feed her to the centaurs?

Joy: Why not both?

Nightflyer:...This is why you were put in charge of torture.

Joy/Nightflyer: *keep torturing Umbridge*

Air: *hugging Remus*

Air: So Kinkajou, how should we reward Remus for being a great teacher and awesome person?

Kinkajou: *also hugging Remus*

Kinkajou: I don't know, there's lots of things we could do to make him happier.

Air: There's Tonks, Sirius, we could make him not a werewolf anymore, let him see Teddy's future to know his son's gonna be just fine.

Kinkajou: *screeches*

Kinkajou: I HAVE SO MANY REMUS FEELINGS!

Air: OHMIGOSH ME TOO!!!

Remus:........

Remus: Help.

Air: *snaps talons*

*Sirius appears*

Remus: Sirius! Get me out of here!

Sirius: *starts hugging Remus*

Remus: Oh.....

Air: This. This is a good reward.

Kinkajou: *hugs more* YEP.