Air: ATTENTION.

Air: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PROCEED WITH READING THIS UNTIL YOU WATCH THIS VIDEO.

https://youtu.be/PrXm1geYsaE

Nightflyer: Air, you can't just force people to watch something.

Air: WHEN IT'S THE MOST PERFECT THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE AND IT'S DEAN WINCHESTER'S BIRTHDAY I MOST CERTAINLY CAN.

Air: HAPPY HATCHING DAY DEAN!!!!!! YOU'VE SURVIVED A WHOLE 'NOTHER YEAR IN THE CLOSET!

Nightflyer: *facetalons*

*players appear*

Peril: Hi!!

Riptide: What's new?

Joy: OH-

Air: DEAN WINCHESTER IS 41 YEARS OLD TODAY AND NO THAT IS NOT OLD SHUT UP I LOVE HIM.

Rainkeeper:.....At what point will Air's obsession with Dean Winchester bother you?

Nightflyer: *holds up bottle of whiskey and takes a large swig*

Nightflyer: When this stuff runs out.

Rainkeeper: I can keep you on a steady supply of it.

Nightflyer: Wonderful. *takes another swig*

Joy: IN MORE IMPORTANT NEWS-

Seashell: Tui's releasing like 3 WOF related books this year and that's amazing?

Joy: *growls*

Joy: WE HAVE AN OFFICIAL KILL COUNT FOR TRUTH OR DARE SO FAR!

Sunny: Ooooo, what is it?

Kelp: Guess. 

Starflight: 524.

Joy: Higher.

Clay: Oh! TWELVE. 

All:........

Glory: He's.... He's not good with numbers.

Clay: What? Twelve is a BIG number. Like, if you had twelve pineapples, other dragons would be concerned. Especially if you don't live somewhere where you can normally get pineapples.

Fatespeaker: Is the number 600?

Joy: Closer.

Kelp: It's 656.

Joy: *pulls out a gun and shoots Fatespeaker*

Joy: 657. *grins*

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*Fatespeaker respawns*

Fatespeaker: WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!

Nightflyer: We've been asked to do something demonic when we get to 666, so, you know..... be prepared.

Deathbringer: *wraps Glory entirely in bubble wrap*

Deathbringer: Ready.

Glory: *slowly turns redder and redder with quiet rage*

Air: SO! In honor of Dean Winchester's birthday-

Seashell: From a fandom we know y'all will be happy when it ends so we shut up about it.

Air: *slaps Seashell*

Air: THE DOD WILL BE ACTING OUT A SCENE FROM SUPERNATURAL WITH THE CHARACTERS THAT FIT THEM BEST AND I CHOSE AN ANGSTY EPISODE BECAUSE THIS SHOW IS 85% ANGST.

Air: And also... because I couldn't think of another episode with 5 main characters off the top of my head....

Nightflyer: Has there been another time where 5 main characters have all been alive at once?

Air: 

Nightflyer:...... I think that says it.

Air: IT does.

Tsunami: So me, Glory, Clay, Starflight, and Sunny have to act out a scene?

Kelp: Yep.

Joy: So! *claps talons* Who wants to die?

Deathbringer: I'm sorry, what?

Air: Our chosen scene is from episode 5x10, "Abandon All Hope" and our characters include Sam, Jo, Ellen, Cas, and Dean.

Tsunami: DIBS ON DEAN.

Starflight: I've got to be Castiel, obviously.

Glory: I wanna be Jo. I know how it ends, but I still wanna be Jo.

Sunny: Then that leaves-

Clay: OH MY GOSH, CAN I PLEASE BE ELLEN!??!!?

Air: You....You WANT to be a middle aged dive bar owner who's daughter, in this case, is Glory?

Clay:.....I've made my choice.

Sunny: Then I guess I'm Sam! 

Sunny: You know what that means! *hugs Tsunami*

Tsunami:.....I regret my decision already.

Rainkeeper: Okay then, here's your scripts, fair warning- if you mess up a line, Air will kill you.

Air: *smiles innocently*

All: *gather around to watch the scene*

Nightflyer: Aaaaaaannnnnndddd ACTION!

Sunny: You getting a signal?

Tsunami: No, nothing. Nice and spooky.

Clay: Place seem a little empty to you?

Tsunami: We're gonna go check out the PD. You guys stay here, see if you can find anybody.

Clay: Okay.

{DEAN drives off. ELLEN parks. JO gets out and turns to look at CASTIEL in the back seat.}

Glory: Ever heard of a door handle?

Starflight: *suddenly outside of the car* Of course I have.

Air: *giggles like a happy child*

Starflight: *looks around*

Tsunami: What is it, Cas?

Starflight: This town's not empty.

{From CASTIEL's point of view, the town is filled with dozens of old white men in suits, all standing still, attention fixed on something in the distance.}

Starflight: Reapers.

Clay: Reapers? As in more than one?

Starflight: They only gather like this at times of great catastrophe. Chicago Fire, San Francisco Quake, Pompeii. Excuse me, I need to find out why they're here. *he leaves*

TIME SKIIIP

Tsunami: Well, this is great, been in town twenty minutes and already lost the angel up our sleeve.

Sunny: You think, uh, you think Lucifer got him?

Air: LUCI LET MY ANGEL BABY GO!

Joy: Do you yell comments at the TV when this show is actually on?

Air/Nightflyer: YES.

Tsunami: I don't know what else to think.

Air: QUICK PERIL, STEP IN AND BE MEG!

Peril: OKAY!

Peril: There you are.

{Everyone turns to face the new threat. It's MEG}

Sunny: Meg.

Peril: Shouldn't have come here, boys.

Tsunami: Hell, I could say the same thing for you

Peril: Didn't come here alone, Deano.

{Something splashes in a puddle near MEG's feet; the sounds of dogs growling and barking. SAM, ELLEN, and JO glance around for the source of the noise; so does DEAN, but he is obviously pretending he's not afraid.}

Tsunami: Hellhounds.

Peril: Yeah, Dean. Your favorite. Come on, boys. My father wants to see you.

Sunny: I think we'll pass, thanks.

Peril: Your call. You can make this easy or you can make it really, really hard.

{DEAN looks back; ELLEN nods.}

Tsunami: When have you known us to ever make anything easy?

{MEG shakes her head. DEAN shifts his aim and fires; blood spurts from the hellhound next to MEG's feet.}

Sunny: Run!

Air: CUE THE FIGHT SCENE!

Riptide: *pretends to be a hellhound and tackles 'Dean'*

{They take off. A hellhound tackles DEAN. JO looks back.}

Glory: Dean!

Tsunami: Jo, stay back!

{JO fires her shotgun in DEAN's direction. ELLEN and SAM stop running. JO keeps firing, knocking the hellhound further and further back. Another gets her from the side. SAM and ELLEN start running towards JO and DEAN.}

Clay: NO!

Air: *covers eyes and whimpers*

{The hellhound shreds JO's side. SAM and ELLEN start firing. DEAN scoops up JO and runs past SAM and ELLEN, who turn to follow. DEAN heads for one of the nearest stores, ELLEN goes ahead to open the door, and SAM stays back to keep shooting.}

Nightflyer: AND WE'RE GONNA END THERE BEFORE THINGS GET TOO ANGSTY.

All:......

Tsunami: Well that was rather anticlimactic.

Clay: *flips through the rest of the episode*

Clay: What's ANTICLIMACTIC ABOUT GLORY SLOWLY BLEEDING TO DEATH, AND ME, HER SELFLESS MOTHER, CHOOSING TO STAY BY HER SIDE AND DIE IN AN EXPLOSION THAT WILL BLOW UP THE BUILDING RATHER THAN LIVING WITHOUT HER????

Tsunami: Wait WHAT-

Clay: AND ELLEN AND JO SACRIFICE THEMSELVES TO THE HELLHOUNDS SO THAT SAM AND DEAN CAN GO AND DEFEAT LUCIFER?!!?

Air: ONLY FOR THEIR PLAN TO NOT WORK AND LEAD TO EVEN MORE ANGST AND THE BURNING OF PROBABLY THE ONLY PICTURE ELLEN AND JO WERE EVER IN!

Clay: THIS IS HORRIBLE.

Air: THIS IS MY LIFE.

Peril: *hugs Air*

Starflight: *flips through the script*

Starflight: Do I just.... NOT show up? Where's all that subtext you're always talking about?

Nightflyer: This is season 5. We have to get rid of all Dean's love interests before the subtext really becomes obvious.

Sunny: I DON'T LIKE THIS EPISODE.

Rainkeeper: We know.

Clay: You know what, LET'S KEEP IT GOING, GLORY ACT LIKE YOU'RE DYING!

Glory: What?

Clay: *Sits next to Glory and hugs her*

Clay: Let's be honest here, if you were gonna die, and I had to blow up a hardware store full of hellhounds with both of us in it in order to save Sunny and Tsunami's lives, I'd do it.

Glory: So you'd let me die with you?

Clay: THERE WAS NO WAY TO SAVE JO, OKAY, I'M SAYING I'D DIE WITH YOU, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD THING. 

Glory: No, it's STUPID. DON'T WASTE A PERFECTLY GOOD HUNTER FOR A GRIEF DRIVEN DEATH- SHE SHOULD'VE FOUGHT!

Clay: SHE DID FIGHT, NEVER INSULT THE NAME OF ELLEN HARVELLE TO ME AGAIN HOW DARE YOU.

Sunny: I think it's a sweet, touching death.

Clay: SEE SUNNY GETS IT.

Air: CAN YOU ALL PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE DEATHS!?!?!?

Starflight: Well the scene's over- what do you expect us to do?

Air:.......I got it. 

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*A happy birthday banner drops from the ceiling with some confetti*

All: *sits around listening to Eye of the Tiger on repeat while eating pie*

Air: Let's be honest- this is exactly how Dean would want to spend his birthday.

Nightflyer: With Survivor and pie?

Air: Yup.

Nightflyer: Sounds accurate.

All: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAN!!