Hey emo marchers!

TODAY IS JOE'S BIRTHDAY!!

Okay, so in honor of Joe Trohman's special birthday, today's a dare!

I dare you to write a crack fic about Joe Trohman!

It's been one year since this crack fic was written by Becca PhantasticalDisco

"Joe! Get out of bed or you might be late!" Kellin shouts upstairs. Joe groaned.

"Late for what?" Joe shouted back.

"Late for me to kick your ass!" Pete added in. Kellin scolded him in the distance.

Kellin was always acting as Joe's mother. It didn't bother him too much, but enough to get him annoyed on his "special day".

As he dragged himself into the living room, he saw Frank and Gerard aggressively making out on the couch while Pete pouted and admired Frank from afar. There was nothing special about that. Joe saw that everyday.

"Ow! Gee! My lips are bleeding!" Frank pulled back and showed Gerard his fingers that were stained with fresh blood.

"Then I guess I wasn't biting hard enough before..." Gerard smirked and grabbed the sides of his head, pulling him into another deep kiss, leading him into another make-out session.

Okay, so maybe that was new, but not special to Joe at all.

When he strolled into the kitchen, Kellin was wearing a 'kiss the cook' apron and mixing pancake batter.

"Happy Birthday!" Kellin opened his arms excitedly, accidentally dropping his bowl of pancake mix onto the tile. He stared down at it gloomily.

"Nice one," Pete said as he shuffled in. He must've gotten sick of watching his crush get crushed. Pete ran his finger on the ground, picking up some mixture, and sucked on it pleasingly.

"Peter Wentz!" Patrick shouted at him from the dinner table. He had stood up and placed his hands on his hips. Pete immediately turned around and headed in the other direction.

Patrick stormed after him, continuing his lecture, "You know Kellin isn't a good cook. There's raw eggs in there and the floor has probably never been cleaned. Do you really want...?" his voice trailed away.

Joe turned his attention back to Kellin. He frowned, kneeling down next to the mess saying, "I fucked up."

Joe nodded, "Yeah." Anyone else would've helped Kellin clean up the mess, but Joe wasn't feeling it. After all, it was his special day and he shouldn't be cleaning on his special day.

So, Joe joined Dallon, who was also sitting innocently at the dinner table. He looked down at his mug and spun it on the table.

"What have you got there?" Joe asked, hoping it would be good enough to steal.

"Just some milk..." Dallon shrugged and tipped the mug just enough for Joe to see the thick, white liquid. He slammed his hands on the table and scooted his chair out, walking away with a disgusting image in his head.

"IT'S MY FUCKING SPECIAL DAY! CAN'T SOMETHING SPECIAL HAPPEN?" Joe tugged on his curls and growled loudly.

Frank hopped off of Gerard and sat upright on the couch, "Why isn't today special enough?"

Joe answered, "The same shit happens everyday! You fuck Gerard, then Pete gets jealous and does something stupid, Patrick sasses somebody for something, Kellin makes a mess, and Dallon is left alone to drink milk all day!"

Gerard tried to muffle his laugh with his hand. Frank flashed him a look and nodded for Joe to continue.

"I just want something different to happen for a change," Joe said and looked down to his socks.

"I can change that!" Pete said from the other side of the wall. He punched his way through and smiled sarcastically. "So, Gerard can drink the milk, Patrick makes the mess, Dallon can do the sassing, and Kellin can get jealous of me fucking Frank!"

"No!" everyone shouted in reply. Pete hung his head low and left the giant hole in the wall.

Joe threw his hands up in the air and shook his head, "Holy heaven help us (w)all, I'm just gonna find something to eat."

Gerard laughed at Joe's pun, "Not bad Joe." Joe chuckled a bit and waited to save that tweet for later.

As Joe made it into the kitchen, Kellin was just finishing cleaning up. He forced a half-smile at Joe. Joe turned to the fridge and opened it up, searching for something to settle his roaring stomach.

"Oh, I made you a lunch on the bottom shelf," Kellin said from behind Joe.

His curls stood up straight on his head as he found a sandwich like he'd never seen before. It was...beautiful. It twinkled in the fridge lighting.

Joe licked his lips, "She's got buns, hun."

"What was that?" Kellin asked, lifting an eyebrow at Joe.

Joe widened his eyes and hugged the sandwich closely to his chest. "Nothing," he answered quickly and ran out the back door with his newly found love.

He took his sandwich everywhere he went that day, to the studio, to the dog park, on the toilet, in the shower, and even to dinner that night.

Patrick sighed and motioned to Joe's sandwich, "Um, Joe... You know that you have to eat that sometime soon. It's getting dirty and moldy."

Joe gasped, "How dare you!" He turned to his sandwich and kissed it gingerly, whispering, "He didn't mean that, Sandy," while caressing it's sesame seeds.

"Wait, wait, wait," Frank stopped Joe, "You named your sandwich Sandy?"

"That's not the problem!" Pete said, "The problem is that this sandwich will be stuck in our lives forever if someone doesn't eat it soon!"

"Or somebody accidentally throws it away," Gerard added and slipped the sandwich off the table and away from Joe. He tossed it out the window casually and sat up straight like nothing had happened.

"No!" Joe shouted in slow motion, diving out the window, falling three stories down into a dumpster. He held the sandwich up in the air, keeping it safe and clean.

As punishment for when they got home, Joe had all the emo dads take turns scrubbing him in the bathtub. Gerard's turn was the longest. Meanwhile, Joe finally started eating his sandwich and nodded happily, murmuring, "Not bad Joe, not bad...

Want to hear more of this? Read "The Emo Dads" in my works!

Thanks!