"WHAT'S THIS ONE for?"

"It's concealer," Sadie replies. "It's a lifesaver."

Drew sets it back down and picks up a different tube. "And it's different from this stuff?"

"A little."

Colin watches from a distance, but Drew and Perry sit close to Sadie. She's doing her makeup, and both of them watch in unmasked curiosity. Colin had been the last to get ready, so his hair, a little overgrown now, is still a little damp.

"Why do you have two of these?" Perry picks up two small, circular containers that, from where Colin is seated, look exactly the same.

"They're different shades."

"You need different shades?"

"Of course. Look." Sadie takes one of them from Perry. She pops it open then turns it to her enthusiastic audience. "This one's slightly more red, while that one"--Perry opens it obediently--"is slightly orange."

Perry blinks. "But why can't you just... stick to one?"

Sadie, who was working on her eye makeup, momentarily stops to look at Perry. "Per, how many pairs of shoes do you have?"

Perry's eyes narrow, and then he gives her a curt nod. "Okay. Point taken."

"You're really good at that," Drew says. He tilts his head, completely engrossed. "Your lashes really did get longer."

"As they should. I spent twenty-five bucks on this mascara."

This goes on longer than Colin expected it would. He tunes them out, for the most part, but every now and then his friends ask a question that gets his attention and he'd catch himself listening in on the conversation.

When they finish, Colin has learned more than he'd care to know about makeup.

Her avid fans shower her with compliments and, unable to ignore his curiosity, Colin gives in and risks a glance at Sadie. He tries to look inconspicuous, bending down to tie his shoelaces.

He can't quite pinpoint what, exactly, changed. Just that something has changed.

"You look very pretty, Sadie," Drew tells her.

Sadie beams at Drew. Then, almost, as though she can sense Colin's gaze, she suddenly turns.

His mouth dries up. He averts his eyes, hastily looking back down at his shoelaces. She's not that pretty.

But he finds himself sneaking another glance anyway.

◇

They grab some tacos before heading to campus, knowing full well that they'll need substantial food to sustain them for the night. Sadie complains about her lipstick getting smudged, but the smell eventually makes her give in.

She still doesn't eat as much as she used to in high school. Not that she eats, like, a lot. Her portions now are just smaller than before. Still, at least she's eating. He knows how much she loves tacos. There was no way she could have resisted.

They wolf down their food in a matter of minutes, though Sadie takes hers to-go and continues to nibble on it as they walk to campus. Greek Row is all the way over to the other side of the campus, near the dorms, but they're all used to walking, so nobody complains.

The night air is cool enough, but the walk gets them sweaty in no time. Sadie stops for a moment to put her hair up, then she removes her jean jacket. She's wearing a tight, white top with very thin straps and suddenly there's just so much skin that Colin is forced to keep his eyes dutifully trained on the ground.

To Colin's frustration, the three of them are still talking about beauty products. At this point, he can't even tell who's most enthusiastic about this conversation. 

It makes him seriously consider moving out and looking for a new place. That would solve most of his problems.

He hears the parties before he actually sees them. They're still about a block away from Greek Row, but the music is loud enough for them to hear.

"Oh, I am ready," Drew bellows. "I am so ready."

Perry punches him in the shoulder. "Don't even think about getting wasted."

"But we won!"

"That won't stop me from ditching you."

When they finally turn into Greek Row, Colin realizes just how many people had gone out to celebrate the win. Even from where he's standing, he can see that every house is crowded. It's hard to tell where one party ends and the other begins.

Colin knows it, then: This is not going to end well.

◇

The jello shots taste like shit.

Colin doesn't turn them down though. He still can't figure out the proper way to eat (drink?) the goddamned things, but that doesn't stop him.

From the couch, he has a pretty clear view of Drew and Sadie in the kitchen. Drew's leaning his back against the counter, waiting for her to finish mixing drinks. He says something and she laughs, hitting him lightly on the chest.

Colin doesn't know why, but his eyes keep gravitating to them, and the sight is irritating him.

"Jello shot?" somebody yells into his ear.

He wrenches his gaze away from Sadie and Drew. There's a tray of red jello shots right in front of him, and what does he do?

He takes another one.

He nods his thanks to the blonde who's been holding the tray all night. She'd passed him by many times and offered him one each time.

Instead of leaving, however, she smiles and grabs one for herself. "On three?"

Did he have a choice? Colin isn't sure, so he nods. He pokes at the gelatin first and makes sure it's loose, sliding it around for good measure. She counts, but he doesn't hear her over the music. He watches her instead, and then downs (eats?) the shot when she does.

They both grimace.

After a while, she plucks the now empty shot glass from Colin's hand and puts it back on the tray. Instead of leaving, though, she deposits the tray on the coffee table and settles on the couch's armrest, too close for comfort.

Colin inches back a little.

"I'm Abby!"

"Colin," he replies, but she doesn't hear him, so she leans closer. Her boobs are very much in his view, but he's determined to keep his eyes away from them. "Colin!" he repeats.

She moves away, just slightly, to offer him another smile. "You alone?"

Technically speaking, he isn't. But Perry's nowhere in sight and Drew and Sadie are getting drinks from the kitchen, his view of which is now blocked by her aforementioned boobs.

Before he can reply, a pack of tall, stocky guys pass by, jostling her by accident. She loses balance for a moment and, in an attempt to stay upright, places one hand on his lap, dangerously close to his crotch.

Her eyes widen when she realizes. She immediately removes it, but even in the dim lighting, he sees the blush that creeps onto her cheeks. "Sorry!"

He nods. "It's all right."

It is not all right.

Whatever it is that she's expecting from him (A hookup? Friendship? A proper conversation?), he's pretty sure he can't give it. He's far from knowledgeable when it comes to dealing with girls, but he doesn't quite know how to leave without being openly rude.

He looks around, searching for Perry. He'd know what to do.

Instead of him, though, he finds Sadie, walking over to where he's sitting with a cup in each hand. He doesn't know what expression he has on his face, but whatever it is makes her smile. She looks at the blonde--Abby--and then back at Colin.

She mouths something.

You're hopeless.

When she's close enough, she hands him one of the cups. "Did you wait long?" she asks, before turning to Abby. "Hi! I'm Sadie."

"Oh." Abby immediately stands up. Her eyes flicker between Sadie and Colin, then she takes a small step back. "Hi! I'm Abby!"

Sadie places a hand on Colin's shoulder. He freezes. Through the fabric of his shirt, he can feel how cold her hands are, probably from holding the cup. Despite this, however, her touch burns.

"I love your top!" Sadie says. "You a Theta?"

"Thank you! And yes, I am." She bends down to pick up her tray of jello shots. "Want some?"

"We're good!" She raises her cup, as if to prove her point. "Great party, though!"

Colin doesn't hear what she says next, but Abby leaves shortly after, waving goodbye to both him and Sadie. Once she disappears into the crowd, Sadie squeezes into the small space next to him.

He stops breathing.

She'd removed her jacket again. Her arm is pressed against his and it burns where her skin meets his. 

"You looked like you might pass out," Sadie says, loud enough for him to hear. "I had to step in."

It's highly unlikely for Colin to say thank you for this, but even if that weren't the case, he still would not have said anything. He couldn't even think straight. Forming actual words seemed damn near impossible.

Where the fuck is Drew?

He'd practically been tied to Sadie's hip all night. Why did he choose now, of all times, to disappear?

With nothing else to do, he lifts the cup to his lips and takes a tentative sip. He winces when the alcohol hits his tongue. 

Beside him, Sadie lets out a laugh. "Right. I almost forgot."

He makes the mistake of looking at her.

So much skin.

He looks back at his cup. "Forgot what?"

The music gets louder then, and Sadie instinctively leans closer when she speaks. "That you're more of a beer guy."

He stills. It's a harmless statement, he knows. Coming from her, however, it registers as a challenge.

So he takes another sip.

It tastes good, as far as mixed drinks go. Better than the shit Perry comes up with, at least.

Sadie scoots forward a little, tilting her head to look at his face. "You like it?"

"No," he says, a little too quickly.

"Should we look for beer?"

Again, he takes this as an insult. He looks over long enough to give her a glare and then takes another swig. It goes down like fire, burning down his throat and settling in his gut.

"You okay?"

"Jesus. I'm not a middle schooler, okay? I'm fine."

"Whoa, okay." Sadie inches back a little. "I wasn't--you're not--you just seemed a little on edge, okay?"

And whose fault does she think that is?

Colin doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to, though, because her phone lights up. She checks the message, then quickly types a reply with one hand.

When she's done, she stands up. "I'm gonna head over to the Pantheon. Tell Drew and Perry for me, okay?"

The Pantheon is the biggest house in Greek Row. It's where most of the cool kids hang out. It looks nothing like the actual Pantheon, but Colin honestly can't think of a better name for it. 

"Take it easy," she says, nodding at his cup, before taking her leave, squeezing through the crowd.

The parties at the Pantheon are always the wildest. When she's no longer in sight, Colin starts to feel this unexplainable urge to follow her. To keep her in sight. To make sure nothing bad happens.

"Where's Sadie?"

It's Drew. He'd come back from whatever hole he'd been hiding in all this time. Colin glares at him then grumbles out a reluctant reply.

"She left for the Pantheon."

"Oh, right." Drew nods, as if this makes perfect sense. "I saw Natalie's IG story."

This gets Colin curious, but he doesn't want to ask for details. Instead, he takes another drink, hating himself a little.

What was wrong with him? He'd gone here to loosen up. To cap off this exhausting week and stop, even for just a moment, stressing over Sadie.

She can handle herself.

Right?

He downs the rest of the wretched liquid and stands up. The room spins a little, but he's fine. He's more than fine. He's great. He's not some dumbass kid who can't handle a few drinks. He's a college student, for fucks sake, and he's here to party.

"I want some more of this," he tells Drew, lifting his empty cup.

Drew perks up. "I can make it! I think."

Colin nods, then quickly regrets it. It takes a moment for the world to refocus. When it does, he looks back at Drew. "Lead the way."

◇

Colin downs the shot.

Everyone cheers.

Well, not everyone. The rest of the party's busy doing its own thing but all his newfound friends clap and holler. Colin joins in.

This is what parties are for. This is what makes college fun. This is what he came here for. Here, as in Greek Row. Not, like, college. His parents would be horrified to see him right now.

He can't let them find out. But what if they do find out? What if somebody tells on him?

He should swear Cindy to secrecy. His dumb sister always rats him out. He can't let that happen. His mom would be heartbroken. His dad would be furious. He has to make sure they don't find out.

He pulls out his phone and types in a message.

He sends it before realizing it doesn't look right. He frowns at his phone, but before he can send another message, Perry takes the phone from his hands.

"Who are you drunk texting?"

"I'm not drunk texting."

Perry looks at the message, then back at Colin. "Right."

"Give it back."

"Stop texting your sister."

"But she's gonna tell on me."

"She's not even here!"

Another round of cheers bursts around them. Colin claps belatedly, before grabbing his phone back from Perry.

"Seriously," Perry says, "stop texting."

"Okay," he says, but he's already typing another message.

Colin already lost track of how much alcohol he's consumed throughout the night, but it can't be that much. Drew's concoction tasted nothing like Sadie's, but Colin drank it anyway. Drew had tried again (and again), promising he could do better. It didn't improve much.

It was then that Perry came to find them. He'd dragged the two of them back to the living room and introduced them to some friends he'd met and now here they are taking turns downing shots of cheap, room temperature vodka. (Was it vodka? Colin isn't sure anymore.)

It's just a few shots here and there. It's not like a whole bottle or anything. He's fine. It's fine. He's totally fine.

But he could really use some air.

Colin gets to his feet, unsteady, then taps Perry on the shoulder. He hooks a thumb over his shoulder. "I'll be outside."

It's just too... stuffy. There's too many people in the room.

The floor heaves beneath him, but he ignores it, forcing himself to walk straight. He can do it. Because he's not drunk. Like, at all.

He squeezes past people, getting pushed back every now and then. It makes his head spin, and by the time he stumbles out the front door, he can feel bile rising up his gut.

Oh no. Oh god no. He holds onto the porch railing, heaving in a breath. It's much cooler here than inside and the night air offers some relief.

"Colin?"

His eyes snap to the direction of the voice. Not her. Not now. Why does she have to show up now of all times?

"Are you okay?"

Colin bristles. He hates it. He hates her. He hates that she's probably looking down on him.

"I'm fine," he says, but his stomach lurches.

Then he throws up.

◇

Colin has enough sense not to get any vomit on himself. Not even on his shoes.

It still feels like shit, though.

The tacos taste horrible going back the wrong way. The jello shots even more so.

The worst part, however, is having Sadie witness the whole thing. When it's over, she drags him to the side of the house and he lets her. She quickly disconnects the water hose from the faucet, cranks it open, and steps aside.

"Here," she says, gesturing to the running water. "Wash your face."

Colin does as he's told.

He stands up when he's done, leaning back against the wall. His head is still spinning so he keeps his eyes closed.

"Why did you drink so much?" Sadie asks him.

"I'm not drunk."

"It's not like you to drink more than you can handle."

"Stop treating me like a kid."

"I'm not."

Colin opens his eyes to look at her. He watches her face for any sign of enjoyment. Is she judging him? Is she looking down on him? Does she want to make fun of him?

"Are you okay?" she asks.

Colin lets out a prompt laugh. Once he starts, though, he can't stop. Why is it that she, of all people, is asking him that question?

"Colin?"

He clamps his mouth shut, trying to fight his laughter, but it's just so funny. Isn't it so funny?

"Alright. Stay here," she says. "I'm gonna go look for Drew and Perry, okay?"

She starts to turn, but Colin grabs her sleeve.

"I'm fine," he says. "I don't need their help."

She lets out a breath. "Look, I'm not saying--"

"Sadie."

She stops, then looks at him. In the darkness, Colin can't tell what expression she has on her face. He doesn't know what takes over him, then, but eventually, he lets go of her sleeve--and reaches over to her hair.

She doesn't move away.

"How can it be this soft when your hair is so... poofy?"

She lets out a small, surprised laugh. "It's the hair mousse," she says. "I can't live without it."

Neither of them say anything for a long time. He can feel the grooves of her curls; the way the hair coils into itself without anyone's help.

"Sadie," he says after a moment.

"Mm?"

"Are you gonna be okay?"

A few beats pass. Then, quietly, she says, "I don't know."

Colin looks at her then. Really looks at her. Half her face is hidden in the shadows, but he finds her eyes and holds her gaze.

"Please be okay."

She looks down at the grass, wet and muddy from the water.

"I'm trying."

"Okay," Colin says.

"Okay," she echoes back.

Gently, he wraps a lock of her hair around his index finger, following the direction of the curl. Does it make sense for hair to behave this way?

"So soft," he murmurs, before letting his hand drop.

Sadie looks up. "I know," she says. "You are, too."

◇◇◇

a / n :

I'd been hesitant to post this week's update because I haven't been able to write the past week. It had been emotionally exhausting, keeping up with the Black Lives Matter movement  as well as local issues in my own country. I'm not black, nor do I live in the US, but I've been closely monitoring and helping out with the movement through whatever means I could find.

I make it a point to stay ahead when writing, but since I haven't been able to write, this means I don't have a lot of pre-written chapters left in stock. I might have to skip next week's, though it still depends on how much I can manage to write this week.

That aside, let me know what you think of this chapter! I've been looking forward to posting this and I'm really happy to finally give you drunk, soft boi Colin.

Love, always,

Sam