"It's not your fault, Leigh-"

"But Phil, it is! If I hadn't been so needy of Ella she wouldn't have gone into labour quite so quickly-"

"That's not true. There is no way in which that is even slightly correct. My baby had the cord around his neck and you couldn't have stopped that. In fact, if you hadn't broken your leg, Ella would have broken her waters at home. The baby would have immediately died without being in the hospital! You saved him and Ella! Thank you."

I balance my head in my hands as I stare down at his sleeping wife. "But I wouldn't leave her side. If I would have just let go of her hand then the doctor might have been able to work better. If I weren't so stubborn."

"You helped them, Leigh." Ella's eyes flutter open as if she'd been awake this whole time. She props herself up on the bed to look at me eye to eye. "I was panicking and you calmed me down. When you went to the bathroom, they told me that if you hadn't been there, I might've burst the stitches. That could've killed me. Thank you Leigh."

I shake my head. "No, none of this is true! I ruined everything and I don't deserve your sympathy!" Spinning the wheels of my chair, I flee from the room. It's all wrong- I jeopardized both Ella and the baby's lives. I don't care what they say, I will always remember that.

Managing to navigate my way outside, I stare out over the parking lot. People are hurrying into the hospital clutching balloons and flowers. Others are strolling out with families to greet them. I just sit and watch.

I have no family to turn to but the ones inside who I almost killed. My parents died years ago, leaving me as an only child to fend for myself. Orphanage after orphanage, foster parent after foster parent, I was never wanted by anyone. I was so alone until I found Ella.

I remember the night we met in a pub- one called the King's Arms to be exact. She was nineteen, as was I, and drinking on her own at the bar. It was around eight when I staggered up to her- completely hammered- and asked to sit beside her. I can't recall exactly what she slurred back but I slumped down next to her anyway.

"Haylooo, my nom is Leeeeeigh."

And with those five words, Ella threw up on me. It knocked me sober as I guided her to the toilets where she continued to hurl. And that's how we met- classy, right?

It's strange to think how different life could have been. If my parents hadn't passed away, I might not have ever gone to the King's Arms to drink, and therefore have never met Ella. And if I hadn't crossed paths with her, I would have never met Dan. And if I has never met Dan, Ella would have never been under pressure and both her and the baby would be healthy. See? Once again I have proven that I ruined her life.

I wish the life where we never met was real, just so they could be a perfect family they deserve to be.

<XVIII><XVIII><XVIII><XVIII><XVIII><XVIII><XVIII><XVIII><XVIII><XVIII>

An hour has passed. Dan still isn't back. I'm beginning to worry whether he is okay- though obviously he doesn't want me to care. He left me sitting on the edge of our bed alone. It was his choice to run.

I glance up and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair is a mess, a birds nest to say the least. The cut from when my ring sliced my cheek is still prominent.

The engagement. It's strange to think that it was only last night he proposed- back on the beach where we first met, all those years ago...

As I recall, I was with a previous boyfriend at the time but Dan managed to sweep me off my feet in a matter of minutes. I was his as soon as he first kissed me- the last night of my holiday next to the moonlit sea.

It will be four years ago on Friday that he asked me to leave my boyfriend for him. Four years. That's a long time. Now it is finally time for us to wed.

I have an idea. Something that will hopefully mean he is less angry at me when he comes back. It will prove that I am serious about this wedding- planning it!

Rummaging around my bag for my tablet, I use the hotel's free WiFi to scroll through the internet. Finally my pinterest wedding boards will come in useful!

Ever since I made an account, I have been pinning countless dresses that I loved. Now, as I look through them, most of them are unappealing. Several are an off-white, 'cream' as they are advertised. They immediately are deleted from the line up.

I continue to scroll through. Some are pretty, but just aren't 'the one'. I begin to lose hope- maybe I should just get some books for back at home? Yeah, that's what I'll do.

Searching 'wedding dress websites' into Google, I request for as many magazines and catalogues to be delivered to my address as possible. They should arrive by the time we are back from our holiday.

Just as I am about to close all my tabs and resume waiting for Dan, I accidently click on one of the search results- www.moonlightbridal.com- and groan. I wait for it to load so I can press back, when the most beautiful dress appears. It is 'the dress'. I know immediately. That is the one.

I don't even blink as I buy it. Je ne regrette rien.

...

(I don't regret anything.)