Wow, okay so that last update got a little intense... sorry-not-sorry BUT I think this one might make up for it! It's a little calmer, a little more fluffy.

Happy Reading!

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Kai rushed out of the infirmary. She nearly tripped over her own feet as she fled down the hall putting as much distance between herself and John as possible. She needed space to clear her head and think.

She stopped halfway down the hall and leaned against the wall. Being overwhelmed wasn't something Kai was used to and she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself. Her thoughts were tripping over themselves frantically as she fought to make sense of John's words in the infirmary. One of the last things Thalen had said to her, was to ask if she wanted to know the moment when John fell in love with her. It had been a lie, she knew it was a lie. It couldn't be anything else. Love wasn't a possibility in the life of a Mortii, and though she was safe on Atlantis she couldn't allow herself the risk even now.

Kai pinched her eyes shut, she had been so certain Thalen was lying to save himself. Someone like John Sheppard didn't fall in love and certainly not with someone like her. She scrubbed at her face as she tried to figure out what else John could have been referring too if it wasn't to answer Thalen's question.

It was on Lodan, under the stars on Lodan.

Behind her closed eyes she could picture John's earnest expression as he spoke those words, answering some unspoken question. There had been too many emotions to read flickering in his hazel eyes as his fingers tangled with her own.

Lodan had been one of their first times going off world one on one. They had both drank Euphor to maintain their cover despite her better judgement and once they were done the two of them, intoxicated, had walked back to the gate. It was one of the first times Kai had seen John let his guard down, shed the mask of The Colonel, and really be himself. John Sheppard didn't allow himself that kind of freedom in front of anyone on Atlantis. She had appreciated it for the gift that it was then, and every moment since. Far from the prying eyes of Atlantis, they had nearly kissed under the stars of Lodan.

And Thalen had known every detail. It still made her sick just thinking about it.

If she had learned nothing else today, Kai had learned that John made her vulnerable in a way she had never considered. It was a shock to realize exactly how vulnerable she had become. Thalen had simply found that weakness and exploited it. Suddenly, The Tribunal's stance on no attachment made sense. No Mortii could be as vulnerable as she had been today and do their job. Their Bonded would make them too easily controlled, and too easily influenced. Whether John shared her feelings or not it didn't matter, it didn't change what he meant to her.

It was an overwhelming realization and one she needed to come to terms with. After everything that had happened that day she was exhausted, both physically and mentally. She shoved herself away from the wall and strode through the darkened halls. She turned another corner and ran straight into Ronon.

"Hey," he said, resting a large hand on her shoulder to steady her. "Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded turning her head away from him so he couldn't see her expression. She needed to get better control of her emotions. She paused and frowned up at him as she realized Ronon shouldn't be out in the hallway so soon after being shot. "What are you doing out of the infirmary?" she asked.

Ronon flashed a casual grin, but now that she was paying attention she noticed he was holding himself very carefully. "The Doc let me out tonight. Still hurts like a bitch, but Teyla found some Athosian wine to take the edge off, care to join us? We could use it after the day we all had," he said lifting his other hand and wiggling the two bottles.

Kai looked down at the bottles of alcohol and decided it might be just what she needed. "Yeah," she agreed, surprising Ronon. "I could use a drink."

Ronon grinned happily. He liked Kai a lot, but she rarely socialized outside of work or sparring. She looked shaken. If half of the rumors he heard were true about what went down with her when she was taking on Sheppard and Weir, he didn't blame her. He pulled the cork out of the first bottle with his teeth and handed her the bottle. Kai tipped it back, wincing as she took her first sip of Athosian wine and the liquid burned down her throat. He chuckled and led the way out to the east pier.

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An empty bottle of Athosian wine sat between Kai and Teyla on the pier. The two of them were laying on their backs staring up at the stars. Kai was pinching her right eye shut so there would only be two moons instead of four.

Ronon was sitting next to her, he had his own bottle gripped in his hand but he wasn't sharing what was left of it. Kai was steadfastly focused on forgetting the trials of the day and had impressively finished most of the shared bottle herself. The wine softened things, made her feel light and like all the things that had happened were far away. Almost like they had happened to someone else.

"So..." Ronon started to say after a few moments of silence. He tipped the bottle back and took a long swig. "Do you think there's something with Weir and Sheppard? You saw that kiss," Ronon pointed out.

Kai froze, her drunken mind racing to put the memories back together. She did remember the kiss.

"Ronon," Teyla admonished, then she hiccuped. "That was Phoebus and Thalen."

Ronon blew out a sigh and shrugged. "I'm just saying-"

"We all know that the Colonel has-" Teyla stopped when Kai pushed herself up on her elbows. "I mean..." She hiccuped again.

An uncharacteristic giggle bubbled up Kai's throat as her muddled mind concluded decisively that Ronon was right. Of course Elizabeth and John together made sense. They were both leaders, both from earth...both human. She giggled again.

"What's so funny?" Ronon asked.

Kai sat all the way up and nearly fell back down. Once she steadied herself she turned to face him. She burst out laughing when she saw his face. How could she have been so wrong?

"You," she said and she giggled again. "You're right," she agreed. She had hazy memories of Sheppard and Weir hugging and being close and she was numb enough that it didn't hurt.

She snatched Ronon's bottle from his hand and tipped it back, draining a sizable portion. "Makes things easier," she said handing the bottle back.

Ronon grumbled under his breath and downed the rest of his wine so he wouldn't have to share it.

Teyla rolled over and looked up at Kai. "Makes what easier?" she asked gently.

"Everything!" Kai said with a shrug. "Less complicated," she concluded with a nod and she shoved herself to her feet. "I," Kai said decisively. "Am going to bed."

The others waved her off and she staggered down the pier towards the city. Kai moved through the dark halls doing her level best to maintain absolute control of her body. It was late and the city was dark and empty, it almost seemed sad. She glided her fingers down the side of the hall to steady herself so she wouldn't trip. She turned a corner and slammed face first into someone, she staggered back. She looked up into the concerned faces of John and Doctor Weir. She huffed our an impatient sigh. Of course they were together.

"Kai," Elizabeth said in surprise. When Kai tripped over her own feet as she fought to straighten herself, Elizabeth's brow furrowed in concern. Kai had always been so controlled and graceful. Elizabeth had never seen the assassin not one hundred percent in control before.

John however figured out what was happening pretty quick. He had seen Kai drunk once before however on Lodan. He swallowed, things had gotten pretty raw between them today and he didn't blame Kai one bit for needing to cut loose a little bit. He hadn't expected to see her again so soon and he honestly wouldn't have known what to say or how to act regardless.

Kai's eyes widened and she looked back and forth between them like a school girl caught out past curfew. "Doctor Weir," Kai said in surprise then she hiccuped. Kai clamped a hand over her mouth guiltily. "You two are out of the infirmary."

"Are you all right Kai?" Doctor Weir asked in concern.

"Fine, Doctor Weir," Kai assured her too quickly. "Just headed off to bed," she said and she moved to walk around the two. She overshot it and bumped into one of the Ancient's entirely pointless large decorative vases. She fought to catch it but missed completely and it tumbled to the ground clattering loudly. She fought to right it but couldn't get it to turn so it could clear the wall. She stepped away casually as though it was supposed to be like that, chances were good they wouldn't notice anyway.  She straightened but had to touch the wall to steady herself. She blew hair out of her face agitatedly as she worked to appear entirely cool and collected. She wasn't going to show any weakness or emotion in front of them.

"Where are you off to?" Weir asked her carefully.

Kai gestured in front of her. "My quarters," she answered and the toe of her boot caught against the vase so it clattered loudly once more.

Elizabeth nodded slowly as she watched in mild fascination as Kai fought to pretend she was sober.

Kai grimaced as the loud noise echoed through the halls, but decided they probably hadn't noticed. Humans didn't hear well anyway.

"Well, good night," Kai said and she did her best to hurry away. She made it five feet before she staggered and had to put her hand back on the wall to manage the corner.

Elizabeth turned back to Sheppard who was looking after Kai with a bemused expression on his face. She stepped over and picked up the large vase, straightening it easily. She turned back to John. "Intergalactic Super Assassin," Elizabeth clarified.

John snorted. "She had a rough day," he defended gently. "She smelled like she got into the Athosian wine...that stuff is wicked. It's enough to take down even the best intergalactic super assassins."

"She smelled like a distillery," Elizabeth said, fighting to maintain a straight face. She couldn't condone members of the expedition moving around the city intoxicated.

"Yeah," John said with a chuckle. "Clearly you have never had Athosian wine. They call it wine but the translations a little off. Really it's more like-"

"Moonshine?" Elizabeth asked, already exhausted by the conversation. It had been a long day, her body was sore from Phoebus's abuse and her temples were still pounding from the imprint.

"Yeah." John confirmed still staring after Kai. He wanted to go check on her, but he couldn't quite figure out a way of excusing himself without it being obvious. Weir hadn't said a word about all she/Phoebus had overheard. Thalen had spilled every detail of his feelings for Kai and he fully expected Elizabeth to confront him about it at some point. They were both tired however and Elizabeth didn't seem interested in broaching the topic.

"And you know this-?" Elizabeth dragged off meaningfully.

John rubbed at the back of his neck guiltily. As military leader he was never really off the clock and therefore shouldn't drink. "You know," he said quickly shifting the subject. "I should probably go check on her-" he said pointing off down the hall.

"Good idea," Elizabeth agreed meaningfully. "Especially since I believe her quarters are that way," Elizabeth said pointing down the hall exactly the opposite direction Kai had turned.

"Right." John agreed and he trotted after Kai.

He was surprised how far ahead of him the drunk woman had gotten. He didn't think he and Weir had been talking that long and Kai certainly wasn't moving very quickly. He turned several corners before he found Kai sitting on the floor under the scanner to one of the rooms. She was sitting cross legged bent studiously over her radio.

"Kai," he said coming around the corner.

She looked up at him and scowled. "Not you," She grumbled. "It could have at least been Ronon."

John was a little taken aback but didn't let her drunken nonsense deter him. He knew she and Ronon were close. "Well, no Ronon in sight, looks like you're stuck with me."

She blew out an aggravated sigh. "You're..." She dragged off, staring down at the radio in her lap. "...complicating," she huffed. She lifted the radio higher and closed one eye as she stared down at it.

"What are you doing?" John asked standing in front of her.

She glared up at him, keeping one eye pinched shut as she stared at him. She held up a hand to shield her eyes from the bright lights that backlit him, "Why are you so tall?" She grumbled and then went back to fiddling with her radio.

John chuckled, he didn't think of himself as being that tall but at 6'2" he was almost a foot taller than her. He sighed and dropped down to sit beside her on the floor under the scanner. With one eye still pinched shut Kai twisted the dials on her radio.

"What are you doing?" John asked after watching her for a few minutes.

Kai picked up her head and stared at him like he was stupid. "I need Radek," she said like it was incredibly obvious and she turned the dial again.

John watched her, wondering if it would help to point out that she wasn't wearing her ear piece.

"What?" She huffed noticing his attention, why didn't he just go back to whatever was happening with him and Weir and leave her alone.

John held up his hands in surrender. "Nothing, hey the heart wants what the heart wants," he said leaning back against the wall to get more comfortable. It seemed like this was going to take some time and honestly he didn't mind. He was still feeling buoyant with the knowledge that Kai wasn't leaving. He hadn't realized how much that had been weighing on him.

Kai scowled at him. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't judge," John promised her and then the son of a bitch winked at her.

She huffed. "No! Not like that!" she snapped. "Rodney wasn't answering."

"Oh, so you wanted to see McKay in the middle of the night," John clarified sardonically.

"No! I mean, yes! I mean the computer isn't working," John was winding her up now on purpose.

John couldn't help the teasing smirk that was crossing his lips. He knew he shouldn't be enjoying himself, but it was so rare Kai let her guard down enough to actually show her irritation with him.

"The computer isn't working?" John asked.

"Yes! The computer isn't working, so I tried Rodney but he isn't answering."

"Well it's the middle of the night, he's probably sleeping-"

Kai leveled a glare at Sheppard and he lifted his hands in surrender as she continued. "So I tried Zalenka but he isn't answering either."

"Well..." John began. "and don't bite my head off, but I think it would help if A.) You were on the right channel," John said reaching down and turning the dial three clicks to the right. "And B.)..." he reached out into the layers of scarf around her neck and carefully lifted out her earpiece, and positioned it back over her ear.

Kai tried not to tremble beneath John's warm, gentle fingers. Even as drunk as she was, she wasn't willing to make a fool of herself in front of him. So far she had remained in complete control. She licked her lips and looked down at the radio nodding. "Good...right."

"So what makes you think the computer is down?" John asked conversationally, hoping to not get yelled at again.

Kai motioned to the scanner above her head. "It's broken. I can't get into my room."

"Ah," John agreed as he worked to keep the grin off his face.

Sensing his disbelief Kai swiped her hand over the scanner. The computer bumped back at her, refusing entry. "See," she said defiantly.

"This isn't your room."

Kai scowled. "Of course it is."

John stared into her grey eyes and lifted his hand above his head. The door hissed open without hesitation. "It's my room."

Kai stared at the open door. "No," she said shaking her head. "Your room is on the other side of the tower from mine."

"Correct. The exact opposite. You took a left instead of a right. My room," he said pointing at his chest.

Kai shoved herself up onto all fours and nearly staggered into the wall. John shot up after her, catching her under the arm. "Easy," John said, but ever determined Kai shoved away from him and staggered through the door.

"Stubborn woman," John muttered and followed her into his room.

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The next morning Kai woke to the sound of a shower running. She cocooned herself deeper into her blankets trying to drown out the sound as the pounding in her head increased. The blankets were warm and smelled like clean soap, and citrus with a hint of sandalwood. She froze as she ran over that list again. She added the faint tinge of gun cleaning oil.

John

Slowly, she peaked open her eyes hoping she was wrong. On the table beside the bed was the copy of War and Peace she had read to him when he was transitioning back after the retrovirus. In the corner of the room was a set of clubs in a bag beside the surf board they had used together at the beach. She was in John's room and had no memory of how she had gotten there. She rolled over and froze when she saw her leather pants discarded haphazardly in the middle of the floor. She sucked in a breath and peaked her head under the covers. She was at least dressed, wearing her tank top and a pair of soft athletic shorts that were several sizes too large. Still, for her it was an outrageous amount of skin.

She closed her eyes and tried to will herself out of the situation. She knew she had been drunk last night but she couldn't believe she would be drunk enough to -

She tried to remember but all she could remember was sitting beside John and the feel of his gentle fingers on her face.

The shower turned off and she panicked. She leapt out of the bed. The floor was chilly and her quick movement dumped the covers and pillows onto the floor along with the rest of his bedding that must have been knocked down.

She snatched up her pants and her uniform shirt, ready to bolt for the door when her bra dropped out. She swore and dove for it. No matter what happened, she was not about to suffer the humiliation of leaving her underwear on the Colonel's floor.

She was still crouched down scooping up her bra when the bathroom door swung open. She froze as John stepped out in a cloud of steam. Her eyes widened as she realized he was wearing nothing but a towel. Of course he wouldn't be shy. Why would he be? After all, her pants and underwear were on his floor.

She dragged her eyes up from the towel that hung at an angle on narrow hips up his abs to his wide muscular chest. Water still beaded on his skin. Similar to hers, his skin was a map of his life, scars etched into the smooth surface that somehow added more than they took away.

"Oh, you're awake," he said. "Sorry about that," he added and he quickly stepped into the room towards his dresser.

Water was still trickling in long runs down his back towards the towel. There was a strange pattern of scars across his back that she found herself curious about. Part of her wanted to ask and another part wanted to trace her fingers over them.

Kai forced herself to stop ogling and got to her feet. "Right," Kai said moving towards the door. "Well I-" She stammered.

John turned around to face her with a grip of clothes in one hand. "Sorry again," he said moving towards the bathroom. "The amount you drank last night I didn't think you'd be moving until at least noon. You must have a hell of a metabolism." He moved to close the door behind him. "I'll stay in here while you get dressed," he told her and he closed the door.

Kai was completely out of her depth. What the hell was going on? She sat back on the bed. It didn't feel like anything had happened, but looking around the room the evidence was irrefutable. Why else would she be in John's room, wearing his clothes? Emotions had run high the night before and it wasn't out of the question that with a little Athosian wine her good sense had left her in favor of a little fun. It wasn't like she hadn't thought about it, but she would have hoped to remember something.

"Kai?" Sheppard called through the door.

"Uh, one minute!" Kai called back. So much for dressing and sneaking away. She quickly dressed and started looking around for her boots.

"How about now?" Sheppard called impatiently.

Kai picked up the comforter she had knocked down hoping her boots were under there when she saw a pillow and blanket on the floor beside the bed. The pillow still had an indent from where someone had slept on it.

She was standing there staring down at it when the door opened. "Look I'm sorry but I'm gonna-" John stepped up beside Kai and looked down at the floor where she was staring. "What are you looking at?" He asked, wondering if she was somehow still drunk.

The pillow and blanket made a small pallet beside his bed. "So we didn't-" She dragged off.

"What?" John asked, genuine shock on his face. "No!" John exclaimed.

Kai exhaled in relief and started to pull on her boots. She had been drunk but it would have been disappointing to find out the Colonel was so unremarkable she remembered nothing. From what she knew about him, it didn't seem likely.

"Wait," John said after a moment. "You actually think I would have-" he started to say.

Kai gestured around them. "All evidence points to the contrary."

John's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What, me being some kind of scum bag who wound take advantage of you when you're drunk?" He demanded.

Kai took half a step back. She hadn't expected him to get so mad about this. She narrowed her eyes, her temper rising to match his own. "I woke up in your bed with my clothes on the floor!"

"Which is where you left them after you insisted I find you pajamas AND," John added defiantly. "You used my toothbrush!"

"What was I supposed to think?!"Kai shouted back. She wasn't willing to give an inch on this one. It hadn't been that crazy of a conclusion and she wouldn't stand here and let him yell at her for it.

"How about that I am not only your commanding officer but also your friend! I care about you, you think I would do that?!" John yelled. He hadn't been this worked up since his ex-wife. Only Kai seemed capable of getting under his skin so fast and so completely.

"You don't get to be mad at me for this!" Kai shouted back taking an aggressive step into his space.

"Ditto!" John snapped.

Kai's head was pounding and the yelling wasn't helping. She was outraged and embarrassed and just wanted to curl up and disappear. John had clearly done something nice and now she was yelling at him and didn't know how to stop. She stomped to his door and swung her hand over the scanner. It opened to reveal Weir and Teyla on the other side. "Perfect," she snarled and she stomped around them and down the hall.

Teyla and Elizabeth watched as Kai stormed away down the hall before they turned in tandem to face John.

"What?" He snapped defensively when he saw the meaningful expressions on their faces."Not you two too!" He groaned.

Teyla shook her head.

Weir however pursed her lips. "Something you care to explain Colonel?" She asked pointedly. She was well aware of all Phoebus had witnessed when Thalen had attempted to use John's feelings to manipulate Kai. She had never considered something had actually happened between them, but this...

"Yeah!" John snapped, still too pissed to be rational. "Why everyone I know seems to think I'm some kind of sleaze ball!"

Weir's eyes cut to the hall where Kai had just disappear.

John's temper snapped. "Oh why not?!" He said throwing his arms up in the air.

Teyla cleared her throat delicately prepared to play peacemaker. "Kai was quite intoxicated when she left us last night," Teyla observed conversationally.

"Nothing happened!" Sheppard bellowed.

"Whatever you say," Weir said doubtfully, and she turned away before Sheppard could see the smile on her face. There might be something growing between them, but she believed him if he said nothing happened. He wasn't the type to lie about it to keep out of trouble. He just wasn't that afraid of authority. And she knew without a doubt he would never take advantage of Kai. "I just came to check on you, but you seem fine." Weir said, excusing herself.

Teyla stood impassively before the Colonel, waiting for his temper to cool. It was rare to see him so out of sorts, but he wasn't the most capable of expressing his emotions.

"I didn't do anything," he said defensively.

"I believe you," Teyla promised him.

Ronon came around the corner chewing loudly on an apple. "Hey, what's up with Zian?" He asked jerking his chin back in her direction.

Sheppard made a noise of disgust in the back of his throat. "Not you too," John grumbled shoving past his two team members and disappearing down the hall.

Ronon stared after him impassively. He took another loud bite of apple before turning back to Teyla. "What's up with him?"

"I believe Kai and the Colonel ran into each other last night."

"Really?" Ronon asked with interest.

"We have been adamantly assured nothing unprofessional occurred," Teyla said.

"Damn," Ronon muttered taking another bite before walking away.

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Hope you guys enjoyed the update!