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Conversion Cont.
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Uncertain what to do with herself Kai followed Doctor Weir back to her office. Elizabeth ordered more men to guard the Colonel's door, but neither woman had spoken a word since. The two of them sat in silence, lost in thought as they waited for the off world team to return.

Elizabeth shuffled through reports while Kai fidgeted restlessly as she waited. She twirled one of her knives through her fingers, rolling it back and forth across her knuckles just to keep moving. She needed to do something, anything to help John, but there was nothing. She was powerless to fight against the disease inside of him and it was killing her. Whatever was happening to him, it was taking him over, hollowing him out from the inside, and it was agonizing to watch. Even since the gym that morning he had lost ground. The scales beginning to climb up his neck were just the physical manifestation of what was happening to him. The inhibitor may have been keeping him lucid, but it was clear to Kai that he was fighting a losing battle.

Kai had never considered the possibility of losing John. It was strangely naive of her, especially considering her background, but the Colonel had always managed to survive in the past, always skating by with a combination of charm, good humor, and sheer nerve. But this wasn't something he could escape from. This was his body failing him. The injustice of it choked her.

She heard the chime of Chuck's terminal, slid her knife away, and was striding out into the control room before he could call out. "Incoming Wormhole. Major Lourne's IDC," he informed Doctor Weir.

Kai was already moving down the stairs two at a time to meet the team when Elizabeth made it into the control room.

"Drop the shield," Elizabeth said in a low tone, but Kai could hear her from the gate room floor.

Major Lorne was the first across the threshold. Followed quickly by McKay, Teyla, Beckett and Ronon. No one else followed. Kai looked almost frantically back and forth over their faces for some indication the mission had been a success. Finally her eyes landed on Ronon.

"Where are Walker and Stevens?" Doctor Weir's voice echoed just on the edge of Kai's perception, but her gaze was locked on Ronon. She could see in his eyes that they had failed. The large Satedan stepped up and looked down at her grimly.

"Let's talk in my office," Elizabeth was saying to Doctor Beckett.

"Kai," Teyla's voice was sympathetic as she stepped up next to Ronon. "We-" she started to say and she looked away, unable to admit they had failed Sheppard.

Kai swallowed and locked eyes with Ronon. "Tell me what happened."

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Elizabeth worked to keep her expression blank as Carson explained to her they had failed to bring back the one thing that could possibly save Sheppard. His face was combination of shame and guilt.

"So what's our next step?" She asked, forcing herself to sound upbeat. She wouldn't add to Carson's guilt. He already blamed himself for what was happening to John. She couldn't imagine how he felt after failing to retrieve the eggs.

"I don't honestly know," Beckett confessed. "Without the eggs, we're back to square one." He dropped his head in his hands and scrubbed at his face.

"We have to do something." Elizabeth said tightly. "He's barely holding on."

"You've been to see him?" Beckett asked in surprise. Before he had left he was under the impression that the Colonel had placed himself in isolation. He needed to go check on his patient, but he hated to be the bearer of bad news. He didn't know how to tell Sheppard, who had sacrificed so much for everyone here, that they had failed him.

"Yes, Kai and myself," Weir responded tightly. "And the retrovirus may be keeping him lucid but this is changing him. Faster than we realized."

Beckett leaned forward curiously. "How do you mean?" He asked, the researcher in him couldn't help but be fascinated by what was happening, despite everything.

Elizabeth glanced out her office window to see if Kai was close. The Mortii was still down in the gate room. Technically it was close enough for her to overhear, but she and Ronon appeared to be in the middle of a very serious conversation. "I noticed something...interesting," Weir said fidgeting with her hands.

Beckett arched a brow, encouraging her to continue.

"When I was in the room with the Colonel and Kai I noticed something. The Colonel, he seemed to be...protective of Kai, I mean from me," She clarified. "The way he was behaving. He actually put himself between her and I."

Beckett frowned. "I don't understand."

"I don't know if I do either but he seemed to perceive me as a threat he needed to protect her from..." she dragged off shaking her head.

Beckett pursed his lips. "We know Sheppard is naturally protective of his team. It could be that he's running on instincts. Base level instincts. We have no way of knowing what parts are him versus which parts of this creature are able to push past the inhibitor."

"So you're saying that because he feels responsible for Kai in this form he's protective of her? That doesn't make any sense and doesn't exactly line up with the way he was behaving...Perhaps it's a mating instinct? John seemed to react to her scent."

"John or the creature?" Beckett asked pointedly.

"I don't know," Elizabeth said honestly pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. "But if it is a mating drive perhaps it has to do with her physiological differences."

Beckett rubbed at the back of his neck. "Well that wouldn't make much sense, would it? If it was just a mating drive then it would be Teyla, wouldn't it? She has Wraith genes and instinctive drive to mate based on scent pheromones is related to the closest genetic match. In reality, Kai being the closest to the Ancients makes her the furthest from the Iratus bug."

Weir nodded, his words made sense but she couldn't shake what she had witnessed in John's room nor the fact that it might in some way help them control John as this was happening.

Teyla cleared her throat delicately from the doorway. "I'm sorry, I did not mean to intrude." Teyla said in her strangely formal way.

"No, it's fine," Weir assured her though her eyes flickered back down to the gateroom. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Ronon and Kai were still chatting with Lorne and McKay. She turned back to Teyla, flashing her a reassuring smile. "We were just hypothesizing..." 

"About the Colonel's interest in Kai?" Teyla asked lifting her eyebrows innocently.

Weir frowned. "I'm sorry what?" She stammered.

"Well you said that as the retrovirus engages his system the inhibitor will only be able to allow so much of himself to come forward..." Teyla drew off.

"Hold on," Beckett said holding his hand up. "Are you saying you think Colonel Sheppard has feelings for Kai?" He clarified. Beckett had always suspected, but he hadn't thought anyone else believed the same thing.

Teyla exhaled, she did not wish to betray what she had seen of her friends in their private moments, but she felt that in this instance perhaps they would find it in their hearts to forgive her. "I believe that recently Colonel Sheppard and Kai went through an extremely traumatic ordeal together. And whatever memories he is able to retain may have something to do with protecting her."

Weir shook her head. "I think it's more than that. He put himself between me and her-"

Teyla swallowed as another uncomfortable thought stuck her. "Something the could also be interpreted as a Wraith protecting their food source. Ellia killed another Wraith which resulted in Rodney being kept safe, but it was not her intention to then leave him in peace. Kai told us herself something in her physiology makes her people more desirable to the Wraith. It's possible the Colonel's heightened senses were merely picking up on this."

Weir nodded but she didn't look convinced. "I suppose you're right," she agreed.

Teyla shrugged. "Either way, perhaps it gives us insight we did not have before."

"It does," Elizabeth agreed. "I don't know what would have happened if I had gone alone. Kai's presence distracted him. It seemed to help him focus."

"Really?" Beckett asked with interest.

"I wouldn't say that," Kai's voice came from just outside the door. Ronon, McKay, and Lorne trailed behind her all looking dejected.

Elizabeth flinched guiltily to face the other woman. She flashed her a worried smile and turned back to the others gathered in the room. She knew her next words were going to be hard for them to hear, but she didn't see that they had a choice. "Based on the information I have received, I'm not going to approve another mission," Elizabeth told them grimly. "It's just too dangerous."

Kai swallowed thickly as Doctor's Weir's words stole away the last of their hope. Without the eggs there was no cure. Her mind immediately began spinning over all the possible ways she could go after the eggs herself. None of which allowed for any chance of return to Atlantis. She glanced at Ronon and saw his jaw tighten. He didn't like giving up any more than she did. If she could get him alone to talk, she might be able to convince him to help her.

"It was my call, I'll be the one to tell him." Elizabeth said bravely.

Kai could see in Weir's face how nervous she was about the prospect of facing John alone. Kai glanced from Weir to Ronon, she could catch up with Ronon later. "I'll go with you," Kai offered.

Elizabeth smiled in relief. Then she turned back to the others. "Stow your gear and get cleaned up," she told them.

Kai turned to leave but Ronon caught her arm in his large grip.

Kai rocked back on her heels but didn't pull away from him. He wasn't hurting her, it had just surprised her. Ronon had never touched her outside of the sparring ring before.

She looked up into his face and his eyes were grave. "If it's as bad as you say...you should gear up," he told her firmly. When

Kai wanted to argue, to assure him and everyone who was now watching them, that Sheppard would never hurt them, but the truth was that they didn't know how much of him would be left and it was better to be safe than sorry.

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Two guards were standing at attention outside of John's room. They weren't ones that Kai recognized which made her wonder if they were Colonel Caldwell's men. She didn't like the idea of trigger happy guards who didn't know Sheppard personally. She wouldn't say anything in front of them but she had every intention of bringing it up once she and Doctor Weir were alone.

One of the guards eyes landed on the knives and the gun strapped to Kai's thigh. She was sure they would be reporting to Colonel Caldwell that she had been moving through the compound armed.

As they approached the guards exchanged nervous glances. Kai strained her ears but she couldn't hear anything on the other side of the door to account for their tension. And while they disapproved of her being armed they didn't know her well enough for that to be the reason for their unease.

Doctor Weir stepped towards the control panel and the guards shared a startled look.

"I wouldn't go in there ma'am," the bolder of the two said.

Kai turned to look at him. It was surprising for him to presume to offer an opinion to Doctor Weir, but it wasn't arrogance that had his face pinched up. He was genuinely afraid of what was on the other side of the door.

"We'll be fine," Doctor Weir assured him and didn't hesitate. She waved her hand over the controls and the two of them stepped in.

The room was completely dark. So much so that even Kai struggled to see in the blackness. Elizabeth stumbled over a chair and muttered a tense curse.

There was the whispered sound of movement to Kai's right and she turned towards it.

"John?" Elizabeth asked, facing the wrong direction.

Kai didn't say anything. Instead she turned towards him, facing him square on so he could see who she was and that she wasn't holding any weapons. She heard him sniff and he was moving again. She could just make out the motion in the darkness.

"For goodness sake," Elizabeth muttered again and she reached for the lamp.

"Elizabeth wait-" Kai started to say, but she had already clicked on the lamp.

Kai turned in time to see John jerk back as though he had been struck. A sharp growl reached her ears but it may have been too low for Elizabeth to hear. Kai glanced at Elizabeth and when she looked back towards John he was gone.

"So this is usually when I ask a stupid question...John?" Elizabeth called, frowning into the deep shadows on the other side of the room.

There was a woosh of air and John appeared behind them. Elizabeth actually flinched, but Kai held her ground unwilling to believe he would actually attack them. His palm shot out and the blow knocked Elizabeth to the ground several feet away. Before he could pull it back Kai grabbed his wrist to stop him. He moved faster than she expected, twisting free easily he grabbed Kai and slammed her against the wall, his lower body pinning her in place.

"John it's us," Kai said in a perfectly calm voice although her heart was thundering out of control in her chest. He felt even stronger and faster than he had that morning. The blue scales had climbed halfway up his face now. There were ridges and spines marching down the sides of his neck. Both of his eyes were now light green, with a slit pupil like a Wraith. They were losing him.

He tilted his head to the side in an almost animalistic way as he stared down at her. He seemed confused for a moment. Then he leaned in close to her and dragged his nose along the line of her jaw. A shudder ran through his body.

"Kai," her name was ragged and he choked over it as he fought for control.

"John," she said in a warning voice and his whole body went still.

He wanted to pull away to put as much distance between Kai and the beast as possible, but he didn't have full control of his body. He could feel it, sliding through him like tar, surging against his control. Always testing. He was able to pull back enough to stare down the long line of Kai's body. He was relieved to know she was fully armed. "You better be willing to use that," he growled eyeing the gun on her hip.

Kai stiffened, her whole body rebelling at even the idea of using a gun against John. The fact that he was still cognitive enough to warn her meant he was still in control. Her jaw tightened angrily. He did not get to give up. She wouldn't let him. "Don't you dare talk like that, or I'll-"

"You'll what? Kill me?" He challenged, an aggressive smirk pulling his face. The smirk was right, but the predatory gleam in his eyes wasn't. John was losing control. Fast.

"Promises, promises," he chastised her and there was a sensuality in his husky voice that wasn't quite right.

John could feel the beast lurking at the edge of his consciousness. He was sweating with the effort it was taking to keep it at bay. He couldn't decide if it wanted Kai or if it was feeding him the instincts to get him to give in and be complacent. Either way it didn't matter. He couldn't let this beast inside of him anywhere near her.

A fine tremble started in his muscles as he caged her against the wall, his palms pressed flat against the metal paneling and it groaned and dented beneath the strength in his hands. The thought of the amount of damage he could do terrified him. Fear didn't help however, he needed to stay focused. If he lost focus for one second he would lose it all.

"John," Elizabeth called his name trying to get his attention off Kai. His head snapped towards her, too fast to track. "Our team got back from the mission."

Elizabeth swallowed nervously but forced herself to keep speaking. Kai wasn't the type to show fear, but there was no way the other woman wasn't terrified.

John was turning into something from a horror movie and he had her pinned to the wall. The guards had been right. They shouldn't have come and if she could just distract John long enough for Kai to get away they could get out of this room. "The nest was too well protected. They were unable to retrieve the eggs...they tried their b-best-" she stammered.

"Best?" he asked cutting her off, his brows furrowing as though he was struggling to understand her words. He could feel his focus slipping as the pounding in his temples rose.

"The bugs attacked," Elizabeth explained.

"Try again," he snapped without hesitation. The tension in his body was building and building. They hadn't gotten the eggs. They were going to stand by and let this thing take him over.

"I can't do that," Elizabeth said tightly.

"Why?" He snapped as white hot rage flooded him. Hadn't he done enough to help them? How could they abandon him so easily?

"John," she said drawing in a deep breath. "I understand-"

"No." he purred in a dangerously low tone. "If you won't, then kill me now," he ordered as he fought against the rage that was burning through him. This wasn't him. This was the beast, trying once again to take him over, whispering to him. He knew they had tried their best, of course they had, but he couldn't be left like this. He wasn't safe.

Kai felt like she couldn't breathe as his words echoed around in her head. He wanted them to kill him. She stared up into his face unable to process what was happening. Even with the scales he was still John. His jaw looked like granite as he fought against what was happening inside of him. The desolation she felt was physically painful. She couldn't lose him, not to something like this.

He shifted as though he could feel it through their connection and he looked down at her. His head tilted and he shuddered knowing this would be the last time he would feel her like this. "It's not safe," he growled through a clenched jaw. "I don't know how-" he started to say. She had to close herself off from him.

The thing inside of him moved with a sudden interest at the feeling of his connection with Kai, it surged forward seeking out any sign of weakness so it could gain control.

"John," her voice was breathy.

"It's better for both of us this way," he spoke slowly, as though it were difficult to form the words.

"Don't ask me to do this," Kai said, her voice breaking with emotion.

John cocked his head as he stared down at her. It was impossible to read what he was thinking through his alien eyes.

"I won't give that order," Elizabeth said determinedly from behind them.

Elizabeth's voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard to him and the beast. John's hands flexed against the metal walls and it groaned beneath the power in his hands.

"John," Elizabeth said, her eyes flashing in warning. He turned towards her, his hands slowly lowering to his sides as his whole focus shifted to the threat in front of him. She was going to keep him alive until he was a danger to them all. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't endanger the people he cared about and loved. His gaze flashed back briefly to Kai.

"Then try again," he snarled.

Elizabeth stared him down defiantly and shook her head.

And just like that. He lost.

Something alien moved through his eyes. He snapped into motion, grabbing Elizabeth around the throat and slamming her against the wall. She gasped and the scent of her fear flooded his nose. The Beast slammed to the front and John was powerless to stop it.

"We lost Walker and Stevens, I won't send another team!" Elizabeth gasped as his hand closed around her throat.

John fought against the thing taking him over but it was like he couldn't breathe. He felt like was drowning, staring up through the water as this thing destroyed his life. He was trapped and suffocating in his own body.

"I won't risk more lives." Weir was saying but she sounded far away. Her words meant nothing to the beast and it tightened its grip.

Kai rushed him from behind. She ducked her shoulder and slammed into his midsection knocking him back. He swung around to face her and it was not John staring at her out of those eerie alien eyes. Before she could attack again it moved faster than she could track. It backhanded her and she hit the ground hard, with the wind knocked out of her.

The Beast stalked towards the door, swiping its hand over the controls and disappeared from sight. Elizabeth ran to Kai but Kai was already climbing to her feet as she heard the exclamations of shock from the guards. Quickly followed by them hitting the ground unconscious.

"This is Weir!" Elizabeth yelled into her radio. "We have a security breech, Colonel Sheppard's quarters."

Leaving Weir behind to pick up the pieces Kai tore off after him.

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