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John woke before dawn. He jerked awake, immediately feeling guilty for sleeping so long. Kai was still wrapped around him, her face tucked into the crook of his neck her warm breath fanning his neck as she slept. As much as he enjoyed the position, he forced his stiff muscles to his feet. He laid Kai down onto the sleeping pallet. He needed to try and find them supplies. He moved slowly so he wouldn't wake her. When he laid her down she grumbled softly in the back of her throat and tried to shift close to him again.

He swallowed thickly as he stared down at her. Despite the bruises and blood she looked so beautiful it made his chest ache. Unable to stop himself he reached up and tucked a strand of wavy hair behind her ear. His fingers glided gently across her skin and she turned into him.

"John," she mumbled his name in her sleep and it was like a kick in the gut. His fingers hovered over her skin for another second and he frowned. Was her skin warmer than it should be? They had both been so cold and wet for so long it seemed odd for her skin to feel warm.

He pulled his hand back and frowned down at her. She looked like she was sleeping peacefully but he had the irrational urge to wake her up and check on her.

He shook it off and turned back to their few remaining supplies. Neither of them had eaten in over twenty-four hours and they hadn't left any food here. There was only one remaining canteen and he set it outside the cave to collect rain run off. He wasn't sure if it was safe to drink, but it was their only option.

John hated waiting, but that was all there was to do. If Atlantis had sent a rescue team the earliest it would arrive would be the following day. Kai woke a few hours later and they sat together and watched the rain.

Kai pushed herself to her feet and grimaced as white hot pain shot through her.

"What?" John asked, he wanted to reach for her to help her, but knew she wouldn't appreciate it.

Kai sat back down on one of the containers. "It's just my leg," she said, waving it off. She was trying not to think too hard about how extensive the muscle damage might be. They had incredible medical technology back on Atlantis, but the clock was ticking.

"Let me take a look," John said moving closer. He knelt down in front of her and carefully unwrapped the scarf. Kai locked her jaw and didn't so much as wince as he pulled the fabric away from the wound. John kept his face perfectly blank as he noted how puffy the bruised skin around the wound looked. He gently laid the backs of his fingers against the skin beside it. "There's some heat and swelling," he told her. "But the scarf looks like it's protected it from the worst of the mud." He was careful to re-wrap it so the cleanest part of the fabric was against the wound.

Kai nodded and leaned her head back against the wall. John handed her the canteen and she took a few small sips.

He grunted in the back of his throat. "You might as well drink it all, we have water as long as it's raining. It's the only upside of this crappy planet."

Kai nodded and obliged him. She was too tired to do anything but agree. All she had done was sleep but it didn't seem to help. Her ribs ached whenever she moved and the pounding in her head hadn't gone away. She leaned forward to hand him the water bottle. Her ribs twinged again and she tightened her jaw against it.

"Ribs?" he asked, frowning at her.

She nodded, pushing herself back. "The Wraith got in a lucky shot."

"Let me see," John said moving towards her. He knew how modest she was but he needed to know how hurt she was. Not that there was much he could do about it. He only hoped Beckett was part of the rescue team.

Kai hesitated for a moment and lifted the side of her shirt. John stepped closer to her and grimaced slightly at the deep purple bruising that overlaid a lighter yellow. He sighed and scratched at the back of his neck. "Did Beckett know you were still healing from the last time you broke your ribs?" he asked, his voice a little more gruff than he intended.

Kai's eyes glittered with temper as she stared down at him. "I passed his tests," she told him.

He grunted and turned back to their few remaining supplies. When they had packed their backpacks they had been forced to leave some of the items from the med pack behind. Unfortunately, it wasn't much, but he pulled an ace bandage out of one of the side pockets and moved back to her.

She scowled at him and he grunted in annoyance. "I'm just going to wrap them until Beckett can get you under a scanner. Don't need you puncturing another lung," he added wryly. "That would really mess up my day."

"Well, I'd hate to mess up your day," she responded tightly. She lifted her shirt and stared hard at the cave wall as she waited for the Colonel to wrap her ribs. She shifted uncomfortably as he inspected the ugly bruising that splashed across her torso. She knew how many scars she had, she was less than the physical ideal her people valued so much and they never failed to point that out. She had the most kills of any active Zian, she had spent a great deal of time training and in the field and it had taken a toll on her body. Her history was carved into her skin and there wasn't much she could do about it.

John leaned in to reach around her, his fingers gentle where he held the end of the wrap against her skin. He could feel the tension thrumming through her body. She was holding her breath, but he didn't know if she was bracing against the possible pain or  from him. He wished there was something he could do to put her at ease. 

Kai felt a feather light telepathic touch. It was soft and tentative, not at all like the normal bump she felt. She scowled as it distracted her.

"Tell me something you did for fun," John said casually.

"What?" Kai asked as the Colonel's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"Well, as long as the Wraith don't find us again all we have to kill is time...I personally enjoy surfing and motorcycles."

Kai turned to him in surprise. It wasn't like the Colonel to discuss his personal life. "I..." she stammered and the telepathic nudge came again, stronger this time. "I...worked on engines with my sire," she finished distractedly. She considered closing her psychic walls, but right now she found it soothing and she was hurt enough to allow for the indulgence. She could always block the connection later.

"Is that where you learned so much about ships?" He asked as he leaned close once more to wrap another loop around her torso. It grated on him that her people used the same terminology his own used to describe breeding livestock, but it didn't seem to bother Kai so he stayed silent.

Kai nodded, gritting her teeth so she wouldn't react to the pain as he pulled the wrap snug. "He wasn't in the Zian caste, wasn't an assassin," she clarified after a beat. "It's rare for a match to be made outside the caste, but my sire had traits they hoped to integrate into the Zian. So much so they bred an entire generation of my damline. Over 20 Zian...none but me survived...they never repeated the match. They were all too small...too weak to survive adolescent training."

John absorbed that before he spoke. "But not you," he said with a touch of pride in his voice.

Kai blushed and looked down at her fingers. "I was reminded every day the cross was considered undesirable, that I wasn't a pure blood Zian...many blamed my independent nature on it," she snorted and shook her head. "It was frowned upon to visit him, but he never turned me away. I spent hours working on ships with him...long into the night. He also taught me to fly better than any training given to the Zian. It saved my life many times..."

Kai hesitated for a moment, wondering at her own willingness to speak of her past. She glanced at the Colonel but he didn't meet her gaze. Instead his whole focus was on wrapping her ribs.

"It wasn't until I was much older that I realized he was not required to work such long hours...he did so..." she paused frowning over how to describe it.

"To spend time with you?" John asked gently.

His voice seemed to snap her out of her thoughts and she looked up at him uncertainly.

"Yes," she agreed. "But Mortii are not like that, they do not have family units. Perhaps in the Outland tribes where mates are Bonded but-"

There was that word again. John hesitated before leaning in to make another pass with the wrap. Chaya had used the word Bonded, but he had never had the courage to ask what it meant.

"In the city within the castes Mortii are grown in labs, the closest to a family unit would be your Generation which becomes your Class when you attend the Academy. And it is competition to be the best of your class in all things..." she frowned and dragged off as the Colonel leaned in to wrap the last loop.

"I don't know why I'm telling you all of this," Kai confessed. Their Doctor Heightmeyer had been trying to get her to open up about her past for the last few months. She had just shared more with the Colonel than he had ever shared with the Doctor.

John tied off the last loop, snugging it down. He was impressed Kai hadn't flinched once, he knew how badly it had to hurt and he hadn't gone easy. He wasn't willing to take the chance on potentially broken ribs.

"Well...we're stuck here, in a life and death situation...who else are you going to talk to?" He asked keeping his tone as light as possible. He never wanted to make her feel self conscious for opening up about her past.

John recognized Kai's willingness to share for the gift it was. He had read the reports from Beckett and Doctor Heightmeyer, every single one had been clinical and efficient. She shared the necessary information required, but she didn't go into detail.

"All done," he said. He reached up to tug her shirt back down and the backs of his fingers brushed hers.

Her gaze snapped to his and for a second it felt like he couldn't breathe. He pulled back and quickly put some distance between them. He was acting like a teenager with a crush. He needed to get his head on straight.

Kai could see she had made the Colonel uncomfortable. She quickly smoothed her shirt back down and shrugged on her vest. Her ribs already felt better being bound. "What's surfing?" She asked after a moment. He had used conversation to get her to relax and open up, she figured turn about was fair play.

Sheppard was standing near the entrance to the cave, studying their remaining life signs detector. There was nothing out in the forest. The storm had concealed them and the gentle, steady rainfall succeeded in wiping away any traces of their trail. If the Wraith were still hunting them, it was in another part of the forest. As much as he hated waiting, staying put was the safest option.

"Well," John said turning back to face her. "It's where you have a board and you ride the waves on an ocean. Do you have anything like that?"

Kai shook her head as she leaned back against the wall. "Most of our planet is a desert."

"I grew up in this big empty house in the 'burbs, but during the summer we would always go to this island. It was called Martha's Vineyard. The people were stuffy, but the beaches were beautiful. My father always thought surfing was a waste of time, but..." John shrugged as he dropped down to sit on the crate of spare jumper parts beside her. "Once we get back to Atlantis, I'll take you. I brought my board from earth, I just haven't been out yet. It's incredible. When you're on the ocean nothing else matters, it's just you and the waves."

Kai smiled as she listened to him. His face relaxed when he talked about surfing, and that boyish grin stretched his features. Just thinking about surfing succeeded in pushing The Colonel back and allowing a little of what made John Sheppard to come forward. It intrigued her, this balance he had found between the two parts of himself that seemed constantly at odds with one another.

"Not finding much down time in the Pegasus Galaxy for surfing?" Kai asked with a teasing smile.

John shook his head, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Not really no..." he hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should ask the question that had been bothering him so much.

The smile stilled on his face and he lifted his eyes to meet Kai's. "What happened on Loden?" he asked.

Kai went very still and slammed the psychic connection closed. Sheppard scowled but he didn't say anything. Her face became an expressionless mask as she tucked away all the little parts of herself. She couldn't discuss this with him. She didn't even know it was for sure something that was happening. And besides, she had already resolved to put an end to it if it was.

John shifted uncomfortably and rubbed at the center of his chest. "I know I shouldn't have drunk whatever that black poison was. And I know that you warned me about it and I didn't listen-"

Kai scoffed. "You never listen."

John sucked in a tight breath but decided to let that comment slide. "I also know I was probably an ass, so...sorry."

Guilt flashed through Kai's chest. He didn't need to apologize. He hadn't actually done anything wrong. She pressed her lips together. "You have nothing to apologize for," she assured him quickly. "Neither one of us should have drunk the Euphor, it's extremely potent and...well it was a bad idea. I know better."

John nodded in agreement and looked back out into the forest. He couldn't help feeling like there was more to it than that, but he let it drop. He shifted again, he was hungry but he wasn't sure why he suddenly felt like a huge chasm had just opened in the middle of his chest.

He grabbed their bottle of water and drained it before setting it back outside. They each drank two more bottles before night fell. "Well, if they're coming they should be here tomorrow," John said looking down at the life signs detector once more. There was still nothing. The rain had slowed to a light drizzle.

The two of them laid down to go to sleep. It was still chilly, and they turned their backs to one another but scooted close enough Kai could feel his heat along her back. It was more soothing than she wanted to admit. As she lay in the dark, listening to the gentle rain and the Colonel's heartbeat Kai's mind wandered to the night before when she had slept in his arms. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept so soundly. There was something about him that made her feel incredibly safe, and yet he could infuriate her more than anyone she had ever met. She didn't understand and she wasn't going to figure it out tonight. Her head was starting to ache and she closed her eyes, forcing herself to focus on the steady rhythm of his heart until she drifted off.

It had been a long time since she dreamed of home and the things that had been done to her there. She was in the training room, and she was being attacked from all sides. Instead of the faces of her Class who had actually done the damage she saw the faces of those she had killed. She fought to get away from them, but they were stronger than her, more powerful. They stared at her with hollow, dead eyes as they shrieked their rage. Kai thrashed desperately as she tried to get away, a screamed choking its way out of her throat.

John woke as soon as she moved. It took him a sleepy moment to realize they weren't being attacked but rather Kai was having a nightmare. He grabbed Kai's arms, trying to stop her from thrashing around too much and hurting herself. "Hey, hey," he called. "You're all right."

Kai's eyes snapped open as she bolted upright at the sound of John's voice. Her heart was hammering in her ears so loud it drowned out everything else. In the dark she could just make out his concerned eyes as he crouched over her. She let out a shuddering breath when she realized it had only been a dream. She pulled in a gasp of air and leaned her forehead forward, resting it against John's.

John closed his eyes for a moment and let himself rest against her. She was shaking beneath his hands. He wanted to gather her up in his arms, but he forced himself to hold still. He ran his thumbs back and forth across her arms soothingly.

"You're safe," he found himself saying. She was so close his breath fanned her face. "Promise."

Kai gasped in another breath and nodded. It had felt so real, like she was trapped in that training room being tortured all over again.

"I'm so-" she started to apologize but John shook his head against hers.

"Don't apologize to me," he ordered. He paused then, frowning when he noticed how warm her forehead felt resting against his own. "Are you running a fever?" he pulled back and put the back of his hand against her forehead. "Ah crap," he muttered. "You are for sure running a fever."

Kai drew her knees up to her chest  and wrapped her arms around herself as the chill of the predawn air settled into her bones.

"Okay," John said tightly as he watched her. "We gotta come up with another plan."

Kai's teeth were chattering as she arched a brow at him. "What do you have in mind?" She asked.

John shook his head. "I don't know, but we can't just keep waiting. Not if you're getting sick on top of everything else."

Kai snorted. "Falling apart," she joked.

"Yeah, I thought Mortii were supposed to be tough," the words died in his throat when he saw the haunted look cross Kai's face. She laid her cheek against her knees and punched her eyes shut. "Shit," John muttered. "I'm sorry Kai."

She glanced up at him when he spoke her first name. "You're right," she assured him, "they are."

John looked down at his hands and pressed his lips together. He wasn't any good at this. She deserved better than his sloppy attempts. "Was that what you were dreaming of?" He asked, somehow already knowing the answer. What else could give someone like Kai nightmares?

Kai sighed and nodded. She had already told him so much. What was a little more? "In the academy there were training rooms. Each room serves a different purpose. One for knife fighting, one for hand to hand, another for poisons..." she dragged off, closing her eyes in the dark, as though it could somehow shield her from the memories. "There was one room that was used to train us to deal with pain."

John was sick to his stomach as he remembered Beckett talking about how high of a pain tolerance she possessed. Protective, feral rage burned through him. If he ever met the people who had done this to her he was going to tear them apart. He swallowed down all the useless anger. "I'm sorry that happened," he said carefully.

She looked at him in surprise. "Does your military not train you?" She asked.

"Not like that," he responded.

"Well, it was effective and helped me survive."

He didn't know what to say to that so he shifted his weight and stared at her face. Sometimes it was easy to forget how long she had lived in that life. It was so easy to only see the joking mechanic who could take care of herself in a fight, but Kai had been forged in fire and he wouldn't ever forget that.

"Get some shut eye," he advised. "You're getting sick, you're gonna need it. We'll come up with a plan in the morning."

Kai nodded along with the Colonel, she could see him carefully rebuilding his walls around himself just as steadily as she had closed them off psychically. He sat up with his back against the wall and the life signs detector in his hand. Kai lay down beside him. She turned her back to him, but was close enough to feel his heat. It was enough to help lull her back to sleep.

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Hi guys, hope you enjoyed the update! I'm super bummed they just pulled
SG-A off of Prime!