Happy Reading!

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Irresistible Cont.
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"I hate this plan," Kai grumbled as she crept into position on the edge of the town square.

"Noted," John agreed. "But it's the best we've got," he reminded her. Time was running out for the team, and they couldn't risk testing Kolya's patience. Kolya was smart and hadn't allowed them a single moment extra to plan anything. Kai and Sheppard were both great tacticians, but the only timing they had was on the walk from the gate.

"Colonel Sheppard," Kolya's voice came over the radio sounding annoyed, but they were close enough now Kai could hear him without the radio.

"He's losing patience," Kai said. She peaked over the top of the crate and could see the other members of the team all standing together with Kolya's gun pointed at them. "If this works, they should be out of the line of fire," Kai reported grimly.

"Should be?" John asked.

Kai shrugged. "There's no guarantee, someone could easily turn towards them and fire. If they aren't too preoccupied with shooting you," Kai clipped out the words angrily. The plan was unnecessarily risky and she hadn't hidden her distaste of it.

John just grunted. Kolya wouldn't wait much longer. "He wants me dead too much for that."

Kai's jaw was tight. Having a whole squad shooting at John rather than their friends didn't make her feel better. "We don't know how much charge that has left," Kai said, motioning towards John's chest.

John glanced down at the glowing green shield. "I'm just going to have to hope it has one more good rescue in it."

"And if it doesn't?" Kai challenged.

"Then I guess you're gonna have to come rescue me again," John quipped but there was a tightness around his eyes that belied his light tone.

"I didn't rescue you last time and Kolya doesn't want to capture you. He wants you dead this time," she snapped.

John nodded his agreement. "Well I'll just have to kill him first. Here goes nothing," John said and he winked at her before he stepped out from behind cover. "KOLYA!" John called loudly as he stepped into the town square.

Kolya turned to face him. His eyes narrowed as he took in Sheppard's appearance. When he realized The Colonel was unarmed a slow, pleased smile stretched across his face.

The sight of John unprotected standing in front of their enemy made Kai's stomach dropped. She tightened down her body as she fought the instinct to step out and eliminate Kolya. She would take damage, yes, but it would be done.

"I should have killed you when we first met Colonel," Kolya said. "It would have saved me a lot of trouble." He gestured to his men and the entire squad turned their weapons to Sheppard.

"The feelings mutual," John assured him, but he didn't appear concerned.

"Goodbye Sheppard," Kolya said, and he dropped his hand and the Genii opened fire.

The noise from the gunfire was deafening, but the bullets all bounced off the shield as it buzzed and shimmered with green energy. Finally, the fire ceased and the Genii were looking around in confusion and concern. Colonel Sheppard's reputation proceeded him and the younger men looked ready to flee.

"Well," John drawled with a lazy smile. "Now that you've got that out of your system," he said unzipping his vest to reveal the shield on his chest. Kolya's eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened in annoyance. The shield suddenly pulsed and faded. "Oh crap," John muttered as it gave a final sputter before dying.

A sly smile stretched across Kolya's face. "Reload!" he barked.

Unable to handle it any longer, Kai stepped out from cover, her eyes leveled maliciously on Kolya.

When he saw her a look a absolute glee flashed in his eyes. "It seems I get two for the price of one," Kolya said.

John glanced over his shoulder and saw Kai. He set his jaw angrily and he swore. They had agreed she would stay hidden and not set herself up as a target for Kolya. The Genii general hated her just as much as he hated John.

Kolya chuckled. "I see your pet still doesn't take orders very well. Kill both of them!" he called to his men

"Don't bother!" Lucius called from the shadows. Then he and the entire town flooded the square. The townspeople were all armed with homemade weapons, but they were determined as they surrounded the Genii, forcing the soldiers back. Despite having more advanced weapons, the Genii were outnumbered five to one and were forced to surrender.

Kolya glanced towards the others in annoyance, but he never took his focus off of Sheppard as three townspeople closed on him.

"If I gave you the opportunity to surrender...?" John started to ask.

"Sheppard," Kai growled his name and took an aggressive step towards Kolya. She wouldn't make the mistake of letting him live again. He had cause them too much pain. He had to die.

Kolya turned to look at Kai and laughed when he saw the rage in her eyes. "Yes, listen to your Mortii Sheppard."

"I assumed as much," John said with a sigh. Shooting Kolya in cold blood in front of the entire town felt a little too much like outright murder. He didn't have a problem killing Kolya, he needed to be dealt with, but he didn't want the town to turn on his team again. "Care to find out?" John called to him, lifting an eyebrow in challenge.

"John, don't you dare," Kai snarled and she took another step forward but Ronon caught her arm to stop her. This was between Sheppard and Kolya.

"Who's better?" Kolya asked, intrigued.

"You've always wondered haven't you?" John pressed. The tightness of rage in his chest lessened at the prospect of finally ending this.

Kolya's chin jerked once in confirmation and his hand hovered near his gun.

John stepped up so he and Kolya were squared off, their hands just above their guns. John could hear Kai behind him but he kept his whole focus on Kolya. "Say when," he muttered half under his breath.

Kolya's brow furrowed as they held hard eye contact. Kolya's muscles tensed and they both reached for their weapons at the same moment. John was faster. He cleared his holster and fired before Kolya even managed to raise his gun. John's bullet hit Kolya in the heart. Kolya staggered sideways and his gun fired harmlessly into the dirt. John snapped his gun back into his holster as Kolya collapsed.

"You're no daisy at all," he said in a low voice.

Kai jerked away from Ronon and stalked towards Kolya's body, but Teyla and Beckett had already reached it. Beckett checked for a pulse before turning back to the group.

"He's dead," he confirmed.

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They didn't waste time. With Kolya's death there wasn't any fight left in the Genii squad. The town decided to allow them to leave through the gate and return to their home rather than imprison them. Kai wasn't a fan of giving an enemy a second chance to come after them, but it wasn't up to her and nobody asked her opinion.

"You sure you guys won't stay for some schnitzel?" Lucius asked them as they shouldered their gear to head to the gate. "I mean this is a party for you guys as much as anybody," he said. The town was once again enamored with him, but this time he had at least encouraged them to fight for themselves.

"We're overdue," John said, turning to go.

"Well, thanks for everything," Lucius called after him.

John hesitated and turned back to Lucius, pointing at his chest. "Just remember, stay out of trouble-"

"Or we'll be back," Kai added with a warning growl.

Lucius held up his hands as his eyes widened in fear at Kai's tone. "I will, I will," he assured them.

John nodded and turned once more.

"Oh, ah, Colonel Sheppard," Lucius called, holding out his hand.

"Oh yeah!" John said snapping his fingers. He pulled the shield out of his pocket and handed it to Lucius.

Lucius smiled as he pinned the shield to his chest. "You're a good man, an honest man," Lucius said. "A scary man," he added with a frown. "You made me a better man myself. I hope you two crazy, terrifying kids work things out." He said gesturing back and forth between Kai and Sheppard.

"Good bye Lucius," John said, he was done with this conversation. He turned and headed out of town.

"I thought you said that personal shield was depleted," McKay said as they walked away.

"Oh yeah," John said as though it hadn't occurred to him.

"Then it is worthless," Teyla pointed out.

"Pretty much," John agreed.

"You're not going to tell Lucius?" Beckett asked.

John smirked as he heard Lucius calling for a kid to come and kick him. "Naw, he'll figure it out."

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It was the middle of the night when they returned to Atlantis. The others dispersed to either write mission reports or head to bed, but Kai was too keyed up. She stashed her gear and headed to the gym to try and work off some of the remaining tension from the mission.

She had been in the gym for nearly an hour when the doors slid open and John walked in. Kai paused, surprised he was there as he wasn't wearing workout clothes. She glanced down at her watch. It was nearly 2:00 a.m. local time. She often went without sleep, but John needed it as much as the next human. She was tempted to test the Bond to get insight into why he was there, but he had been so angry with her earlier when she had used it she didn't dare touch it again.

"Can I talk to you?" he pressed, striding across the mats towards her.

Kai nodded, unsure what to do or say.

John stopped two feet from Kai. He pressed his lips together and started pacing back and forth, unable to stand still. His brow was furrowed and his movements were tight and aggressive. "I love you," he finally blurted out.

Kai jerked in surprise. "What?" she gasped. John had never told her he loved her, not in the entire time they had been together. Others had said it, or alluded to it, but not John. She knew she loved him, that was what made him leaving so difficult and made the Bond so strong, but she had never imagined John would tell her he loved her. If he loved her, he never would have left.

John stopped moving so he could stare her fully in the eyes so she could see the depth of his sincerity. "If I didn't make that clear enough before, I'm sorry. I love you. I want to be with you," John said firmly. "I feel like I have made that pretty clear," he said again. He drew in a deep breath, knowing if he stopped or paused, he would never get it all out. "Or maybe I haven't, but that's why I had to say it. I was put in an impossible position when the Ancients returned, but I can't honestly say I would make the same choice again if I had the chance. Being apart from you was the worst thing I have ever experienced. It was like drowning without actually being able to die. I know it hurt you too. I understand you don't feel like you can trust me. That you regret allowing yourself to be vulnerable given all that has happened since we started this," he said gesturing back and forth between them. "We never meant to form the Bond, it just happened and with everything that has made you feel trapped. I get that you don't feel like you can trust me anymore. So you don't want the-" John had to pause so his voice wouldn't break or falter as he spoke. He couldn't bring himself to say she didn't want the Bond any more. It hurt too much. "You don't want to risk it," he said instead. "You asked for space and I gave it to you, right?" he pressed.

His words were coming out quickly and Kai was surprised by how angry he seemed. She would have thought this simmering anger would have dissipated after what happened with Kolya, but if anything he seemed wound even tighter. She didn't understand or know how to respond to this incredible honesty.

"Right," Kai agreed slowly. She felt lost not being able to feel what he was feeling as he spoke his truth to her.

"You wanted space, not me," John said gesturing towards his chest. "You said the only way you could stay was if I gave you space otherwise you would go off on your own. Emotional blackmail, but sure, I respected that and can handle it," John said. He paused to catch his breath and his jaw was tight with anger and betrayal as he spoke the next words. "What I can't handle is you doing what you did today."

Kai frowned as she tried to think. So much had happened that day. "I don't-" she started to say.

John looked down at his feet and pinched his lips together. "How dare you," he growled, and he lifted his chin up to meet her eyes and let her see how truly angry he was with her. "How dare you use the Bond like that." He began pacing again.

"John, you were going to-"

"I was going to what? Kill an enemy combatant who had repeatedly endangered all of our lives? You're damn right I was," he snarled and he stopped and pointed at his chest. "I am the commanding officer here, I was not out of control, and for you to use our Bond as a way to-" he shook his head and cut off his own words. He took a deep breath and spoke slowly and more in control. "It means something to me. Being able to feel you, means something to me, it is not a tool for you to use when things aren't going your way to try and influence me."

Kai felt like she had been slapped. She knew he had been upset in the moment, but she hadn't considered he was this angry. John never held onto things. He was always the first to laugh off a tense moment and let things go. "John, it's opened before when-"

"Since we've been back, yes, there have been times when it has opened on accident. You never used it to influence me. It was always because you were overcome with emotion or pain or maybe you just wanted me there, I don't know, but this had cunning and planning behind it. You did it on purpose," he said and he shook his head and turned to go.

John knew this was it, this was the end. He had struck the final nail in the coffin but he couldn't just let this go. He couldn't just stand by and not say something when he was so angry over what had happened. He knew confronting her might chase her away for good, but he couldn't seem to stop himself once he started rolling. He felt betrayed in a way couldn't fully explain. He stopped as he neared the door. He glanced back over his shoulder at Kai. She stood in the middle of the mats looking so lost. "I love you so much," John told her. "But don't ever do that to me again. Don't ever use our Bond like a tool," and he walked out of the room.

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Kai felt like she had been slapped. She had not seen this coming. She and John had used the Bond back and forth to communicate for so long she hadn't even considered it would be a problem. In the moment, she had been desperate to break through the haze of his rage and had used the only tool left to her. She hadn't even considered it a violation. It was their Bond. But she had given up those rights, handed them away, no, demanded to have them gone. John wasn't hers any more, she had made sure of that. She had given him up.

She dropped down onto the matts and hung her head as tears pricked her eyes. She hadn't allowed herself to cry since she had been back. Hadn't allowed herself to truly comprehend the depth of what she had given up. No, he had given up on them first. But when he came back, looking for her, wanting to apologize, she had thrown it in his face.

How was she supposed to feel? How was she supposed to forgive him leaving her? She loved him more than she had ever loved anything. She had never allowed herself such a luxury and it had come back to haunt her. Bonds were for life. She and John were Bonded and no matter how hard she tried to stop it she couldn't stay away from him. She was so tired of trying to keep The Bond closed.

The tears were running down her face now and she started sobbing in earnest. When they had been apart the Bond had felt like an open wound in her chest. Now there was one there of her own making and she didn't know how to make it stop. She just wanted to be happy, she just wanted to go back. Things had never been simple between them, but they had been so open and honest. She wanted to feel the warmth that meant John was thinking of her.

It was no wonder her people had outlawed their warriors from forming Bonds. It messed with everything. Kai didn't know what to feel, or what to want, or what to do. It was too hard. Too hard to be here, too hard to face him. If he was going to stay here then she would find somewhere else. The galaxy was a big place, she would go somewhere that he couldn't find her and she could finally heal in peace.

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John stumbled in the hallway and nearly fell into the wall, just barely catching himself before he went down. The desolate pain and despair from Kai's side of the Bond slammed into him and he could barely catch his breath. Her pain was so strong it overwhelmed anything and everything. He had done that.

Without thinking he turned around and ran back for the gym. This was all his fault. He never should have pushed her, never should have confronted her. He had screwed up. He had finally screwed up so badly he was going to lose her forever. He could feel it in the edge of desperation in the Bond.

The doors slid open and he ran inside. Kai was collapsed on the floor right where he had left her. She was on her knees, curled forward into a ball as with her arms wrapped around herself. He went right to her and blanketed himself over her, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her.

The sobs continued to choke out of Kai's throat, so painfully she couldn't hear anything else beyond her. She was so wrapped up in it that she flinched when she felt warm, strong arms wrap around her. John. She wanted to argue, to push him away, she was leaving, she was done. But his strong, quiet presence was soothing.

At this point what would it hurt? She was already leaving, why not indulge herself in this one moment of peace. She turned in his arms and allowed him to hold her. His arms were powerful and safe as they wrapped around her. It made her cry harder. Just knowing that he loved her, and that she loved him. She never thought she would have that. She had always assumed she was too broken, had too much blood on her hands for someone to love her. Another sob choked out of her throat and she buried her face in his chest and fisted her hands in his shirt.

John held her tightly against him. Her pain broke his heart. He didn't know fully how to fix what he had broken. He hated that this was his fault. He had simply not been able to handle her using the Bond in that way, and he had made things so much worse. Wanting to comfort her, but uncertain how, he closed his eyes in concentration and he pushed towards the Bond with everything he had.

Kai gasped quietly as she felt the Bond opening from the other side. In their entire relationship she had been in control of The Bond and how it opened. John had influenced it minorly or accidentally, but for the very first time she felt him push back against the stranglehold she had fought to keep on it. She was too upset and too out of control of her emotions to keep him out. With all of his determination John shoved his way through her defenses and threw the Bond wide open. She felt his warmth and steady presence flood her chest in a way she hadn't allowed since he came back. Kai choked over her tears and hung her head.

"I'm sorry," John whispered into her hair as he rocked her comfortingly. "I'm sorry," he said again, but she could already feel it.

Kai didn't know if he was apologizing for opening The Bond or for being mad, or for it all and how it had turned out. They had danced around one another for years, trying to figure out each others feelings and clearly aware of how impossible this relationship was. They weren't even the same species. But as Kai found herself cradled in the warmth of John's arms she couldn't find it in herself to care. They didn't feel different. John had always been someone who understood her and accepted her even if she was different. Their age difference was a concern. She would only have another sixty years maybe with John before she lost him anyway. She pinched her eyes closed and tightened her arms around him at the thought of losing him like that. With their lifestyle it was unlikely either of them would die of old age. The prospect of having to face losing him made her breath catch and her chest close up. She couldn't even comprehend what that would feel like, but one thing was certain, she didn't want any regrets.

John felt the shift but wasn't sure what it meant. Unable to take it anymore he scooped Kai up in his arms and strode out of the gym. He wasn't going to stay on the cold floor. He carried her with long strides through the dark hallways. His room was closer, but he wasn't sure how she would feel about him bringing her into his space. Instead, he took the extra moments to go to her quarters on the other side of the tower. He waved his hand over the panel and the door slid open. She had never taken away his access. He closed his eyes at the knowledge that she hadn't completely given up on them.

He walked in and sat down on the edge of her bed, adjusting her in his arms. He didn't know what to do next. She had become so soft and compliant in his arms. He didn't want to ruin this moment of closeness.

Kai could feel his uncertainty through the Bond. "John," she started to say, feeling embarrassed for how she had come apart. She shifted as though to move but John tightened his arms around her.

"Wait," he whispered into her hair. "Just stop, please," he said.

"I can't do this John," she said shaking her head. "I can't keep fighting this thing between us," she said. "I'm so tired."

John frowned as he met her gaze. She didn't look happy and the despair in his chest was still coming through too powerfully for her to have forgiven him. It occurred to him suddenly what she meant and his arms tightened.

"No," he said firmly. "Kai, look, I screwed up. I never should have left. I-I've screwed up so many relationships in my life, I couldn't imagine I wasn't going to screw this up, so I didn't stay. I left, thinking I was saving you from me. I didn't ask you to  come with me because I knew I couldn't keep you safe on earth. I should have tried though. I should have trusted us to figure it out together. It wasn't until I was there without you that I realized how much I needed you. Not the Bond, but you, Kai. I need you and want you. All I have done since getting back here was make things go from bad to worse but its because I don't know what to do without you. Just...don't leave...let me prove to you that you can trust me again."

Kai froze as she stared up at him. Her plan to leave, to just be done, to never see John again made her chest tighten in a way she couldn't explain. It felt like total failure. "John-"

"Look, I know you're mad at me. I deserve it. Every bit of it, but don't leave. Don't give up on us," he begged and his eyes were shiny with unshed tears.

Kai frowned. John Sheppard never begged. He never submitted. But here he was making himself vulnerable to her in this moment. His eyes were filled with desperation as he begged her to stay. To not give up on them. Kai didn't understand how he could do this, how he could make himself so vulnerable when she had made it clear she wasn't willing to accept him. She opened her mouth to say something and stopped.

"Just," John started and he stopped. He took a deep breath, as though grounding himself and forcing himself to be calm and collected. "Give me another chance Kai. Please. Give me another chance to prove you can trust me. I won't let you down."

Kai sat on John's lap, feeling his warm arms wrapped around herself. She wanted this so badly. She wanted so badly to let herself have him, but how could she? How could she risk all the bad things that could happen if they tried and failed. "John, we-"

"Don't do that," he snapped. "Don't give up. What we have, it doesn't come along everyday. Kai, it doesn't come along ever. I know you're scared. I am too," he confessed. "But I'm willing to fight for this. Are you? Are you willing to fight for your happiness?"

"I don't," Kai started to shake her head and tears welled up in her eyes. "I did," she said and tears began to run down her cheeks. "I did fight for it. I waited for you for so long and-" she was panting past the pain and stress. She couldn't risk it. She shook her head as she choked over her tears. "John," her voice broke over his name and wondered if she could be strong enough, brave enough, to allow herself the true unadulterated terror of Hope.

John held her as she curled into his chest and sobbed. Her hands clung to him as he cradled her against his chest and felt tears well up in his own eyes. He didn't want her to hurt, he didn't want to be the one to make her hurt any more. He kept thinking of all those failed relationships in his past. All the ones that if he had just come back and fought for them, they could have patched things up. But none of those relationships mattered to him, not like Kai mattered. He hadn't been willing to compromise to make them work. It shook him to realize he would give up being the Colonel if it meant he got to keep Kai.

With the Bond wide open the two of them could feel each other completely. Could feel their fear, and love and hope. So, he felt when she decided. He felt in his chest when she decided to forgive him and give him a chance. It made him almost lightheaded with relief and he dropped his forehead to rest against hers. "Thank you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Kai whispered back.

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