'If you heard that I died, Don't cry for me. Rather pray for me, because I will need that badly...'

'Suffering is a gift...In it, is hidden mercy...' 

EPILOGUE:

Dihya, you will always be my husband. It's been 10 years since I left you, but when I look at you, I'm happy. You are exactly where you should be, life was not easy for you, but you are at a place where most would dream to be- The Land of Palestine.

Those last few moments of my life, all I thought about was you. Your smile put my soul at ease and I read my Kalimah repeatedly in my heart, while I pictured our nikaah- being declared as husband and wife.

When I see you today, I see my husband, my warrior, the man I knew you would be. The eyes, which for months wouldn't dry up, finally found their sparkle. I know that there are nights when your heart aches, those moments when you are reminded of me, but I am glad that there is someone to take that pain away- Yusuf.

Dihya, I was watching when you sat in the bathroom one night and talked to my photo, I was with you when you held onto my jilbaab and cried so much that you fell off to sleep and I was definitely there when you and mummy laughed about how you burped when you first met my grandfather. I know that at the time of my janazah you were crushed, no words could do justice to how you felt, but I was next to you. I was that feeling you felt when you couldn't cry anymore, when you lay back against a wall and closed your eyes, hoping that it was only a nightmare.

Jazakallah for reading the Qur'aan for me every day. I love the way tears begin to fall as you come across my favourite ayaat and you control your tears because you don't want your nose to leak.

Don't think about what you've lost or the challenges you face, but love like you've never loved before, and always smile, because you're living. You're living a life many would dream of, make Shukr to Allah for that.

Your Lord has blessed you Zawyj, if your father hadn't passed away, your mother wouldn't have insisted that you marry and then neither of us would have known such love. 

Your mother sometimes wishes that we hadn't married, when she sees your grief, but that's the game of life- destiny always wins. Losing your father, Hooriyah and I has showed you that we are all on a certain road- no one knows where we're headed, but we go along with it.

There was a reason why I passed away that night, after our babies were born, so that you would have Yusuf. You appreciate him now that you know that there could be no tomorrow with him, you kiss his forehead in the middle of the night because you are so grateful to Allah that you have him. And that action right there is all I had to see, to know that you'll be okay.

You are in heaven on Earth Dihya. You saw a new life unfold, found a new direction, an unbelievable journey with great adventure and blessings.

And before I forget, I'm getting to know your father quite well too. He loves our daughter and they are inseparable. The two were shocked when you confessed to your mother that you loved me more than them, and were more saddened by my death than theirs!

Jokes aside, don't underestimate your existence, life is like a game, play according to the rules, don't cheat, and you'll get to the other end, but know that destiny always wins, you're just in it to feel it...