Remember me.

I will be with you in the grave

on the night you leave behind

your shop and your family.

When you hear my soft voice

echoing in your tomb,

you will realize

that you were never hidden from my eyes.

I am the pure awareness within your heart,

with you during joy and celebration,

suffering and despair.

On that strange and fateful night

you will hear a familar voice —

you'll be rescued from the fangs of snakes

and the searing sting of scorpions.

The euphoria of love will sweep over your grave;

it will bring wine and friends, candles and food.

When the light of realization dawns,

shouting and upheaval

will rise up from the graves!

The dust of ages will be stirred

by the cities of ecstasy,

by the banging of drums,

by the clamor of revolt!

Dead bodies will tear off their shrouds

and stuff their ears in fright—

What use are the senses and the ears

before the blast of that Trumpet?

Look and you will see my form

whether you are looking at yourself

or toward that noise and confusion.

Don't be blurry-eyed,

See me clearly-

See my beauty without the old eyes of delusion.

Beware! Beware!

Don't mistake me for this human form.

The soul is not obscured by forms.

Even if it were wrapped in a hundred folds of felt

the rays of the soul's light

would still shine through.

Beat the drum,

Follow the minstrels of the city.

It's a day of renewal

when every young man

walks boldly on the path of love.

Had everyone sought God

Instead of crumbs and copper coins

They would not be sitting on the edge of the moat

in darkness and regret.

What kind of gossip-house

have you opened in our city?

Close your lips

and shine on the world

like loving sunlight.

Shine like the Sun of Tabriz rising in the East.

Shine like the star of victory.

Shine like the whole universe is yours!

Chapter 8:

8 months later:

Dihya's POV:

I smiled at her and closed the Qur'aan before getting up and placing it on the shelf. Mardiyyah held onto the side table and tried to pick herself up, her huge stomach holding her down.

She huffed in annoyance and tried again. I laughed and walked over to her, helping her up.

She blushed and looked down, embarrassed once more.

Pulling her into the bed with me, I switched the lamp off and rested my hand on her huge stomach, while her hand rested on top of mine, the other tangled in my hair.

'What are we going to name them?' I asked quietly. 

We had seen on the ultra sound that it was a boy and girl, although we hadn't wanted to, but we didn't tell anyone.

'Hmmm... Husnaa and Hamid?' she said.

'Nuh-uh,' I said shaking my head.

'Mu'adh and Mashdah?'

'I liked the name Mashdah ever since I heard of her story... Wait, what was it again?'

I scratched my head trying to remember it.

Mardiyyah turned to face me and began telling me the story.

'Mashdah was a slave in Fir'auns palace. She would brush his daughter's hair. Her husband, Karkeel, also 

worked in the palace and they had three young boys. One day, while Mashdah was brushing the little girl's hair, the comb fell to the floor. Mashdah accidentally said Allah's name, and this angered the girl. She questioned Mashdah as to which God she believed in and Mashdah replied that she believed in Allah, her creator, the girl's creator and Fir'aun's creator.

'This infuriated the child as she believed that her father was Allah, Na'oodhubillah, and rushed to him, crying. When he asked her what the matter was, she told him that Mashdah had begun to believe in the God of Musa Alayhis Salaam. Asiya, who had heard this, immediately began to worry, because she too had accepted Musa Alayhis Salaam's message.

'Fir'aun then called for Mashdah and her husband. They came immediately and he questioned them about their beliefs. Like the Sahabah Radhiyallahu Anhum, they refused to say that Fir'aun was their Lord, no matter what punishment was dished out to them. Eventually, Fir'aun organised a huge pot of oil and heated it. He tied Mashdah and her husband up, and ordered for their three children to be brought.

'First, Karkeel was taken and thrown into the oil. Mashdah cried out for him, but in vain. Next her oldest child was flung into the boiling pot full of oil, followed by the middle child. The youngest, who was still being breast fed, called out to his mother before he was taken away, telling her to have sabr and not to worry because Allah had shown him her place in Jannah. Mashdah smiled at this, and before she was taken to the pot, she jumped in herself...'

I looked at Mardiyyah wondered how it was possible to love someone so much. I pulled her closer and kissed her hair.

'And when Nabi sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam went for Mi'raj and passed over a valley, he smelt a sweet scent emanating. When he asked Jibra'eel Alayhis Sallaam what it was, Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam was told that Mashdah and her family were buried there,' I said remembering that from a story I'd once read.

'Mhmm... I don't know though, it doesn't sound right... Let's think of other names,' she murmured.

'Oh, what about Hooriyah? I love that name!' I told her enthusiastically.

She looked at me in amusement.

'Sure. And the boy?'

I thought about it for a while.

'You can choose his name. I chose one, now you pick the other,' I told her.

She nodded and closed her eyes, running her long fingers through my hair.

'Yusuf or Yahya,' she finally said.

'Yusuf,' I told her with a grin.

'Yusuf and Hooriyah... Hmmm...' she smiled and drifted off to sleep in seconds.

Seconds later she began coughing. All through her pregnancy, she was ill. I could see it in the way she gasped when stood up, the way her face contorted as she walked, how she was out of breath after she talked for too long, how she could barely eat anything and especially how she got tired when she did normal mundane things like brushing her teeth and bathing. She refused to tell anyone that she was in pain though, and would put a brave face on, even though I knew she was hurting.

In her sleep, her body shook and trembled as she coughed. I pulled her to me and held her while rubbing her back soothingly.

'Dihya...' she groaned before sitting up quickly and getting up from the bed.

'Help me!!! I need to bring up!!!' she told me, a panicked expression on her beautiful face.

I got up from my side of the bed and helped her to walk to the bathroom. Pulling her hair back and holding her, I thought about how weak my once strong wife was.

Even though her stomach was huge, the rest of her was skin and bones. Her frail arms could barely grasp anything, and her legs which I once had called thunder thighs (Trust me, getting kicked in the middle of the night isn't exactly comfortable) were now thin and bony. It looked weird, scary even, how she had a thin, tiny body and a large stomach.

Soon, the coughing stopped Alhumdulillah. But she still wheezed a little in her sleep. After watching her for a long while, I finally fell asleep.

__________________________________________________________________________________

'Dihya, wake up. You have to go to work,' a sweet voice called out from somewhere far away.

I mumbled something unintelligible and continued sleeping.

'Dihya,' the voice came closer.

'DIHYA!!!' That time the voice screamed in my ear.

I shot up and looked around, confused. Where was I?

Oh, that's right. Home.

I groaned and lay back down.

'Dihya, get up! Come on, you have to leave me at Dr.Tahmid's before going to work. Get up you lazy donkey!' 

Mardiyyah dragged me out of the bed. I stumbled sleepily into the bathroom and ruffled my messy hair.

Grabbing my toothbrush, I finally opened my eyes. I brushed my teeth tiredly and then went out to grab my clothes.

'Wear these,' Mardiyyah said throwing me a black kurta, underwear, some pants and a shirt.

I nodded and went back in, thoroughly enjoying my hot shower.

____________________________________________________________________________________

'Dhul Hun, you ready?' I called out as I put my watch on.

'Yes. I'm in the kitchen,' she called back.

I tied my amaamah and walked out of the room, applying a little bit of itr.

It was going to be a long day...

Mardiyyah's POV:

I immediately knew that something was wrong as soon as I woke up. I ignored the strange feeling and walked into the bathroom, getting ready for my appointment with Dr.Tahmid.

I was going to her to see whether I was strong enough to come to the hospital when I was giving birth, or whether I'd need to have a home delivery. I came out of the bathroom and saw Dihya still sleeping. After I finally managed to wake him up, I walked into the kitchen and drank a little bit of juice. Lately, the only thing that was going down was liquids.

'Dhul Hun, you ready? Dihya yelled from the room. I hadn't told him that I wasn't eating, and avoided the subject completely.

'Yes. I'm in the kitchen,' I yelled back before taking my glass to the sink and washing it.

I felt a slight pain on the left hand side of my tummy. Suddenly, I felt something pull and then nothing. I felt a tear slip down my cheek because of the pain. Dihya walked into the kitchen and I hastily wiped my face.

'Did you eat?' he asked me as he sat down and had a bowl of Coco Pops.

I mumbled an answer and quickly left the kitchen to go and put my jilbaab and niqaab on. A dull throbbing resonated from the same place again. I placed my fingertips against it as a frown formed on my face. It disappeared again and I carried on with tying my scarf. A few times, I felt a pain from the same place, but I ignored it and carried on with what I was doing.

In the car, I felt unusually tired and leaned my head against the window. I felt Dihya's worried glances on me but I ignored them and closed my eyes, holding his hand tightly. Finally we reached the hospital.

GOING BACK HOME:

I got into the car slowly and replied to Dihya's salaam. I smiled at him and told him of the outcome of today's appointment.

'How are the babies?' he asked first, before I said anything else.

'I don't know. She didn't check anything...we just talked about me giving birth,' I told him. He nodded and took my hand in his, telling me to continue.

'She said that I'll probably be too weak to be rushed to the hospital... I'll either have to be hospitalised from tomorrow, or I have a home birth...'

Dihya looked at me worriedly and I gave him a reassuring smile.

'What do you want to do?' he asked me.

'Home birth,' I replied instantly.

Dihya nodded and asked me a few more questions. Finally, he got to the question I'd been dreading.

'What about your weight?'

The last time we'd went, Rayhana Kala told us that if I didn't pick up at least 10kgs, it would be a threat to the babies. I sucked in a breath and told him.

'I lost 3kgs.'

His head shot toward me and he clenched his jaw.

'What?'

I repeated myself in a timid voice and he sighed.

'How did you manage to do that?' he asked me.

'I dunno,' I mumbled and he shook his head before driving me home.

____________________________________________________________________________

'Diya? Where are the Coco Pops?' Maryam asked me as I folded the ironed clothes.

'In the cupboard, above the plates,' I told her with a chuckle. She and Dihya loved them.

Ihsaan had dropped her off to help me while he had to do some work, out of town. Let's just say, she wasn't really in the mood to help.

'What did Rayhana kala say?' she asked through a mouthful of chocolaty cereal.

'She asked whether I wanted to be hospitalised now and give birth there, or a home birth. Naturally, I said homebirth.'

She nodded for me to continue.

'Later on, the midwife will come home and check up on me and do some tests and whatever.'

'Tonight?' she asked, and I nodded.

'Can I stay?' she questioned hesitantly.

'Of course! Mummy and foi are coming as well, and so is Rayhana Kala,' I told her.

'Let's call Sameeha too...' she said and I nodded.

We hadn't seen Sameeha in a while, not since she told us that she was pregnant. Yes, that was right. Sameeha was pregnant, Alhumdulillah.

'I haven't seen her in a while,' I told Maryam as I picked up the phone and dialled Sameeha's house.

Maryam grinned.

'Yeah, she and Faheem have been too busy in their bubble of happiness,' she said with a laugh. I heard a sad note enter her voice, but before I could ask her what the matter was, Sameeha answered the phone.

'Assalaamu Alaykum?' her soft voice came.

'Wa Alaykum Salaam Wa Rahmahtullah. How are you Sam?'

'Well, Alhumdulillah! What about you?'

'Alhumdulillah...Today I've been getting weird pains though. Thinking about it now, I forgot to tell your mother about them!' I said, slapping my forehead.

'You should tell her,' Sameeha said worriedly. I was about to reply when Maryam called from behind me.

'You've been having pains and you didn't tell me!!??? And I was sitting here like a queen, making you do all the work.'

I laughed and so did Sameeha.

'What did my mummy say?'

I told her about the appointment and about the midwife coming over tonight.

'Everyone's coming. Do you want to come as well?' I asked her.

'Sure! Let me just double check with Faheem. If I don't phone you back, then I'm coming,' she said.

I agreed, before we said our salaam and cut the call.

'Is she coming?' Maryam asked, standing by the sink and washing her dishes.

'Yes, she said that—-' I was cut short by a sharp pain in the same spot, and under my left lung. I gasped and waited for the pain to recede, but it only intensified.

'Maryam,' I gasped before holding onto the table. My head was swimming and I couldn't stand anymore.

'Diya? Diya what's happening!?'

'Diya!!! Answer me!'

Her voice was distant and faint.

I opened my eyes when I felt something cold against my skin.

'What the...?' I choked out.

I looked up and saw Maryam standing over me with a glass of ice water in her hands.

'I'm sorry! You were scaring me,' she said through her tears.

I held out my hand to her, and she helped me stand up properly. I felt the need to bring up again and Maryam helped me to the bathroom quickly.

'It hurts Maryu,' I told her as she lay down next to me on my bed.

'Please let me phone Dihya,' she begged.

I sighed and consented.

She jumped up and went to call my husband. There was something different about the pain that day... I wasn't feeling right, both physically and emotionally. It was like I was...empty. Full of emotion, but empty, if that made any sense. The only thing I wanted, and needed, was my family.

A little while later, I heard the front door open and close, and then Dihya's salaam. I replied softly and looked up when he walked into the room, about ten minutes later. He smiled at me and walked over, sitting down next to me.

'Hot chocolate?' he asked, passing me a mug. I laughed and took it.

All throughout my pregnancy, I craved for hot chocolate. Dihya would get up in the middle of the night, and make for me a mug. Sometimes I had about seven mugs in a few hours. It was crazy.

Dihya got up and kissed Maryam on her head before making his way to the bathroom.

'Where's Ihsaan?' he asked her.

'Work,' she said and he nodded.

'So...what happened to my wife?' he asked her, as if I couldn't talk. I rolled my eyes and continued sipping my hot chocolate.

'I don't know...she...she was in pain, and then she fell down and almost blacked out,' Maryam said worriedly, shooting me concerned glances every few seconds. Dihya also looked at me in distress and asked me what was wrong.

'I don't know...I've been getting these pains on my left hand side since I woke up, and I forgot to tell Rayhana Kala. First, it pained and then the pain went away. But that time...that time it intensified. And I've just been feeling...off...' I mumbled.

He mumbled something and looked at me.

'Must I call Rayhana kala?' he asked softly.

'No...They're all coming in a little while. The midwife's coming as well,' I told him reassuringly.

He looked at me unsurely before nodding and retying his amaamah.

'I'm going for Asar salaah...I'll be back just now,' he said before kissing Maryam's and my head and then walking out.

As soon as Dihya walked out, Maryam turned to me, shock written all over her face.

'Dihya made that hot chocolate?' she asked me.

'Yes,' I said suspiciously, holding my mug close. No way was she stealing my heaven in a cup.

'He? Made something in the kitchen?' she asked disbelievingly.

'Mhmm...'

'And it's not horrible?'

'Nope...It's yummy!' I replied with a grin.

'This can't be,' she muttered under her breath.

I laughed and wondered why she was so hung up about this.

'Why?' I asked her.

'Dihya in the kitchen? The guy will probably burn water!' she said exasperatedly.

'Nah, I've taught him how to make all the things I love,' I said, grinning.

She giggled cheerfully and said:

'You truly are a blessing Diya. I never thought the day would come when Dihya did something right, but I can say for sure that you marrying you was more than correct and the best decision that he's made...'

My eyes watered and I hugged her like there was no tomorrow.

'I'm going to go soon,' I whispered to her, 'I can feel it...'

And that's when it hit me, like a ton of bricks. Death. My death was near, very near, and I needed to prepare myself. The feeling I'd been getting the entire day, was Izra'eel's presence. My death was close, but someone else's was closer...I could feel it. In my bones...

LATER THAT DAY:

I woke up suddenly, as I felt something cold touch my stomach. Opening my eyes slowly, I saw Rayhana kala standing next to me with a worried expression, and another lady- older- checking something that was in her hand.

'It's not looking good, Rayhana...If she doesn't wake up in—-'

'She's awake,' Rayhana kala said.

The lady looked at me and smiled a little, the terrified expression not leaving her face.

'What's happening?' I mumbled.

'Darling, you need to lay here for me and take in a few deep breaths, ok?''

I nodded and did what the lady told me to do.

She put a funny device onto my stomach and moved it around a little. She and Rayhana kala were talking all the while, but I couldn't focus on what they were saying. The pain was there and refused to go away.

'The baby...I don't know...hospitalise...only one...the other... gone...'

My mind swam in the realm between consciousness and a white, barren land.

A shock went through me and my eyes shot open again.

'Darling, we need you to stay with us, ok?' the sweet voice said.

I nodded and tried to keep my eyes open.

'Whuz apenin?'I mumbled groggily.

'Your one baby...never mind that, we need to get you the hospital and fast,' the other lady said.

'Dihya,' Rayhana kala said, 'help Mardiyyah and get her to the car. Fathimah and I will get her room ready at the hospital.'

For the first time I noticed Dihya standing in the corner and holding mummy as she cried. Maryam and Sameeha were standing in the corner and sobbing. I wondered what was going on as I got up. Everyone except Dihya left the room and as he helped me up, I felt his tears on my neck. I turned around and cupped his cheeks and we both sat down on the bed.

'What's happening?' I asked huskily. More tears rolled down his cheeks as he held onto my hands tightly.

'I don't understand...Everything...no, it can't be,' he cried angrily.

'Dihya, calm down Zawyj. What's happening?' I asked calmly.

He knelt down in front of me and kissed my stomach before burying his face in my lap and crying. And that's when I realised. There was something happening with my babies.

I looked down at him and pulled his face up to mine, wiping away his tears and mine.

'Dihya, what's going on?' I asked shakily.

'The baby...the one baby...I don't know! Only one heartbeat can be heard,' he said and my stomach flipped.

'What?' I gasped. More tears left my eyes as I thought about only having one baby after these 8 months. A pain much greater than the one I'd been feeling today, resonated from my chest- my heart. I felt Dihya pull me to his chest and we both sobbed.

'I need to get you ready,' he said after a little while.

'I...I don't want to know if I lost my baby,' I told him, still crying. He took both my hands in his and kissed them, before holding them to his heart.

'It's going to be hard...But it's not absolutely pointless, because we have two little angels. If one's gone, we have the other. And no matter what, the other one will always be our little angel. Everyone has to return to Allah at some point. And remember, this will be an intercessor for us on Yawm-ul-Qiyamah, Dhul Hun. There's good in every situation, you just have to find it.'

I nodded at him and he helped me to get ready. I was weak and tired, and held onto DIhya's chest as he carried me to the car. When we got in, Sameeha, Ihsaan, Maryam, Faheem, mummy, Rayhana Kala, Uncle Imraan and the lady (who was probably the midwife) sat, all lost in their own depressing thoughts. I sat on the same seat as Dihya, in his lap, as Uncle Imraan drove. The entire drive, I held my stomach and cried into Dihya's chest.

Dihya kissed the top of my head and kept his  lips there. I promised myself that if we lost this baby, I would love the other one just as much, and I wouldn't give Dihya the cold shoulder like my aunt did with her husband. After all, he was the only other person who knew what I was feeling.

AT THE HOSPITAL:

'Mardiyyah, darling, we need to do a C-section now, immediately,' Rayhana kala told me.

I felt as if it were pointless going through so much of pain, and not receiving full compensation for it afterward. I nodded and she walked out of the room, calling Dihya in.

He walked over to me, where I sat on the bed, and held my hand. For a while we just sat there quietly, holding each other. Again tears found their way to my eyes and Dihya held me even closer.

'I'm s...so sc...scared Zawyj,' I croaked. He sighed and kissed my head.

'Tawwakkalthu Allallah, Dhul Hun. And remember that I love you. We can do this...We l...lost an angel. We never got see it laugh, cry, never got to hold it, never saw it walk for the first time...But... but it's still our little angel. And that little angel is waiting for us in Jannah, Bi Ithnillah...'

I nodded and held my breath as he helped me into the hospital gown and onto the bed.

'Where are you going to go now?' I asked as the nurses wheeled me into theatre.

'I'm staying with you...' he said and I nodded at him.

Dihya's POV:

I stood next to Mardiyyah and watched as they cut through her. My heart was in my throat throughout the procedure and my mind wouldn't stop thinking about my babies, one of whom I'd never hear cry.

I kept myself strong, and soon enough I heard a loud cry echo through the room. The sound was music to my ears.

'The boy,' a nurse said, quickly taking my son to clean him up.

I waited for another cry, before realising that I wouldn't ever hear. I wiped away my tears, and watched as the nurse took away my daughter.

I'd lost my princess. Walking over to Mardiyyah, I kissed her forehead and held her tiny hand in mine.

'Where are they?' she mumbled sleepily.

'They'll be here in a minute...'

'Which one... which one...?' her voice caught in her throat and she choked back a sob.

'My princess,' I told her, letting my tears flow freely. When she heard that, she let out all the tears she'd been 

holding in.

The nurse brought my two little babies to me and I took them both into my arms, reciting the Adhaan in both their ears. They were premature, so their little bodies were tinier than normal. Mardiyyah took the boy, Yusuf, into her arms and held him close. I held Hooriyah to me, and kissed her eyelids that would never open.

I wrapped her little fingers in mine, and walked to the corner of the room, wanting to be alone with her. For a while, I stared at her beautiful face. 

She had milky white skin with reddish-pink cheeks. Her lips were full and pink and her nose was like mine- long and straight. She had a mop of pitch black hair on her tiny head that curled slightly at the end. Her tiny fingers were like Mardiyyah's, long and thin. My tears wouldn't stop flowing as I held that lifeless angel in my arms. Byy the time I carried her back to Mardiyyah, my beard was soaked as well as her little pink blanket.

I took Yusuf into my arms and passed Hooriyah over to Mardiyyah.

Walking with him to the corner, I watched as his eyes bounced around the room- alert. He had Mardiyyah's green eyes, and my brown hair. He and Hooriyah both had noses like mine and they had the same lips. I held his tiny hand in mine and he wrapped his fingers around my one. I was amazed at the size of him. While Hooriyah was small and petite, Yusuf was tall with big hands and feet. I grinned at him as he opened his eyes wide and showed me his little pink tongue.

'Bring him here Dihya,' Mardiyyah said between sobs and I immediately did that. I sat on the bed with her and held her to me. We watched the babies in our arms- one alert and full of life, the other absolutely still and lifeless. A few more tears rolled down my cheeks as I passed Yusuf over to Mardiyyah and took my little angel into my arms. As Mardiyyah fed Yusuf, I began to talk to Hooriyah- even though I knew that she couldn't hear me

'Assalaamu Alaykum my little sweetheart,' I said softly. More tears threatened to fall, but I held them back.

'I know that you can't hear me, but...I'm your father. I want you to know that...that I couldn't wait to hold you in my arms... and now. Now, I can only hold you in my heart. How very softly you have tiptoed into my world. Not even a moment have you stayed, but your footprints will forever be engraved on my heart. And till I can hold you in my arms again, until I see you again, I will remember your beautiful face- so much like an angel. Allah had written you down as one of the inhabitants of this dunya- but then realised that you were an angel and belonged in Jannah.

'You aren't a lost baby, a miscarriage, a stillborn. You aren't something tragic or depressing. Rather, you are my baby, our baby. A little angel. And that's what you'll always be darling. No farewell words were spoken, there was no time to say goodbye. Before we knew it you were gone, and only Allah knows why. If you had lived, I would have given you the world, princess. But instead, look what you got. Jannah. I'm going to have to give you back just now, my princess. We will meet again, on Yawm-ul-Qiyamah. Remember your mother and I, intercede for us and remember your brother, Yusuf, my other little darling.'

I held Mardiyyah closer to me as she cried, and gave her Hooriyah to hold.

She passed Yusuf over to me, and I took him for a walk as Mardiyyah bade farewell to Hooriyah.

Mardiyyah's POV:

I held my little sweetheart in my arms and caressed her cheek gently, as tears fell from my eyes at Dihya's words.

'Assalaamu Alaykum, sweety pie,' I said softly, while I ran my fingers through her soft, thick hair.

'Your father already said everything I wanted to, but I need to tell you a few things. I carried you in my womb for just over 8 months, but, as your father said, we will carry you in our hearts forever. I have a feeling that my forever is going to end sooner than later, though. Anyway, I want you to forgive me. I know that Allah has willed for you to leave, and that it was in my taqdeer to lose you, but forgive me for not giving you a chance to see the world. Very soon, you will be buried and then losing you will become a reality...I want you to know that I love you, and that I will see you soon, In Shaa Allah...'

With that, I kissed her head and smiled at the nurse who'd just come up to me.

'Your family and friends would like to see you, shall we let them in?' she asked kindly.

At first, I wanted to say no. But then I realised that just like me, they must also be hurting. I nodded, and just as she left, Dihya came to stand next to me. He was laughing and looking down at Yusuf with love and adoration.

'He is the sweetest baby ever! His green eyes are full of life and energy,' Dihya said.

'I wonder what colour her eyes would be,' I mused as I played with Hooriyah's hair.

'Also green. They're a few shades darker than Yusuf's,' Dihya replied instantly.

'How do you know?' I asked him curiously.

'I saw,' he simply stated. I nodded and left it at that. Dihya helped me to put on an abaya while I sat on the bed, and to tie my scarf and niqaab. A few minutes later, the entire family walked in. Abbi came over to me with tears in his eyes and took Hooriyah away. Everyone gathered around and sobbed, staring at the angel in front of them. Eventually Dihya gave Yusuf to me and the men left to give Hooriyah her ghusl and bury her. I kissed her one last time before they left, and tried to stop the endless tears.

Mummy, Maryam, Sameeha, Rayhana kala, foi and nani all took seats around me and passed Yusuf around.

'He is so handsome!' Maryam gushed and everyone agreed.

'I hope that I get a cute baby,' Sameeha frowned a little.

'Of course you will!' mummy said. Soon, everyone was joking a little, and the mood had changed considerably, but my heart still ached. Everyone was so kind, and they all made such lovely Du'aas, but nothing helped. Losing a baby wasn't like losing a lost one... It was like losing a part of you. Just looking at Yusuf made my heart soar, and I wondered what it would be like to hold two babies in my arms. Finally, the men had come back and I watched as everyone looked lost and forlorn. They were all hurting, I realised, and I wasn't alone.

Dihya came over and sat on the bed next to me, and every man went to their wife. Dihya took Yusuf from his mother and passed him over to Faheem and Ihsaan. The men looked at Yusuf with such adoration, I thought MY heart would burst. They played with Yusuf and reluctantly handed him back to Dihya when he began to cry. I rocked him a little bit in my arms, and soon enough he fell off to sleep.

I watched Maryam look at Yusuf forlornly and saw a tear fall down her cheek. Ihsaan wiped it away and I looked away as he hugged her.

'What's up, sister?' Faheem asked.

She looked at all of us with tears in her eyes almost as if she were scared. A frown formed on my face as I wondered what could have happened.

She looked at Ihsaan and he took her hand, nodding.

'I...can't...' she took a deep breath before continuing.

'I can't fall pregnant,' she said as tears left her eyes.

My heart broke when I saw her look at Yusuf with obvious longing in her eyes. I sighed and made Du'aa to Allah to give her a child.

_______________________________________________________________________________

LATER THAT NIGHT:

I woke up with a shock and immediately knew- tonight was the night. I was going to pass away. I looked around me and saw that I was still in the hospital, so I phoned Dihya and told him to come immediately.

As soon as he walked into the room, Rayhana kala walked in behind.

After their salaam, Rayhana kala turned to me.

'What's wrong dear?'

'I need to get home NOW,' I told them hurriedly.

They looked at me for an explanation and I told them. Tears began to form in Dihya's eyes as he shook his head.

'She's right,' Rayhana kala breathed out in disbelief. We looked at her and she stared at us.

'I mean, only Allah knows when death is going to come, but everything is dropping, and...and it looks like her kidneys are going to fail!'

She picked up the blanket and sure enough, my feet were swollen and black with all the collected water. In no time, I was being carried to the car by Dihya as Rayhana kala carried Yusuf.

AT HOME:

Pain. That was all I could feel.

The entire family was seated around me, reciting Surah Yaseen or the Kalimah, but I couldn't concentrate on anything. I felt Dihya squeeze my hand and I looked up at him. I had lost the ability to talk a little while ago and, as I sat here on my deathbed, I only worried about my Yusuf. I had him cradled in my weak arms, but I could feel that he was restless. Dihya took him from me but I insisted on carrying him so he gave him back. I patted the bed next to me and felt Dihya sit there.

One by one, everyone got up to make salaam to me.

First, Maryam came.

'Diya, you were the best sister anyone could ask for, Jazakallah for everything. Assalaamu Alaykum, may we meet in Jannah In Shaa Allah. I love you,' she kissed my head and went to Ihsaan, who held her as she sobbed.

Next was Sameeha.

'I haven't known you for very long, but you've become a part of me. I love you so much Diya and I can't wait for the day we meet again, In Shaa Allah. Assalaamu Alaykum' she said through her tears as she kissed my cheek. 

She too walked away and I looked up as mummy came.

'My darling,' she sobbed. I tried to say something, but I couldn't.

'You were the best daughter anyone could ever ask for. Give my husband my love when you meet him, as well as my grand daughter. I will look after Yusuf and Dihya, don't you worry,' she said and I nodded meekly and smiled a little.

Next was foi. Her greeting was similar, and then was nani. She told me to convey her salaam to my parents and so did my grandfather.

Finally I looked next to me at Dihya.

He had tears running down his face and he was clutching his chest while he caressed Yusuf's cheeks.

'Dhul Hun...you were the perfect wife. I couldn't, and wouldn't ask for anyone else. I promise to look after our son, you look after our daughter. I promise to read the Qur'aan everyday for you, I promise to think of you every day. I promise that I will fulfil all your dreams that you didn't. Darling, if I hadn't married you, I wouldn't know such love and neither would you. I promise to thank Allah everyday for that.

'Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam said that if a wife passes away with her husband pleased with her, she 

may enter Jannah from whichever door she pleases. Go now. Enter into His paradise from whichever door you please. And wait for me there; for I love you. Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmahtullah,' he said and kissed me for the last time.

I closed my eyes and my life flashed before my eyes, before it settled onto a picture of Dihya and I with two beautiful babies in a garden... I looked next to me and saw Dihya smile at me sadly. I said my Kalimah repeatedly in my heart, before I was pulled into nothingness...My nikaah flashed through my eyes, and I heard the imaam declaring DIhya and I husband and wife before I was gone...

AN: So...The last part... :D

At the last moments before death, Allah Ta'alah sends the angels of death to get the soul from the human body. Allah Ta'alah says in surat Al-An'am, (verse 61), what can be translated as, "He is the irresistible, supreme over His slaves, and He sends guardians over you, until when death approaches one of you, Our messengers (angel of death and his assistants) take his soul, and they never neglect their duty."

These angels of death come to the believer in a pleasant appearance and come to the disbelievers and the hypocrites in an unpleasant way. In the authentic hadith, reported by Imams Abu Dawud, Al-Hakem, and Ahmad that Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam said, "If a believer is about to die; leaving this world for the Hereafter, angels from the sky descend on him, having bright faces like the sun.....", then the prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam said in the same hadith, "...and when the non-believer (and in another narration, the corrupted) is about to die; leaving this world for the Hereafter, rough angels from the sky descend unto him, having dark faces..."

These angels carry good news to the believers from Allah Ta'alah, therefore, these believers look forward to meeting their Lord. Also, these angels carry bad news of severe punishment to the non-believers or the corrupt, and therefore, they dread meeting their Lord. Imam Bukhari related that the messenger Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam said, "Whoever loves to meet Allah, Allah loves to meet him, and whoever hates to meet Allah, Allah hates to meet him." 

Aa'isha Radhiyallahu Anha then asked, "We hate death." The prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam replied, "That's not what I meant; when the believer is about to die, he is given glad tidings with the pleasure of Allah and His blessings, so there is nothing in front of the believer better than that, so he loves to meet Allah and Allah loves to meet him. And also when the non-believer is about to die, he is told about the punishment of Allah that will fall on him, so there is nothing more disliked to him than that, so he hates to meet Allah and Allah hates to meet him."

Allah Ta'alah says in surat Fussilat, (verse 30 - 32), what can be translated as, "Verily, those who say: Our Lord is Allah (alone), and they stood straight, on them the angels will descend (at the time of their death)(saying): Do not fear, nor grieve! But receive the glad tidings of Paradise, which you have promised!

We have been your alliances in the life of this world and are (so) in the Hereafter. Therein you shall have (all) that your inner-selves desire, and therein you shall have (all) for which you ask for. An entertainment from (Allah), the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

For disbelievers, their time of death is dreadful. Allah Ta'alah says in surat Al-Anfal, (verse 50 & 51), what can be translated as, "And if you could see when the angels take away the souls of those whom disbelieve (at death), they smite their faces and their backs, (saying): Taste the punishment of the blazing Fire. This is because of that which your hands had forwarded. And verily, Allah is not unjust to His slaves."

During a man's dying moments, he wishes that death were delayed so that if he were a non-believer, he would become a believer. Or if he were a disobedient believer, he would repent from his sins. Allah Ta'alah says in surat Al-Mu'minun, (verse 99 & 100), what can be translated as, "Until, death comes to one of them, he says My Lord! Send me back so that I may do good in that which I have left behind. No! It is but a word that he speaks, and behind them is a Barrier until The day when they will be resurrected." 

So, belief is not accepted from anyone at the time of death. Also, repentance is useless if death reached the man's throat.

Allah Ta'alah says in surat An-Nisa', (verse 17 & 18), what can be translated as, "Allah accepts only the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and foolishness and repent soon afterwards; it is they whom Allah will forgive and Allah is Ever All-Knower, All-Wise. And of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil deeds until death faces them and he says: Now I repent; nor of those who die while they are disbelievers. For them we have prepared a painful torment."

In the authentic hadith reported by Imam At-Tirmithi, and Ibn-Majah, that the prophet Sallallahu layhi Wassallam said, "Allah Ta'alah accepts repentance from a person as long as death does not reach his throat."

When dying, man experiences the hardships of death, among which are fainting because of severe pain. This is good for the believer because it wipes out his sins, purifies him, and elevates him to higher degrees in Paradise.

The prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallam suffered from the hardships of death when he was very sick in his last moments of life; he used to put his hands in a bowl of water and wipe his face and say: "La Ilaha Illallah. Surely, death has its hardships." (reported by Imam Al-Bukhari).

Imams Al-Bukhari and Muslim reported what Aa'isha Radhiyallahu nha talked about the prophet's sickness when he was dying, "I have not seen worse pain on anyone than the one I saw on the messenger of Allah Ta'alah."

Imams Al-Bukhari, Muslim and Ahmad reported that Abdullah Bin Mas'oud said, "I went to see the messenger Sallllahu Alayhi Wassallam, when he was in pain, and I touched him with my hand and said, "Oh, messenger of Allah, you are in severe pain." The prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wassallm replied, "Yes, I am hurting as much as two men of you." Then I said, "You have twice the reward?" He said, "Yes." then he said, "A Muslim who is troubled by a calamity; a sickness or less than that, but Allah Ta'alah will shed his sins like the tree sheds its leaves."

We have talked about the last moments before death and how harsh and painful they are, so we must ask ourselves a question. Am I prepared to face the stage before death? If your answer is yes, then you should praise Allah and thank Him for that. We should also preserve and continue to perform good deeds. On the other hand, if your answer is no, then you should quickly correct the problems, because it is still not too late and there is still a chance for improvement. We should be aware of any delaying, because it is one of the most dangerous weapons Satan uses to stop the believers from doing good.