The doctor appointment was set. I was going to meet the doctor tomorrow to make sure I was really pregnant, and also to see what my other options are.

Not that I was planning to kill the baby that was growing inside me, but I'm not sure if I can do it without Richard.

That leaves me with another reality that I do not want to face; telling him. Telling him means I have to listen to his voice again and see him time to time, if he wishes to be a part of the baby's life. I am so not ready for that, anytime soon. It still hurts.

That night I couldn't sleep. My head was filled with the thoughts of the baby and other what ifs.

Am I going to keep this child? Will I be able to raise this on my own? Why was my life like this? It was once perfect.

Without even realising I started crying. It feels pathetic to cry. It's all I have been doing for a long time.

I pushed back the covers and walked out of the room. I know I can't sleep if I tried. And I cannot be alone right now.

Archer's door was closed but when I turned the knob, it opened.

"Archer?" I said slowly, feeling guilty about waking him. I could see he was lying on his back with an arm under his head. The room was dark, but the light from the hallway made it possible to see.

I almost left the room, to wallow in my pity when he stirred.

"Lilly?" His voice was hoarse from sleeping.

"I'm sorry, go back to sleep. We'll talk in the morning" But he was already sliding out of bed, turning the lamp on, making the room flood with light.

"No, tell me. What's wrong?"

"I'm over thinking. I don't want to be alone. And you are the only person I know, so..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Come on" he said, walking out of the room. I followed him to the kitchen.

He warmed up some milk and added the hot chocolate powder to it. Once the drink was ready, he gave it to me.

"Here you go" he told me. We both sat on the bar stools facing each other.

"Now tell me, what are you over thinking about?"

I took a long sip of my drink, almost moaning out loud because of how good it tasted.

"The baby" that's all I needed to say.

"What about the baby?"

"I'm not sure I could do this alone" I told him honestly.

"Who said you are alone? I'm here with you. Aren't I?"

"I know, but I always imagined this happening with Rick. I would tell him the news, and he would suggest open up champagne and then joke about how I am not allowed to drink, even know he knows that I don't drink. And then we would go to the doctor's visits together. Buy stuff for the baby. Paint the nursery. And−" I stopped to take a breath and stop myself from crying. Archer was listening quietly.

"When your dad told me about the divorce, I was surprised. He told me that you guys were happy together, but them all of a sudden you decided to split. Something wasn't right" he told me, silently asking why we split. Something in my face must have given the answer away.

"Who was the other woman? Do you know her?"

"She was my sister" I told him silently. "My parents don't know about this. I didn't want to tell them. They would ask me when it happened, and we were fine when we came to the Christmas dinner. How can I tell them that I found out the only reason Rick came to the dinner was to warm Jenna's bed?"

"I'm sorry you had to go through this. I know it hurts. But we will get through this okay?" he assured me, taking both of my hands in his.

"I will be here till the baby is born and after that. Someone should be there to teach her to kick the boys in the balls when they ask her out" I started laughing by the expression on his face.

"How do you know it's a girl?" I asked him, gasping when he suddenly pulled me to my feet. His hand was flat on my stomach and his other hand was holding mine.

"I have a feeling it's a little princess" He told me grinning. I smiled back.

"We cannot be sure" I told him.

"I can assume until we are" his eyes held mine for a while, his smile soft. Very much different from all the smiles he gave in the pictures on internet.

"Now you have to rest. You have an appointment in the morning, Come one" he lead me to my room, helped me in the bed and pulled the covers over me.

"Goodnight Lilly" He said before turning the light off.

"Goodnight Archer"

~*~

15.05.20