Since Zoe's death I've realised that to have enough good things happen something bad has to happen otherwise known as ying and yang. I'm definitely going to be signifying that at her funeral today. It's been three weeks since her death I've learnt alot, I along with Joe alfie Maddy and Marcus have organised a memorial and her funeral. Her funeral is today. Phil has returned early with Emma for the funeral all the guests from the party have been invited despite one of them is a potential killer we all decided it would be the best thing to do. I have written a speech and bought a suit it's going to be a beautiful send off. We've decided everyone on the day has to wear a ying and yang pin in honor of zoe.

Finally it was time for the funeral. I walked I'm the immense church it was eerily cold and silent.  A cold shiver ran down my back and it felt as if someone was holding my shoulder, reassuring me it was going to be ok. That it will all be over soon. I turned my head and saw a shadow dart across my view. Instinctively i turned my head and there she was. stunning, she looked amazing. Her short curly hair fell effortlessly over her dainty shoulders. Her pale lifeless skin contrasted beautifully with her black lacy dress. I was lost for words but before i could take a breath she was gone. And so did my faith in humanity...

"Dan? There you are we are going to start letting people in come on we've got to  get Zoe's coffin." Alfie rushed towards me and grabbed my arm. We met joe, Marcus and Daddy Sugg in a side room through some double doors at the back of the church. Joe had tears rolling down his face ,he was staring at her in her coffin. She was a stunning young woman, achieved so much.

"Joe come on we've got to go And you dont want to be all sad and teary for your speech.." i grabbed his arm and we picked up the coffin and carried her outside. At the other end of the hall there was a pure white pedestal that matched the coffin, in front of me supporting the front of the coffin was Joe and Daddy Sugg and beside me was a very teary eyed Alfie , with Tyler and Marcus behind us. We walked past each row of distraught family members and close friends and I felt like I put them like this. For some reason i had a gut feeling that it was my fault... if i hadn't been so winy maybe zoe wouldn't have rushed around and been so uptight in making everything perfect it was my fault. These thoughts rushed around my head like a million and one runners racing in my mind all fighting to have their say in what i should think. Then it was the dreaded time to make speech i had it memorized completely so there was no risk of me messing up. i walked to the front of the hall then i angled the microphone to my specification. it was my turn now

"This speech is going to be very long... but here it goes.   Zoe sugg , she did so much more than you could want in a life time yet also less. She was never married , never had kids , never got married ,never , never got to live full life. But many people life full lives with dreams of releasing their own beauty brands and writing two books... she was incomplete... another point i want to bring up... most of you have no idea who i am but all i can say is one  thing that i and zoe shared was that in our lives each time something mind blowing happened it would be counteracted. just like the ying and yang pins your wearing right now . I guess i blame myself for the whole shooting. I will always do that i guess... my heart will shatter when i hear her name but im sure that her third and final book will be finished writing by one of her favorite writers and will be published. Ive always been afraid of death but what ever it is Zoe will get the best treatment because shes never done anything wrong she deserved none of this. this is way too waffled i guess i should stop  oops. rest in piece zoella." and i left the podium. everyone applauded me but i didnt want it i shouldn't get this  but it still went on. then my heart impounded i felt like i was about to have a exstistenscail crisis but it was different my head spun and i rushed outside and maddy followed , the service was over and everyone was heading yo the wake in a nearby pub but i didnt like the idea of getting drunk in the name of  death so me and Maddy headed home to see the twins who were staying with Phil and Emma.

"Dan that was beautiful are you ok?" Maddy's soft voice echoed in my head and my heart felt warm. I turned my head to look at her. It was getting dark and this hall was surrounded by a river that reflected perfectly in her beautiful hazel eyes.  I slowly stroked her arm and held her hand it was soft. "im brilliant needed some fresh air... can we head back?" i longingly looked at her.

"sure." she planted a delicate kiss on my forehead and we jumped in a taxi on the way home. I grabbed my onzie as soon as i got in put it on then i picked up my dinosaur onzie and gave it too maddy.

"just like old times " she giggled

"just like old times i guess" also giggling and grabbing the remote. i turned on orange is the new black and we fell asleep on the sofa in each others arms.

WARNING LESS UPDATES FOR NOW BECAUSE I SMASHED MY MEANS OF WRITING.