I awoke in a dark room unable to move unable to see I called out I'm confusion
"H.. hello?" I got no reply I instantly became frightened. Two glowing eyes appeared at the end of my bed.
"Hey, scuseme " I called out one more time. I felt a strong force push me against the bed and hit my head on the head board. Everything went blurry until I found myself in a new room...
This one was white it was lined with fairy lights and iridescent glitter. Pictures of undertale characters and other games lined the walls , i reconised this setting but where from. Then all of a sudden a young girl walked in.
I felt tears stream from my cheeks.
"Carla !!! How are you here .... ? What but but ... you was killed" the young girl approached me still speechless yet she still looked like my Carla all the same. The same weightless shiny long blond hair fell delicately across her shoulders. Her tiny waist was hugged bye her denim jeans , the ones I bought her before she passed away...
Carla still taking no notice of me pushed play on her silver doking station and started playing music. It was her faveroite song twenty-one pilots - stressed out. We both danced like crazy whenever we was together and it played ,it was... our special song. I felt a cold tear roll down my face, I felt a wave of nostalgia come across me. I knew I'd been here before but when? I soon realised this is when we arranged to meet for the cinemar date. The cinemar date where I was going to purpose... before the accident. All of a sudden I started to disappear and reform in another strange environment. Except this time I was in a car... the windows were smashed a blazing heat roared behind me. I regained vision and immediately saw the beautiful woman I'd seen shortly before beside me. Her blond hair drenched in bloud. Her tiny waist crushed by glass and plastic from the dashboard of the car. Her legs were trapped. I desperately unplugged my seatbelt and pried open the door. I heaved and heaved until I managed to squeeze through the gap. As I jumped off of the car I pulled the door off and attempted to put the car back on all fours. Though it felt like I wasn't really doing it... I was watching those horrible last moments of me and Carla together...I felt sick at the sight. Then ... I saw the pain and deperasion flood through my eyes as the car began to steam. I was alone it was getting cold yet my feet was getting hotter. I could see it all being layed out perfectly like I remembered. Me tugging at her trying to remove her from the car, pushing on the wounds once id pulled her out then hearing her give her final breath....

I fell to the ground I was still watching me cradle her In my arms... I felt sick and my vision went blurry again until I awoke again.

I realised I fell asleep at the thought of my new circumstances. I was in the bathroom alone , the door was locked and there was a bloody blade balancing on the sink. I tried to push myself up to my feet but fell straight back down. I broke down in tears sliding slowly down the glass door which id covered with a towel. All of a sudden I heard a faint knock on the door...
It was followed by a voice
"Dan are ... are you ok?" The soft voice rang around my head like a bird song it was so beautiful and clear.
I pushed away some of the tears and pushed myself upwards.
"Yeah I've just gotta sort something out" I sniffed shoving the blade into my pocket and using the towel to wipe away any blood on the sink.
I opened the door and a cool breath of air hit me. I felt refreshed but not happy I was still wondering who cares about me why they care and even why I hate my self... I'm so confused with the concept of me. I walked into the front room. Emma and Phil were cuddled up on the sofa and Maddy was cradling Jamie in her arms trying to get her off to sleep. His piercing cry rung around the house.

"Finally, dada's here come on Jamie!" Maddy passed him towards me. i felt incapable of understanding that I was his father and was very awkward.
Come on dan your not twelve anymore
I thought to myself. I felt a tear roll down my face. Maddy came over with her bottle of milk in her hand,
"Sumfin wrong ?" She asked
"Allergies" she walked away with a concerned look , taking Jamie and I took a seat on the sofa.
"Dan mind talking outside for a minute...?" Phil grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the hall. I became worried and pulled down my sleeve.
"Yeah?" I asked
"You don't have any allergies and why are your towels all red?" Phil asked angrily
"That's none of your business and as if you would care anyways?" I turned away from Phil and grabbed a small bottle of white pills and run to my bed room.
I sat there thinking twirling the pills in my hand...
Who cares ?? Maddy will be better off without me all I do is put people down... even my subscribers are not true ... what do I do...
All of a sudden I had a flashback

It was a cold wintery day I was inside and the fire was blazing yet I'd been receiving alot of hate and I was cutting again... Phil was sitting there blissfully unaware. Yet it hurt . He didn't care so if he didn't care then how could he care now...

Flashback over

I was about to put the pill in my mouth when I remembered hearing the pain in her voice when I was shot.... hearing the screams from her and Phil... hearing the pain in Maddy's voice when I wasn't there for the twins growth. Could I leave ... with having to leave Maddy again ? Would she suffer? But she doesn't care ... I placed the pill on my tongue and prepared to swallow...