Hi everyone ^_^

I'm not back yet.. I still have zero motivation in this account sadly.
But how long has it been?

A bit over a month right?
That's sorta long huh?

Ah well this isn't a IM BACK GUYS WATS UP.
No, it's an update on life and an explanation for why I decided to take a break.

I am still incredibly busy?
I just decided to pop up because of spring break! Yes. Yes ikr. A small slice of freedom am I right?
Anyways, haha so.

I haven't been ok lately. And that's a big part of why I took/ am taking a break.
I just haven't been ok. Like I'm not as happy as I want to be?

I am a person fighting through being sad. Some call it depression.. I don't like to call it that. I don't want to call it that.
I want to just say, I'm not happy. I'm just sad.

Its on and off you know? I'm happy for a few months then I'm sad again.
People can tell me it's a phase and I'll just shrug.
I am a great actress honestly.

I act so happy while I really am not.

Anyways!
My schoolwork load! Yeah that's a big reason to why I'm too busy for anything actually.

I haven't been able to draw.

So I've begun slacking off last quarter..
Which was 3rd quarter and now I'm in my last quarter, 4th.
And my grades dropped dramatically..
I had an f in one of my best classes?
I had D's in my other classes and then one B.
But the thing is.

I am not in the right mental condition.
Last quarter I missed 6-7 days of school because I was sick. But like yes that is true I was sick. I was sick to the point where I couldn't stand up without feeling pain in my stomach.
But at least 3 of those days..
I had a mental breakdown?

I broke down. I cried so loud without worrying someone will hear me because no one else was home.
It was just me.

I had this really great friend that I cherish so much.
I texted her a lot while I was home, sick.
She knows about almost everything about me?
I love her a lot. I'm grateful of her.
I texted her while I was sick and while I would cry.
We talked before she had to leave for school.

Then it was just me again.

I would just lay there on my bed and watch tv or lay on the couch. I would mostly play on my phone.

Those were some of the best times I had during last quarter.
I was ok.
I wasn't stressed.

But my grades suffered from my absences.
Then I picked up my slack and worked hard for the rest of the quarter and ended up with passing grades
One A and the rest B's and C's.

But my mental state through that whole quarter was what I say "in a bad state"
I couldn't focus much. I couldn't do my homework.
I was just sad and unfocused.

I still am.

I had no motivation for anything.

I think about suicide. Self harm. All of that.

But before any of you think oh. You're just sad and stressed because of school!

No.
That is not it. Yes, school stresses me out but my stress and sadness is not caused by that.
It isn't.

I'm not going to share why I'm sad or stressed. That is just something I'm not ready to share.
It's not with my personal life no. It's just with me.

Me being sad, leaves me unfocused and unmotivated.

I have no motivation and I sleep and listen to music a lot..

I eat snacks and my love of pink shows now.
According to said friend that I mentioned earlier, she thinks I'm cute for my stupid actions and she's always there.
I am grateful of her. I really just am.
She makes me smile..

But anyways.
Until I'm better.
My activity will still be on hold.
Kitty's activity will be little as well I think because she's extremely busy too..
but it's her actions. I respect her.

Also just thank you? Thank you for showing my minicat book love and I'm very grateful.. thank you so much.

I'm going to go now.
Please be patient with me.
I'm very sorry. Thank you for reading this and just I hope the sums up the reasons of my unmotivated actions.

Thank you.
I'll be back soon..
Please be patient, forgive me.

-True