As the nurse walked away Dev stared at the book in his hand through tear filled eyes, he knew what it was.....her Diary.
He had tried to get his hands on it, but she always kept it hidden away.
A tear rolled down his eyes as the several moments rushed in his mind like a sudden outbreak of emotions, he wiped his lone tear and turned the pages of the book.
Reading about their happy moments seemed to be like a needle stitch, he turned to the other pages, she had written each n every emotion, their each and every moment spent together, like she was wishing to capture them, store them.
He knew her and understood her, but he wanted to know what he didn't, emotions of the horrible days, when he had lied, when he couldn't understand her.
Soon he found the page.
6th June 2009
Dear Diary
Another day passed with me on bed rest, I couldn't attend my classes as I was sick, Dev forced me to take it off and stay home, he is extremely sweet he even got me all the notes printed so that I don't strain myself.
But he has been forcing me to get a medical check-up, I have been to the clinic and there's nothing wrong, but Dev being Dev has to act stubborn and take me to the hospital,
I don't blame him, he loves me afterall.
And that's why for him I will be going to the hospital tomorrow.
I never fell ill like that before, it feels strange.
9th June
Dear Diary
I didn't get time to write, life has become really weird n so has Dev. I went for the check-up and Dev says everything is fine, just a loss of nutrition in the blood, but I can see through him, the worst being he cries. He tries to hide it from me.
I am scared diary, he never lied to me before, I hate it and he knows that
I will be admitted tomorrow, don't know how I feel right now.
Dev is acting strange, he keeps calling Di, she doesn't talk to me, I have called her many times she simply wont answer my call.
Something is wrong diary, I can sense it, if only they would tell me.....

11th June
Dear Diary
Its been a day I have spent in this boring white room, my room in the hospital. Dev comes everyday with a bunch of my fav flowers.
I talked to Jiju yesterday and he said that I will be fine soon and that I don't need to worry. I told him its not me, but him and others who are worrying so much.
The Doc is really sweet, his name is Dr.Abhimanyu, he cracks jokes even in the worst of times, like today when he came to take my blood for a few tests.
Its funny how everyone treats me, I hope they just tell me the truth.
Dev is here, I don't want him to know that I am writing a diary being the curious gift, he is bound to try n steal it.

13th June
Dear Diary
I am shocked today, its like my senses have gone numb, today Dev was crying and again he tried to hide it from me, I cried too, I pleaded him to tell me what's wrong but he wont.
I got another surprise in the evening Jiju and Di came all the way from US for me.
Something is not right, and its with me.I am scared Diary, not for myself, but them.
17th June
Dear Diary
I am fed up of my life, I hate my life! No no I don't ........I Love Dev, am glad he's with me, but m tired of this place, am tired of the fake smiles, of their lies, of Dev tuning me out!
And now they tell me tht I am going to be shifted to another hospital! Which hospital-no answer!, why?- no answer? When, how!??- NO ANSWER!

If this continues then I am going to run away! Aghhh.
Hang on, even worst news, di doesnt want to go back to US, but jiju has been stubborn about it, they say they will come back by August end, till then Dev will be here for me, and they will keep in touch.
Point One- they are leaving, di was crying, I will miss them
Point Two- they are leaving! It means my illness is not tht serious, I will be fine pretty soon:

26th June
Dear Diary a lot has happened in this past week, I couldn't write coz of my condition.
I have been shifted to another hospital, I don't know the name or whereabouts, I was made unconscious, I know its Dev's doing, he keeps saying sorry, but I will never forgive him! Never!
My hair has been shingled, they were gonna shave my freaking head! I screamed and yelled at them, at the end Dev came to my rescue and told them to make my hair short, nevertheless it was painful, I loved my hair.
Why they did it? Again I don't know, it irks me to Not know.
I have been going through a cycle in the past week, it lasted 5 days, it was horrible, I couldn't eat, speak or walk, I was bed ridden but i had 2 lovely pair of eyes to gaze at, Dev's eyes, and the little relief came only from them.
I Love his eyes, they are very expressive, they give away everything, I can see the pain shielded with all the love in his eyes.
I want those eyes to stare at me forever....
Dev turned to the next page as tears poured from his eyes, a stabbing pain filled his heart that made it hard to breath, he sucked for air and wiped his tears, as he continued reading.

Vicky and Elena sat on the bench opposite to him, Vicky was in a state of frenzy, as he supported a devastated Elena and met the eyes of his heartbroken friend Dev.
His hear pounded a million times faster as he turned back to the diary.

FLASHBACK
"Excuse Me sir" the nurse entered the ward.
"yes?" Dev asked.
"the barber is here" the nurse informed.
"Barber?" Sonakshi asked confused.
"Yes so is she ready?" the nurse asked.
"ready for what?" Sonakshi screamed.
"Sonakshi relax" Dev held her shoulders firmly.
"A barber? Why Dev?" Sonakshi asked clutching the hem of his shirt as tears welled up in her eyes."
"Its nothing" Dev began "they r going to...they r going to..."
"Going to WAT!?" she yelled pushing him away.
Dev was breathing hard as he turned away, Just then the barber entered the ward.
"they r going to shave ur head" Dev spoke, each word taking a huge effort to be formed.
"Nooo!!!" Sonakshi moaned as she thrashed at her mattress kicking it away, she jumped from her spot n rushed next to Dev.
" No way! I love my hair, why are they doing this!!!"
"Sona its important" Dev's voice cracked.
"No freaking way! Don't even dare to touch my hair!" she snarled at the barber. "Just stay AWAY!!"
The Barber n the nurse stared at Dev confused.
"Later" Dev muttered to them, as he wrapped his arms around his Sona.
Silent tears poured down her eyes, as she felt the cold blade cutting her hair, making them short, she stared at her shiny black hair on the cloth tied around her, she sniffed n shivered as the barber continued and Dev, he was right next to her repeating the words "u r beautiful...will be always"
FLASHBACK ends

29th June
Dear Diary
Point to be Noted- they were gonna shave my head coz anyways I was going to lose my hair.
The medication did it, m so ugly and hideous now.
I cant even look at my face, I have got syringe marks on myself ..i am plain Ugly!
I don't know how Dev even touches me! Kisses me! Doesn't he feel disgusted? Today he shaved his head, for me, I asked him why n he said with his usual fun 'that its in fashion' Why doesn't he leave me? He deserves someone better.. Way better than me, the one who can give him happiness and not all the pain....i don't want him to stare at me, I want him to just go away, I want to hide away, sink into the floor..... but then I need the comfort of his arms, I need him to be with me.
I cant imagine life without him, m so selfish diary, I cant ask him to go away..but I want him to....i want him to find a better mate...but I want him to be with me.....
There's a gud news and a bad news, am going home today, Dr.Abhimanyu gave me off for 5 days, bad news- after tht I will come back to the hospital to get my second cycle done.
6th July

Dear Diary
M back to this boring hospital room and the past 5 days seem to be the most beautiful one's of my life.
Dev made them so special, we went shopping to the mall, then to the beach, to the park, to movies and what not!
These were the most perfect days of my life, him and me.
I finally know what's happening with me, not through Dev, he wont speak a word abt my illness but from the girl next to my room in the hospital, she's suffering from the same though she's only 16 her case is lot more serious, she told me she was forbidden to tell me about all this, but only she knew how it was to go thru the cycles.
She gave me a hint as she had promised Dev she couldn't plain out tell me, she told me that the cycle is called chaemotherapy....for some reason I cant remember what its about, I tried really hard to recall but I simply cant, I think my brain is getting affected too.
I need some books or my lappy to find out, but Dev, he doesn't even let me touch those! How am I ever supposed to make him understand my situation!
And why? why cant I remember the term?

24th July
Dear Diary
Its been long I haven't been writing, I had my second cycle done, it was painful, even more terrible than the first....nyways lets start with good stuff
Today Di called me, she sounded really sad, but m glad that she atleast spoke to me unlike the usual, after almost a month I heard her voice, her beautiful n concerned voice, Di was all about being sorry for not being here with me, I told her not to worry as Dev is here.
After my convo with her, I realized that its not only me, but Dev too who needs support, he is alone with me to take care of, for the first time I don't know what he feels, what he thinks, what he knows, this disease is the cause of it, because of my illness everything is happening, I hate myself!
Okay Bad News- My next cycle starts from 12th another miserable experience on its way.
I want those days to start as soon as possible and end as well...!
Dr.Abhimanyu came to take my blood again for tests, I feel so...so ugly with syringe marks all over me, my skin is darkening, my nails are turning ugly grey, m getting weaker day by day, I don't know when this will end.....
I just want the pain to go away.....i want to smile again....on my birthday...
FLASHBACK
"Sona" Dev smiled softly as he entered her ward.
Sonakshi nodded in response, Dev stepped towards her sickbed softly singing to her a happy birthday, tears welled up in Sonakshi's eyes as she stared at him, she couldn't move, didn't want to move...it was painful.Dev kept a bouquet of flowers next to Sonakshi's sickbed as he sat next to her.
"Happy Birthday" he whispered and made way for his hand to reach hers through all the plugs n wires.
Sonakshi smiled a little as another tear escaped, she gulped hard but simply couldn't speak.

Dev withdrew a velvety purple box from his pocket and slipped a beautiful solitaire cut diamond, set in a platinum band in her finger.
Sonakshi stared at Dev shocked.
"I know this is the worst proposal any guy would make to a girl, in a hospital ward, and..." he stopped as he couldn't complete his sentence.
"Will u Marry me?" he asked with all the love in his eyes.
Few more tears escaped as she clutched Dev's hand tighter, she didn't have any words, she didn't know if it was right, but with all the love in her heart she nodded a yes to the guy whom she loved n adored the most in the entire world and then only for him, she took the pain and spoke the words he would want to hear the most.
"Yes..... I will and this is the most beau-iful prop-osal eve-" her voice cracked as her throat ached, but the pain was nothing compared to the pure bliss she saw- felt in Dev's eyes.

Dear Diary
I Havent been writing for the past whole month, the last cycle was the most painful..n everything was a blur, at times I was in pain and at times the happiest person alive.
After my fourth n last cycle, I have been so distracted tht I didn't get time to write.
M at home right now, my therapy has been done, n now hopefully I wont have to go back to that boring hospital ward again, Dr.Abhimanyu took a few blood samples n said tht he wud have to take certain tests, but till then they say m cured....n hopefully there's nothing to worry about.
The bad thing was that on my bday I was at one of the worst phases of the cycle n the gud part is tht Dev proposed me that day....and only that made it the best day of my entire life! It was miserable yet the Best I was sad yet happy, In pain yet Bliss.
I am the luckiest girl on planet earth Diary! Even though m ugly, weak n infected, Dev still loves me...he wants to marry me, we r getting engaged day after, di n jiju will b der as well...they r coming back! Another gud news is that my hair have started growing again there's a soft line of eyebrows now...n it makes me feel gud.
Day before Dev got me a wig n he was joking around with everyone.
Dev is really happy, I have never seen him this happy before....atleast not in the past few months, i feel at times m too young to get married but after these 4 months, I cant bear any kind of separation, we want to be One.

27th september

Dear Diary
Just came back from a Movie date with Dev, m not continuing my studies as in these 4 months a year has been wasted and I don't want to either, Dev agrees as Dr.Abhimanyu told him to take care of me and to not let me strain maself over small small stuff.Well diary ever since I have been off from the hospital life has changed, me n Dev r going to get married this December....i cant wait! Really excited...Di is making all arrangements for our marriage.

Well diary our journey was till here...I wont be writing anymore....because now I have someone to share all my feelings with, I don't need to write them down hidden away from his eyes.I am going to ask him diary..as to what happened to me..and he will have to answer coz things are back to normal....

Dev stared at the blank pages.... surprised he turned over..and spotted the entries at the last few pages.

24th November
Dear Diary
I Am back! Not happy to be, there's this major relapse, n back to the hospital....its the same...Dev cries, di cries, my doc has been changed, it's a female doctor now named Dr.Nikita, I wont survive diary....i think the end is coming.....
Dev never told me wat was wrong on being asked, the 16 yr old girl next to my ward...she passed away one month later when I was discharged....
I know wats wrong with me diary, what's this hospital about, what's all the fuss about, and the tears....I am suffering from Blood Cancer....
And this time......I wont survive.......I thought I wont be writing....but today I got married to Dev, in our ward, on my sickbed in our own way....
He promised to be by my side always.....though it holds no value....i will be leaving him soon...joining another world, how will it be to die?
Everyone around me is getting disturbed n I hate that, they keep asking me why don't I speak? What am I supposed to say diary? That I know m going to die? That I wont be with them for long? I simply manage to smile Diary...for themI'm scared for them more than myself.....m confused....i cant think ....i cant understand....

3rd Jan

Dear Diary
I Lived to see the New Year, everyone celebrated in the hospital, Dev was in his best to cheer me up, I smiled for him.
He deserves all the love n I can never give him that....how am I supposed to explain it to him?I cant.....it has been months with him coming to the ward, he tells me about his workplace n being senior Doctor .i just listen, i feel I have snatched away his life....I shouldn't have married him at the first place....i shouldn't have.....i cant understand....i think I made a grave mistake.
I know when I will be gone he will find this diary....he will be reading through these.
It pains even more....why does he love me so much? I don't deserve his love.

"Dev" Vicky called but Dev's eyes were glued to the diary, he wanted to read, he wanted to know what Sonakshi had left for him..what she had thought, she knew he would be reading.

"Dev" Vicky sat next to him but Dev hushed him up.

*8 hours back...

Dev entered the ward"Hey Sona, hey Elena!"

"Hey Dev" Elena smiled.

Sonakshi gave him a small smile as he came n sat next to her with his usual bouquet of red roses in his hand.

"Take care" Elena squeezed Sonakshi's hand and left the ward.

"So Sona, mujhey yaad kiya?" Dev asked.

Sonakshi nodded slightly as she continued staring at the wall ahead.
"Aaj hospital mein bohut kaam tha" Dev told her about his day while she silently drank in his words with a small smile intact.

After a while- 10:30 pm

"Dev" Sonakshi called.

Dev shifted on the couch and turned to face her, he rubbed his eyes groggily as he had fallen asleep.
"Yes Sona?"

"Call the doctor please" she whimpered.

"What happened?" he asked lot more alert now as he approached her, his heartbeat pacing.

"My chest,I can't breathe owww! Oh god Dev call the doc now" Sonakshi whimpered.

"relax Sonakshi, relax!" Dev rushed to the door and called the nurses outside.

"Aaah its paining!" Sonakshi whimpered as her voice cracked.

"Its nothing don't worry!" Dev tried to calm her down.
The doctor's and nurses rushed in with a stretcher.

"ICU immediately!" Dr.Nikkita spoke after observing Sonakshi.

"what happened?" Dev asked shocked.

"we cant say" Dr.Nikkita replied as all of them hurried out.

"Doctor!" Dev called as Sonakshi was taken into the ICU...Dr.Nikkita stopped and turned to him.

"Dev, I'm afraid, this is it...I will try my best, pls call Elena n Vicky" she hurried off leaving a devastated Dev behind her. "Dev" Vicky spoke again scared as to how cold Dev's hands were.

"Elena has gone to meet her.....for the last time.....".

Dev looked away his heart yearning It all to be a dream, his brain not registering a word.

"Go Dev, before its too late" screamed Elena, her sister.Dev rushed to the ICU his palms started sweating as he stepped in, Elena sat numb at the corner of the room, tears running down her eyes.

Dev stood next to Sonakshi, his wife.

"Sonakshi" he called, but stopped as his voice seemed to have given away, Sonakshi had paled, her skin chalky white, she seemed to be semi-conscious her eyes staring around half-open.

"Sona" he called squeezing her delicate hand.
Her gaze flitted across the room, at him but they didn't stop on him, she failed to recognize him.
"Sonakshi" Dev called again, but she wasn't listening.
Her lips moved forming some inaudible words, and the little colour seemed to be draining from her face.
"Sona, u cant leave me" he pleaded "please don't leave me..please" he cried as he clutched her hand even more firmly.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, it was Vicky.
"Tell her Vicky, she cant leave me...she has to fight it...!!" Dev bellowed.

Dr.Nikkita entered the ICU in a hurried pace..."please only one" she told them urgently.

Vicky took a devastated Elena along with him, while Dev silently wept standing next Sonakshi."Excuse me Dev" Dr.Nikkita requested feeling bad for him, but she had to do her work.

Dev let go of Sonakshi's hand as Dr.Nikkita started working.
He stared at Sonakshi from a distance, she seemed so lifeless, semi-conscious, unknowing...pale...and....... Dead.The Beeping sound filled his ears n he could feel no more.

15th August 2010
He sat by the sea side singing a Happy Birthday staring at the skies, a lone tear escaped as he remembered the day, His beloved wife's Bday, heaving a sigh he closed the book in his hand, the diary entries of his late wife Sonakshi Dev Chatterjee or Sona.Months he had spent reading them, trying to engrave each and every thing in his mind heart and soul.Her last message to him
He didn't like her message, she seemed to have forgotten that happiness for him meant his Sona.Nevertheless she had asked him for a promise and he kept it.