Well about time I update hmmm.

Okay sooooo

I might just wait to publish this. It's a hard post to even write.

Especially bc I'm on the bus and I don't want to cry...

"Cry? Violet why are you going to cry?" Is a question you may be asking.

Well it's all about to be explained.

First I need you to remeber I'm still a kid. Like I'm in my somewhat early teen years so dw.

Yes this is going to be about chocolate.

So, readers digression (or whatever it's called) is advised; the future writing may involve mentions of sadness, upsetness and just all together betrayal. Friend loss or something.

Soooooooo here's what actually happened.

I go to maths class, sit at the back in my seat as usual. Chocolates too rows a head of me talking to his friend. With two of my friends sitting in front of me.

(...sorry I paused there and now writing this a few days later for context)

Everything was per usual. Work book out, me taking notes of everything in there and mental notes of people. Chocolate was mucking around as he does a lot. After a while one of my friends turn around and tells me "chocolates talking about you. Not bad by the way," he was talking to his friend PK (stands for principal kid) and apparently it was about trying to talk to me.

Mmmm

I'm missing a big detail. I was stressing out. Like silently hyperventilating and stressed the hell out. I was practically on the verge of a panic attack with lotssss of tears. Anyways I was trying to keep my cool together. Then Chocolate go moved for talking and messing around. Of course he gets move to the seat across of me.

He gets up, takes in stuff while my legs shaking and I'm stabbing myself with a pencil under the table. Me moves and says "Hii Violettt" which is like of his first words to me in ages. Anyway for some reason that I hate and love at the same time, I'm suddenly stress free and ok.

Two damn word from him and I'm breathing fine, leg stops, tears disappear and I'm fine. No pencil stabbing needed.

I'm then somewhat angry at him. I'm a flash I'm mad. Seriously. Two whole months I've been ghosted for and you say to me "Hii Violet" and I'm meant to be ok with it. Seriously? Lie yes you saved me from a public panic attack buttttt he didn't even know that. Probably didn't care.

Like chocolate seriously.

I spent the rest of the day like angry. Staying mad but not mad. Like how could I be mad at him but still trying to be.

Then when I got on the school bus to get back home. One one hour and a half  trip to go. I tell Cassie (mentioned her in past chapters, she used to go to Pemby but came to Manji. We're really good friends now and I (platonically) love her. She's in the year below me tho)
And she goes off. Like she's more angry than me. So she goes ok n snap then finds him on snap.

She friends him right and within five minutes he friends her back.

Like wth.

Anyways then she's texting him.

She tells me he got a new phone and a new account.

Then she said she told him to friend me.

Then she was looking angry and confused.

I of course being that polite friend snatched her phone off her and read what he said.

He said "no thanks."

Then me being me typed "why not???"

And he say "bc I don't wanna."

I passed the phone back to Cassie.

She blocked him.

Wtf.

Did I do something wrong??

Is he ok.

I don't know what to say.

I'm so confused.

That was Wednesday the 6th of March.

It's Sunday.

I don't know what to say.

The whole bus trip back I had my earphone in and I was like kinda crying

And here's a secret:

I haven't cried in ages right. Like ages. (Sad animated kid movies do t count. Or anymore movies)
And yet it's Sunday and I've cried like ten times.
Over a boy.

Over a guy.

Over someone who doesn't even care anymore.

I miss him.

I made a whole playlist for damn sake.

If anyone wants to listen to the playlist I made on Spotify on the songs that I feel like or reminds me of him, here's the link.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3xktU2XjsfebOph2wnrFLN?si=CmGUTzyjR5mIpo4HVOlsyQ

Uhhh good luck.

I miss him.

Love you guys, girls and non binary peoples who read this.

Have a good one.

Ummm bye for now.

-Violet <3