I'd like y'all to keep an open-mind and just remember that when Adriana is craving cocaine she tends to get irritable and just rude and etc. It's a side effect.

It's a bit sad to see this book doesn't get as many comments compared to my other books especially when it tackles more mature, serious topics like drug abuse and etc. I'm sure it's just because it's sad and not the most exciting, funny book ever but like still lmao.

Also, commenting theories and opinions would motivate me more, and it's like a book where you can make up theories (there's so much foreshadowing like ??) like people just know it's bad but don't predict what might happen sigh* idk just not many people bother with my stories and it's really disheartening.

oH well, I'm still gonna write this book because I've wanted to write it since like three years ago. Ignore my rant and enjoy.

≫≫≫

I ran out of tears when I was 18

So nobody made me but the main streets

≫≫≫

"Joder."

  Fuck.

   "Yeah, joder indeed," Donnie said, imitating her Spanish accent terribly as she scolded herself inwardly for forgetting about the money. Her eyes scanned the area briefly, relieved that Donnie's gang wasn't here, and it was just him.

   "I don't have it," she told him straight up, before turning to walk away, making him frown and pull her back with his hand on her wrist. "Hands off!"

   "C'mon Adriana, I'm sick and tired of this. My boss will have my head if you don't pay up," Donnie sighed in exasperation, making her groan in frustration, turning around. "I'm serious for god's sake."

   "I don't think you understand the shit I am currently going through, Donnie," Adriana started to say through gritted teeth, his impatience and nagging ticking her off. "I am broke. All I can think about every single minute of the day is how bad I need to get high. I don't have that kind of money, and I certainly can't make it in a day or two-"

   "Look I'm sorry you're broke and addicted to coke, and shit but I'm not supposed to sympathize and give you extra time okay? Fuck, I've already done that because of your kid. There's only so much I can do," Donnie continued to rant, while he held her forearms to keep her from running off.  "Please understand where I'm coming from."

   "I understand, Donnie. But what the fuck do you want me to do when I barely have money to feed my kid?"

   "Your boyfriend," Donnie snapped, making Adriana's eyebrows slope downwards. "He's rich as fuck. I know he's covering for you."

   "You don't know shit. I'm not going to ask him to pay my fucking cocaine bills. He does enough for me already," Adriana spoke lowly. "I don't want to involve him in my messes."

   "He's already involved, because he's with you," Donnie hissed lightly. "You can't keep this from him. Knowing you, you probably keep a lot of shit from him."

   "Knowing me? You don't know me, Donnie-"

   "Actually I think I do," Donnie cut her off. "You always call me when you're high because you're lonely as fuck and have no friends."

   "That's because shit happens whenever someone associates themselves with me," Adriana said with a roll of her eyes, referring to the part he said about her being lonely and not having friends. Donnie chuckled all of a sudden.

   "Let's see what kind of shit will happen to Harry since he's your latest 'associate'," Donnie snickered, making Adriana smack his bicep with a pissed off look on her face.

   "You do anything to him I will fucking end you," Adriana threatened fiercely, even though Donnie knew she couldn't live up to it. "You wouldn't hurt Mateo, so please Donnie, don't do anything to Harry. He doesn't deserve to suffer because of my mistakes."

  Adriana's aggressive tone switched to a softer, pleading one. It made Donnie's hard expression soften a little as he listened to her. He didn't know why but he always had a soft spot for Adriana. Perhaps it was because she had a little boy he had seen, only 3 years old? Or the fact that her life was just utter shit and him giving her extra time on her deadlines help relieve the stress she has?

  During his years of working for the Black Mamba he had met many drug addicts who were slowly dying and broke, yet he managed to get the money he needed out of them. He never resulted to physical violence. He mostly had his men break into houses or apartments of his clients and trash them, or follow and harass his clients as well. He had them following Harry just to figure out where he lives just in case Donnie did decide to harass Harry in order to get Adriana to pay up.

   "Adriana, he's bound to suffer due to your addiction," Donnie murmured quietly, making Adriana shake her head with a guilty look on her face, looking away.

   "You don't get it, Donnie. That man...he does so much for me, and he means everything to me. He can't get hurt because of me! Because I-I couldn't pay my debts!" Adriana rambled, turning a little hysterical and emotional as Donnie watched and listened to her with a little pity.

   "I'm already hurting him, doing cocaine behind his back, hiding my past from him when he's so open to me; I just- I just don't want anything bad to happen to him," her voice started breaking a little, and she felt like she was just tired of people not understanding what she was going through. "I don't- I don't want him to leave me b-because-"

   "Adriana, it's fine," Donnie said with a sigh, interrupting her emotional rambling and causing her to look at him with furrowed brows. "I'll give you a few more days to get the money. I really suggest you ask your boyfriend to help you with it. If he's already doing so much for you, I'm sure he wouldn't mine paying off these debts. It'll take some stress off of you and then you can focus on stopping that addiction of yours."

   "Thank you, Donnie," Adriana whispered gratefully, making him shoot her a tight-lipped smile. "Really."

   "I'll text you the next deadline. Take care of yourself, Adriana," he told her with a nod before walking away.

Adriana watched him move around the corner of the alleyway and disappear, sighing lightly with a relieved smile. She wondered briefly why he decided to be kind to her for once, and then assumed that her emotional ranting probably caused his cold heart to melt. She knew Donnie had a heart. She remembered the first time she told him about her son when he demanded money from her, but was confused and worried when she started crying because she barely had enough money to feed her child. She realized Donnie had a soft spot for Mateo, kids in general, even though he hasn't met the boy.

  Donnie was nicer than Hunter, the previous drug dealer, way more understanding as well. Adriana told herself she should appreciate him more and try to meet his deadlines since he was a blessing compared to the shit Hunter put her friends through because she missed a couple of deadlines. She visibly shuddered when she reminisced through the drama and shit she dealt with a year ago because of that terrible man.

  These were the thoughts that ran through Adriana's mind as she walked back up and up her apartment building. Her feet were sore and aching by the time she reached home, digging through her handbag to locate her keys to unlock the door herself so that she wouldn't wake Harry and Mateo if they were sleeping. They should be, she thought to herself since it was around 3 in the morning when she stepped into her apartment. A few of the lights were on, especially in the living room where she moved quietly to, wondering if Harry was also asleep. When she entered the living room, her felt her heart combust in her chest at the sight in front of her.

  On the TV was the Disney movie; The Lion King playing on while Harry was asleep with his back to her on the couch. She approached him to get a better view, only to find her heart swelling up in her chest even more to find Mateo wedged between the couch and Harry, snuggled up against his chest. Harry had his arms protectively around Mateo, while the little boy was curled up against Harry's chest, just like he usually did with his mother. Adriana widened her eyes when Mateo moved in his sleep, clutching Harry's t-shirt and murmuring a single word out.

   "Mamá."

  Adriana's heart burst in her chest at Mateo calling out for his mother in his sleep. She decided to get changed before attempting to take Mateo to bed, and Harry too. She didn't want them to sleep on her uncomfortable couch all night long. Her feet carried her into her bedroom where she began taking her jewelry off before something bad happened. While she proceeded to take her diamond choker off, she felt liquid trickling down from her right nostril.

  A familiar wave of panic washed over her when she quickly looked up at the mirror, eyes widening when she saw that she had a nosebleed. Nosebleeds occur when a cocaine user does too much snorting; it often occurred to addicts. Cursing under her breath, she rushed out of her bedroom and into the bathroom, throwing the door open with a loud bang.

  She didn't notice that Harry was standing with a sleeping Mateo in his arms at the head of the hallway, frowning sleepily when he saw Adriana running into the bathroom. He adjusted Mateo on his hip, who was fast asleep with his cheek resting on Harry's shoulder, before walking quickly and quietly towards the bathroom.

   "Adriana?" Harry murmured tiredly in questioning, watching her lift her head up from the sink. His eyes widened at the sight of her bleeding nose, which he saw through her reflection on the mirror. "Shit, wait let me put Mateo to bed."

    Harry returned quickly to find Adriana holding her head down to let the blood flow out. His heart was filled with worry as he hovered by her side, unsure of how to help her because she kept pushing him away.

   "Babe, let me help you."

    "It's fine, Harry," Adriana spoke firmly. "Just go to bed, I've got it covered."

    "No, I can help–"

   "I said I got it covered," Adriana couldn't help but snap, restless and frustrated because of the nosebleed and the fact that she wasn't able to do enough cocaine that night.

  Harry stepped back with a hurt expression on his face, gazing at her with a pout as he tried to figure out why she had a nosebleed. Then he put two and two together, her snapping at him uncharacteristically and the fact that one can get nosebleeds if they do too much cocaine. He felt his heart fall into his chest when he made the assumption that she had done cocaine that night, when she promised she'd get rid of it.

   "You did cocaine, didn't you?" Harry's tone was accusatory. Adriana's gaze flickered up to the mirror, noticing his facial expression that had a mix of emotions swirling in it.

   "Harry, I couldn't help it-"

   "But you promised you'd get rid of it. If you got rid of it, you wouldn't have done it," Harry murmured with furrowed brows. "You didn't do that either."

   "Look I said I couldn't help it. The cravings were shit today."

   "That's what you always say," he sighed heavily.

   "Chill Harry, I did like one line," Adriana rolled her eyes lightly, making him flare up a little.

   "But you did some after you left my house didn't you?" he snapped at her, making her expression fall. "See? How much did you do?" he demanded, making her flinch with hesitation. "Tell me."

   "A lot," she sighed as she moved to get some tissues to soak up the blood from her nose.

   "How much?" Harry questioned, his voice now filled with worry.

   "2 or 3 8-balls," she muttered lowly, making his eyes widen.

   "What the fuck, Adriana? That's like 10 grams of cocaine," he felt like yelling, pale eyes gleaming with anger and frustration while she merely shrugged.

   "It's not even that much, I've done more-"

   "Fuck stop acting like this isn't nothing, what's wrong with you?" he groaned in vexation, even though he knew it was probably the effects of the cocaine or the cravings that were making her act like this.

   "I'm perfectly fine, Harry," she yelled at him all of a sudden, making him flinch. "I am completely happy and content with my life and I only do drugs because I like getting high," she ranted hysterically with sarcasm soaking her tone.

   "Jesus, stop with the sarcasm, it's not funny," Harry spoke through gritted teeth. "You could've fucking overdosed."

   "Well I didn't, and I've never overdosed in the past five years of doing cocaine," Adriana said with a huff, dabbing her nose as she leaned back against the sink to face him. She grimaced at the bloodstained tissue, frustrated that her nose won't stop bleeding.

   "How are we going to get you to stop your addiction, if you keep doing fucking cocaine," Harry gazed at her questioningly with eyebrows raised. "You don't get it. You don't get how painful it is for me to watch you suffer like this. You look sick, Adriana. It's killing you and you don't even realize it. What if one day you overdose and-and-"

   "I die?" she arched a brow at him, making him flare up and raise his voice at her in anger and frustration.

  They continued to argue and yell at each other; momentarily forgetting that the bathroom door was wide open and so was Mateo's bedroom door opposite the bathroom. The sleeping child awoke to the sound of his mother's exasperated voice yelling along with her boyfriend's. His dark brown eyes fluttered open, a tiny yawn escaping his lips as he sat up slowly and rubbed his closed right eye with his fist. With his Simba toy tucked under his left arm, he climbed off the bed and decided to see what was going on.

  He found himself standing by the doorway of the bathroom, watching with wide eyes a horrible argument unfold between his mother and her boyfriend. He frowned a little when he saw Harry yelling with an angry expression on his face. He was about to part his lips and tell Harry to stop yelling at his mother, before he noticed that Adriana was holding a bloody tissue to her nose. His little heart started worrying and he stumbled into the bathroom, running up to his mother and clinging to her leg.

   "Mamá, qué te pasa?" Mateo mumbled, gazing up at her with sleepy eyes as he felt scared his mother was hurt. "Estás bien, Mamá?" What's wrong? Are you okay?

   "Mateo, vuelve a tu habitacón," Adriana said firmly, her irritated mood not allowing any space for sympathy and worry that her son was scared and worried for her. "Go. Now." Go back to your room.

   "I want you to come, Mamá," Mateo pouted, feeling hurt by the harsh tone his mother used.

  She huffed in annoyance, reaching down with one hand to grab his tiny arm, making him suddenly burst into tears. She tried to walk him out of the bathroom with one hand, while the other held her bloody tissue to her nose. But he started struggling and crying loudly, making Harry immediately approach them. At that point, he didn't care that Adriana might get hurt if her son goes to Harry for comfort, he just wanted to help the poor child calm down.

   "Adriana, stop it you're scaring him," Harry hissed lightly when Adriana had let go of her son and started scolding him in Spanish. It only made Mateo cry louder. "Stop it! You've made him cry, the poor baby."

  Harry was crouched down, ready to take Mateo away from Adriana to calm him down. But Adriana wasn't listening to a word Harry was saying, reaching out to grab ahold of Mateo but he quickly ran into Harry's arms and buried his face into the his chest, scared. The action immediately snapped Adriana out of her mood, causing her eyes to widen and hand to retract back. Her heart couldn't help but break a little when Mateo did that, watching Harry's eyes widen when Mateo wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and sobbed.

   "Mateo, go to your Mamá, darling," Harry murmured quietly to the crying boy but he only shook his head in response with a tiny sob.

  Adriana's heart broke even more and she quietly mumbled to Harry to take Mateo back to his room. Harry felt his heart ache for Adriana, and felt guilt fill in the cracks of it as he lifted the boy up and carried him away to his room. Adriana tried not to cry, because she knew that if she started crying it wouldn't only be because Mateo saw his mother like that. It would be for every other fucked up thing that had happened to her. She would cry because she argued with Harry terribly tonight. She would cry because not matter how hard she tried, the demons were always stronger than her.

  She tossed away the bloody tissue and got another one, deciding to head to the kitchen to get an ice pack for her nose. On her way out of the bathroom, she saw Harry sitting on Mateo's bed with her son perched on his lap. Harry was talking to him quietly and soothingly, while Mateo was listening, sniffling every now and then. She was relieved when she saw that he had stopped crying, only to find her heart aching again as she replayed the scene that had occurred, in her head. But she was dragged out of her thoughts when she heard Harry question Mateo lightly while stroking his hair, Mateo resting his cheek against Harry's chest with his back facing Adriana.

   "Why didn't you go to your Mamá when I told you to, Mateo?"

   "M-Mamá was being mean," Mateo said with a stutter, making Adriana's heart tighten in her chest.

  She had only gotten angry with him a handful of times whenever he threw random tantrums or annoyed her unnecessarily like any other child would with their mother. She couldn't help it and wanted to be stern with him sometimes instead of babying him all the time, but he was very sensitive and was only three years old. She sighed heavily, deciding to apologize to him after she sorted her nose out. Harry noticed her leaving, heart aching even more for her now as he rubbed Mateo's back soothingly.

  The bleeding had lessened majorly now, much to Adriana's relief, and after icing her nose for a few minutes; it stopped completely. She rinsed her nose again and upper lip again, getting rid of the dried blood before drying off with a towel. Her heart was aching as she replayed her argument with Harry, shaking her head at how sarcastic and inconsiderate she was being because he was hurting, watching her die slowly from the addiction. She realized that a reason why he wasn't more understanding about her addiction was because he didn't know all the horrible things that have happened to her in the past that was currently haunting her.

  She leaned back against the counter and sniffled a little, eyes tearing up when she thought about Mateo again. She knew her mood was irritable and she was extra snappy and sarcastic because she was craving the cocaine again. But she couldn't find it in herself to make excuses for scaring her son when all he wanted to do was make sure his mother was okay. The way his dark brown eyes widened and filled up with tears, along with his pink lips pouting sadly made the tears slip out from her eyes. She let out a tiny sob when she thought about how he reached for Harry and clung to him and refused to go back to her when he told him to.

  Her crying morphed into sobbing because once something small like what happened with Mateo triggered her crying, she would automatically cry about everything. She didn't cry often, because she had done too much of it when she was younger to a point she literally ran out of tears. She cried because she remembered when Harry started rambling about her dying from an overdose while they argued and how it would kill him to see that happen, as well as Mateo. That caused her to briefly think about how much it would hurt her son and boyfriend if something ever happened to her because of her addiction.

  Mateo was asleep by the time Harry left his room. His ears detected soft sobbing coming from the kitchen when he closed the door to Mateo's room gently. A frown etching upon his face before his features softened a little. His heart broke in his chest at the sound of his love crying. Harry quickly headed to the kitchen, entering and finding Adriana with her hands gripping the counter, body hunched over with her head hung low, sobbing desolately.

   "Baby," Harry sighed lightly, startling her a little. She straightened her back and rubbed her cheeks, still crying a little while Harry came up behind her and rubbed her shoulders. "Fuck I'm so sorry."

   "Don't apologize," she immediately said with a shake of her head, turning to face him, making pain flash across his face.

   "I didn't want expect Mateo to do that, and he shouldn't have, baby, I'm sorry," Harry apologized again, resting his hands on her hips.

   "I'm a terrible mother," she whimpered softly, shaking her head and bury her face into her hands. "I never have enough money to feed him. I-I never can explain to him why I left his father and I feel he hates that he doesn't have a family like normal people do. Fuck, just my child himself enough for me to stop this damn addiction. I'm selfish f-"

   "Adriana stop it," Harry said firmly, pulling her hands down and cupping her cheeks. "Don't you ever say you're a bad mother. That boy loves you more than anything in this world. You've raised a wonderful kid who's going to grow up to be a great man one day, and I know that will happen because of you. The addiction...yours is just that hard to get over you know?"

   "I just-I just, I don't know what came over me while we were a-arguing," she sniffled while Harry took her into his arms and hugged her firmly. "Those fucking demons. The amount I do is never enough. It's never enough."

   "I know, baby," Harry murmured sadly, rubbing her back as she rested her chin on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I was being a little inconsiderate. I-I've just been reading a lot and researching, and Niall's told me shit about cocaine addicts getting heart attacks and fuck Adriana I'm terrified. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, it would kill me."

  The vulnerability and worry in his tone made Adriana's eyes tear up, wondering how on earth she got a man to love, care and worry about her like this. She contemplated on telling him what happened to her in her past, how she was ruined mentally, emotionally and physically. But she couldn't. It was too hard for her. The man who ruined her, robbed her from her ability to reach out to people when it came to discussing that dark time. Nobody knew about what happened to her when she was 18. Nobody but him.

   "I understand where you're coming from, Harry," she told him sincerely when she pulled back to gaze at him. "But you don't understand how hard it is."

   "I know-"

   "No, you don't," she shook her head. "I don't do cocaine just because the high makes me feel good. I do it because it makes me forget. The shit I have been through...no one deserves to go through that," she said with a sigh.

   "Adriana, can't you tell me?" he questioned gently. "I mean it'll help me understand better-"

   "I-I can't," her voice was suddenly shaky, dark eyes filled with fear and anxiety. "It hurts to talk about it, the memories...the pain, oh my god," she began tearing up again, making Harry quickly shake his head.

   "No don't cry, my love. You don't have to, don't worry," he cooed while he cupped her cheeks and wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. "C'mere."

  He pulled her in for a hug again, squeezing her upper body firmly as he whispered words of comfort to her. But him asking her about her past triggered something inside of her and now she was shaking, mumbling about the pain she felt and the word 'him'. Harry tried to guess what happened but he wasn't able to come up with anything that matched the severity of the things that happened to Adriana. Harry was worried about her, kissing her cheek and rubbing her back to get her to calm down.

   "The pain is never-ending. It'll never end for me, will it?" she whispered sadly to herself, making Harry's heart break for the millionth time today.

   "It will, my love. I promise you it will," he told her firmly, so sure of his words but he didn't understand how unpredictable the future is. He didn't understand how people can change over time, promises can break and traumatic events can occur.

   "Why did it have to happen to me?" she murmured to herself in dismay, referring to what he did to her. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

   "I wish I knew the answer, my love," Harry sighed heavily. "But hey, everything will get better."

   "That's what they all say."

∙❧∙

   "Hello Donnie."

   "Hi, Boss," Donnie responded smoothly, wondering why the Black Mamba was calling him at such a late hour. "What's up?"

   "I was calling you about a concern of mine. My men received the share of money from New York, and I have to say I was pleased at first to see that the sales have gone up," the Black Mamba spoke into the phone in low voice, his tone with a hint of malevolence that was habitual.

   "At first? You weren't pleased after?"

   "No because there's a thousand dollars missing from the amount you promised me," the Black Mamba spoke sharply into the phone, making Donnie frown a little before he sighed in realization. "Mind explaining to me the reason why?"

   "There's a client of mine, she's struggling a little with getting me the money," Donnie explained, making the Black Mamba growl underneath his breath.

   "And what are you planning on doing to get this money back, Donnie?"

   "I gave her a few more days to get it. She promised me she'll get it," Donnie said hesitantly.

   "That's what they all say," the Black Mamba scoffed. "Does she have any family or friends?"

   "She has both," Donnie forced himself to say out of fear of the Black Mamba.

   "Harass or ambush them. Kill if you need to, I want my money, Donnie," he snapped in response. "I'm sending men over tomorrow morning. Get it done by tomorrow night. If you don't, perhaps I'll send you another one of those videos of your sister. I still have some saved."

  Donnie's heart fell in his chest at his boss' words, jaw clenching as he muttered a response involving that he will get the Black Mamba his money. Donnie sighed heavily when he hung up the phone, gazing over at his bedside table where there was a picture of him with his sister, whom he loved dearly. He too was paying off debts just like Adriana, but unfortunately he fucked up and betrayed the Black Mamba and is still stuck working for him as a prisoner. He received a text from one of the men who was going to arrive at New York in the morning, questioning what the plan was. Donnie made up something in his mind and texted the guy back.

  He set his phone down and sighed heavily to himself when he remembered his conversation with Adriana today. He felt guilt churn in the pit of his stomach as he parted his lips to murmur something.

   "I'm sorry, Adriana."

≫≫≫

∙ sOOoo what do guys think? What are your predictions after reading that last bit of the chapter?

ALSO, what do you think happened to Adriana in her past?

I don't want to see "she got raped" and that's it, like yeah it's obvious but BY WHO? And there's actually more that happened.

∙ I hope y'all are sympathetic enough to understand that it is hard for Adriana to just stop, even reduce the amount of cocaine she does.

∙ i DON'T know if it's just me but whenever Mateo cries I feel like it's my heart breaking along with Adriana's because idk if this makes any sense but it's like he's my kid too since I created the character. Like kids don't deserve to live like this in unstable households at all. It breaks my heart.

∙ I can't wait for the shit to begin like it's gonna be so bad like even I tear up a little thinking about it because I feel like what happened/ is happening and will happen to Adriana is the worst possible shit she could through (in my opinion.

∙ one last thing! I'm leaving for vacation this Wednesday and idk how I'll be able to update or if I'll have wifi or whatever so please bear with me! I'll make sure to try and update Heavy Crown before I leave (:

Until we meet again...

thiora♡