apologies in advance for this new chapter :')

I hope I get a good response (as in more comments than usual) for this chapter because I'm quite proud of it and I've been waiting to write it since like I started this book. Pls don't disappoint I'm soft and sensitive lol.

Happy reading and pls excuse errors xx

≫≫≫

Now tell me: how did all my dreams turn to nightmares

How did I lose it when I was right there?

≫≫≫

"Hello Donnie."

   "Hey, Boss," Donnie answered with wide eyes, sitting up straight in his sofa and calming his heart. "What's up?"

   "I just wanted to thank you for getting the money back on time, especially that extra 1000 dollars, plus more," the Black Mamba spoke coolly into the phone, ring-clad fingers grabbing his glass of whiskey and taking a sip right after. "The others are gonna have their heads on a plate for taking so fucking long."

   "Gotta follow the deadlines before heads start rolling," Donnie chuckled nervously.

   "Anyways, how'd you get that extra money? You were only supposed to get a thousand," the Black Mamba asked in interest.

   "Oh the woman somehow had money for cocaine too after she paid me back the 1000," Donnie said with a shrug.

   "Was it that Charlotte Jones girl again? I remember her giving you trouble last year."

   "Oh no, it's a different one. Adriana Decoux, she's been a customer of mine for a while now," Donnie explained, while the Black Mamba suddenly sat up once he heard this new information. "She's got a kid and everything so I never could really force her or anything-"

   "I've got to go, Donnie," the Black Mamba interrupted him, standing up from his seat. "I'll talk to you soon."

   "Sure, Boss," Donnie nodded, sighing inwardly in relief because the conversation was ending.

   "Oh one more thing." Donnie heard his boss say quickly before Donnie was about to hang up.

   "Yes, Boss?"

   "Send me her address."

∙❧∙

Weeks later

   The dinner with Harry's parents had casted a dark, heavy cloud of tension over Harry and Adriana's heads. Adriana never realized that Harry would be this upset about what had happened, and she silently wondered to herself why he was so taken back by his parent's reaction because it was obvious they were going to react this way. The whole thing had put Harry in a sour, bitter mood for the week, and it worried Adriana. She tried to understand why he thought their opinion was important when they were such horrible people who never supported any of his relationships. But it was hard.

It also didn't help that Adriana's withdrawal symptoms were at an all time high now since she had neglected some of parts of her daily routine that helped keep her cravings at bay, such as meditation. She was restless and agitated as the days went by and their relationship remained strained. Some days, depression hit her like a truck, and it would run her over continuously as if she was some dead rabbit, shredding her to pieces. Harry was there for all of it, and he supported her, but because he was in such a bitter mood, it never really felt like he was there.

   ''Adriana?" Harry woke up to the sound of crying in the bathroom.

  He rolled over on the bed and sat up groggily, groaning softly as he rubbed his eyes with his knuckles before cracking them open. He squinted at the bright light that spilled through the half open door of the bathroom. He got off the bed and trudged towards it, hand reaching out to push the door further open and finding Adriana with her head hung low, hands gripping the sink. The stench of vomit flood into Harry's nostrils, making him grimace a little before he parted his lips to speak.

   "You okay?" he said as he reached out to rub her back. She had just finished cleaning up and brushing her teeth again from vomiting due to the horrific nightmare she had just endured. For the first time, Harry hadn't woken her up from it, which was odd as he usually noticed her struggling during nightmares and would wake her up.

   "Fine," Adriana answered shortly, soft and raspy because her throat was raw from crying and vomiting. "Go back to bed, I'll be right there."

   "Are you sure?" he questioned with a yawn.

  He was exhausted and really did want to go to bed at the moment, but he wanted to make sure that Adriana was alright. Adriana swallowed thickly and bobbed her head, even though she could hear the voices telling her to notice how Harry never asked such a question and would always insist on making her talk or helping her out whenever she refused.

   "Yeah."

  Harry paused for a second, and snapped himself out of the bitter mood he's been in for the past few weeks, and took a long look at Adriana. Her skin was looking pale again, gray and ghostly with bags under her eyes. He inwardly cursed at himself for not noticing these things earlier, and reached forwards to touch her back again. Adriana looked at him, noticing that he was still here and hadn't left like she told him to. She took one look at his beautiful face and felt the tears slipping from her eyes again. He immediately wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, comforting words simultaneously slipping from his mouth in a soothing voice.

   "Hey it's alright, you're fine. Whatever happened...it was all just a dream. It wasn't real," Harry found himself murmuring the same words he's been saying for the past two months now, and he was wondering if they even had any effect.

   "But they feel real," she sniffled with a shake of her head. She could still see Harry's lifeless, jade eyes burning into the back of her mind. She had never had a dream with murder in it, but tonight's one was a first and it was horrendous. He did the murder.

   "I know, baby, I know," Harry sighed heavily, resting his chin on her shoulder.

   "They just keep coming, and c-coming," Adriana let out a tiny sob, burying her face into his chest as she referred to the nightmares. "When will they end?"

  Harry bit his lip as he felt her words tug harshly at his heartstrings, wishing that he could say that the nightmares will fade away soon, but he was unsure. That's all he's been feeling lately, unsure. He wanted her to go to rehab. He had decided that the withdrawal symptoms were just too hard to manage now for both her and him, and she'd be better off in rehab. But Harry kept postponing the conversation because he was afraid of what would happen if he brought it up.

   "Adriana," Harry spoke up in a different tone, one that felt ominous to Adriana for some reason. He pulled back to gaze at her, straight in the eye.

   "What?" she questioned, dark, teary eyes searching for his serious, emerald ones.

   "I think it's time for you to go to rehab."

  All the color in Adriana's face was drained when she heard his words, just like he had anticipated. She had been dreading this conversation, which she knew was inevitable. Harry felt a sigh coming up in his throat when he saw her shaking her head and looking away. He unwound his arms from around her and held her in place with a firm but gentle grip on her hips.

   "Adriana, you need to," Harry told her firmly. "You can't keep living like this, whatever we planned...it's not working anymore. I don't know what I was thinking in the first place, but this is our only option. Your only option."

   "N-No," Adriana refused to believe it, shaking her head with tears in her eyes. "Y-You're only saying that because you're upset with me, and-and you're tired of putting up with me."

   "Well I am tired, okay?" Harry snapped a little in frustration. "Tired of seeing you suffering all the fucking time. It's killing me! Can't you see that?"

   "Of course I can, Harry, but you don't understand how hard it is," she cried loudly, silently thankful she left Mateo at Jazmín's because she wasn't having a good day due to her cravings. He would've heard everything.

   "I'm trying to understand, Adriana!" Harry exclaimed just as loudly, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "But there's still things about you that I don't know, which contribute to this addiction! No matter how long we've been together, I still feel like I don't know you, not as much as you know me. I don't even know why and how you started doing cocaine, yet here I am helping you get over the addiction to it."

   "I'm sorry," Adriana whispered, feeling the tears stream from her cheeks like rivers through a mountain. "I-I can't find the voice I need to tell you what happened, Harry. I-I can't."

   "You fucking can, Adriana," Harry felt like his heart was going to explode in his chest when he came forwards to cup her cheeks. "Please try, try for me."

   Adriana's lips let out a mix between a cry and a whimper, allowing her mind to open that chest of dark memories she kept locked up at the back of her mind, just for one moment. Just for one moment: she couldn't breathe. She couldn't handle it, thinking about him. The years of suffering she had endured, it all came back to her and suddenly she just pushed Harry away. Harry stepped back in surprise, frowning deeply as Adriana shook her head, indicating that she doesn't want to talk about it. Harry didn't say anything, simply nodding slightly with his lips pursed. He couldn't help the look of disappointment and frustration that flashed across his features.

   "I can't help you if you won't tell me, Adriana," Harry whispered ever so quietly.

   "It's not-" Adriana immediately began to say in a loud voice before lowering it significantly and continuing, calming herself down. "It's not that I don't want to, I fucking can't."

   "No you ca- okay, you know what? Nevermind," Harry waved his hand with a shake of head. "When you finally agree to go to rehab, you can see a therapist, and they'll be able to help you confess. Clearly whatever I'm doing isn't helping, or working, it's just not good enough."

   "No, it is, you've been helping me so much. You've been so good to me, Harry and I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry about everything-"

   "Don't apologize, Adriana," Harry said with a shake of his head. "That's not going to change my mind about rehab."

   "What about Mateo? He cannot live with a fucking foster family-"

   "I'll adopt him," Harry cut her off, making her eyes widen at his words. "It'll be fine. I can take care of him while you're gone."

  Adriana hadn't considered that option, and for some reason she didn't like it. She still didn't want to go because she didn't want to be separated from the two of them, mostly Mateo. She didn't want to miss out on months of his life. Her demons whispered to her, spotting this moment of vulnerability and seizing the opportunity. They spoke to her about how much closer Mateo would be to Harry, than to Adriana. Do you really think he'll be able to take care of him the way you do? The demons questioned her slyly, planting seeds of doubt in her mind, as Harry waited for a proper response from her. The more they spoke to her, the more doubtful and reluctant she became towards accepting Harry's suggestion.

   "You don't want that to happen," Harry spoke up after a few moments of silence, after being able to detect her feelings about what he had just suggested. "What? Do you think that he'll forget you and love me more or something?"

   "H-He's practically a baby, he gets attached very easily," Adriana tried to make excuses to defend herself for feeling unsure about it all, but Harry wasn't having it.

    "You're being ridiculous, please-"

   "I'm not!" Adriana snapped at him loudly. "He will hate me for leaving him, I'll break his heart and I can't bear to do that."

   "You'll break his heart when the withdrawals take over and force you to go back to cocaine, and you end up overdosing and maybe even dying!" Harry's voice grew gradually louder towards the end where he ended up yelling loudly, vein popping in his neck with his pale eyes glaring.

   "You're already breaking his heart suffering like this because he notices, Adriana. He notices everything, that kid is perceptive as fuck! He knows his mother is sick, and it hurts him that he can't do anything to make you feel better," Harry continued to rant loudly, getting out everything that he had been meaning to say every time he got frustrated with her but kept his mouth shut.

   "You're breaking my heart," Harry's voice had lowered to a whisper now, hot tears pricking his jade eyes as he tried to stay angry, but now he was just sad.

   "I don't mean to, I promise," Adriana couldn't stop the tears from flowing as well, finding Harry's words tearing her heart to pieces as he pulled his hands up to wipe his cheeks. "Where are you going?" she questioned when she saw him turn around to leave the bathroom they had been arguing in this whole time.

   "Back to my place," Harry told her, walking back into her bedroom to grab his phone and car keys. "I just need to be alone for the night."

   "Harry," Adriana whispered, feeling her heart shattering as he retrieved what he needed and walked past her to head towards the front door.

   "I'll be back," was all he said as he swung the door open.

   "Harry, I love you!" Adriana called out loudly, and he heard. But he was out of the door with it slamming shut before he could return the words.

  Harry paused for a moment outside of her apartment, eyes squeezing shut as tears leaked out of his eyes and streamed down his cheeks. Nothing hurt him more than not returning those words back to her. He wanted to, but he felt that if he left like this and didn't return those words, it could push Adriana to take his words seriously. A large part of him screamed at him not to do this, to go back inside and hug her and tell her how much he loved her, but he couldn't keep doing that because it just kept allowing her to behave this way with constant reassurance that he'd never leave because he loves her.

  On the other hand, Adriana had little reassurance that he will come back since he was always true to his word. Nonetheless, watching him leave without returning her words of love broke her heart into a million pieces, like a hammer slamming down on a glass window. Adriana felt like her world was falling apart. Harry and her have never had a fight this bad, where he had to storm out because he wanted to be away from her, alone. She felt like she had pushed him to the limit and now he was ready to give up on her. She didn't even want to consider the only best option for Mateo if she went to rehab, which meant he really didn't know what else to do to help her. 

  Adriana's back found the closest wall nearby, sliding down against it as she sunk down with her arms wrapped around herself, crying desolately. Along with the pain and guilt, there was hate and bitter resentment that came out in the form of tears and body-racking cries. She hated the addiction that polluted her mind and body like a horrendous disease, and controlled her life. She hated that no matter how hard she tried her demons would always beat her. She hated him and how he had tainted her soul and robbed her of her body and voice that she desperately needed. She sobbed because she couldn't understand why people like her had to suffer so much and at what cost.

Just when she thought her night couldn't get any worse, it did. Adriana didn't know how long she had been crying for, as time had seemed eternal whenever she was sad, but after an hour or so; the doorbell rang. She couldn't ignore the way her heart lifted in her chest with the aid of hope, hoping that it was Harry who had returned. She rushed towards the door, hurriedly wiping her cheeks before her fingers wrapped around the handle. But she never expected to see her worst nightmare standing on the opposite side of the door. 

  When she swung the door open and found her face to face with the man tainted her very soul. The man who took ownership of her body, mind and soul. The man whom was once her hero, but ended up being the person she resented the most, who saved her from being a prisoner in one prison but put her in another. He was the man who stripped her of her self-worth, her dignity, and her identity, which she had to work for years to get back.

  When Adriana's wide, brown eyes locked with his malicious, dark ones; she wasn't the 24-year old, independent woman got her life back. That woman disappeared the moment he smirked at Adriana. In her place was the broken, lonely 18 year old girl who lost her innocence at such a young age.

   "Missed me, sweetheart?" he finally spoke, and the sound of his voice made Adriana tremble, losing control of her limbs as her mind screamed at her to slam the door in his face.

   "Dean?"

∙❧∙

The next morning

   "You left her?"

   "We didn't break up," Harry sighed heavily, setting his guitar down as Niall watched his movements. "I told her I'll come back."

   "That's...dangerous, Harry," Niall swallowed thickly. "What did you argue about?"

   "Rehab, the usual," Harry muttered. "But it was worse this time, I dunno. I've been a little distant lately because of the dinner. She doesn't understand why so she's frustrated and hurt, so our arguments just started increasing more and more."

   "Why was this one the worst one?" Niall questioned.

   "I dunno, it just felt so painful, and frustrating. Maybe because I brought up the adoption option for the first time."

   "And?" Niall pressed, wanting to know what her response was because it was Niall who told Harry about the option.

   "She didn't agree with it," Harry told him, making Niall's face drop. "She's paranoid Mateo will forget her or hate her for leaving."

   "Good lord," Niall sighed heavily.

   "I-I guess my heart couldn't handle it at that point so I said I was going to leave, and she didn't try to stop me, but she said 'I love you'..." Harry then trailed off, shrugging a little and looking away.

   "You didn't say it back, huh?" Niall questioned him softly, watching Harry nod a little. "You wanted to push her."

   "Yes I did."

   "Well you didn't consider that you might've pushed her in the wrong direction," Niall frowned deeply. "Harry, she's unstable, she could have done something irrational. You need to call her, or even better, go see her!"

   "I will," Harry assured him, running his fingers through his curls.

   "But you don't want to," Niall arched a brow at him.

   "I do," Harry retorted. "I just-ugh," he sighed again. "I just need a break, Niall. It's exhausting and heart-breaking, arguing with her constantly, watching myself around her when she's agitated, restless or depressed, taking care of her son, when she can't. It kills me every time he cries for his mother because I'm not as able as her when it comes to taking care of him."

   "I understand, Harry," Niall murmured quietly.

   "A-And I can't explain this to her, because if I do then it'll only confirm her beliefs of her ruining my life, and tiring me with all of this, which cannot happen because that will only make the withdrawals worse. It's just so difficult."

  Niall stepped forwards and immediately engulfed Harry in a warm hug after seeing his pale jade eyes, glistening with tears. Niall truly pitied Harry and sympathized with Adriana. A part of him wanted Harry to leave Adriana, because it hurts his heart how much his bestfriend has changed since he's been with her. Harry was always such an innocent, pure sweetheart, always so happy, always so able to see the good in others.

  Once he started seeing Adriana's true colors, once he started getting tainted with those colors; Niall watched as his bestfriend changed. He watched as his bestfriend get angry more often, and sad. He watched, as his bestfriend got so involved with Adriana and her addiction to a point where Harry started ignoring the truth: the truth that Harry just couldn't help Adriana anymore.

   "I never knew it'd be this hard," Harry whispered. "This painful."

   "They never do, co-addicts never do, Harry," Niall murmured back. "But I promise you, we'll find a way to get her to go to rehab, Harry. I promise you. But right now, you need to go back, just to make sure she hasn't done anything irrational, okay?"

   "Okay," Harry sniffled a little, pulling back and nodding, wiping the corners of his eyes. "Thank you, Niall, for always being there for me."

   "You're my best friend, Peach, my brother, I'm always for here for you," Niall told him firmly, cupping his cheeks and giving them a pat. "I love you loads, now get your mayo ass over there and make sure that poor gal is all okay."

   "I will," Harry forced himself to smile a little, nodding. "I'll go now."

  Harry's mind was wild with thoughts as he drove over to Adriana's, hoping and praying to God that she didn't do anything dangerous. He knew that she didn't self-harm because she always thought about her son when thoughts like that threatened her. But then again, he wasn't sure, so he worried. He cursed himself for not thinking about the consequences of his actions last night, and bit down on his lip in order to divert the pain that was settling in his chest, heavily. He finally reached her apartment building. His movements were quick and hasty as he rushed up using the stairs instead of the elevator because he was too impatient.

  When he reached her door, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door, again cursing himself because he forgot the extra key to her apartment that she lent him. The door swung open, and he couldn't help his heart from collapsing in his chest when he was met with the sight of a half-naked man, wearing boxers, standing in the open doorway. Harry's eyes darted to the golden plate on the door to double-check if it was Adriana's apartment, and unfortunately it was.

The man frowned deeply at Harry, whom stood there in shock, trying his hardest not to jump to conclusions but he already was. The man parted his lips to speak, voice coming out rough with a challenging tone, almost making Harry cower away.

   "Who the fuck are you?"

≫≫≫

∙ ALRIGHT! So a lot has happened !!! What do you guys think?

∙ might be a dumb question but who is Dean? It is the "him" Adriana keeps thinking about and seeing in her hallucinations. But who exactly is he?

∙ also just in case there's any confusion, Harry doesn't know "him" or Dean because Adriana's never told him about the guy. He's also in shock seeing this random shirtless guy so his first assumption is that Adriana cheated on him, which will be more obvious in the next chapter.

∙I'm not too sure if I'll update again soon because I've got exams soooo apologies but I'll try because I've finally gotten to the interesting part of the story.

Until we meet again...

thio <3