I am SORRY if this chapter ain't that great but I tried my best.

Just to remind you what happened in the last chapter: Dean tried to kill Harry but Harry ended up stabbing him out of self-defense. This chapter starts off right after Dean died from the stabbing.

Enjoy my lovelies, excuse any errors and I'm so sorry for the wait!

≫≫≫

R.I.P. to my youth

You could call this the funeral

≫≫≫

Blood.

It was everywhere.

  The stench of it filled Harry's nose and was making him dizzy. His pale eyes were wide with shock, lips slightly parted and skin pale because he had just committed a crime. Adriana sat there in shock, trying to comprehend what had just occurred. Harry killed Dean. Dean was dead.

  Her abdomen ached as she pushed herself off the floor to move towards Harry, who was laying there in shock, staring at Dean's limp body. She took a moment to look at Dean, feeling absolutely nothing but numbness. His dark brown eyes were empty, a single tear streak stained the left side of his face. The blood from the stab wound was spreading across the carpeted floor, growing like a disease. Adriana grimaced at the way Dean was staring into space with his dead eyes, before looking away and at Harry who was still shaking.

   "H-Harry," she turned to him, touching his arm but he didn't react. He just sat there staring at Dean. "Harry, look at me."

  Her words were almost muted in his ears, everything was playing in slow motion. He wanted to respond to her but he couldn't; he was too tongue-tied. Adriana didn't want to leave him to deal with what happened but she had to call Donnie at least so she grabbed Harry's arms and tried to pull him up. His movements were slow, blood-stained hands held out in front of him like he didn't know what to do with them. His gaze was still fixated on Dean and it worried Adriana immensely but she tried not to focus on that worry.

   "Just wait here, I'll be right back I'm gonna call Donnie," she told him, hands touching his face to direct his gaze to hers. But when she looked at him all she could see were pale, dead eyes. "I'm so sorry."

  Harry didn't respond, he simply stared back. Adriana sighed lightly under her breath before moving away to grab her phone and call Donnie. Her hands were shaking as she heard the rings going off in the phone before feeling a wave of relief when she answered. Her trembling voice rambled quickly to Donnie, explaining what had happened and halfway through the story she didn't even realize she was crying.

  She couldn't call the police because they'd see the cocaine that was spilled on the floor mixed with the blood and that would complicate things for her, even though Harry could get away with what happened because it was self-defense. She knew that Donnie knew people who can clean up dead bodies and make it look like nothing had happened because that was a usual with his gang. She just didn't know what to do now that Dean was gone. How to explain to Mateo why he'll never see his father again. Reality was quickly hitting her and she wasn't sure of how to handle it.

   "Alright I'll be over there in a few with some guys, just hang on," Donnie told her, before sighing and asking quietly. "How is Harry?"

   "Harry?" Adriana uttered questioningly, before her eyes fluttered shut with tears running from them. "I-I don't know how he is, he isn't speaking. H-He looks so traumatized."

   "Go to him now, and just take care of him," he advised. "If you want, you guys can take Mateo and go over to his place and stay there for the night. Leave your apartment key and I'll come clean up the mess. We can meet tomorrow."

   "Yeah okay I'll do that," Adriana agreed with a nod. "So I-I just leave...Dean...the way he is? Fuck it feels so strange-"

   "Just don't touch anything, I'll have everything cleaned up by the time you come back tomorrow to talk," Donnie promised. "Just hang in there Adriana."

   "Thank you, Donnie. For everything," she whispered quietly with utmost gratitude. "And I promise we'll find your sister as soon as possible."

   "You don't have to worry about that, Adriana," he mumbled in response. "Just take care of yourself, and Harry. I'll see you soon."

  Adriana looked at the mirror as she was in the bathroom and sighed heavily, unable to completely fathom that Dean was out of her life now, physically. But his memory will mentally scar her for all eternity. She remembered Harry, and pushed her emotions away to go see him. Just as she opened the bathroom door, she heard the sound of him throwing up, and immediately rushed to the living room. She spotted him hunched over, still sitting on the sofa but now with a pile of vomit in front of him.

   "Oh Harry," Adriana whispered as she appeared by his side, noticing his teary eyes. "Come, let's get you cleaned up and out of here. Don't look at...it, look at me."

  He forced his gaze away from the dead body, swallowing thickly and grimacing at the acidic taste of bile in his mouth. With his bloody hands still held out in front of him, he walked slowly, avoiding the mess he made and followed Adriana. She led him to the bathroom with her hand on his arm, bringing him straight to the sink to wash the blood off his hands. Using a white rag and some soap, she scrubbed his hands clean, grimacing at the way the water turned pink due to the blood. Her eyes would glance at Harry every now and then, only to find still staring at his hands with a dead look in his eyes and an emotionless expression on his face. 

   "What's going to happen to the body?" His voice was barely over a whisper, as if his throat was still being constricted by Dean's strangling.

   "Donnie said he'll take care of it," Adriana answered, looking at him and drying his hands now. "You don't have to worry about it, love."

  He didn't say anything in response, just a nod of acknowledgement even though he didn't completely understand what that meant. His lips parted again to speak quietly.

   "I want to be alone."

  Adriana tried to ignore the worry that flood her heart when he spoke his words. She looked at him and nodded slowly.

   "Are you sure?"

   "Yes," he mumbled, starting to take his clothes off.

   "Alright, I'm right outside if you need anything," she told him before she touched his arm to get his attention. "Harry...you did what you had to do. He would've killed you if you didn't. You did the right thing."

   "There's nothing right about murder, Adriana."

  The cold, bitter tone Harry used made Adriana's heart drop in her chest and immediately regret her words. She tried her hardest not to start overthinking things such as how much this event had affected Harry. Her head just bobbed in response, teeth holding her lower lip from parting to respond to his words. She left the bathroom right then and there, deciding to pack a bag of clothes for Mateo and herself since they're staying over at Harry's place.

  Harry released a heavy breath when the bathroom door closed shut behind Adriana. His hands gripped the sink as his head hung low, chest heaving as he breathed in and out slowly. He could feel the guilt and horror churning in the pit of his stomach, burning his insides as if his stomach acid had turned into something stronger. His mind could barely fathom what had just happened, even though the murder was playing over and over again in his head like a horror movie. His eyes drifted to the mirror where he spotted the blood on his clothes in the reflection.

  The sight triggered a more vivid version of the memory that was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. His hands started shaking as he quickly tugged his t-shirt over his head, and stripped down. His feet carried him over to the tub where the water welcomed him warmly, but it wasn't enough to distract him. He stared at his hands that he held in front of him while he remembered the way they wrapped around the knife so tight his knuckles turned white. The way he plunged the blade into Dean's chest and feeling the metal force its way into the hard flesh. Specifically the way the blood dripped from the wound onto his skin.

   "No," Harry croaked out quietly, as the harshness of his jade eyes faded away and became glossy instead.

  His face and knees buckled, one hand resting against the wall with the other one clutching the skin over his heart as he let out a heavy exhale. A sob escaped his lips as horror and realization struck him, making him double over with tears springing from his broken eyes. His body slowly broke down and he found himself curled up with his knees against his chest, weeping his heart out for the loss of his innocence and the darkness that had now made a home in his heart.

∙❧∙

   "Hey Niall."

   "Don't you hey me," Niall snapped when Adriana finally picked up the phone. "I've left 12 missed calls! What happened with Dean? Is Harry okay?"

   "Slow down, Niall," Adriana groaned lightly, pacing around Mateo's room and gathering some clothes to stuff into a backpack. "A lot happened."

   "Such as?" Niall demanded impatiently. "Are you alright? Is Harry alright? Mateo?"

   "I-I'm fine, I guess. Harry...not so much," she responded quietly, gaze flickering to the bathroom door where Harry was still showering. She couldn't hear his crying because the noise of the running water drowned it out.

   "What? What happened to him?" Niall panicked a little, eyes widening. "Did Dean hurt him?"

   "Physically he's fine!" Adriana assured him, before she sat down on the bed and sighed heavily.

   "Mentally? Emotionally?" Niall pushed with worry, taking Adriana's silence as a bad sign. "Can I come over?"

   "Um maybe not tonight. I think he wants to be alone," Adriana told Niall, making his facial expression fall.

   "Could you at least tell me what happened?" Niall questioned lowly, making Adriana grimace lightly.

   "Alright but promise you won't come over right away," she said firmly to him. "Harry...I genuinely thinks he wants to be alone for the night, I'll be there for course but you know he doesn't want to talk to me so I think-"

   "Okay okay I won't come over, just tell me what happened," Niall insisted.

  Adriana sat there and explained to Niall everything that had happened in the last few hours, how Harry encountered Dean and made up the excuse that he wanted to buy cocaine. Her eyes watered when she described the way Mateo showed up and caused everything to go downhill. The tears streamed down her cheeks while she explained how Dean fought with Harry, and tried to strangle him to death, resulting in Harry killing Dean out of self-defense. Her eyes squeezed shut when she heard Niall gasp quietly on the other end before going silent when she was done talking.

   "Niall?" Adriana whispered softly, hating how silent it was on the other end of the phone. "Please say something."

   "I-I can't believe it," Niall said lowly, slowly shaking his head. "This is insane."

   "I know," she sighed heavily. "But it all happened so fast, Niall, he had no choice. He was going to die."

   "This is going to ruin him," Niall said instead of responding to what Adriana said, making her heart drop in her chest. She knew it was going to happen but hearing Niall saying it out loud made it all so much more real and certain.

   "Don't say that," Adriana sniffled quietly. "W-We have to stay positive, and-and be there for him. He'll be fine."

   "Why did this have to happen to Harry?" Niall spoke to himself more than to Adriana, hating at the way his usual worry for his best friend entered his heart again. "He didn't deserve this."

   "I know. It's all my fault," she whispered solemnly. Niall didn't say anything in response to her words.

   "What's going to happen now? With the body? Did you call the police?" Niall then questioned after a few moments of silence. Adriana explained to him how she it all taken care of it with Donnie's help.

   "We're going to stay over at Harry's place," she said to him.

   "Alright, I'll come see you tomorrow morning then," Niall sighed quietly, before speaking up again. "Adriana?"

   "Yeah Niall?"

   "Please take care of him. I'm scared what happened is going to kill him."

∙❧∙

   "What's wrong with mi sol, Mamá?" Mateo questioned quietly while Adriana strapped Mateo into the toddler car seat at the back of Dean's car.

  Adriana momentarily glanced at Harry who sat in the seat next to the driver's seat in the car. He was oddly quiet ever since he got out of the shower, only ever speaking if he really needed to with a 'yes' or 'no' but nothing more. Her brown eyes caught his dead pale ones in the rear view mirror, gazing into the distance. She told herself she'd talk to him before they sleep tonight, until then she'll give him a little distance. Mateo on the other hand was confused as to why Harry was being so distant.

   "Mi sol is just tired, cariño," Adriana murmured quietly to him, securing the buckle.

   "I-I ask him for a kissy but he no give me one, Mamá," Mateo pouted at her, making her heart tighten. Harry in the front felt his heart tearing at the seams hearing Mateo's words.

   "He'll give you one later when he's not tired anymore, okay?" she responded. "Do you want one from me for now?"

   "Sí!" He nodded enthusiastically, tiny hands waving around. She smiled at him and reached down to peck his cheek. She then stepped away to close the door, before walking around the back of the car and getting into the driver's seat. As soon as she started the car, Mateo suddenly spoke up, his words causing Harry to tense up.

   "Mamá, where's Papá?" Mateo questioned curiously, making Adriana's throat tighten. Her gaze couldn't help but glance over at Harry who stared at his hands that were shaking.

   "Papá went on that trip I told you about, baby," Adriana quickly said, as they started making their way towards Harry's mansion. "He found another plane to catch."

   "But-but he didn't say bye to me," Mateo said in a small voice, fiddling with his hands and twisting his head to look at Harry and his mother.

  Harry's heart was heavier than lead in his chest, Mateo's words were adding to that weight and it was making him shift uncomfortably in his seat. Adriana's noticed Harry's discomfort and sighed in pity for him, reaching out to hold his hand. But Harry's pulled it away with a grimace, folding his arms over his chest and looking out of the window. He could feel the guilt churning at the pit of his stomach now, blaming himself for being the one to take Mateo's father away from him just when he got to know the man. Despite Dean being a horrible person, he was still Mateo's father and until Mateo is old enough to truly understand the horrors his father committed, Harry will be the reason Mateo doesn't have a father anymore.

   "Mamá can you call Papá-"

   "Mateo, I can't call him now," Adriana sighed, trying to ignore the way her heart stung when Harry pulled his hand away. "But Papá told me to tell you he's sorry he didn't get to say bye and that he loves you."

   "Did Papá go away because I made him angry?" Mateo continued to press on about his father, making Adriana grimace because she was sure it was all making Harry anxious and uncomfortable.

   "No baby, I told you it was for work. Now sit tight and be quiet," she spoke in a stern voice, making Mateo screw his mouth shut and sit in silence. He eventually fell asleep on the way to Harry's mansion, giving Adriana and Harry the opportunity to talk.

   "Harry?"

  His ears barely registered her calling of his name. He was staring out of the window, trying to control his breathing while he squeezed his eyes shut because he kept getting flashbacks to what happened. His arms squeezed his sides as he hugged himself, ignoring Adriana's gaze burning into his side. He let out his breath when he felt her gaze pull away eventually because they were nearing Harry's mansion. She pulled into the underground garage and they got out of the car. Mateo had fallen asleep so Adriana carried him into the mansion with Harry following behind her slowly.

  Adriana smiled at Rita who appeared at the bottom of the staircase in the garage that led straight up to his mansion. Her expression fell when she saw Rita's features contort with confusion, staring at Harry behind Adriana. Rita suddenly gasped just as Adriana was about to turn around slowly, causing her eyes to widen and spin around with a sleeping Mateo in her arms. Harry had collapsed to the floor. Rita was rushing towards them. Adriana quickly and carefully handed Mateo to her and rushed to Harry's side. He was curled up on the ground, chest rising and falling sharply with his beautiful features contorted with pain and fear.

   "Harry, baby, breathe," Adriana spoke hurriedly, dropping to the floor next to him. She could tell he was having a panic attack. She knew the symptoms far too well.

   "I-I can't breathe," Harry said between heaves, hands touching his throat oddly. Adriana frowned lightly at the action, not knowing that Harry felt like his throat was constricting and it was reminding him of Dean choking him.

   "Come sit up, hold my hand," Adriana urged him, feeling her own chest tightening because it hurt her so much to see Harry suffering like this.

  Although, Harry grabbing her hands quickly and tighting caused her to flinch terribly, making her whimper. She tried her best to fight off the feeling and hold onto him, instructing him to open his mouth and take in a deep breath. Her head rested against her chest as she tried to wrap her arms around him as much as possible, tears welling up in her eyes at the way he was trembling.

   "Feel my breathing, you're safe now, my love. He's not here," Adriana told him in a soft, calm, comforting voice. One of her hands that was free, stroked his curls gently while coaxing him. At the same time, she was trying to fight off the disgusting, cold feeling that was crawling onto her skin due to being pressed up against Harry.

   "I killed him, Adriana. It was me, I killed him," Harry gasped for air, tears pricking his eyes. "Mateo doesn't have a father b-because of me. He'll never forgive me."

   "Stop, don't say that," she responded immediately in a firm tone. "Mateo will understand one day, please don't think about that now. Please try for me."

   "I-I can't stop thinking about it," Harry cried, before he gasped for breath again.

   "Shhhh no talking, just take deep breaths," she told him, breathing along with him by inhaling and exhaling every five seconds.

  They sat there in each other's arms for a while in silence. Harry's breathing began to return to its normal rate but he was quietly sobbing now. His cheek was pressed against Adriana's chest, arms wrapped tightly around her with noisy cries escaping his pink lips. Adriana's chin rested on top of his head, tears streaming down her cheeks as she held her broken love in her arms. The guilt that lived inside of her permanently like a rat infesting her home that was her body, it grew in size and weighed down her heart. It cackled at her, the sound of its hideous laughter ringing in her ears, joined in with quiet, mocking snickers from the voices in her head.

  You did it, it said to her

  You ruined him. Congratulations.

≫≫≫

∙ What did you guys think of that chapter? Any predictions?

∙ When I first planned this book I wanted to do the whole thing like Harry goes to court for killing Dean but gets out of it for self-defense but I felt like Dean being a drug lord and the drugs being there at the crime scene and etc. would've complicated things and I didn't want to write something like that inaccurately so I did it this way lmao Donnie just cleaning up shit.

∙ I don't know when I'll be able to update again because the next thing I'll be doing is try to update Heavy Crown Which night take a while. I know I'll be going back to dubai in December for holidays so I'll definitely have time then to write and update a bit more often.

Until we meet again...

Thiora ❤️