Nothing was said really. After Alexander had shot down John's weary attempt of recalling (and maybe fixing) the past events of the dance floor, they both went to do their own.

Alexander still washed the dishes but his face clearly showed he wasn't into it. John was simply seated on the couch, trying to cope with the numbing ache in his chest. He knew he had to get used to this but the fact that his love was finally in front of him, ready to be touched and yet he couldn't, was quite literally, heart wrenching. He sighed heavily and sunk deeper into the sofa, hearing the clanking and clatter coming from the kitchen. He could also hear the water running from the tap and how annoyed grunts and sighs echoed through the small apartment halls.

John's fingers started fidgeting out of impatience, his foot started tapping and his knee began jumping by its own. To distract himself, he looked at the glass doors to the balcony that were on his right side, only to meet the moon's light streaming in between the slats of the blinds that were covering the giant windows. He had forgotten how late it was and he was unsure if he was allowed to crash at Alexander's place, after what had just happened just moments before. Did Alexander know what John was intending? Did he take it as a joke, or did he want the same thing? Instead of making his unanswered questions more complicated than they actually were, he stood up and approached the hooks on the wall right next to the entrance door. He shoved his hand into the pocked of his coat and dug around a little until he eventually found what he was looking for.

He brought up the pack of cigarettes and opened the balcony door, breathing in the fresh cold air while he leaned against the glass fence that was preventing him from falling to his death. The view was beautiful, he had to admit that, but the city life wasn't for someone like him. He would rather live out on a farm where no one could bother him. No police sirens waking him up in the middle of the night. No drunk, heart broken teenagers who would most likely get murdered in a dark alley. Just the sweet silence and peace that John was striving for for his future.

He opened the tiny cancer filled package and brought one of the cigarettes to his mouth, resting it in between his frowning lips. He exhaled sharply before touching himself above his pockets before he remembered that he had forgotten his lighter back at his place. John wasn't a heavy smoker, so he didn't bring his lighter and cigarettes with him all the time. Only if he knew that he was gonna get himself drunk. Or get laid. But those situations didn't happen often, so he didn't exactly take notice of the small addiction that he had. But on this particular night, he really craved a smoke.
But he didn't have a fucking lighter.

The sound of the balcony door opening startled John which made him turn around, only to see Alexander standing there. Instead of hiding the cigarette, John sighed and turned back to face the night living city.
Alexander handed John a little sliver colored lighter, which John accepted and flicked it on, lightning the tobacco filled stick. He took a deep breath.

"I didn't know you smoked?"

John laughed dryly, blowing smoke out of his nose while Alexander wandered a bit further away form John so he wouldn't breathe in the smoke.

"I didn't know you cared."
Alexander grimaced.

Ashes fell from the end of the cigarette as he fished around behind him, pulling his pack of smokes out and offering it to Alexander. Alexander shook his head and waved him off, and John shrugged and set the pack down beside him.
John was fully aware that Alexander wasn't a smoker, but asking never harmed anyone.
No one knew that John smoked. He only started two years ago, during times that were too difficult for John to handle without being able to let his stress go over something else. It didn't bother John that Alexander finally found out about his lowkey addiction. Now he didn't have to hide it.

"Listen, Im sorry for what I said. I just have a lot going on and I-"

"Don't be sorry. I understand."

John raised his eyebrows, surprised that Alexander actually responded without a tone of sarcasm. During this whole evening John had been rude to his friend who just wanted to party and have fun, while John had just been thinking about himself and how fucked up his life was. It was a relief to have his friend supporting him in the final minutes.
He smiled before finishing off his cigarette with one last pull, damping it out against the fence rail.

"You wanna talk about what happened back there?" Alexander spoke, shoving his hands down his pockets. It was cold outside, but John didn't shiver.

"Not really."

"Well, I feel like it's necessary."

John shot a glare at Alexander. He sighed and nodded. This was the perfect moment to tell him, no one there than just the two boys. Besides, John couldn't live on with his life like that particular night never happened. He took a deep breath and exhaled with a stutter.
"You're my soulmate." John mumbled. Finally, the hole inside of him didn't feel like it was filled with heavy rocks. He felt free from the secret which had made him so unhappy and uneasy, making his life a mess ever since that day.

But Alexander's reaction wasn't exactly how John had imagined it. He was laughing. But not that kind of laugh like when you watch a movie starring Jim Carrey, or if you saw a weird episode of Judge Judy where a guy charged an old woman because she baked him too many cookies. Not exactly hilarious, but funny in it's own way.
This laugh, this laugh was similar to if someone had just told you that your dog died, but you know for a fact that you don't own a dog. It was a weird, low-key uncomfortable and confusing laugh. Like a chuckle, but more forced. Like someone told a bad joke and you had to laugh.
"I'm, I'm your what?" He asked, looking at John like he begged for an explanation.

Oh God, not the puppy eyes.

John felt his heart twisting inside of him. Nausea spreading to his head and a feeling of someone ripping out your insides spread all over him. Alexander thought he was kidding. He thought it was a joke, which most frankly, made John felt like a joke himself. There was no reason to lie, really. What would he say? That he was just kidding? Why would he joke about that in the first place. John had to face the truth, even if it hurt him.

"You remember that night? When you met Eliza?"

Alexander only nodded. He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it. He was waiting for John to finish. How polite.

"Well, the reason I ran away like that was because you gave my colors."

Alexander's eyes widened, like he had just witnessed something horrible. He slowly turned to face the city life, leaning over the fence so his hair covered most of his face. It was like watching a slow motion scene from a movie. He didn't say anything, and John could barely hear him breathing. Instead of checking if his friend was alright, John continued with his story.

"I-I don't know why it happened right there, right at that time. When you mentioned Eliza and how you both had found each other, I genially got happy for you! I did, Alex! But when you gave me a high five, I panicked. I didn't want to ruin your night, so I quickly drove off. I've been lying about having a soulmate for everyone, including you. Which is ironic, because you are my soulmate." John was using different hand gestures to make his story more lively. But Alex wasn't looking at him. He was still leaning against the fence. John kept talking, but eventually got interrupted by Alexander.

"And you and Eliza are so happy together, and I know I will never be able to have that kind of relationsh-"

"But this doesn't make any sense.."

John's voice faded and so did his smile that had been forced upon his face. He frowned, his eyebrows bent to a more concerned expression.

"I know. I didn't know you could have two soulmates either. But I dug into it and actually found-"

"No, I mean.."

Alexander looked up at John. Their gaze met. Alexander's eyes were filled with questions and he seemed rather troubled. His lips were trembling, so was his hands. He was gonna day something that would hurt. John could feel it. Alex is a honest man. He always says what he believes and he doesn't lie, even if it meant it would save the world.

"This doesn't make any sense, because I don't love you, John."

John knew that was coming, but it still hit him hard. It hit him harder than anything ever had. He knew he wasn't loved, deep inside of him. But a part of him wanted to believe. Believe that Alexander had at least some feelings for him. But apparently those hopes were useless and a complete waste. John felt like sitting down, bury his face into his hands and shut out the rest of the world. But he didn't. He was gonna take this as a man. A broken man.
But you're my soulmate. You're supposed to love me, no?
No, that would be too desperate.
Funny, I don't love you either.
But that would be a lie.
Well, the universe is a bitch. Wanna fuck?
What the fuck.

"I-"
Was the only thing that escaped his frowning lips. He couldn't say anything. His throat felt like was clogged and his tongue suddenly felt ten times bigger. Like it had swollen up.

"Don't take me wrong!" Alexander quick said, noticing that John looked like a kicked puppy.
"I love you. I do. But, it's platonic love. Not the way I feel for Eliza."
The mention of the Schuyler sister made John's ears and stomach hurt. Did he have to bring her up?

Alexander meant well. Well, he tried at least. John only smiled, not wanting to hurt his friend.
"I know. I mean hey, I'm pathetic. Aren't I? I mean, making out with a girl on the dance floor just to catch your attention isn't exactly what a normal person would do. What happened with making mixtapes? Or sending a cute note?" John only laughed to hide his actual pain. He felt like his eyes were watering up, which made him panic because he didn't wanted to cry in front of Alexander.

"John, no- that wasn't what I meant. Please-"

Why was he crying anyways? It wasn't a big deal. He got rejected once again. It had happened before, so why was he crying? If Alexander can have two soulmates, so can John.

"Let's get inside and talk- please John-"

How hard can it be? Just attend to a few parties and see if the people groping you turn to colors and BOOM! Soulmate. Alexander was just one of many. Alexander wasn't important. John didn't need him. John could live alone for the rest of his life if he wanted to. And now it seemed like he didn't have a choice.

"John? Are you okay? Talk to me-"

John's eyes found their way to Alexander's lips. They were moving. Was he talking? John couldn't hear any words come out. He was too out of it. And those lips. Those beautiful colored lips. Alexander could probably still taste Eliza's lipgloss. John wondered if she was a strawberry or cherry girl. Maybe both? She's probably a mixer. His lips did look a bit chapped though. Dry. Probably because he talks 24/7 and never shuts up. Was he still talking? For the love of God.

"John? Hey, can you hear me?"

Alexander placed both of his hands on John's shoulder, gently trying to shake him up. John wasn't paying attention to Alex's attempt of waking him up from his daydream. Alexander removed his hands from the shoulders and instead placed them on each of John's cheeks. John felt how warm the hands were. His soft they felt against his skin.
"John-"

Does this man never shut up?

Without hesitation, John leaned in and pressed his lips against Alexander's, as an attempt to make him quiet. It was a bad excuse, sure, but it worked. With John's surprise, Alex didn't push him away.
Their kiss was soft. It wasn't wet or filled with tongue. It wasn't messy or uncomfortable. It was rather enjoyable. But also quick.
John pulled away from the moment, feeling Alexander's hands sliding off of his heated face.

John noticed that Alexander's eyes were opening. Were they closed when they kissed?
Alex's cheeks were flushed too, and his hands were resting on John's chest. But when Alexander finally realized what was happening, he pulled away. He regretted the kiss. John wasn't blind. Or stupid.
Okay maybe a little stupid.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry-" John quickly apologized while trying to figure out a way to jump off this balcony without dying.

Alexander looked at John once again. His eyes showed fear. John felt worried. Did he just fuck up their whole friendship? Most probably.

As John leaned in to apologize once again, Alex wrapped his arms around John's shoulders and pulled him in for another kiss. This time it wasn't gentle and sweet. It was exciting and sloppy. John was surprised and confused. He wasn't mad? He didn't yell? Is this Alex's way of arguing? Whatever it was, John liked it, and he wasn't going to complain.

They were inside now, bodies close and mouths basically attached to each other. As they were moving around in the apartment, they knocked things out of shelves and of course accidentally made half empty beer bottles tip over so the liquid spread all over carpet and wooden floor. John felt Alexander's warm breath against his skin, his hands all over his shoulders and chest. John felt weak to his knees, but he wasn't going to chicken out now that he finally gets lucky. John felt his clothes getting pulled on, which made him even more excited. Alexander took control and pushed John against the nearest wall and kissed him again, running his hands down to grab his hips.
John let out a small grunt out of surprise from the sudden hit against the wall. He breathed out a short chuckle and intertwined his fingers with Alexander's hair, pulling him closer and kissing him harder, leaning and cocking his head to get more access. He felt Alexander biting his lip and pulling it, making John let out a soft moan. It didn't hurt, but it didn't fail with making him aroused.
Alexander's hands roamed down John's chest and suddenly he was tugging at his belt.

Everything was going so fast. John never thought that he would ever be able to kiss Alexander. It wasn't on the list. When he attended to this boring excuse of a party, he never had in mind that he would be making out with the host after all the guests had left. Especially not if the host was his best friend.
Or was he still his best friend? Did this make them something else? John had almost forgot that Alex had Eliza. He had just ruined their so perfect looking relationship. And it wasn't like Alex would ditch her for John. He loved her. He was planning on marrying her. Alexander didn't love John. He told him that himself. John wasn't in Alex's little black book. And if Eliza would ever figure out what happened this night, Alexander would never forgive John.
Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe John really did fuck up. He hadn't fucked up this bad since two years earlier. Why is he always the one creating problems. This would've been much easier if he had decided to watch that Star Wars marathon with Lafayette. Parties was never his thing anyways.

John stopped for a moment and looked at Alexander. He didn't want to do anything that he would later regret. It wasn't too late to get out and pretend that this never happened. He could still try to borrow a neighbor's phone and call a cab. This didn't need to happen, but God, John wanted it so bad. His crush for Alex grew bigger everyday, and it was his fault. If Alexander stopped being attractive and just became the worlds biggest douchebag, this wouldn't have been a problem.
But to be 100% sure, he needed to ask. Consent is always a must, no matter the situation.

"Are you sure about this?" John breathed, his voice warm and a bit out of breath.

Alex didn't answer directly. Solid 5 seconds passed and Alexander didn't even look at him before he kissed him again. Alexander's answer was a bit foggy for John, but he just shrugged it off and took it as a yes. Alex was the one in charge after all.

Alexander continued unbuckle John's belt and guided him to the bedroom.