"You've been crying."

Sophie was always so observant. Emily cursed her sentimental heart.

"The music was just so beautiful." It wasn't a lie. The band had played the song to perfection. Sophie didn't know it had Emily reliving the memory of the first time Finn heard it. The first time they had sex. The first time Emily knew she was falling in love with him. "It took me over."

"As long as that's all it is." Sophie didn't sound convinced but seemed willing to let it go.

Emily ushered her two friends out of the concert room. It was girl's night out - a tradition Sophie had instituted back in university. Fifteen minutes later, the trio was seated at a trendy restaurant enjoying the full swing of happy hour.

"Jessica and her husband just opened." Kerri was explaining her choice of location. The strawberry blonde was a recent addition to their weekly outings. Sophie had just hired the younger woman in a bid to expand her burgeoning catering business. The two had become fast friends, bonding under the pressure of cocktail parties, cranky customers and crappy working hours. "She's all about locally sourced ingredients and keeping a low carbon footprint."

"I like the space and the way they've married the old and new." Sophie indicated the silver steel beams butting up against exposed brick on the wall behind Emily. Each column held shiny pots of leafy herbs. Original hardwood floors supported planter boxes separating the tables filled with different types of vegetables and flowers. It gave the place a greenhouse atmosphere.

Kerri beamed at the compliment for her friend. "They even have a rooftop garden. You should see it at night. It's really romantic."

"Speaking of romance," Sophie turned to Emily. "How are things with Operation Get Together?"

Emily grimaced and Kerri looked confused. Sophie caught their new friend up on the backstory of the separated lovers.

"Let me get this straight. You haven't seen this man in eight years?" Kerri's face matched the awe in her voice.

Emily nodded.

"And you've loved him all this time?"

Emily nodded again, raising her hand to touch the silver charm hanging around her neck.

Kerri's eyes widened further, "But you've..." Kerri looked Emily up and down.

"She's not a nun, Kerri," Sophie interpreted her friend's expression. "There have been other men. I had high hopes for Adrian."

Adrian had been an acquaintance of Thomas, a fourth to fill out their dinner dates with Sophie and Emily. Otherwise known as a setup. According to Sophie by the second year of university, Emily was supposed to move on. In typical Sophie style, she called Emily on her life choices, pointing out that Finn was not coming back and she had to try to move forward, find love somehow. Even if it could never be the same.

For Sophie, Emily tried. Adrian was kind and patient. He opened doors for her, insisted she walk on the inside of the street, took her side in an argument. Their first kiss was a romantic moment in the midst of a midnight ski, airy lights swirling around them reflecting off the freshly packed snow. He'd leaned in and she let it happen. It wasn't bad, nor was it good. It was just different.

It took weeks to move from tender kisses to sex. The boy did everything right, from setting the mood to constantly asking if Emily liked this or that, making sure she was okay. Adrian held her afterwards and stayed the night. In the morning after he'd made breakfast and left, Emily stripped the sheets from her bed, pulled her comforter around her and sobbed for hours.

But Emily kept seeing him. They did couple-like things. Adrian spent more nights at her apartment, preferring it to the crowded dorms. Eventually, it became routine, comfortable. Everyone assumed they were in love.

Then the school year ended and Adrian had to go back to Nebraska for the summer. Like a good girlfriend, Emily had driven him to the airport and kissed him goodbye. Like a good boyfriend, Adrian called to let her know he arrived safely. At first, they video-chatted every night, then every other night, then once a week. Soon they were down to random texts.

The next time Emily saw Adrian was when she bumped into him on the school campus in the fall. He had looked embarrassed but had the decency to ask if she had time for a coffee. To talk. Amid a crowded café, Adrian officially broke up with her. He tried the "its' me, not you" line at first. But Adrian finally admitted he felt Emily was always reserving part of herself, a part he could never reach. He was not wrong.

"Adrian was...not right for me," Emily sighed. "We just didn't click."

"Oh, and Roy was?"

Emily's face soured at the mention of her most recent lover. "Roy was a mistake."

She had met Roy on a girl's night out. They had been celebrating the end of exams and the shots were coming in rounds Emily had lost count of. Roy slid up to her at the bar, whispering in her ear his desire to dance with her. Sun-drenched skin complimented his thick black hair and matching eyes giving him a slightly dangerous look, like a bad boy any girl would ache to tame.

It was an instant sexual attraction. Dancing soon led to finding a dark corner and making out. Emily then did something stupid. When Roy leaned in to kiss her, emboldened by alcohol, Emily closed her eyes and pretended it was Finn, his hands on her body. Later on, as they had sex in Roy's apartment, she let the fantasy continue.

It's not like Roy was anything like Finn. He was much shorter than Finn, built like a truck with thick features made for the hero of an action movie, so different from her tall lanky love. His touch was nothing like Finn's, lacking any tenderness. But it was electric. Her body responded as it hadn't for years. Sex with Roy was carnal and now and again, usually when she had been drinking, it was physically satisfying.

In the light of day, after spending a night with Roy, Emily would be racked with guilt and sadness at how she substituted him for Finn. Those moments in the dark when she could pretend it was Finn were as close as she got to feeling the whole in her heart diminish. It was fake, like a painting of a field of flowers, there but not. And it never lasted long enough.

Outside the bedroom, they had very little in common. Roy was brash, self-centered and often rude to her friends. They disliked him and how he treated Emily. When she was with him, Emily found herself distancing from her family and everyone else.

They fought often, usually as a pre-curser to make-up sex. The vicious circle escalating until one particularly bad morning. Suffering from a now typical hangover, Roy made her jump when he grabbed her from behind in the kitchen.

"You talk in your sleep about him," Roy growled in her ear.

Emily's blood had gone cold. She didn't have to ask who Roy was talking about. Finn was a frequent visitor in her dreams.

"And when you orgasm....and I mean a real orgasm, not your play-acting, you cry out his name." Roy hissed the "s" in his.

It was the wake up call Emily needed. She never saw Roy again.

"Okay, I get the picture," Kerri interjected. "Let's forget about the past and focus on ...what's his name."

"Finn," both Sophie and Emily spoke at the same time.

"Yes, Finn. What's going on there?"

Emily recalled the events of the morning and then the disastrous lunch. "I thought things were going well and then ... it's like he just shut off right in front of me. I don't understand what I did wrong."

"Emily," Sophie rolled her eyes, "it's not always your fault. Stop blaming yourself for everything. Sometimes people are just not okay."

"Or maybe he had a stomach ache," Kerri offered. Emily tried to suppress a grin at the girl's enthusiasm. Having only recently met Kerri, she was still getting used to her overly optimistic attitude.

"When will you see him again?" asked Sophie.

Emily pursed her lips. "We're mostly finished with his prep. It might not be until the actual hearing." And then Finn would leave. The thought made her stomach drop.

Sophie shook her head. "That won't do. You need to..." The dark-haired woman broke out in a grin, "I've got it."

Emily cringed at the excited look on her friend's face. Sophie was well known for trying to orchestrate elaborate plans and setups.

"No, Emily. Don't give me that look. Think about it. Every time you've seen Finn its been in your world. Surrounded by your friends and family. It has to be difficult for him, given your past."

Sophie did have a point. Emily's family had not been kind to Finn. She leaned forward, interested in what her friend was about to propose. "Agreed."

"So. I say meet him on his own turf. Find a reason to visit the army base."

Kerri laughed. "I like the idea, but it's not like anyone can just walk into an army base."

Sophie grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Oh, but Emily can."