Bold= Swedish.

F I F T E E N | BIG GIRLS DO CRY

The second they reached camp, Carter managed to slip away unnoticed and headed straight towards her so-called Paradise.

But it wasn't a Paradise anymore.

It was just a place where she could remember Charlotte. That was the place the two of them shared together, that was what made it a paradise. Now it was only Carter and the reserve became a lot more lonelier. She was lonelier.

She bit her lip and stared down at the crystal clear waters of the small lake. In the whole time she had known of this place, she had never taken advantage of the cool, clear liquid. It didn't look deep. The light green glow from the luminous plants reflected invitingly on the water and Carter gave in.

She shrugged off the jacket Bellamy had given her-- she hardly ever took it off-- she tossed her tank top over onto a mossy rock, leaving her top half in only a black sports bra. She then unlaced her boots and put them to the side, along with her socks and took the time to study the angry scar on her foot. It was an angry red and blistered, but it didn't hurt anymore, just a dull ache. With a sigh, she stood back up and shimmied out of her skinny jeans, having to hop just so she could get them off her feet. Now, she only stood in her black sports bra, silver locket and skin tight black shorts that came just above the midway mark of her thigh. It was part of her work uniform, just incase there was any work that had to be done on the outside of the Ark.

Carter slowly lowered herself into the cold water, gasping as it cooled her warm skin and closed her eyes. As soon as her feet touched the smooth stones that lay on the bed of the lake, the water was up to her collarbones and she pushed herself away from the bank of the lake and closer towards the waterfall.

And then, out of nowhere, it felt like reality smacked her straight in the face. She blinked at the empty clearing as memories of Charlotte invaded her mind and she felt her eyes well up again. Just when I thought I had no tears left...

Carter took a deep breath and ducked her head under water and crammed her mouth shut. She let the tears roll and the sobs overtake her body, all without swallowing any of the water. She only ever came up for air.

                                 ***

The air in camp seemed a lot more clearer since both Bellamy and Clarke gave their 'we're both the leaders' speech. There was no unspoken tension between the teens that agreed with Clarke and the one's that agreed with Bellamy.

He was instructing the night patrol to look out for Murphy as well as Grounders when he heard a voice call out in panic.

"Has anybody seen Carter?!"

Carter? Bellamy turned to see Finn making his way up to the patrol level where he was, Finn's eyes were wide and his eyebrows were furrowed.

"Hey Bellamy, have you seen Carter?" Finn rushed out, his eyes couldn't focus on one place as he scanned over all the faces of camp again.

"She was with you last." Bellamy replied evenly.

"I know. But... when we got back to camp she just disappeared." Finn sighed, running his hands through his hair. "You- you don't think she's tried to find Murphy, do you?"

Bellamy paused as he remembered her face back on the cliff. When Charlotte jumped, it was like Carter was going to follow her in a vain attempt of trying to save her. It actually scared Bellamy. He didn't know why, but if he lost her too he knew Murphy wouldn't stand a chance,  and not even Finn would be able to stop him.

When Carter ran towards that cliff, it was almost instinctive for Bellamy to stop her before she got too close.

"Bellamy?" Finn snapped Bellamy out of his thoughts and he blinked several times at Finn before remembering his question.

"No," He shook his head. "She's not stupid enough to look for Murphy when it's dark."

"Dammit, Carter." Finn murmured under his breath. Suddenly, something clicked in Bellamy's mind and he stopped Finn before he could walk away.

"I'll help you look for her," He offered gruffly. "You would do the same if it was Octavia." Finn said nothing but nodded his head in appreciation. "Look around camp again, make sure you check all the tents and the drop ship, I'll go ask if anyone has seen her."

Finn nodded again and headed in the opposite direction. As soon as he was out of sight, Bellamy slipped out of camp and towards the one place he knew Carter would be. He made sure to keep his promise and didn't tell a single soul about the place Charlotte and Carter found.

Even just the thought of Charlotte made his heart pang.

When he hit the waterfall clearing, his stomach dropped. He couldn't see Carter anywhere. As he walked further in, scanning the area and did a double take at the clothes that were left askew on the floor and rocks. His eyes then snapped to to small lake. A few bubbles rose from under the surface.

Carter.

Without a second rational thought, Bellamy jumped into the water, fully dressed, and pushed his way to where he saw Carter, just under the surface of the water. He quickly grabbed her forearms and lifted her out of the water, his eyes were wide with a mixture of fear and shock.

She coughed on the water she accidentally swallowed as he pulled her up and Carter stared at him with bewilderment. Before knew it, she had tears running from her eyes again. She wasn't in the right frame of mind to care if Bellamy thought she was weak.

To her, she was grieving. Which was a perfectly normal response to have, even if they were thrusted into the harsh world which was known as Earth.

"S-S-She's gone, Bellamy." Carter's bottom lip trembled from both emotion and the cold. "Ch-Charlotte's dead."

Bellamy pulled her fully out of the water and sat her down on the rocks beside the lake. He was too wrapped up in making sure she was okay to notice she was wearing-- or lack of. He sat beside her and she rested her head against his shoulder as she cried. Bellamy couldn't offer any words of comfort, so instead he wrapped an arm around her and let her cry.

                                 ***

"I'm sorry," Carter apologized for the umpteenth time as she looked down at her bare feet. It took her twenty minutes to get a grip of herself. Twenty minutes. She was sat there crying on Bellamy for twenty-freaking-minutes. Embarrassed didn't even come close to how she felt.

"Would you stop? It's fine, honestly." Bellamy sighed as he glanced at her. She was sat beside him, still only wearing her sports bra and shorts, but now had the jacket he gave her a little over a week ago on. He found it weird that Carter wasn't even bothered about sitting next to him in little clothes-- she actually looked pretty comfortable-- but she was more bothered that he witnessed her bawling her eyes out.

Then again, he would be more concerned if she was completely fine about Charlotte jumping a cliff.

"It's not 'fine'. I can't believe I just did that. I can't believe I did that to you. Jeez," She shook her head, trying to shake the blush away as well. She then looked up at him with a frown. "How did you find me anyway?"

Bellamy shrugged. "Like you said to Charlotte, it's the kind of place you come to think. I just had a feeling you'd come here." Carter nodded her head slowly in acknowledgment and a silence overtook them. She watched as Bellamy's face grew darker with every second he delved deeper into his thoughts. "This was all my fault. If I never told her to slay her demons, she would still be alive."

"How were you supposed to know what she was going to do?" Carter spoke, her voice was a lot stronger than before. "You just gave her advice on what I assume had something to do her nightmares. You can't be held accountable for what happened, Bellamy."

"I didn't know she would kill Wells," Bellamy looked at Carter with so much vulnerability, Carter had to suppress the urge to give him a hug. "I would have never said anything."

"Now you need to stop it," Carter narrowed her eyes at him. "What happened to Wells and Charlotte is not your fault, got it? Murphy is responsible for Charlotte's suicide. And... as much as I hate to admit it, Charlotte is- was responsible for Wells' murder. It was just a confusion, she wasn't thinking straight and she was too scared of her nightmares. I mean it when I say it wasn't your fault, Bellamy. You need to believe me."

Bellamy looked down and a ghost of a smile tugged at his lips despite himself. Carter began to absentmindedly play with her locket and Bellamy noticed. He pushed her hands away to get a better look and gingerly held it in his own hands. Carter watched as he curiously examined it, but said nothing. He leaned in closer to see two words engraved onto the faded silver.

Mia Conners.

"Your mother?" Bellamy looked up with a curious glint in his dark eyes. Carter wasn't sure whether he was showing genuine interest or he just wanted to change the subject away from the death of camp members. Either way, she nodded her head.

"Yeah," Her shaky hands went to the back of her neck as she unclasped the hook of the locket and placed it in Bellamy's hand. "It was her most 'prized possession'." She let out an airy laugh as she quoted her mother.

Bellamy studied Carter's face cautiously. He didn't know why she was showing him stuff so personal to her, but when she nodded her head in encouragement, he felt obligated to look inside. Once he got the damn thing open, he almost had to do a double take on the picture that was inside. It was of a woman, who could easily be mistaken as an older version of Carter, and a small child in her hands. A girl.

The little girl was chewing on something in her hands with so much focus, Bellamy almost laughed. Her small, fine-haired eyebrows were furrowed and her big green eyes were looking down at the object she had her mouth on. Even with little hair on her head, Bellamy knew it was Carter.

"What are you chewing?" Bellamy asked  with amusement, peeling his eyes away from the tiny photo that was crammed into the locket and to the young woman who sat beside him.

"Hell if I know." Carter shrugged, looking down on the picture with a cocked brow. "My dad said I was always putting things into my mouth," Bellamy stared at her and swallowed the urge to outright snicker as the words Carter uttered began to sink in. "Not like that!" She exclaimed with wide eyes as soon as she saw the sparkle of amusement in Bellamy's eyes. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

Bellamy let out a breathy chuckle and shook his head lightly before looking back down at the small photo in the locket, or more specifically the woman. There was no denying she wasn't beautiful. And Bellamy could make many similarities between Carter and her mother, going from the same toned hair, the same green eyes and the same skin color. The more he compared the picture to Carter the more he realized that she didn't look like her dad at all.

He looked closer to the photo of Mia and began noticing the differences between her and her daughter, like Carter always seemed to have wind-bitten cheeks, whereas Mia's cheeks were pretty much flawless, Carter's cheekbones weren't as prominent as her mother's either. Mia's whole complexion was smooth and all one pale tanned color, unlike Carter who had a light dusting of freckles on her nose and the faintest on her cheeks. Carter's lips didn't look as soft either, but that was because she consistently bit them. Also, he noticed that Carter's eyes were a fraction bigger than her mom's, giving off the false pretense that she was innocent.

But even through the differences Carter had to her mother, Bellamy didn't view them as flaws. He thought they made her prettier.

However, there was one thing that was almost the exact replica between the two women. And that was their smile. Bellamy had only seen Carter smile genuinely once, but she didn't have the kind of smile you just forget. It was one that actually gave you hope and wouldn't fail at lightening up the atmosphere. Not that he would ever say any of that to her. "You look a lot like your mother," He mused, handing her back her locket so she could put it back on. Carter looked up at him before an actual smile crossed her face. That was the biggest compliment anyone could ever give her, even if they didn't notice. "You got her smile too."

"No. Nope. Not even going there," Carter shook her head, not even the slightest convinced that she smiled like Mia. Her mother's smile was beautiful and angelic whereas Carter's smile was more... lopsided and resembled something like a grimace when compared to her mom's smile. Carter quickly wracked her brain to find something else to talk about before she ended blushing like a little kid. "What did your mother look like?" She blurted before even reassessing her words. She mentally face palmed herself for even thinking asking Bellamy that.

It didn't take a genius to work out Bellamy's mom was a soft topic for him. One that he wouldn't just talk to anyone about.

Dammit Carter, she sighed inwardly. "She was beautiful." Bellamy's voice interrupted Carter's moment of self-regret and her eyes snapped up at him in shock. What he really going to talk about his mom with her of all people?  "Octavia looks so much like her." Carter couldn't think of anything to say so she just smiled at him. "She did a lot for us. No matter what it took, she did everything to make sure we were safe and Octavia was never caught, even if what she had to do was wrong, she did it. As long as she was protecting us."

Carter took a sharp intake of air. She knew what he meant by the 'wrong stuff' his mother had to do.

"That was my fault too," Bellamy's voice took a darker tone. "My mom's death and Octavia getting locked up. It was all because of me..."

"Don't." Carter stood up and looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. She could see how uncomfortable he looked having to relive what happened on the Ark. "You don't have to tell me anymore, I shouldn't have even asked about your mother. I mean, of course I want to know what happened, I think nearly everyone in camp does, but I don't want you to tell me until you're ready. Like, really ready. Right now, you're grieving Charlotte and it's bringing everything up. I don't want to find out about your past when you're in a vulnerable way, like now."

"I'm not-"

"Yes you are," Carter interjected before Bellamy could argue his case. "Please, Bellamy. I want to make sure you're 100% okay with telling me about your mother.  And when I'm ready to tell you about mine, I will. Until then, don't worry. My curiosity can wait."

He stayed quiet for the longest time and Carter wasn't sure whether he was going to reply or not. A look of relief washed over his features and a small, grateful smile tugged at his lips. "Thanks."

"Anything for a friend," Carter shrugged nonchalantly, unaware of how much that sentence affected Bellamy. She sees him as a friend? Even though she knows the bad side of him, she still considers him a friend? "Anyway, we should probably head back before Finn notices I'm not in his eyesight."

"He already knows." Bellamy finally found his voice as he stood up. "He asked me to help him look for you," A look of betrayal crossed Carter's eyes and Bellamy held his hands up. "Relax, he still has no idea about this place. But, if you want to keep it a secret I suggest you hurry up. We all know how Spacewalker likes to venture through the woods. It's only a matter of time until he finds this place."

"Gimme a minute, man." Carter huffed out as she tried to wiggle back into her skinny jeans-- which was a lot harder than she thought-- she remained unabashed about having so much skin on show in front of Bellamy. She actually surprised herself with how comfortable she was just walking around in her undergarments. "I need to get dressed."

"Why? I think you look fine in what your wearing." Bellamy smirked, watching with amusement as Carter had to jump just so she get the jeans over her hips, which were still damp from the water.

Carter quickly done up the button and sent Bellamy a pointed look. "There's the Bellamy we all know and dislike!" She joked as she threw on her black tank top and put the jacket back on.

"Ready?" Bellamy asked, feigning impatience.

"Ready."

                            ***

On the way back, Bellamy decided to enlighten Carter that she missed another speech. Out of curiosity, she asked what it was about and when he told her, she lost interest. Speeches weren't her thing. She was more of a 'straight-into-action' type of girl, speeches just seemed to bore her more than motivate her.

"Carter!" A feminine voice called Carter as soon as she and Bellamy passed the camp's walls. She stopped in her tracks and turned around to see Octavia running up to them. She was suddenly enveloped in a tentative hug, much to her surprise. "I'm so sorry, I know how close you was to Charlotte."

"It's okay." Carter smiled, hugging her back awkwardly. What's with all the hugging today?

"Where were you? We was looking for you everywhere! Finn was going out of his damn mind looking for you!" Octavia exclaimed, pulling back from Carter and staring at her brother accusingly. "Did he do something to you?"

"What? No! He came to get me," Carter explained, instantly calming Octavia's suspicion. "I just needed some time to be alone. But I'm okay now." Octavia studied her friend's face carefully, not fully convinced.

"Well, I've got stuff to do," Bellamy awkwardly chimed in. "Night O. Carter," Both girls nodded to him and he walked off, somewhere towards the campfire.

"Where is Finn anyway?" Carter asked, scanning the camp behind Octavia.

"Oh, he and Clarke took off about half an hour ago, they'll probably be back soon."

"Oh."

"Anyway, Monty is desperately needing your help after the wristbands screwed up." Octavia informed as she beckoned Carter to follow her towards the drop ship.

"What? What happened?"

"He doesn't know. Somewhere something went wrong, he was hoping you could tell him... or at least help."

"I can try, just be warned I wasn't the brightest spark in classes," Carter chuckled at herself and when she got nothing but a blank response from Octavia she covered it up with a cough and a small shrug. "Engineer humor."

"Well go save your 'engineer humor' for Monty when you help him," Octavia smirked. "I'm going to catch up on sleep. Boy, I'm tired." Carter smiled weakly. She was beyond tired, but she was too scared to sleep. Not only would her mother be waiting to plague her nightmares, but now so will Charlotte, and she couldn't deal with that. Not now.

"See you later, then." Carter bidded Octavia goodbye and turned to walk into the dropship. When she entered, she frowned at the scene in front of her. Monty was at his usual workplace he shared with Carter at the back of the Drop ship and Jasper was slouched on the ground, prodding at his lips with a star-struck look in his eyes.

"What's up with him?" She asked suddenly, startling Monty. He looked up at Carter and then at Jasper, amusement danced across his features.

"Oh, him? He's been like that for a good fifteen minutes now. Octavia kissed him." Monty explained and Carter's eyebrows rose up into her hairline. Turned out, she missed a lot. A speech, a screw up and an unexpected kiss.

"It was awesome..." Jasper breathed, an ear-splitting grin on his face.

"Get in there, Jasper! I'd high-five you but you're all the way down there..." Carter laughed lightly before she walked over to Monty. "Okay then, let's see where we messed up and how we can fix it."

Monty scrutinized her still-tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes. "Uh, Carter you don't have to, I understa-"

"-No." Carter shook her head forcefully.  She met Monty's concerned gaze and shielded her own expression with a fake smile. "I need to work, Monty. If I don't, I'll only end up hating the world or something even more dramatic than that."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Monty grinned as they both came to a silent agreement and began to examine the fried wristband, leaving a love sick Jasper on the floor to his own devices.

[A/N]

Awe. How cute :3

Can someone, anyone PM me and let me know if this was okay? I don't usually write moments like the one Bellamy and Carter had. I just want to know if it was okay or too OOC or anything like that. I would really appreciate it, because if it was too OOC of Bellamy, I can try and tweak it. Or maybe if it was going too fast between Carter and Bellamy, then I can make sure it's slower. I would really love to know, because I'm just bias about my work(;

Thanks for reading!