7-10-18
I lose the concept of what day it is,
And I watch all my passion
In the blender,
Too late to turn back?
Used to say it never was.
And he asked what's the easiest thing to
F i x
Right now.
I don't know,
I couldn't know.
The rockslide into this place,
Is strange.
I forget how to live,
I forget my hands,
They're not bruised, yet my skin isn't smooth,
And they're not working,
And I'm not working,
But I'm making money,
And I wish I could switch it all out.
Change it like a set of sheets,
Your sheets,
Saw you in my dreams,
And they told me you died.
I can't sleep without paranoia,
Like we're lovers,
And I lay to rest with another,
But Id rather be alone.
Alone.
In a house where the door shuts,
And that means I'm so fucking
Far away,
From the other side of the wall.
I'm lacking my own love,
What's stopping me from giving it?
I'm lacking the worlds I used
To climb and run through,
I used to walk bare feet,
Speed through streets,
Dream up some reality,
And create in this space,
And now
I find it desolate.
There's a plan.
But is there?
My eyes ache, I've been staring at a screen for hours,
Trying to build a distraction,
And it works.
But you're already sleeping,
And I have so much trouble breathing,
I wish you'd wake up
But what could you do?
The cracks in my smiles,
Don't leak light anymore,
Do you notice?
Why should that matter?
And I am unsettled by the things I've seen,
Crashing through the currents,
I am changed,
But not quite anything new yet.
I wish it'd make sense,
And I wish it looked today
Like it did months back.
I want a reason,
But I can't accept one.
There's so much space,
But there's no light here,
The balance scales all tipped,
And is it good for me
To be so distant,
Or was this supposed to be fixed?
- (m.m)