A/N: Noooo, two weeks without an update. I'm sorry, y'all!!! I'm making up for that by giving you a chapter that is almost 7k words long. Accept my apologies please 🥺👉👈

Also, this is another one of those very important chapters.

Did some of you have that feeling that Yuuji didn't say everything to Megumi yet that he wanted to say??

Well, I KNOW that Yuuji hasn't done that yet.

So, here comes the rest.

WARNING: Two lines in this chapter contain a homophobic slur.

Chapter summary: Megumi's and Yuuji's fight escalates.

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Megumi covered his eyes, thinking, Oh no ...

There were only two students in the whole class who fit that description ...

"Megumi Fushiguro and Yuuji Itadori. You two are going to work on a group project."

------

As soon as the professor had finished announcing the first group, something like an invisible mass was settling onto Megumi's shoulders and dragging him down.

He sighed heavily, not looking at the professor.

The latter one continued, loudly announcing the other groups next. Once finished, he folded his list twice.

"Everyone is assigned to a group now. Please view the course's websites for more details on your group projects. I will upload guidelines later. You have three days to work on a conceptual draft that you'll then have to submit. I will look over the drafts first and give you all feedbacks before you can start working on your actual project."

Megumi wanted to dissipate into thin air.

Things could not have gone worse than this.

Megumi turned around. At the very back of the class Yuuji had his head thrown back as his palms were pressed into his eyes sockets exasperatedly. He was staying in that position for a long while, mouth open as though groans were rippling through his lips

Megumi was absolutely certain now. Things could have definitely not gone worse than this.

Obviously, Yuuji would be hating this constellation more than Megumi.

Even so, it didn't invalidate Megumi's opinion on the matter. Being grouped together with Yuuji couldn't have had a worse timing than now.

It ruined everything. It ruined Megumi's plans on what he had wanted to do next.

Deep in thought and overstrained with the task of having to work on something that would determine Megumi's grade for this class (he wanted to finish this class with a very good grade after all), Megumi found himself barely listening to the rest of the lecture.

He was considering things meticulously, but no matter how he turned and flipped it ... there was no chance that things would go well ... right?

When class ended, Megumi saw Yuuji immediately walking up to the professor. Yuuji seemed to argue with the elderly man — not disrespectfully, but it was a heated one-sided debate.

Megumi didn't have to be a genius to figure out what Yuuji was discussing with the man.

The professor shook his head slowly and quite a few times. Yuuji made some more attempts, underlining his request with a pleading expression and big waves of his arms.

But none of those worked. The professor never stopped exuding a calm but adamant demeanor, and did not once change his mind. Yuuji had to accept things the way they were.

Knowing now that none of his attempts had been successful, Yuuji's whole body language changed, his head and shoulders dropping. He had to accept defeat. Yuuji didn't seem to be mad at the professor, but he gave him a last displeased glance.

When Yuuji was about to go away and leave the seminar room, he caught sight of Megumi for a quick moment. His facial features grew tense and he whipped his head to the opposite direction, breaking off eye contact with Megumi immediately.

As though reflexively, Megumi turned his head away from Yuuji, too.

They would have to keep being a group for that project, huh?

Not a lot of progress that Megumi would be able to make from now on. That group project was ruining everything.

This was the worst.

***

On that same day, Megumi ended up not paying attention to the other lectures either. Ever since the news about that group project, Megumi's mind had been drifting away — to a realm where nothing existed, but at the same time everything was fine. Because nothing existed there. What a wonderful and tempting idea.

Megumi wished for such a thing to become reality. Right now. Right away. Anything. As long as it would crystallize into a matter that was much more convenient than Megumi's current problem.

However – maybe subconsciously? – Megumi wasn't thinking about wanting to avoid Yuuji or their dorm room any longer. He was sick of it. Pent-up. There was no use in engaging in such an immature act. Megumi wouldn't stay away anymore.

Also, Megumi made up his mind about something else.

So, when he opened the door to his dorm room, he was ready to voice out what he had wanted to say.

To Yuuji.

... But ...

No Yuuji. Megumi came back late, but he had come back to an empty room.

Megumi sighed. Does nothing go the way I want at all?? he lamented internally.

So much as to making certain things clear to Yuuji ...

Megumi threw his bag aside and went under his bed covers. He shouldn't be doing that, actually — stubbornly refusing to revise his notes for med classes or catching up on missed lectures. He had actually gone to all of his classes lately, but he had barely listened to any of them. Megumi had to revise those classes. Many more times than he usually would.

And he had to take notes. Summarize lecture slides. Work on assignments.

His group project. With Yuuji.

The professor has said something about a draft they had to submit in a few days?

Great.

How should he do that, when Yuuji was away? Wherever he was.

That fact actually hardened Megumi's resolution. He wanted to tell Yuuji as soon as possible.

Megumi was slacking off as a med student, but he didn't want things to go worse. He had to fix some things — at least the academic ones. Megumi was a med student after all. He had to excel in classes whenever he could and, preferably, finish every medicine course in the respective semester.

Right.

Right ...

Pulling the blanket over his head, Megumi ended up shying away from his academic duties that night.

This was the worst.

***

The next say, when Megumi came back to his dorm room after all of his classes, he found Yuuji sitting as his desk, not acknowledging Megumi's arrival in the slightest.

He could have given Megumi a dirty look, a side-eye, a glare. Could have turned his face away or left the room even.

But none of that happened.

Yuuji simply kept sitting where he was, his chin resting on his palm, going over some pages on his tablet. Megumi doubted that Yuuji was working on something for one of his pharmacy classes, but who knew? Perhaps he actually was.

The silence between them was stale.

Megumi didn't forget about his resolution. Pretty much unfazed by anything at the moment, he closed the distance between himself and Yuuji until he was at Yuuji's desk.

"I'm going to do that group project. I don't care, if you want to do it with me or at all, but I will work on that project. I'm not willing to fail this class. Or get a bad grade. You can do whatever you want, I don't care."

Megumi had said all of that with cold determination in his voice. He had been serious. Whether Yuuji hated to be in a group with him, it didn't matter to Megumi. Not anymore. Megumi would do this group project. He had to.

Yuuji seemed to have registered Megumi's declaration, however he didn't let the other know about it. Instead, he stayed silent and remained the same at his desk. Having chosen to fall into immobilty and dead silence, Yuuji went on looking at whatever was showing on his tablet.

Megumi did get caught off guard a bit by that, but claimed his stance back just as quickly. Now that ... the most important thing had been said, he sat down on his own desk and pulled out his own tablet from his bag.

Megumi had claimed that he would work on that group project, so that was exactly what he wanted to do this very moment.

He turned on his tablet and was about to start with the assignment, but – somehow – he couldn't ...

The tablet pen was stuck between Megumi's finger, unmoving. Megumi hadn't even managed to open the browser.

He was spacing out.

Was this it? This was how Megumi would go on?

What to do?

What had Maki called it ...?

Baby steps.

Initially, Megumi had wanted to do that. Make baby steps.

Even if it had sounded difficult to implement, Megumi had wanted to make progress. He still wanted to make progress. It was useless to be stuck in place – like being stuck in quicksand – without making any efforts.

Megumi had had some general ideas about how to approach certain matters with baby steps, but the whole thing with the group project had mixed things up. The idea of doing the group project together with Yuuji (if he wanted to do it with Megumi in the first place) ... at a time like this ... It sounded subpar.

What was Megumi supposed to do now?

What should he do?

Talk things out with Yuuji? What if that one didn't work out? It would be bad, wouldn't it? If it didn't work out, the group project would suffer from it. And that was something Megumi couldn't afford, even if he happened to be the only one working on it.

How about just doing the group project and shoving everything else to later? Once the project was done? Couldn't that work? Not really, so it seemed. A project needed weeks until it could be finalized. Weeks in which Megumi would have to accept not making any improvements with Yuuji? That sounded horrible and impossible at the same time.

What if Yuuji wanted to work on that group project, too? It was also his grade that was at stake, not only Megumi's. But Yuuji hadn't said anything regarding that so far. And if Yuuji ended up being Megumi's group partner, what then? Pretending that nothing was wrong or that everything was normal between them for the sake of getting that work done before anything else? What was Yuuji thinking about all of this?

It irked Megumi. It irked him that he was wasting so many thoughts on so many questions he couldn't answer by himself. And he was thinking about things concerning Yuuji way too often. More than what was favorab—

"The prof uploaded the guideline. There is no use in making a draft, if we don't read the guideline and papers. We should do that first."

Yuuji had been saying that monotonously — pretty much matter-of-factly. No emotions in his voice. Not even hidden ones?

It took a while until Megumi fully understood what he had heard Yuuji utter.

Did that mean ... that Yuuji had made the decision of treating things normally for now? While they were working on the group project together? Was that the case?

Megumi mulled over those questions for some time. And then he thought that it was for the best to just go with it. Not opposing Yuuji's idea would probably be the right thing.

"Okay," Megumi said calmly, opening the course's websites to download the guideline and all of the papers that were relevant for their conceptual draft.

Yuuji had done the same, and now the two roommates found themselves in a tranquility where each of them was sitting at their own desk and reading through the texts.

No words were exchanged.

Yuuji seemed to be reading the guideline and papers earnestly. He was actually doing his fair share for this project. Something both of them had to do anyway.

Megumi, on the other hand, was struggling. Profusely. His mind was restless. He was still on the first page of the text. His eyes were scanning over the lines, but the information weren't reaching his brain. He was reading without actually reading anything. Hell, Megumi couldn't even tell what the text was about. Or what the topic of their group project was.

He couldn't pay attention to anything.

... Gojo was right.

Megumi remembered what Gojo had told him once when Megumi had visited his office on the last day of his gap year.

"Listen, Megumi ... Being a med student isn't easy at all. Make sure that your first year in med school doesn't start with any kind of troubles, okay?"

No troubles.

Megumi had so many.

Troubles.

When thinking about it ... Gojo was part of the problem, too. The major problem to be exact.

Megumi pinched the bridge of his nose, focusing on breathing in and out as he thought about what to do.

He couldn't go on like this.

If he wanted to have a clear mind for his studies, he had to get rid of his troubles first.

He had to.

And Megumi wanted to. Really.

So, turning around in his chair, his gaze settled on Yuuji's back. Yuuji was reading the papers. So, Yuuji was able to do it just like that? Concentrate on something without any struggles?

"Explanation, not an excuse."

Yuuji heard that, but stilled his movements only after a few moments had passed. Arms propped up by his elbows, he placed his hands on top of each other as they lightly grazed his lips. Yuuji was staring at the white wall in front of him.

"One minute."

Megumi understood, but watched Yuuji's motionless body before anything else. He was wondering about something.

"Don't you want to turn around?"

Yuuji hadn't even bothered making eye contact with Megumi for what was to come next.

"Fifty-five seconds. Hurry up. Clock is ticking," was all Yuuji replied with, his tone nonchalant.

Megumi tried his best to not feel pressured. That unexpected behavior by Yuuji shook Megumi's core. Naturally, he mustn't mess this up now.

Staring at the floor, he began.

"On that day ... at the freshman party ..."

What should Megumi say? How? How should he put it into words? He was bad at things like this.

"I don't know ... I was ... riled up ... I ... Since the very beginning, I didn't want to be at that party. I wasn't interested in meeting or making new friends either. And then ... that thing with my sexuality and ..."

Yuuji whipped around fast, pointing a finger at Megumi.

"I knew it! It's because I called you a virgin!"

Megumi understood what Yuuji was talking about. Before the freshman party. Right after Megumi had blurted out that he was gay, they had started asking who was a virgin and who wasn't. Megumi had been asked, too, but he hadn't said anything (he hadn't wanted to). And Yuuji had quickly replied for Megumi instead. Telling everyone that, of course, Megumi had to be a virgin (he hadn't been one). And then Yuuji had continued and mentioned how he would find someone for Megumi he could lose his virginity to. Yuuji had done all of that in an obnoxious and inconsiderate way. He had already drunk some alcohol at that time, but it had been irritating nonetheless.

"You did it because I called you a virgin! You wanted to take revenge on me, that's why you fucked my dad again!"

Megumi tried his utmost best not to stumble over his words. The words were clean and complete inside his head, but they broke apart and became awkward when they left his lips.

"N-No—No, I didn't! ... It was not because of that ... It wasn't that."

"Don't fucking lie! I know it's the truth! Admit it. I called you a virgin and that's why you did it with him!"

"No, that wasn't the reason!"

Yuuji lowered his finger and squinted his eyes. His jaw was rigid as his coarse tone dropped a few octaves.

"What was it then?"

Yuuji's voice was surprisingly under control, levelled even. He had pushed those words out through gritted teeth, but he hadn't sounded too brash.

Now that Yuuji was actually looking at him, Megumi had to look back at him, too. And it made him anxious. Whether Yuuji was looking away or at him, both were equally creating uneasiness.

And the worst was ... Yuuji was actually waiting. Waiting for an answer to come from Megumi.

The unwelcomed pause that had established between them gave Megumi even more anxiety.

"I-It's just—it got on my nerves, okay? They made me leave the party and go outside. That party. Everything about it. Yes, you too. And the others, too. Trying to make me drink alcohol and stuff. I hated all of it, that's why I left. But that's all! That I went to ... that I did it is because... It's ... it was ... everything about the party ..."

Yuuji turned around, his back facing Megumi again. He didn't feel like wanting to actively listen to Megumi anymore. He was trying to keep his composure. And that made Megumi insecure. His explanations became more ragged. More fragmented. More frantic.

Yuuji's attitude made Megumi trip clumsily over his words.

"I was so— ... fed up with everything. I hated the party and the drinks I was practically forced to drink. I was a bit tipsy and when I left ... when I was outside ... when I was able to think about stuff ... it's because that night... and the freshman party... everything... all of it. It ..."

Megumi turned determined. He was already on the finishing line of the track, so he might as well just make it clear without beating around the bush. He had to get rid of the last bits of his explanation.

"So many things reminded me of my first time with him!"

"Oh my fucking god!"

Yuuji covered his ears with his hands, his voice an enraged growl. This time he didn't just whirl around, he actually stood up and strode towards Megumi with balled fists, one of his hands holding the pen he'd been using earlier.

Megumi was somehow alarmed by the fury on Yuuji's face, so he stood up, too.

Yuuji's tone was vile, severely biting.

"Everything reminded you of your first time with him, so you went back and did it again with him huh? It couldn't have been someone else? Couldn't you find someone else to do it with, hm?! It couldn't have been anyone but him?!"

As Megumi's eyes never left Yuuji, his voice was stuck in his throat. Yuuji went on — relentlessly. Brutally. His accusations were nothing but brutal.

"You were at a party. You were on campus. So many students around you! You had plenty of choice!"

Megumi didn't know how to react to that. His mouth opened and closed, he never lost eye contact with Yuuji, and yet – at the same time – he couldn't say anything.

"Plenty of choice, but you chose him?! Of all people, you fucked him and you never told me?!"

Megumi felt like being gradually pushed into a corner.

"What was it, huh? Did his dick feel too good for you to pass on it?"

Megumi felt cornered.

"Did it feel good? Was it because he was so amazing in bed, you couldn't keep away from him? Was it like being in heaven? What did it feel like, huh?!""

Megumi felt even more cornered.

"Couldn't get enough of it?! That's how good it was?"

Megumi felt so much more cornered now. Highly restless. He also felt a tad bit riled up by how Yuuji was treating him. The way Yuuji was dissecting the whole issue.

"Did you get dicked down so good the first time that you had to go back for a second round??"

Megumi couldn't endure it any longer soon. That tight pressure coursing through his veins. The reproaches closing in on him.

Yuuji was led by unrestrained wrath, his voice loud and furious.

"Did it feel good? Did you have your fun with him? Did it feel good getting fucked by him, Megumi?!"

Megumi snapped — like a trapped rabbit that decided to charge as a last, desperate resort to escape from its predator.

"Yes! Yes, it felt good!" Megumi blurted out. He could have stopped here ... when he was taking a deep breath. But— ... Megumi didn't. He didn't stop there. "It felt so good, you could never ever give me that same pleasure!"

And the damage was done.

Yuuji looked at Megumi mutely, with a deep frown. His brown eyes were quaking fiercely. All of his facial features like stone. Breathing hard, nostrils flaring.

He didn't blink. He didn't utter anything. His stare was strong and unyielding. Looking at Megumi with disdain. Or disgust? Megumi couldn't tell.

After a long streak of silence, Yuuji finished the whole conversation with one last thing.

"I would rather fail this class than do that group project with you!"

His voice held an absolute finality as he roared that.

He threw the pen that he had been holding the whole time against the wall. It bounced around harshly for a while before coming to a halt on the floor. Megumi heard all of that as he buried his face in his hands and heard the door open which was then followed by a crazily audible slam.

Megumi fell onto his bed, slowly, and then his body slipped downwards further, until only his head was left on top of the mattress, hidden between two pillows.

Another one.

Another mistake.

Another mistake Megumi had to live with.

Another mistake Megumi had to deal with.

Such excellent results Megumi had caused.

Bad. So bad.

Megumi had said something he would have never said under normal circumstances.

He stayed that way for a while, head buried, kneeling on the floor.

No thoughts were running inside Megumi's head — his mind was in an idle state.

After what felt like an eternity, Megumi stood up abruptly – mindlessly – and settled at his desk once more.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it, Megumi told himself.

And then ... he was regretting the situation once more, bending his upper body until his head met with the desk.

Gojo was right, Megumi remembered once more as despair enveloped him, No troubles. I should have stuck to that. I should have made sure that there were no troubles for me ... Now my troubles are ruining everything for me.

***

It was the same day, but late at night. Megumi had tried to move forward with the group project and outline the draft. Alone. But it had been in utter vain. In all those hours that he had already left behind, Megumi hadn't been able to work on any of his studies.

Madness.

The room was shrouded in darkness, safe for the desk lamp that was lit next to Megumi. He was flipping pages of an anatomy book. Anatomy made him remember Sukuna.

Megumi looked back to one corner of the room. With all that darkness surrounding him, he couldn't see the skeleton, but Megumi knew that Sukuna was residing in that corner — hanging on a rod.

If only Sukuna could be more useful for once.

If only Sukuna could come to life and lit the whole campus and both dormitory buildings on fire with big, blazing flames.

At least then Megumi wouldn't have to worry about his studies or grades or that group project anymore.

Megumi heard a metallic sound, so he drew his attention back to his book.

Yuuji was back, but he instantly went to the bathroom. Their dorm room had their own bathroom.

Megumi flipped some more pages without a goal in mind. He was simply doing it.

Not much later, Yuuji came out of the bathroom and silently went to bed, all the while ignoring Megumi's presence.

Megumi could feel that. The avoidance.

There were a few moments of a blanket ruffling and then total silence.

"I thought you wanted to switch dorm rooms with someone else."

For a long while, Yuuji didn't say anything. He didn't answer. And then:

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

Megumi wanted to be silent. Not because Yuuji wanted that, but he himself wanted it. Sometimes, silence couldn't repair stuff, but at least it wasn't making things worse ...

And yet ... Megumi said it out loud.

"I always gave you hints about not bothering with befriending me."

"Shut the f—" Yuuji was vexed and sat up in his bed. But then he was processing Megumi's comment. "What the hell ..."

Megumi had made it worse. Again.

Damn it, he thought. Still at his desk, but unable to do anything else (anything that was a better choice), he could only accept Yuuji shuffling out of his bed and dashing out of the room.

It pained Yuuji. Aches were taking hold of his heart – physically – and constricting it in every way possible. He was a victim to that relentless torture ever since leaving the room.

He had to.

Leave the room.

He needed to go.

Be somewhere else.

It hurt.

He didn't want to walk much or far. Just to some place that was less suffocating. Somewhere where he could free himself from that torment.

As he wandered down the hallway, reaching the other side of the building, he chose to hide in one of the bathroom stalls of the communal bathroom. It was situated at the end of the building, far away and far enough from ...

Everything else.

He sat down on the closed lid, pulling his knees to his chest and putting his head between the open space of his knees and chest. His hands were wrapped around the back of his head, keeping it in place, pressing it down when he felt like not being out of touch – away from reality – enough, elbows covering his ears.

The words were haunting him.

'I always gave you hints about not bothering with befriending me.'

What the fuck ... Megumi ... Yuuji could hardly breathe, his chest hurt.

It was true that Yuuji had made that same realization when he was talking to Nobara, but ... hearing it from Megumi ... The harshness those words were alluding to ... It hurt so much more when Megumi had said it.

He was alone here. He could openly work against his sobs, swallowing once in a while to force them down.

The sobs subsided after a while, but Yuuji didn't move. His body was so still, not even the sensors for the automatic lights were detecting him. Blanketed in darkness, he lingered in place — freely letting go of every speckle of himself for the time being.

Just as he was crossing the line between wake and sleep, his body shook. Yuuji had been in a semi-dream and thought he was falling, so his brain alarmed him by forcing him awake. His whole body unfolded and the sensors switched on the lights. The brightness hit Yuuji like a truck, giving him a headache.

Eventually, he stood up, hands shielding the upper part of his face, going out of the bathroom stall. In the hallway, he leant against the wall, looking down at his feet.

"'Sup?" some random student greeted him as he went inside the bathroom.

Yuuji scuffled back to his own room, very slowly and very unwillingly.

Once inside, he avoided looking at the half of the room that wasn't his. By his own bedside, however, he stopped and stood in place.

As though the outer world and Yuuji's inner world had aligned themselves to form a momentary eclipse where time felt like standing still and light was nothing more than a concept, a sense of fortitude overcame him. He was willing to listen. For a tiny moment, Yuuji was willing to listen.

He turned around. Megumi was still by his desk, but his head was resting on the surface, arms crossed under his forehead. Yuuji could tell that he wasn't asleep yet.

"I knew we were two totally different personalities," Yuuji began with sobriety. "I knew I wasn't the type that you would prefer to have around or deal with. I knew that we would sometimes clash with our polar preferences and ideals. But, despite that, despite all of that, I also used to think that – no matter what – you would be someone who could be a good friend or boyfriend. An honest person — even towards me. So tell me ... Why ... Tell me what exactly it was that made you do this — made you go this far. Tell me what it was that convinced you to betray me like this."

Megumi had followed every word; had taken in every syllable. His bottom lip quivered, undetermined about the answer he should give. It hurt. The pain he had inflicted on Yuuji was hurting him as well.

"I don't want to talk you right now."

Megumi took the easy path.

Yuuji, however, had gotten everything he needed to know. That answer was enough. There wasn't anything else he needed to hear anymore.

Nothing.

With that final realization, Yuuji went under his bed covers and faced the wall. He didn't care anymore. Rigidness was supervising his feelings now and managed to have him fall into a deep slumber shortly after.

***

It was the next day, late in the afternoon.

Again, Megumi was trying to punch knowledge into his head. He was barely semi-successful with that.

If he wasn't thinking about his studies, he was thinking about Yuuji.

If he wasn't thinking about Yuuji, he was thinking about the heap of lectures and revisions he had to catch up on.

A two-way road to failure.

And yet ... somehow ... right now ... certain feelings were slowly creeping up onto him.

Megumi couldn't hold back anymore what used to be suppressed by his indifferent character up until now.

Megumi couldn't cease thinking about the dissatisfied conversation from last night. The one-sided conversation he had foolishly tossed aside.

Those feelings ... They were back, like a tsunami, slowly but certainly taking him as a whole. He had to do something. Megumi had to reveal some things ... to him ...

To Yuuji.

Megumi had to make the next step. He had to.

Yuuji shouldn't be left in the dark. That was not what he should be treated like. He had every right to know.

Know about everything and know about why Megumi had decided to let Yuuji know about his secret with Gojo in the first place.

There were no numb sensations within Megumi anymore ...

Megumi was feeling something. He was feeling it. That feeling of—

As if on cue, Yuuji entered their room, carrying a six-pack of beer cans in one of his hands.

Megumi turned to him, watching him take off his bag and settle the six-pack on his bed. Yuuji could sense Megumi's gaze. He was deliberately ignoring Megumi. Yuuji took one beer can out, opening it.

"Can we talk?" Megumi tried in a low, appeasing voice.

"Never."

Yuuji brought the rim of the can to his lips and threw his head back. Within half a minute, he had downed all of the content. Once finished, he crushed the can with one hand. Then, he took a second one; repeating the procedure.

Megumi disapproved of that. Like that, there would be no proper opportunity to reach out to Yuuji's conscience — to his feelings.

"Are you trying to get yourself drunk?"

If Megumi had been the type to do so – if Megumi had had the audacity to do so – he would have taken that six-pack and thrown it out of the window.

"Even if, it's none of your business."

A little more than a minute had passed and Yuuji had already emptied two cans. He squeezed the second one too, grimacing as the carbon dioxide singed his throat.

"I hate you, Megumi."

"I don't hate you."

Megumi wanted to say more. He wanted to let out everything that was welling up inside him and not care about the outcome or consequences. He needed to give life to his thoughts and feelings before they'd run away from him.

Even if Yuuji were to reject them, Megumi would be satisfied with not having betrayed his own self at least — for once.

But Yuuji was resisting — obstinately. Channelling his hatred by ignoring Megumi's presence in the room. Wanting to make himself stupidly drunk.

"It's getting ridiculous."

The first thought of Megumi's, and he decided to say it out loud.

Yuuji laughed. It was a loud and mocking laugh. He was about to open a third can.

"'Ridiculous', huh? You of all people saying that it's ridiculous. That's ridiculous."

He snickered venomously to that, a fizzy sound filling the room. Yuuji had opened his third beer.

Megumi rose from his seat, taking a stop towards the other.

"Stop with it."

And 'it' could perhaps mean his drinking, his ignoring, his stubbornness, his attitude. But 'it' actually meant all of it. Everything.

"Why don't you stop?!"

The hand that was holding the beer was stretched out towards Megumi, liquid spilling onto his hand and onto the floor. Yuuji was unfazed by that. He had chosen to selfishly put Megumi in his place.

"Yeah, why don't you stop? With everything. Stop being around me! Screw you!"

Megumi stayed silent, watching Yuuji with pity. At the same time he was fueling Yuuji's bitter chagrin with that. Yuuji put the can onto his nightstand — but with such a force that half of its content spilled out in copious amounts.

"There's nothing we need to talk about!"

Megumi thought it would be better to let a few seconds pass. Until Yuuji's emotions weren't at an all-time high anymore.

But it didn't seem to come to that.

Yuuji wiped a sleeve over his mouth.

"You kept everything to yourself. The things I deserved to know once we started dating. You acted like nothing happened between you two. The way you acted. It was a perfect mask. You fooled me perfectly. Congrats, Megumi. You successfully made a fool out of me."

"I'm—"

'I'm not proud of that.' Megumi wanted to say, but Yuuji got into a flow.

"Not the first time, I'm talking about the second time!" Yuuji yelled.

If not for Yuuji's mood, Megumi would have tried to talk calmness into him.

After all, what Megumi wanted was to talk to Yuuji in a civilized manner.

But Yuuji wasn't thinking that way.

He was enraged and unable to hear Megumi out. Yuuji raised a reproachful finger at him, shaming him. He swallowed hard, frowning, the words toxic on his tongue.

"You fucked him again, knowing that he was my dad. That's so disgusting. You're disgusting. You're a fucking— ..." And then Yuuji halted. And his words stilled. Same with his whole body. There was a pause — a long pause. Yuuji's stance loosened, he wasn't filled with as much boiling rage anymore. He merely watched Megumi, his previously wide eyes having become tame.

Megumi's eyes, however, widened for a quick second.

"A what?" Megumi wanted to know. He desperately wanted to know. He couldn't believe it. It was incredulous. They way Yuuji's body was relaxing, the swelling tension within him going down. Megumi stared at Yuuji in shock and disbelief. "Say it."

Yuuji averted his gaze.

"Say it."

Megumi's anger grew.

"I'm not gonna say anything," Yuuji murmured. He seemed to be turning placid.

"Why not? Say it."

Megumi couldn't bear it anymore.

What had Yuuji almost called him?

A bitch? A whore? A slut? A son of a bitch? A faggot?

"I'm not gonna say anything!"

"Say it! Why do you not dare?! Say it, you damn lousy coward!"

Yuuji bit his bottom lip. The placidity was gone.

"Say it!"

"I don't know! I don't know what you are! That's why I didn't say anything! That's why I didn't go on!"

Yuuji threw his hands to the side, being as agitated as Megumi now.

Megumi watched Yuuji with a horrified expression, silently.

He couldn't believe it.

He couldn't believe this.

That sounded so ridiculous.

Megumi was entirely ridden by his own perception of what Yuuji had wanted to say. What Yuuji had almost called him. What Yuuji was thinking of Megumi.

What Yuuji was viewing Megumi as.

"Say it, say it, say it! Don't back down! I dare you to say it!!! You—"

And then his words got cut off as he was pushed against the wall behind him. Yuuji was pinning him to the wall, keeping an armlength between them, his arms straightened fully.

Yuuji was glaring keenly, his brows furrowed so deeply that a vertical line was creasing his forehead. He wasn't stating anything, just holding Megumi in place.

Megumi wasn't affected by that — not even by the fact that he got shoven against the wall. He wasn't even feeling the hands that had buried themselves in the neckline of his shirt. He didn't feel the tight grip at all.

Megumi was appalled by the things that hadn't happened. The thing that hadn't been said out loud. He looked at Yuuji with incredulous but wrathful eyes.

"You wanted to call me a faggot."

"No!" Yuuji's glare turned into disappointment.

Megumi was led by his own unbounded convictions.

"Lie! Liar!! That's a fucking lie! Say it, you coward! You wanted to call me that!"

The grip on Megumi's shirt tightened even more.

"I don't know what I wanted to call you, that's why I said nothing!"

"You're a fucking liar! At least own your shit and say what you wanted to say!"

Yuuji grew slightly restless.

"I didn't—I didn't want to you call you that. I had nothing in mind, that's why I didn't say anything!"

"A fucking lie!"

Megumi noticed how his voice got hoarse, his throat swelling up.

Don't cry. Don't you dare cry now, Megumi reprimanded himself

Megumi pressed his eyes together, hard, teeth bruising his bottom lip as he lowered his head. He was close ... He could already sense the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. There was not much time left for him.

"Fuck off!" Megumi shouted.

Yuuji hesitated at first, lips pressing together messily; but then he let go of Megumi.

"You accusing me of not saying the truth," Yuuji said boldly.

"Fuck off!"

That was when Megumi voice broke, and he hated himself for it. His throat like a knot, his voice cracking and his eyes glassy.

Megumi hated himself for this.

Portraying this kind of weakness.

On top of that, it was happening in front of Yuuji.

Yuuji – the one of the two who would have a good amount of decency – left their room at last.

Megumi couldn't hold back the tears anymore, hot and angry tears.

Megumi knew Yuuji for months now. He knew what Yuuji was like. His character. His personality. His intentions with other people. But somehow ... in that moment earlier, Megumi had somehow thought the worst to happen. He had thought the worst of Yuuji.

Megumi's hands were shaking as he tried to get rid of his tears — to no avail.

Megumi hated how he had thought about Yuuji just now. That he had thought that way about him, even though there had never been a reason for that.

Why had Megumi done that?

Why had he expected the worst?

Why had he thought that Yuuji would ever hurt him like that with words?

Yuuji would never do something like this, right?

Yuuji had always, always been a kind and honest and good-natured person.

Megumi had failed.

He had wanted to make a step — a proper step. A step forward.

One step towards the right direction.

Fixing just a tiny bit of his problem. His trouble.

But it hadn't worked out.

It seemed as though things could never work out for him.

Megumi took deep breaths, incessantly.

He had never felt that way before. He didn't know what to do with all those new feelings. These emotions.

These sentiments that had touched and awakened his soul.

Megumi's soul ... It was longing for something.

For the other soul.

The one that would complete him.

But all he could do was crying, crying, crying.

Megumi's cries wouldn't stop.

------------------

A/N: 😭

What do you think about the escalation of their fight?

The things Yuuji verbally threw at Megumi? The things Megumi said to Yuuji?

Who was wrong? Who did wrong? Who fucked up more? Who was worse?

(I hope none of y'all thought that Yuuji would actually call Megumi a slur 🤨📸 )

Sorry for the late update, but please let me know what you think about this chapter!!! 🙏🏻

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts!