Alexander David Turner

I just stood there for a bit, not sure myself exactly what I was doing. I followed the motorbike tracks with my eyes, knowing that they were swerving outwards, but definitely never inwards. I've always thought that somehow, some way, Autumn would definitely open up to me. It never really occurred to me that she wouldn't, so it was no surprise that what we had had quickly sunk.

We had been over this relationship bullshit mountain over and over again, so much so that I completely understood why Autumn and I didn't feel anything at all. With Autumn it is impossible to tell but I do think we both are just completely exhausted.

I could feel Miles' eyes on me but I didn't even want to look at him.

"Hey pal," he coos gently, slowly walking towards but I roll my eyes.

"Not now, M," I said, feeling my voice crack. This just, of course, made Miles more concerned.

He wrapped his arm around me and walked with me, back inside the house. "What did you say to her?" I whisper, just low enough so we could both understand. Miles stared at me, momentarily.

"I reminded her of promises," Miles said, looking as though he was about to cry, and everything, including his vulnerable little face began to add together. Miles' overprotective nature got the best of him. Miles and I had a relationship different from the other boys. Miles and I were more open, more expressive of our vulnerabilities, and I think sometimes Miles couldn't help but take it the wrong way.

"You know what she's like M. I tried so hard-"

"Let's sit, okay?" he asks and nods at me, attempting to reassure me. "We'll sit on the dining table, come on."

We came inside and sat; Miles sat opposite me, and I him. I stared at the wood of the dining table. "I tried so hard not to push on the fact that I didn't care about her ripping off her mask. I didn't care if she was vulnerable with me because I would never use it against her, no matter what would happen between her because I fucking fell in love with her and my heart has been right on my sleeve the entire goddamn time.

"I want her to understand but I don't know if I can make it any more clear-"

I heard my mum's thunderous footsteps sprint towards the dining table. I impatiently waited for her to explain herself. "Mum," I said wiping a stray tear, "what- what's wrong?"

"I have to go to the hospital," she manages to say, through many shaky breaths. After swallowing hard and catching her breath, she says, "and everyone's coming, so meet me in my car in a minute. Miles, you too sweetheart," she says, and runs back out.

"I'll bring you a coat," Miles says, "find out what's going on."

I ignored him and followed my mother's footsteps, driven by the brutal cold and sheer curiosity. "Mum, I want-"

She cuts me off with a raised finger, and continues speaking on the phone. "- Yes, I need you to come please. I'll be there very soon, take care baby."

My mind lit up. "Autumn," I whisper to myself.

"They're done, sweetheart. Atrial fibrillation. There's not much anyone could do," she says, " although I wish I had studied magic sometimes," she sighs.

I hugged her. "Surely one of them must be slightly better? How do they have a completely identical condition?"

"They've been together, all day, holed up at home," she says. "Autumn has been looking after them for a long time, Alex. She's very lucky she is 18, the poor girl doesn't need child protective services up her arse too."

I said nothing and chewed my lip, as Miles jumped in the car and handed me my coat. Mum drove hastily of course, when we both knew that there was no point. Mr and Mrs Radford had passed away, and I immediately felt all of Autumn's pain.

My heart ached for her, knowing that she would never be the same after this and her barriers would only increase in number and become increasingly hard to walk through. She would never feel comfortable with anyone again; especially me. I reminded her of everything. One look on my face said millions to her, I could feel it.

Miles entered the car and passed me a coat, as we drove in a disturbed silence.

"Atrial fibrillation is treatable, Mum. You've had so many patients with it, there must be something you can do," I pleaded and she sighed in response.

"Most of the treatment I can't authorize because of their already poor condition. There are minor things we can do in emergency circumstances but this really could be the last straw. I'm so sorry Alex, sweetheart. She needs love and support right now, and no one could provide it better than you."

Could I? I couldn't even get her to speak to me, let alone provide support to her. "What did you tell her on the phone?"

"I didn't tell her how bad it was. I said I would tell her everything at the hospital but she had to come immediately. I didn't want her to know and do something stupid."

My heart sank to my feet. I don't know what I would do if she hurt herself, but I felt so stupid for not realizing it as a possibility before now. All I thought about was our relationship, but I was too selfish in that I never thought about her well-being aside from me.

These were our developing stages; not having the nurture and emotional support from parents at this crucial age is incredibly isolating and frustrating. But to know for a sure fact that nothing will ever change and that you have to depend on yourself and only yourself for the rest of your life is so heartbreaking. Especially for Autumn, at our age. I can't even imagine what I would do if I was her.

As soon as we arrived we rushed out the car, slamming doors together and running through the hospital like mad men, rushing to the addiction and rehabilitation ward. And that's when I remembered: Autumn needs all the love she can get right now, and me and my mother is certainly not enough.

"Miles," I said abruptly, and he turned to face me. "Do you have the razors' numbers?"

Miles looked slightly disappointed. "Al, I doubt any of them know about this. I sure as fuck didn't."

"They've known her since she was a kid. There's no way they didn't find out themselves," I reply, frustration clear in my tone.

Miles hands me his phone from his coat pocket and I enter his passcode. I look through his contacts and find them all; Leo, Taylor, Richard and Luke. I call Taylor, probably the stupidest decision when I'm so blinded by frustration I can barely think.

"Taylor," I say boldly and I could hear a little gasp in her breath that she quickly disguised.

"Well, hello it's Alex the boyfriend," she replied smoothly, a smile present in her tone.

"Shut up," I growled. "Who knows her the best?"

Taylor starts laughing. "Come on Alex, she doesn't do it with everybody now."

"I'm not kidding around Taylor. Who knows her the best?"

"Leo. Without a doubt," she replied clearly and I ended the phone call and called Leo.

"Leo," I said. "Autumn isn't alright."

"What the fuck did her parents do now?" He said and it shocked me how he immediately knew it was to do with them. What did her parents do before?

"Come to the hospital near school."

"On my way," he replied and ended the phone call.

I looked towards Miles. It seemed every time I looked at him he just looked more and more concerned. "Have you seen Autumn, Miles?"

"She's with them," he said and I ran towards the ward and opened the door immediately to reveal nurses and my mother around her parents. But no Autumn.

I interrupt my mother's conversation. "Where is she?" I say and she purses her lips.

"In their bathroom," she says and I walk to the bathroom and open the door but it doesn't open. Of course she locked it.

I knocked so loud my knuckles began to hurt and she unlocked the door but didn't open it. She doesn't know if she wants my comfort or not. I opened the door and walked in to see her.

She just stood there; so completely still as if time had just frozen but I quickly realised it was just complete shock. Nothing can prepare you for something like this.

"I need you."