Alexander David Turner

Upon my arrival home, I am, as usual, greeted with an atmosphere that is completely free of dirt and clutter with special thanks to my incredibly perfectionist mother. Somehow, between being an on call doctor, she managed to make plenty of time for cleaning to an insanely high standard whilst making sure I was always on track. She even managed when my dad was on business. And unfortunately, that mother was also standing right in front of me, and I am sure ready to question my whereabouts for the past ten to fifteen hours.

To my extreme surprise however, she brings me in closely for a hug, before releasing me and smiling gently. "How was your night?" She asks lovingly.

I knotted my eyebrows together. "Um, good."

"That's great, sweetheart, but come on in, it's time for dinner," she says, and we walk together silently, the only sound to be heard is the sound of our shoes tapping on the way to the dining table.

Confusion continued to run through me as she handed me a knife and fork with a smile before taking a seat herself.

"Mum, where's my tutor?" I said, tapping my knife against my placemat, in apprehension of her answer.

My mother laughed to herself, and I just realised how happy she actually looked. She no longer had that tired look on her face, but she just looked happy and relaxed.

"How can I call your tutor if you went out to see Autumn?" She replied, rolling her eyes. "I feel like celebrating, would you like a little cider, Al?"

She reaches out to grab the bottle and I put my hand over hers. "Mum. Seriously what's wrong?"

"Autumn's mother has gone into a coma," mum said, and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach.

It seemed to be as natural as a reflex for me to just get up and head towards the door, but my mother stopped me. "I called her over, Alex. Don't worry."

I almost choked on my saliva as I turned around. "Don't worry?" I laughed in disbelief. "Autumn will be in bits - hell, she probably already is!"

My mum remained silent. It felt as though my words were huge amounts of harsh air that shut her up completely. "I didn't know you liked her that much, kiddo. Don't screw it up," she said quietly, and left the room.

Just as I was about to collect myself, I hear brief knocks against the door and I know it's Autumn. I look at myself in the mirror, combing my hair briefly and straightening out my black t-shirt. Exhaling slowly, I open the door.

She's wearing my t-shirt and a long black coat. "Hey Autumn, you alright?"

She remained quite still, nodding her head. I stroked her hair and cupped her cheeks. "You look better in my shirt then I would look," I smiled and she chuckled briefly.

She kissed me. "Why did your mum call me here?" She said, and I could feel all of her shaky breaths.

"I will sort out whatever happens," I say, and take her hand as we walk together.

I had never once imagined that things would ever get this serious. We probably both thought of each other as a joke. Well, she did. She never was a joke to me. She always had been someone special, but now it just felt so real.

So real to be able to have the privilege to hold her hand and see the vulnerable side of her that no one else saw. She was so fragile, yet so strong: definitely stronger than me, or anyone else. And all of a sudden, I felt Autumn's hand squeezed mine. She didn't even look at me, or show any signs of acknowledging her gesture, but she just left me to greet my mother with a hug.

I've never seen her hug anyone.

"Sit down, sweet. This isn't something you'll wanna hear whilst you're standing," She said, exhaling slowly.

I could see how nervous Autumn was. All I wanted to do was just cradle her so tight that all the nervousness and apprehension would just roll off her, and to stand in front of her as a human shield so nobody else could do anything to distress her.

But everyone knows that I would never be enough. No one really was enough for Autumn.

"Your mother has gone into a coma, Autumn, and I am so so-"

Autumn gulped very very loudly. "Okay. Well, I've got to go so-"

"Go?" I questioned, "where?"

"The Roses, they need me right now," she said, getting up and ready to go.

"Autumn, you are not in a state to go anywhere-" I tried to explain but she cut me off immediately.

"I have to go, okay Alex?" She said, in a strong tone that I had not heard in a very long time. Things went very silent after that.

I nodded. "I'll walk you out."

My mother gave Autumn a kiss on the forehead. "Take care, we'll see tomorrow morning okay? Pack your things," she said, and Autumn smiled in gratitude.

She walked outside and I quietly followed behind her. She stroked the seat of her motorcycle. "I'm so sorry, Alex."

"Sorry for what?"

She looked up at me. Silence. "You can't even say what," I groaned, running my hands through my hair. "What is it with you, Autumn?" I said in frustration. "I have never once hurt you. Ever. Although I've tried. I tried to fool you on more than one occasion but I just ended up fooling myself. A lot-"

"Alex-"

"Because I really really like you. You light me up, you make me really fucking happy, idiot. I will have your name printed all over me for years but to you I will always be the dork in English class," I exhaled slowly. I had never been this angry before.

"You're right," she nodded, looking at the floor. "I will never think of you like that."

I felt tears stinging my eyes. "Why did you kiss me all of those times, and let me hold you like-"

"Like what, Alex?" She shouted. "You wouldn't know, ok? You've only held your mother so, maybe you should shut up."

"Wow, I must have been out of my damn mind to think you would-"

"Would what, Turner? Don't you get it, you are just a game. You are a fucking prank, okay? Just because you've seen a strand of myself you think we understand each other?" She said, and was trembling with complete utter rage.

"You must feel something. I felt it," I said, my eyes tearing up. Jesus, what had she done to me.

"I kissed you. I cuddled you. I held your fucking hand. What, are you in middle school?" She asked, that awful look in her eyes, and she might as well be stone. I fucking hated this. She made me feel like an idiot over and over, and I had to deal with the ups and downs and I didn't know what the fuck to believe.

"And you say all of this while wearing my t-shirt," I say, rolling my eyes.

To my surprise, she takes off her coat, and pulls the shirt over her head, before putting her coat back on. I turned my head quickly. I didn't want to see her like this. Not when we were fighting. "Take your shirt. What makes you think I want any memories of this?"

"You will catch pneumonia, put that back on," I said, still looking away, despite how angry I was at her. I handed the shirt to her. "You can burn it if you don't want any memories of me. I wouldn't want to remember me either," I said, and walked back home.