Underlying Feelings

"Have you talked to him about how he treats you?" her friend, former psychiatrist, Evelyn Montgomery asks as they sip tea in Stevie's sitting room. The older woman had her silvery hair piled up on her head and secured with a chopstick. Her clothes were as elegant as the woman herself, dressed in grey slacks, kitten-heeled sling backs and a thin button down blouse with a secretary bow at the neck.

"I've tried, you know that, but over the years he has just pushed me further and further away. I can't talk to him now, no matter how hard I try."

"Has he ever come to you about his feelings?"

"When everyone is gone, sure, sometimes."

"Really? What sparks the sudden openness."

Stevie blushes. "Intimacy. When we are...together, sometimes he tells me things. He's told me that he's jealous of all the men who watch me, lust after me. He can't take my flirtatious nature, it drives him crazy."

"So what do you do when he tells you these things? That's a huge confession for him."

"I try to tell him I would never cheat on him, that I would never leave him for someone else. I flirt unintentionally most of the time."

"How about the other times?"

"Huh?" Stevie asks as she butters a croissant.

"You said it's unintentional most of the time, what about the other times?"

"I, um, alright...sometimes I do it because I know he doesn't like it. Sue me, I want a little attention from my husband."

"Stevie..."

"I know what you're going to say. It's wrong to wind him up like that but he cheated on me, he brought her right in front of me telling me that she was nothing, just a friend, maybe even a potential back up singer for me. He hurt me so much and God..." Stevie cuts herself off, tears forming in her eyes.

"This was two years ago, correct?" Stevie nodded. "Did you ever really forgive him?"

"I love him. I think I forgave him enough to not want to walk away. I'm thankful it never got out to the press and he kept it hush. I would never want my marriage problems splashed all over the tabloids like that."

"But?"

"But a part of me of still angry. He told me he was sorry and it was just a fling. I said he didn't sleep with her, he just made out with her."

"Do you believe him?"

"I don't know"

"That's the problem, Stevie. You seem to have some underlying feelings of betrayal and distrust. If you don't believe him, why can't you leave him?" Evelyn asks, playing devil's advocate.

"I don't want to leave him. I love him, anyone can see that. It's obvious that I'm totally head over heels in love with him."

"Yes it is, but what stops you from going back to the way things were?"

"What if it happens again, Evie? What if one day he doesn't want me anymore?"

"Why would he be here?"

"It's this stupid house! It gets us lots of positive press and it's gorgeous. We both love it so much it I've come to resent it."

"Sell it. It's just a house."

"You don't understand. We...when we first joined the band we were trying to have a baby. For whatever reason, we just couldn't and it killed both of us. We tried for a year and we got nothing. We bought this house with every intention of filling it with children. When that didn't happen, we started traveling and picking up little pieces to put in our house. All of the energy we would have put into raising a child, we put into making this home perfect. Soon, we realized that wasn't enough. I think he blamed me for not being able to have his baby. In some ways I think I blame myself even more. We began fighting and it was fine at first, little tiffs, but then it became much worse. He would break something of mine, pour out my expensive perfume or slash my dresses. I would retaliate by breaking something of his in return or canceling an appointment he had with his masseuse...it's childish but it made me feel better. When we were in public, we were fine. We could pretend everything was okay but it wasn't. We moved into separate rooms, and I noticed a woman coming into the house at all hours. He had kept it from me for months and I was devastated. In our own house, right under my nose and I didn't even notice until it was literally staring me in the face. They were kissing in my music room, his hand on her thigh, hiking her short skirt up even more. I lost it!"

"Understandably."

"I nearly tore the house apart looking for any evidence that they had done more than he said. You know Lindsey, he's so charming and persuasive, he knew I would believe him."

"But you don't."

"I don't really have a reason not to, I just...can't."

"Do you think he loves you?"

"I know he does. He told me he only tries to control me because he's afraid I'll leave him and he needs me."

"That isn't a healthy way to live. It seems to me he has abandonment issues."

"Maybe he does. Maybe we all do, Evie."

"Fair enough."

"So what do I do?"

"Find a neutral space, not yours, not his, and talk. Be open minded and make sure he can be open minded too. No sex until you each hear the other's side."

"How do I get him to be open-minded when I seem to make him angry all the time?"

"Try to cater to him a little bit. Stroke his ego, make him feel comfortable and at ease. You know how to do that. You're a wonderful host, Stevie. If you love him as much as you feel you do, you have to try. It could save your marriage."

"Do you really think so?"

"I can't say it will fix all of your problems but I would say, it could open the door to allow better communication."

"I'd like that." Stevie sips her tea, tearing off a piece of the pastry sitting on her saucer.

"Give it a try. He comes home soon, correct?"

"Right. He's swimming laps with his buddy in his Olympic pool...or something. He used to be a competitive swimmer in high school. I could watch him swim all day. He's graceful but powerful...it's amazing. He's amazing."

"I bet so. Maybe that could be an in for you. Maybe you could swim with him this evening? He would be relaxed and you could try to open up a dialogue with him."

"That might just work. Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

"That felt like a therapy session" Stevie says with a chuckle, delicately wiping her tears away with a napkin that lay in her lap. "I appreciate all your help."

"It's my pleasure. What are friends for?" Evelyn reaches out and takes Stevie's hand across the table, giving it a comforting squeeze. "You can do this, Stevie. You and Lindsey were built to last."

"I sure hope you're right"

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