[Sunflower]: Even in adversity, beautiful and pure things can emerge

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"I'm sorry, but I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry, but you don't make my heart race. I'm sorry, but I've been mentally cheating on you... all the time. I was always waiting on someone and I think I still hate you a little for stealing my first kiss. As well as not understanding my obsession with 'Friends', but that's beyond the point.

I'm sorry I'm hurting you, even though I know how you feel about me. I'm just... so sorry. If you're ready to let me go, if you're sure it won't hurt you anymore than it already does, I want to stay friends. I don't want to lose you, but I also want what's best for you, so tell me what can I do to stop hurting you more?"

I flip my review mirror shut once I'm done rehearsing what I'm going to tell Jack in a couple of minutes, before getting out of my car and making my way to his building.

After my awakening while watching 'Sleeping Beauty' I drove home, nearly crossing a red light several times.

I wanted to decide the setting of our break-up in peace. How was I going to even do it, when, what day of the week? Was it better to choose Saturday so he'd have some time to recover for his classes on Monday? Should it be sometime in the morning or maybe late at night so he could sleep it off?

How should I start our ending, which words would hurt him less?

Those endless thoughts and possibilities kept me up all night. And I couldn't even talk to Syd about it, because yes, she's always known I am not in love with him, and yes they even fought all the time, but still, we are a trio, and I didn't want to tell it to her before I talked about it with Jack first.

After restlessly pacing around in my apartment, four pieces of paper full of dark wildflowers sketches and tossing in bed for hours, I couldn't take it anymore.

I realized I was going to explode if I didn't talk to him tonight. So I jumped out of bed, grabbed my phone and keys in a rush, and drove to Jack's place at four in the morning, without even changing out of my white Victorian sleeveless nightgown.

I didn't even take my time choosing shoes, which says a lot, since I never do that. Just slipped into the first pair of satin ballerinas I saw and flew out the door.

I need to do this tonight, or I can never master enough courage, so how I'll look while breaking his heart is certainly the last thing on my mind.

Jack's been living with some friends since last month. They are renting a large apartment not far from the uni, so they can study and practice basketball together whenever they want.

I have been at his place only once, since I don't quite like his new friends. They are as smart as they are arrogant and judgmental, which is a lot. They can make you feel small with one assertive glare or remark. I don't personally pay attention to those, but it doesn't mean I'd not be affected if I heard one.

Jack is nothing like them, so I have no idea how he gets along with them.

Once I reach their door, I'm about to knock, when my fist freezes over the wood.

Shoot, it's past three, no one's going to be awake, right?

I should have called first. I really should have, especially if I am going to ruin Jack's night anyway. I just didn't want him to worry before I could get here, and telling him this over the phone was unacceptable.

I've always had a strong dislike for people who intentionally broke up over the phone to avoid facing the consequences. And no, my case with Connor was not the same in any way.

Unlocking my phone, I start to type Jack a message to check if he's up, when I hear someone climbing to their floor. Mentally praying it's him or one of his friends, I look up with hopeful eyes, and it is! One of Jack's friends comes to a stop before me, staring down at me with surprise, and then a wicked half-smile.

This Asian-American guy is probably the tallest person I've seen in my life, even taller than Connor, and it is saying something. I have to tilt my head aaaaall the way back to take a good look at him. He has a barely noticeable mustache and messy hair, but still manages to look very young and boyish even with his dark eyes and unbelievably long eyelashes.

"You're Mia, right?" He asks when I just stand there, mentally thanking the spirits and forces for sending me one of Jack's mates in the middle of the night. His university uniform and sports bag over his shoulder tell me he's been out training.

When I notice the guy keep his eyes on my chest without a single sense of shame,
I remember I'm not wearing a bra under my cotton nightgown and start to scold myself for forgetting it. Soon, though, I start scolding myself for scolding myself for it. It's not my fault he likes to stare at beautiful things.

I mean, I didn't hand him an open invitation to stare at my nipples, but still he does, so it's on him! More so because I'm his friend's girlfriend, for God's sake!

"Well, not for long," the fallen angel on my shoulder reminds me.

"Right." I answer the guy with a nod.

"Are you here to see Jack?"

"No, just decided to steal some man souls since everyone would be sleeping anyway," I mumble to myself sarcastically, and he seems to have heard me because he smiles even wider.

"Ruined your plan, didn't I? Since I practically caught you red-handed."

"Oops! But maybe I'll just steal yours." I narrow my eyes at him, before chuckling. "Anyway, do you know if Jack's inside? I haven't really told him I'm coming over."

"Should be. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, thank you. I just really need to talk to him, so if you could, you know, unlock the door..." I trail off. "Promise I won't steal anything of yours."

He chuckled, before stepping around me to reach the door.

"You've got yourself a deal." He says as he unlocks it and holds it wide open for me. "Would personally give anything for a wake-up call from someone like you, so I know I'm doing my man a solid favor."

Yeah, I doubt that, but this guy doesn't need to know it.

"Thanks, I guess." I mutter before sliding inside the apartment.

"I remember his room," I tell him, as I start to make my way further inside their place and head for Jack's room. I pass a large, messy living room with piles of heavy books and printed lectures everywhere before reaching a narrow hallway with several doors on both sides.

The common areas are all dimly lit, and the whole place is surprisingly not as silent as I thought, giving me an idea that some guys living here are still up and about in their rooms.

I hear Taylor Swift's "All too well" play behind one door, and chuckle silently as I continue down the hallway. Can bet it's even the ten-minute version.

The closer I get to Jack's door, the clearer I can hear voices coming from behind his door, too. From what I can tell, he's watching a movie or something. I stand there, holding the handle of his bedroom door, and hesitate for a second.

I don't want to hurt him, God knows I don't, but I have to end it now.

He deserves more than I can give him, and he will find that one day. He will find the perfect girl for him, that can love him back in that way. It's just that, I am not that girl.

I knock at his door, in case he is watching porn, which he might be doing, judging from the weird sounds I've just heard.

"I'm busy, guys!" I hear Jack call, his voice all weird, just before I hear a girl moan loudly.

Oh my God! What the hell!?

That voice was too real to be a movie.

Holly!

He has never cheated on me before! Could he be now? Shit, maybe that's just what I wanted to believe in, maybe he's been cheating on me all this time.

But no, he wouldn't. Or would he?

Connor's weird questions about Jack pop into my head out of nowhere and without knocking for the second time, I throw the door open, and then my eyes widen in total disbelief.

Jack is sitting on the edge of his bed in his bathrobe while a stark naked brunette is straddling his lap.

"OH MY EYES! MY EYES!"

Phoebe's iconic line crosses my mind and I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. I mean, yes, I'm here to set ourselves free, but I also am incredibly shocked.

I thought he respected me enough not to do this without breaking up with me.

"Guys, I said I am busy," Jack says louder, still not looking my way. Instead, he has his head back and his eyes, from where I am standing, seem to be closed while he has both hands digging into the flesh of the girl's butt. The brunette keeps kissing down his neck, moving over him and her moans getting louder, not even slightly concerned that they have an audience now.

I'm the one who starts to search the room with her eyes, to stare at something else. Not to sound like a prude, but I've never seen anything remotely close to this scene. I mean nothing as realistic.

So I don't actually know what to do at this moment. I feel pissed and disrespected. Not because he cheated on me, but because even when he was doing it, he didn't set me free, making me believe breaking up with me would hurt him more than it would do me.

I have been feeling all guilty for thinking about someone else, when he was out there probably screwing around behind my back. I mean, damn, this hurts, because even though I was craving Connor, I've never even really kissed him, partially because of the devotion I have for Jack as a friend. And partially because of the idealistic concept I have of me and Connor.

Worst-case scenario, if something like that happened between Connor and I, I'd come clean to Jack without a second thought. I respected him that much, I admired and loved him as a friend, but turns out he didn't feel a damn thing about me.

"Fuck! Faster! Oh, oooooooh!"

The girl's voice snaps me out of my shock and I clear my throat, slamming the door with my foot to get their precious attention.

Jack lets out an irritated growl before finally turning his head toward me. When he realizes who's interrupting his fun, his annoyed expression turns to utter shock. Close to what I felt a second ago. Maybe even more comical. His eyes widen in horror and his whole body goes still.

I would laugh at the scene in front of me if I weren't in the receiving end.

"Sorry to interrupt, guys. Should I maybe come over later?" Hearing my voice, the girl finally finds the decency to stop moving on him and turns to face me.

Jack finally comes to his senses, quickly pushing her off of him, and stands up, covering himself up while I move my eyes away for a second. He runs his hand through his hair, confused, and takes a step toward me, unsure of what to do.

"Mia, this is ..." He struggles and I let out a laugh. No, really, I seriously laugh out loud, making the girl who's now covering herself with the blanket, look at me as if I am crazy.

"Come on, Jack, don't finish that ridiculous line. Take a shower and get dressed, we need to talk. And you," I point at the girl, "Leave, he will call you later."

As I make my way back to the shared living room, the guy who let me in, walks out of his room, his headphones on and an apple in one hand. I am guessing he still doesn't know what's going on.

"What? Leaving already?" He asks, taking his headphones off.

"Nope, just waiting for Jack to make himself presentable and get rid of the girl he was having sex with." I shrug, passing him standing there, but not before I notice his eyes widen in disbelief.

He follows me to the living room and stands there frozen as I nudge some piles of books that lay on the floor and throw myself on the sofa.

"Are you serious?"

"Yup." I cross my legs, leaning back.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. If I knew he was with someone else, I'd_"

"What, you'd not let me in? It's fine, it would have happened eventually. And someone has to apologize, but it sure is not you."

Just when I finish my sentence, I hear Jack's bedroom door open and close. A few seconds later, she's in the semi-dark living room, and stops when she sees me on the couch.

"Look, I'm sorry. I knew he had a girlfriend, but I_"

"Apology accepted, though I'm pretty positive it's not really your fault. You are just a girl I don't know, he's the boyfriend. No hard feelings, just leave, please."

She nods, surprised at first, maybe because I'm not freaking out on her and just too calm for a girlfriend catching her boyfriend cheating. But then again, I'm a girlfriend who's in love with someone who's not her boyfriend, so there's no need to make a scene.

Besides, I meant what I said. It's not her fault Jack has chosen to cheat on me.

"Fuck, you are cool," Jack's friend says, his eyes shining with amusement, as soon as the girl closes the front door behind her.

"Well, thanks?" I make it sound as a question, since I didn't expect that. The sound of Jack's door slamming gets my attention fast. "Now, can you please leave me and my ex-boyfriend alone?"

"Of course," he tells me, before turning around and walking back to the hallway. A second later, I hear him say "good luck, man" to Jack, before closing his bedroom door. Jack rushes into the living room next, fully dressed and washed. He throws his whole body next to me on the sofa, reaching for my hand with his.

"Please don't touch me. I don't want you to." I tell him, my voice firm, putting some distance between us.

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry." He hangs his head, covering his face with both hands. "I fucked up, I know I did, and I'm not sure what else to say other than to apologize."

"That's a good start." I sigh, not even wanting to look at him right now. "You could also tell me the truth. How long has this been going on? You screwing behind my back. It's not the first time, is it?"

I feel him slowly shake his head, still not looking at me.

"How long then?"

"I just..."

"How long?" I repeat, my eyes holding his stubbornly.

"Over a year." He closes his eyes for a brief second, probably realizing how this all sounds.

"With different people?" I ask and he nods.

"Then again, I guess it makes sense. I wasn't having sex with you, so of course you'd look for it somewhere else. I can't even be mad about it. I'm just confused as to why you'd not break up with me instead of sneaking behind my back."

"Because you're everything I've ever wanted."

"So you just kept me as a, I don't know, a trophy girlfriend to boast about?"

"No, God, of course no. You know it's not true. I love you, Mia, and I mean it."

"Jack, truth is, today I came here to break up with you." What I say makes him look up in a blink of an eye.

"Please, don't, Mia." He mumbles, his eyes full of emotion and desperation. I ignore it, going on.

"You know I am not in love with you. I've always been clear about it. But I have always loved and respected you as a friend, and today I came here to try and keep our friendship, because like I said, I love you. And now..."

"Shit, please." He grabs my hands in his, inching closer. I let him now, because I know that this is the last time.

"I've always thought that we didn't have a spark together, but I thought that at least we had respect and love for each other, and for a while it was enough," I keep saying what I need to, to get over my disappointment with him and us. "But now, I'm just too disappointed with us. It's obvious we had nothing together."

"Mia, you know how much I fucking love you. You know it. We can't break up." He captures my face now with one hand, but I turn my head away, making him drop it.

"Jack, when you love someone, you don't have sex with others, just because they don't give it to you. I truly believe that you think you love me, but it's not exactly love."

"I didn't do it because you wouldn't have sex with me, Jesus. I can't blame you for what I did. I don't even know how or why I started to fuck this up, but I swear, I have never loved anyone, but you."

"Then stop," I tell him abruptly, standing up. He follows, getting to his feet, his eyes full of hurt and regret. "I need you to stop, because I will never love you like that, Jack. You asked me to try, and I did, but it just isn't working. I'm sure there is someone out there waiting for you, because you are so amazing, so smart and handsome and insanely kind. But that person is not me. I'm not the one, Jack. I never was." I tell him, looking him straight in the eye, and I feel like he understands that it's really over now.

"You love someone else, don't you?" He asks in a whisper, his voice broken. "You have always had. I'm not dumb, you know. I've always felt like there was someone really strong between us."

"I'm not going to lie to you, Jack. So yes, there was always someone between us." He flinches when I admit it, even though he was expecting it.

"Do I know him? You've never been interested in anyone, even when we were just friends."

I shake my head no. Connor was already gone, when Jack moved in.

"Because he's a ghost from my past, more like a devil, who's never left my heart and mind. He's been there way before you and I began, and the funny thing is... he doesn't even know about it."

"He doesn't?" Jack raises a brow, and I nod.

"Not yet. And like I said, I've never cheated on you. Emotionally maybe, but not like you. Although, now I'm not sure which one is worse. So I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I couldn't love you enough to let you close. I know this if my fault too... If I were in love with you, if I opened up to you more, you wouldn't have sought affection somewhere else. I'm sorry..."

"It's not your fault, Mia." He shakes his head, as a tear runs down his cheek, making me start to tear up as well. I don't know what to do. I didn't want this to be an ugly break-up, but I feel like it already is. "It was my choice. But I do wish I were stronger than the one in your heart. Maybe then I could make you stay, even though I don't deserve it. Maybe then I could steal you from that ghost."

"I'm sorry, Jack, but I don't think anyone can ever do that. My ghost, my devil... he'll never leave."

Jack keeps staring at me for a long, devastating minute, before letting out a humorless chuckle, with a hand running through his wet hair.

"Just hearing you talk about him, makes me realize how I never had a chance to win against him. The only other time your eyes sparkle so brightly is when you're talking about architecture."

"I'm sorry..." I mumble, not knowing what else to say.

"Can we at least stay friends? Do I deserve it?" He studies my face carefully.

"Are you sure you can be my friend? I don't want to hurt you, Jack, and with you thinking you love me..."

He lets out a short laugh, making me stare at him surprised.

"Do you know how I fell in love with you?" I shake my head no and he goes on. "The first day we met at school, a huge guy I don't even remember now was picking on me for my big head. I think everyone was scared of him, so no one said a thing, but when he tried to get closer to probably hit me for fun, you stuck your foot out and tripped him."

"And then you looked up at me, and you smiled mischievously, so big, so beautifully and kind, my little heart raced. And even though later I saw you being scolded by the teacher, was it Mrs. Lany then?" When I nod, my tears running down my cheeks, he continues. "You just stood there, taking it, not making excuses, just accepting the scolding for something that wasn't even your fault. And that's what you're doing now."

"You caught me having sex with someone else, and you had all the reasons to make me think the break-up was fully on me, but yet, here you are looking out for me, telling me this is not only my doing. Now that I'm looking at you, I think you haven't changed at all. And that's why I think I can't love you any more than I do right this second."

"Jack..." I whisper, more tears running down my eyes. Am I really losing a friend right now?
He steps closer, wrapping both arms around me and giving me a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, I changed, and instead of loving and worshiping you, I disrespected our friendship too. You are right, I can't be friends with you right now, because I'll always want more. But one day, when I'm done being in love with you, I promise I will break your door and make you tell me all about this devil who's so fucking insane to not see you."

"I can't wait," I sob in Jack's arms for the second time in twenty-four hours, as we share the most sincere and warmest hug, we've ever given to each other.

Jack and I are over, and now it's time for me to go back to my green-eyed devil without any guilt and regrets.

~*~*~*~

Author's Note

Aaaaand I did it, I uploaded the new chapter before Sunday, just like I promised, so I'm really proud of it. Now that the break-up scene is out of the way, the next chapters are going to be bolder, smoother, more fun, and aaaall about Mia and Connor, so brace your hearts... *and panties*.

Mia is such a unique character for me: she is strong, brave, absolutely adorable, says exactly what she thinks, and is not shy to show how she feels. I've never created anyone like her. She does have some similarities with Danika though, but you haven't seen much of Danika yet, so yeah.

Again, thanks for supporting this story, even though my upload schedule is shit. I promise to get my weekly updates back very soon, until then please vote for the chapters, comment as much as you can, and share your theories with me. I love reading your comments more than anything in the world!

Much love, Mel