[Japanese Andromeda]: Fairies' fire

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I stay there, crying in Jack's arms before gradually calming down. He lets go of me and once I cover myself, he hands me my bag and throws the empty cup for me.

"I'm really sorry I came onto you like this." I say again and my voice sounds hoarse because of all the crying.

"No apologies accepted. I rather enjoyed it." Jack tries to joke with a sweet smile, probably to make me feel relieved.

He's always been so understanding when it comes to things like this. I mean, isn't it obvious? The guy hasn't pushed me for sex even though we've been dating since the end of middle school.

He's always so patient with me.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks and I shake my head. Right now I just need ballet.

Besides, what would I even tell him? That I used him to check if what I am feeling for someone else is just physical lust or not? That I realized it's not?

"Not really, no. But... thank you, Jack," I hold his gaze, to let him know how much I mean it. "You are always so understanding."

"You're my friend first, Mia." He says and I couldn't love him any more than I do now at this moment. I wish he remembers this when we break up too.

"Still. Thank you for never pushing me into anything. I don't tell this to you very often, but I truly appreciate it." He nods with a smile, and takes a step back to give me space to make myself presentable in the mirror.

I tame my long waves with the tiny comb I keep in my bag, and refresh my cherry tint. Other than that I'm good to go.

"Want me to take you home?" He offers as we exit the bathroom.

"Nope. I have to check something about one of my projects first." I lie to him, and it scares me how effortless it's become for me. "You which way?"

"Back to the gym," he nods his head to the side, with a charming smile.

"Then I'll walk you back," I make the 'you first' gesture with my hand with a tiny bow, and he laughs accepting my gentlewoman move.

"That should be my line."

"It's the twenty first century, silly." I stick my tongue out at him as we walk back to the gym.

We chat about our Halloween costumes for this weekend and Syd and her aunt's shenanigans. We are almost at the entrance to the gym when my eyes catch sight of Connor standing at the doors leading to the backyard, staring at us with no emotion whatsoever.

His face is blank, his hands inside the pockets of his jeans, his posture rigid. Only his green eyes, they burn as they slide to Jack's hand holding mine, and it's only because I know him, that I can tell he's fuming. His eye twitching proves it.

I bet he hates himself for the reaction he has to seeing me with Jack right now.

I bet he hates how powerless he is to control it.

I want to make his suffering worse, want to wrap my arms around Jack and kiss him with all I've got to hurt Connor as much as he's hurt me, but I don't. Jack doesn't deserve it, I can't use him more than I've already done.

Instead, I pretend I've not seen Connor, pretend I've not noticed his eyes drill a hole in our hands, not noticed his jaw clench, and turn to face Jack.

"Thank you, and I'm sorry again," I tell him and he just smiles, his left hand reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Stop apologizing, Mia. It was hot."

"What was? Me being an emotional mess? Thanks for the compliment I guess?" He chuckles and I smile, before stepping back and dropping his hand.

"Yes, so don't overthink it. See you later, babe," he says and starts to walk backward to the gym, and I wave at him seconds before he disappears behind the door.

Once he's gone, I take a deep breath, turn around and make my way to the door leading outside, since the theater building is practically on the other end of the campus.

With every step I get closer to Connor, but never once do I look at him again, even when I can feel his eyes still on me.

Since the classes are over, there are almost no students in the hallways, most doing extra activities in their clubs or studying in the dorms and library, but I'd give everything to not be alone with Connor right now. I'm barely holding myself back from punching him in the face to make him pay for the ache in my chest.

He really brings the violence out in me.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and start to mindlessly scroll through my texts, in a cowardly attempt to ease my anxiety his stare causes. My shoes click against the floor aggressively, and I don't stop even when his addictive cictric scent hits me like a slap.

I hold my breath, deciding it's the best option to stop his scent from messing with my head. I need time to think about what I'm going to do with a clear head and with him being so close it's impossible.

Time slows down as I walk past him, my head held high, one hand gripping the stripe of my cross bag for dear life.

If I slip and land on my face just like in those romantic comedies, I am going to burry myself in the cement right here and now.

This thought is casted aside just as fast as I notice Connor take a single step toward me.

Please don't talk to me now, don't touch me now, please don't talk to me now, don't touch me now.

I repeat the words in my head like a mantra, I pray even.

"You cried." His barely audible voice stops me immediately, just when I reach the doors. It's not even a quastion, it's a statement, a decleration.

Of course, when it comes to him, every kind of manifestation, wistful thinking and prayer is pointless. He goes against all odds, the exception to my everything.

"What did he do now?"

I turn around with a comically obvious stunned expression probably on my face, because that's how I feel right now.

Stunned, that he thinks it's because of Jack, not him. Is that why he looks so angry? Not because he's jealous, but because he actually thinks my boyfriend hurts me all the time?

I stare at his side profile, since he doesn't even regard me with a look as he says this.

Just how stupid can he be? Doesn't he know that the only person that hurts my feelings all the time is him.

"Wow... you're indeed a fool. Such a goddamn fool, Connor." My voice is even and hoarse when I speak, barely managing to contain my anger.

He's always been so oblivious to my feelings, and apparently that hasn't changed at all. He never saw how much I cared about him, past the line of our friendship.

Before he can say anything, react even, I push the doors open with all my might and burst out the door like a shooting star.

This time he lets me walk away.

Although I can still feel his presence and stare at the back of my head all the way to the dance department.

~*~*~*~

They are rehearsing to Tchaikovsky's "Sleeping Beauty" as I slide through the iron doors soundlessly and choose a vacant seat somewhere in the back.

Far from the spotlight, attention and the stage, closer to my escape route in case they decide to approach me and ask why I'm spending my time watching them like a creep.

I'm pretty sure my "it's my only therapy" answer would make me look even more of a weirdo.

I drop my bag on the seat next to me, lean back and watch the Sleeping Beauty touch the spindle and drop into a deep sleep.

My eyes take the full scene in, making me want to weep happy tears because that's how much I've missed wearing my pointe shoes. Dancing, being on the stance...

And in this moment I am. I am the girl on the stage in a green tutu dress, being carried away by her fairy godmothers.

I imagine myself moving to the music with dramatic and heavy moves, since according to the script I'm supposed to be in deep sleep.

Somehow this is what I feel like I've been doing for years now, except instead of being on the stage, I'm in the sidelines, in the real world, deep in sleep.

After losing mom, I've been barely holding on, but even if the world was crushing down, I knew I still had Connor. I thought I'd always have him in some way, and as long as I did, I'd be okay.

But he abandoned me, at least his heart did, during my most painful season, and so I fell into this deep sleep where I dreamt of demons and ghosts and people gone.

I can't say I didn't laugh, can't say I didn't have fun, or didn't love every second I spent with Sydney and Jack.

However, something inside of me broke the day of our accident and when Connor took a piece of me with him after our last call, I could never glue myself back together.

But then suddenly I've found him, and along with him that piece of myself and now I want it back. Desperately. I want to be fearless again, to be whole and burning. With him.

As I watch the characters twirl, the music change, one setting transform into another, I make up my mind.

I'm going to get my fire back, and I'm never ever loosing Connor again.

I'm not going to let him slip out of between my fingertips without telling and showing him what I feel. I did it once, thinking if he was happy without me, then I couldn't stay in his life.

There was no way I could pretend I was happy with him being with someone other than me. I could never fake it, so I removed myself from his life to give him the chance he wanted, and to heal my mind and soul.

But I'm not going to do it again.

Never again.

Especially knowing that this time around I can make him fall in love with me, and I'll be damned if I don't make it happen this time.

He's going to love me so much it'll be impossible to breathe without me.

Of course, before that I'll have to break a heart. Jack's heart. No matter how much I keep delaying this, both him and I know this is going to be our ending. I am just desperately hoping that our ending won't ruin our friendship.

Once my mind is made up, the stage comes into focus again. The prince is kneeling over Aurora already, his face hovering over hers and watching her like intently. For the sign of life after the kiss he's just planted on her lips.

The music picks up and I know what happens next before I even see it.

Aurora gathers all the air into her lungs and snaps her eyes open with an exhale.

She sits up, yawning and stretching her body cartoon-like, before looking around confused and surprised.

When her eyes cross the space between us and seemingly land on mine, I almost gasp.

I feel like I'm looking in the mirror. Because the Sleeping Beauty I'm seeing is me. I'm finally awake and I have all the gifts and fire of the fairies right at my fingertips.

~*~*~*~
Author's Note

PLEASE DO NOT UNALIVE ME! Let's start this with my written apology, shall we?

Dear Reader,
I'm sorry I didn't update for a while again...
I was planning to update more frequently but my life happened again. I know as a reader I'd find all the excuses annoying and tiring too, so all I can do is sincerely apologize to you and hope you will accept it.
Love, Mel

In fact, as compensation I will post another chapter during the weekend, so make sure to come back on Sunday evening (at most) and get your gift. I swear it will be there, even if I have to press the Post button while taking my last breath lol. I do love being dramatic, sue me.

Also? I wanna say that omg we're finally FINALLY getting to the sexy-shmexy stuff and learning what happened all those years ago, and seeing things from Connor's point of view as well. He's such a mix of hot and adorable grumpyman and I hope you'll love him.

Fun fact, long long before I even created Kai and Selena, I'd created Connor. He is indeed the first character from our "Memories" universe, so I hope you will give him a lot of love and support. He deserves it, you'll see it yourself, very very soon.

Another fun fact, he was inspired by a single song, more precisely THE CHORUS of that one song, my teenage self streamed like hell. Lol even thinking about it makes me cringe, not the song precisely, just the delulu stuff I thought and felt while listening to that song. Oh God, now it's the right time to actually unalive me, so go ahead! Please?

But okay, no secrets between us, right? So *drumroll* it was Connor Maynard's "Animal", the part where he goes "you can taaaaaake my heart like a criminal..." and yada yada. OMG I can't believe I am sharing it here voluntarily, because I've never EVER told this to anyone, and now it's out here forever. Arghhhhhh

But oh well, I'm not ashamed, can still vibe to that chorus like a pro, so what?

On that musical note, wanna say I added MORE songs to the Trouble playlist on Spotify, so if there are any music fans out here reading this story, you're always welcome to check it out and even suggest songs.

Sorry, it was a long A/N 😂 love ranting past 3AM on a Thursday, while normal people are sleeping and dreaming about being abducted by aliens.

See you this weekend, bye you beautiful human beings, and again thank you endlessly for supporting my writing and this story.

Much love, Mel

PS if you had to make a list of tropes for "Trouble", what would you choose? Any ideas?