[Hemlock]: You will be my death...

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There is one plant in my garden back at home that I've had the most difficulty growing.

My lemon balms.

This herbs have a sunny feel and are soothing for the mind and soul, considered to be a type of 'happy pill'. However, it's very difficult to find high quality lemon balms, especially dried ones to use in tea, since drying them is very tricky: they can turn brown and lose flavor in no time, becoming practically useless.

But if you do succeed understanding, growing and drying them just right, they can turn into one of the most perfect happy herbs.

I started to grow them after Connor was gone and I failed at it in the beginning, over and over again, always drying them way too late or early. But eventually, after endless attempts, I finally learned the right way to listen, touch and feel them, and so they let me get closer.

In a way, the man I have my arms wrapped around right now has that in common with my lemon balms.

He's the happiness I've been trying to chase for so long, and now finally he's letting me get closer to him, closer to his mind, soul and body.

Especially body, right now, as I straddle his thighs in this dark castle, dimly illuminated by the candles all around us, and not caring about the storm and heavy rain beating against the windows.

My arms are wrapped around his neck, fingers gripping his hair, as he devours my mouth like I'm his last meal.

I rock against him, and gasp at his desire pressing firmer against mine.

"Sky," I hear his voice in the back of my head, but I'm so into him, I can't stop myself from rocking against his shaft again. He has to grab the back of my head and pull my mouth off of his to stop me from getting drunk on his lips.

I lean forward to capture his mouth again, but his hand moves to grab my chin between his thumb and pointer finger, to prevent it.

I pout disappointed, making him chuckle with a deep voice. My hazy eyes find his and his smile fades just as fast, before he gives me a long stare.

"This is the last time I'm warning you, Little Monster." He rasps out, forehead pressed against mine. "I'm not good for you, there are things about me you have no idea about, things that will make you run for the hills, rightfully so. So do it now, run as far away from me as possible before I get selfish. Because if I do... I'm never letting you go. There will be no running away from me. You'll always be mine, no matter where you are. Mine to touch, mine to hold, mine to corrupt. This is your last chance, Sky, take it. Run."

Even though he's giving me an out, his hands around my body tighten, fingers dig inside the flesh of my waist, keeping me firmly straddling him on the ground.

I stare him in the eye fiercely, wordlessly giving him my answer.

Parting my thighs wider, I press myself firmer against him, letting him know I'm not running anywhere. And then, slowly, my right hand moves to slide the left strap of my dress down, all the while his intense gaze following my movements.

The other strap follows suit behind, and Connor's eyes darken the moment the top of my dress completely slides to my waist, revealing my bare breasts. He swears under his breath, as he realizes I'm not wearing anything underneath. His gaze turns feral, causing shivers run down my skin.

"I warned you," he whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear softly and without a warning, bends me backward to trace open-mouthed kisses between my breasts.

Oh Good God!

I arch my back, tagging at his hair, my legs clenching around him, feeling how turned on he is. A thought crosses my mind suddenly: will I even be able to fit him in the bedroom?

"Missed you so fucking much. I had to physically be oceans away from you to not break." Connor says against my skin, pushing that thought away, before sucking on the birthmark on my breast.

"Tell me you didn't sleep with anyone in Italy... that it's just a rumor." I mumble incoherently.

"The second I found you again, you've been everything I wanted, everything I dreamed, fantasized about. And no one can ever come close. The length I'd go to keep you within my soul even when you weren't mine is insane. You have no idea, Sky. You really don't."

His voice is so full of raw emotion, vulnerability and honesty, my heartbeat breaks a record with all that running.

"I shouldn't feel so happy hearing this, I know I shouldn't, but I so do. I want to find every girl you haven't slept with and give them a rose or something." I trail off in a rush.

He nods with a smile against me, making me do mental swirls in my head: I can't believe I'm the one making him smile and laugh so much tonight. It's addictive, I can't stop craving it.

Nibbling at my chest, Connor gently lowers me down on the cover I've been sleeping on before he showed up. His hands work my dress down my waist and off my legs impatiently. I push my lower body up, helping him get it off of me, leaving me completely naked in front of him, save from my white panties.

"I knew you'd not go all black," Connor says, taking in the wet white fabric covering my desire.

He throws my dress somewhere behind him, and it's so uncharacteristic of him, I chuckle.

"What's so funny?" He asks seriously, his voice raspy, before biting my nipple as if a punishment. It only makes me moan instead.

"I just expected you to fold it neatly, even in this situation."

"Not when you're under me." He whispers, and suddenly leans back on his knees, hazy eyes roaming all over my naked form intensely, as if he doesn't know where to look first, as if he is afraid we're running out of time.

Never one to shy away from his attention, I sit up to trail small kisses all over his jaw and neck.

"My turn." I tell him, and start to lower his bomber jacket down his shoulders.

With every dump piece of clothing I take off him, my movements become frantic, messy because I can't wait to get him naked as soon as possible.

He helps me complete my mission, tagging at the back of his hoodie with one hand and pulling it up in that masculine way that has my breath quickening with need.

My hands are trembling as they roam all over his wide shoulders, muscular arms, bare chest, and defined six-pack, exploring every inch of smooth skin.

Holy... I hope I'm not drooling from the sight of him like this.

A raindrop rolls down from his wet hair, down his neck and chest. I chase it quickly, catching it with my mouth right at his navel. I keep tracing small kisses all over his stomach, abdomen, and navel.

His skin is smooth under my mouth, cold from the rain too and yet it feels like we're burning together in the most powerful flames.

I feel light-headed, consumed by all my senses as I feel him everywhere around me.

When my mouth traces the scar of the wound I've stitched with blue, he growls and pulls my face back up by my hair to kiss me urgently.

"Enough," he groans against my mouth and lowers me down on the soft cover again before I can reach his pants. He holds my gaze for a second, his hands grip my thighs parting them, and then he is pressing his mouth to my stomach.

I struggle to control my breaths, but lean back on my elbows to watch his hand move lower, and grip my panties.

He looks up suddenly, eyes finding and holding mine and then he tears the last bit of fabric off of me, making my eyes close for a second from the delicious burn of pain it causes.

I don't have time to worry about being fully naked in front of him, when his hand slides between my legs, and a finger starts to tease me. My hips jerk off the floor but he keeps me in place with hot kisses on my neck and breasts.

"You're so ready for me. So remarkable in every possible way." He mumbles as if to himself, his kisses sliding lower again. Gripping the flesh of my thighs, he hooks my legs over his shoulders, trapping himself between them, his mouth hovering dangerously close to where I crave him the most.

I hold my breath, realizing what's on his mind, and suddenly my cheeks start to burn as a rush of embarrassment hits me.

Oh my God, is he going to...

I don't get the chance to finish that thought as his mouth falls between my legs, his tongue making me jerk under him without a single ounce of control.

A growl of satisfaction and approval escapes him when he licks me there, as if I'm exactly what he imagined me to be.

He presses his face harder against me, hands wrapped around my legs, fingers digging inside the flesh of my inner thighs, making me moan from the sweet pleasure and pain.

Unintelligible words of desperation leave my mouth as he starts to feast, my moans echoing through the empty walls of the castle, and making the candles shake.

My hands shoot up to grab two handfuls of his hair, spine arching and eyes rolling back in my head.

"You have no idea how much I've envisioned you like this, do you?" He mumbles, his voice muffled.

"I think I do," I manage to moan with a tiny smirk. My sass makes him bite my inner thigh, which only makes me high.

He starts to nip, and suck and bite all over my desire, making me move my hips in a sweaty, needy heat. It feels like I'm burning from the inside, and I don't know whether I want to turn to ash under his mouth or get away from it as fast as possible.

"Should have known you'd taste so addicting. Should have knows you'd taste like mine."

He keeps drawing my release out, picking up pace before slowing again, on and on and on, driving me to a completely mindless state.

"I can't," I chant incoherently, even though I'm holding him close. And then it all becomes too much, and I try to get away from him so I can breathe and ground myself to the realm of the leaving. I try to push at his shoulders, but he only tightens his hold on my inner thighs, looks up at me with those deep green eyes of his and with one final lick of his tongue makes me cry out for all the Gods.

My ears start to ring, my body jerks off the floor as my release washes over me, before I close my eyes and fall back down in ecstasy, the world going completely still.

A kind of peace I've never experienced before settles over me.

"We might have a tiny little problem on our hands." He mumbles and I feel him crawling over me, licking and kissing my stomach, breasts and every bit of skin he can reach, until his uneven breath is fanning my face.

My eyes flutter open to see him already watching me in a way that is both soft, affectionate and yet so dark it makes me  feel how devastatingly empty I am without him inside me.

He presses his forehead against mine before tucking a strand of hair away from my sweaty temple.

"You have just become my favorite meal, and I'm afraid I won't care where and when I'll get hungry and decide to eat you out." Connor finishes and when my eyes widen in astonishment, my mouth opening and closing without a sound, he chuckles against my mouth.

"For the first time in our history, you're speechless. You are never speechless."

I give his upper lip a playful lick, my heart ringing in my ears as I taste myself on him. My hips start to move against his bulge automatically, my body shaking as I start to lower his sweats.

I want everything with him right now.

I want to feel him, I want to know what sounds he makes when he's bursting into flames because of me, how he moves when he loses control around me and what his desire caused by me tastes like.

As if reading my thoughts, his kiss turns urgent, obsessed, and soon I'm begging him for more.

Fire burns brighter in my lower stomach when he braces his hands on either side of my head. I am drunk on him, on the way he smells and tastes and feels against me. Arching my back, I keep kissing his mouth and chin and neck. I can't get enough.

"Be my first, Connor." I trail slow and delicate kisses up and down his throat, nipping at his skin.

"Only if I'm your last too." He moans, and I nod without a hesitation.

"I want you in my bed, first." He adds.

"Later." I suck on his Adam's apple. "Anywhere you want, I promise. Right now I just want you inside me." I shudder as the words I've never used before leave my mouth.

"You're killing me, Little Monster." 

"Please... You are everything I want. It doesn't matter where my first time is, if it's with you, it will be perfect. I need you so much, Connor, pl..." He cuts my sentence with a rough swear under his breath, his voice full of lust, grabs me by the throat and steals my words with his mouth.

Shivers break out on my skin when his tongue parts my lips. My hand slips inside his boxers, wraps around his erection, and takes him out. I rub my thumb against the tip, dying to see him, but also not able to stop kissing him. He moans against my mouth, letting me know whatever I am doing is exactly what he needs.

Connor grips my butt, pressing me against him, his hardness meeting my softness. His kiss slowly turns lazy and sweet before he pulls back a little, to press his forehead against mine.  

We're both out of breath, our hearts pumping at the same crazy pace, as if they are wrapped in a dance, to the same song only they can hear.

"Sky," he moans deep in his throat, as if he's in pain. His eyes are mirroring mine, burning with desperate need, and yet he is trying everything to hold back his madness to not hurt me.

Holding his gaze, I wrap my arms around his lower back and push his body down on mine.

"Wait," I hear him groan the same time a loud gasp leaves my lips. The head of his erection has slipped inside me, making me close my eyes for a second as pain and discomfort hit me.

Oh God, he'll tear me apart when he gets all the way home.

I can't wait.

He swears under his breath again when my fingers dig inside his sides and I try to push him deeper, not caring about the pain.

"Sky," he grits, one hand tugging my lower lip down, before caressing the corner of my mouth. "Baby, baby," he tries again when I don't stop shifting under him as if I'll die without feeling him.

The new name he's just called me gets my attention, and I open my eyes, ignoring the pain to stare into his eyes. "We're not using a condom." He whispers in his own painful trance, and my eyes widen.

Realization suddenly sinks in. Oh my God. I pause only for a second, but not because I'm not sure about this, but because I was so consumed by lust, I really forgot it.

"I'm clean, but we need to use a condom, Sky. I want you to be safe." But then he kisses me out of control, and suddenly I don't care about anything anymore.

"No please, take me bare. I want to feel everything with you." I gasp and shift a little under him.

"Fuck," And as if my answer is exactly what he has been hoping to hear, he thrusts all the way inside me. My back arches off the floor and I close my eyes crying out so loudly I feel the castle fall.

My breath turns shallow and Connor freezes to let me adjust. We stay like that for a moment, pressed together in every possible place, before pain gives way to bliss and desperate need for him to move in me.

"Good?" Goosebumps run down my skin at his deep voice full of desire, and even though I still struggle to get used to him, I nod, excited for what's to come. My eyes flutter open to watch his face and see him already studying me carefully, as if he's looking for some kind of signs.

Whatever he sees in my gaze convinces him, because in the next heartbeat he pulls out completely and slowly slides inside again... and again.

Every thrust pulls a throaty moan out of my mouth, and I am lucid enough to note he goes wild when I do that. 

Connor whispers praises against my mouth, dirty words against my ear, and my name against my throat, his voice raspy and breathless as we find the perfect pace.

"You feel so good," he praises with a moan.

"I can't get enough, Sky."

"I will never be able to get enough of you."

"You've been made for me. No one can take this away from us."

The last sentence makes me furrow my brows confused, but I soon shove it away as he goes on and on until I can barely keep my eyes open, until my voice turns raspy from all the cries and moans and pleas he pulls from my mouth.

At one point his left hand wraps around my neck, his eyes asking me silently if it's okay. I nod feverishly before tightening my legs around him and urging him to go ahead and up his rhythm.

And that's when Connor starts to fuck me.

"Oh my God," I breathe out with half-lidded eyes, his thrusts pushing me higher on the blanket.

It's rough, measured, and violent: perfect in every way I need. I crave his domination, the confidence in his touch, the control he has over me, and the raw desire he inflicts. And yet through it all he holds me so tightly, so gently and delicately, as if I'm the most precious thing he's ever held in his arms.

He bites down on my jaw, right where he left his mark that one time in his bathroom and my whole body shudders with a violent climax. It's his name on my lips, his back my nails scratch at, and his hips my legs tighten around.

My vision blurs and I cry out for God when instead of stopping, he hikes my legs higher, making his thrusts feel deeper than before.

"Going to come, and then we're doing this again," he mumbles in my ear, and I feel him jerk and try to pull out.

The most reckless thought hits me so suddenly I find it hard to breathe: I don't want him to do that. So I wrap myself tighter around him, keeping him inside me.

"Have you always used condoms?" I ask and feel him nod in the crook of my neck, as another orgasm starts to build deep within me.

Oh Goodness, is it even possible for a virgin to survive three orgasms her first time? I need to research, but that's if I survive this tonight.

"Come inside me," I whisper against his ear, tagging at his earlobe.

He pulls back slightly, giving me a silent stare, his eyes asking me a question I know the answer to without a doubt.

"Are you sure?"

So I nod firmly, grab his face into both of my hands, press his forehead against mine and flex my muscles around him.

His hooded eyes hold me captive, his heartbeat racing against mine, as he thrusts inside of me, slow and deep and gentle now. His hands are everywhere, in my hair, on my hips and butt and thighs.

He is everywhere, and I've never felt so at home.

"I'll never give you up. Even when I know this is going to end in tragedy," he tells me in a whisper through his teeth, as if he's talking to himself. "Even when I know I'll not recover after you, that you're always going to be the death of me."

"But you're going to be my death too...And still, it's better than not having you at all."

As if he can see my thoughts on my face, his gaze darkens, and then with one final thrust he starts to shake and empty himself inside me, making me orgasm with him.

My emotions are written all over my face, body, and the way I touch him as we keep staring at each other, caressing every part of each other's faces, both of us coming down from the powerful high.

I feel vulnerable, raw, and honest, laying all my feelings out in the open, hoping he can see it clearly, even though I'm too scared to tell him how deeply I feel about him.

I love you.

I've always looked behind my shoulder, searching for you.

When you were gone from my life, I felt like I was constantly failing to find peace.

I can't imagine myself without you.

I'm obsessed with you.

I'm praying I don't push you away with all these powerful and endless feelings I have for you.

I love you so much, it scares even me.

These are the thoughts my mouth doesn't turn into words as I lay still on the floor of this dark castle, surrounded by candles, thunder and the delicious weight of Connor's body. I smell like him, our intense love-making full in the air, our moans and groans still ringing in my ears like an echo.

He's still inside me, arms wrapped around my body, breath heavy against the side of my neck as he keeps trailing lazy, tired kisses there, when sudden exhaustion takes hold of my mind and body.

With a heavy sigh, I pass out, thoroughly spent, even though I struggle against it, even though I wish I could stay awake in his arms forever.

~***~

When I open my eyes again, the first thing I notice is the missing weight above me and then the empty space beside me, as I tap it with a hand.

My eyes widen in panic, before a gentle kiss rests on my thigh.

"I told you I'm never leaving you again, and I intend to keep that promise." I find the source of my favorite voice on his haunches at my feet, staring down at me with a new kind of familiarity.

His left thumb is caressing my knee absentmindedly, that is picking up from under the second cover he's apparently tucked me under after I passed out.

Connor has his sweats and hoodie back on (disappointing, urgh), while I'm still completely naked under the blanket. Still, I don't feel conscious, and I have a feeling it has everything to do with the way he's staring at me.

"I really hope you do," My lips turn into a big smile as I sit up, sliding closer to him, until I'm on my knees before him.

He wraps a hand around my waist, pulls me close and parts my legs to straddle his thighs as he sits back, leaning against the wall. I wince from the pain between my legs, but ignore it once I'm safely in his arms.

Instead, I glow as I wrap my arms around his neck and brush my nose with his gently, soaking up his scent and darkness. To me, it's a well known fact that I can't stay away from him even for a second, and I think he'll soon catch up to that as well.

"I'm disappointed." I say with a pout before planting a kiss on his cheek. "You are all dressed and I wanted to return the favor from earlier." My hand starts to reach for the waistband of his sweats, when he grabs it, interlaces his fingers with mine and presses our locked hands against his heart.

His heartbeat is going crazy, matching mine perfectly, making me smile to myself.

I love it when he does this, it's so possessive and yet sweet, it makes me want to sigh contently.

"You will. Later." He throws my word back at me, and I don't have the time to come up with something smart when his next words follow.

"How sore are you?" Connor brings his left hand to brush my hair behind my shoulder before cupping the side of my face. His fingers rest around my jaw and neck, his thumb parting my mouth, toying with my lower lip.

"It would have been worse if you didn't take care of me while I was asleep." My eyes fall on the package of wet wipes near the box we keep in the castle, and the small paper bag with some bloody wipes inside.

"Thank you, you didn't have to clean me up." I hold his gaze, kissing the tip of his thumb. My cheeks burn, letting me know I'm red all over.

His eyes darken, and he bends a little to brush his full lips against mine.

"I know I didn't have to do it. I did it because I wanted to. Because you're my person and I take care of what's mine." His voice is serious, as if he's explaining some difficult architectural concept to me, but his eyes... they are devouring me. "So, my question..." He bites my lower lip, and I shiver, inching closer to him. "How sore are you?"

"Just a little." I lie. I really don't mind a little pain with my pleasure, and I don't want to miss out on whatever he has on his mind.

"Good, because I'm taking you home with me, and we aren't leaving my room until after Thanksgiving."

I take a look at the window nearby, noticing it's pitch black outside, although the rain has completely stopped. I look back at Connor.

"But that's like four days..."

"Then you better save all the energy you have."

My mouth hangs open in surprise, heart racing under my chest aggressively. The reaction he gets from me makes him smirk for a second, before his hands cup my cheeks, pull my face up to his level, and then he plants the most toe-curling, slow kiss on my lips.

"Does this mean you're abducting me to your realm for the season, my Hades?" I joke against his mouth, fingers clutching at his hoodie.

He hums deep in his chest with appreciation, and nods, never stopping the kiss.

"Well.. Lead the way, my morally gray God of the Underworld."

~***~

Author's Note

LET'S SCREAM TOGETHER!!!! XD

Ever since Connor and Mia formed in my head, I always knew where their first time was going to be. It's just so dark, so beautiful, so them, especially when both of them are architecture students.

Another fun fact is that my Trouble playlist on Spotify, and especially Ariana Grande's music there always helps me write Trouble and it helped me complete this chapter and post it too. I had this chapter written for so long, but I was just not happy with a certain paragraph, so I kept obsessing over it until I came up with something close to my heart.

This said, I need to work on writing smut lol, every time I write a chapter like this I just want to delete it all because I truly think I'm not good at it. Personally, I think I'm better at crying, dramatic and sweet, romantic scenes, but not smut, still I keep experimenting to improve. Anyway, hope it wasn't cringe and could get you bothered at some parts lol.

Aaaah, I'm so excited for the next chapters, because Mia is going to be our favorite girl, I swear. She's sooooo brave and I love that about her. And let me not even start with Connor, I'm pretty sure you're going to LOOOOVE him even more!

So yup, the next update is coming next week, even though I need to find a job. The IT company I was working with suddenly closed down and I need to find a job asap. Urgh, it's tiring.

See you soon!

Love, Melanie