[Forget Me Not]: Never never never never never forget me

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|Chapter Thirty-One|

Flashback

He was going to see her!

Five more minutes, and he was going to get to her. The thought alone made his rushed, big steps turn into a full run down her street, as if his life depended on it.

Come to think of it, it always did.

Five minutes was too long, he needed to see her as soon as possible. Right now! And he didn't care that it was unusually cold in Atlanta that day.

He needed to wrap his arms around her, tell her he loved her, wanted her, needed only her, tell her he'd never lose his virginity to a girl he wasn't even slightly interested in. How crazy she was to even believe his bullshit.

He had to tell her it was a scheme to figure her feelings out, that it was the idea of his dumbass friend, not his. He was just so desperate to find out if she also felt the way he did, he was ready to tell her anything at the time.

But the second the lie was out of his mouth, he regretted it. He regretted it so much, it was hard to breathe sometimes.

She sounded surprised on the phone, but right when he was about to tell her it was a lie, she wished him 'good luck'.

She wished him good luck and then hang up in a rush.

Good fucking luck!

Jesus, he was so mad at her for saying that. How dare she wish him luck with someone who wasn't her when the only one he'd ever wanted, the only one he'd ever fantasized about, was her?

Nothing could ever match her big brown eyes that always held his with intensity, her red smiling mouth, her soft skin and that tiny nose, that one single, barely visible dimple on her left cheek that would appear only when she'd laugh uncontrollably.

He was so mad at her indifference, he didn't write and call her for a while, waiting for her to reach out first, but right after 5 days, he just cracked. He always did because of her.

So he started writing and calling her relentlessly without getting an answer. She was always away and busy, his letters kept returning, and his calls kept going to voicemail.

There was no way to know she was alright. He was so desperate he even begged his father to call the Jones, which of course he didn't, saying he lost contact with them. He called to beg his mother next, she didn't pick up any of his calls... just like always. And only when he talked to his distant aunt did he calm down a little: she told her she had seen Mia that weekend at the park, and she looked fine to her. At least she was alive and well.

So why the hell was she ghosting him?

Weeks turned into months, and he had gone completely crazy without her words and voice.

Even when he won his first architectural award and earned a scholarship at Dante's private school in Rome, his heart and mind were always going back to her.

The second he hit 16 and earned his first official paycheck, he made a deal with his mentor.

Instead of paying him his first salary, he had to buy him a ticket to Georgia with his own credit card, straight from Rome.

He even lied to Dante, telling him his family was there now, so he'd not refuse him.

The thing was, he didn't want his father and the new demon living under heir roof to know anything about his Little Monster. He wasn't ready to risk her life too. Having that asshole know about her existence would be too dangerous, he couldn't allow it.

And now here he was, running down her street to finally see her, ask her why the fuck she shut him out like that and then kiss the hell out of her with all he'd got, because Gods, he missed her. With his body, mind and every part of his soul.

His feet came to a stop in front of her door, and it took him a second to catch his breath, let the importance of the moment sink in, and then knock at her door.

The door remained closed, but that didn't mean he didn't see her.

He did, she was just not his anymore.

After hours of waiting outside her door, he finally got a glimpse of her. In a pink dress, glowing like a princess, smiling at someone that wasn't him, and then she was kissing the stranger. Someone who was so far from being him.

His heart shattered into a million pieces, his soul left his body, his mind scattered across the street from where he was watching her frozen, clutching the small snow globe he'd gotten for her last Christmas even though he knew he'd not see her then... There was a ballerina in the center of the globe, in a pink tutu dress and dark hair, rotating to "Masquerade" by Aram Khachaturian, one of his Little Monster's favorite compositions.

The statue had reminded him of her the second his eyes landed on it, and so he kept carrying it with him until the day he'd finally see her and give it to her.

He'd been carrying her anywhere he went, and yet here she was, replacing him.

And as he watched her laugh and wave goodbye to the guy that was different from him in every possible way, his father's words suddenly made so much sense.

Girls like her always grew up to become deathly for weak people like him.

Because that's what he was then... weak and dead.

"I_I lied to you about my mom." I confess, not daring to look up at Connor from where I am sitting on the floor. "She died when I was 13..."

"What? That means Sophie... when we talked..." Even though I am avoiding looking at him, his disbelief is obvious in his tone as he struggles to gather the pieces of information.

"The last time we talked... It was the same day I came home from the hospital. When I first woke up there, my father wouldn't look at me. He still doesn't, doesn't even talk to me if it's not extremely urgent. Must be blaming me for being the reason mom was at the wrong place, at the wrong time. For surviving when the love of his life didn't. You know how much he loved her." I take a deep breath, willing myself to go on, even though remembering all of this is like a dagger deep in my chest.

"I was so alone, Connor, so depressed and broken after waking up. I didn't have close friends then, and I couldn't talk to anyone. I only had you. And you were so far. I longed for you even more then, so I kept calling you from the hospital because I needed you like air. Your housekeeper or your stepmother, I guess, she didn't really introduce herself, always told me you were busy. I assumed you told them to say so."

"I didn't." He thunders louder than the weather outside right now, his voice full of anger and surprise.

"And then you called me yourself, the moment I stepped into our home... only to tell me how happy you were to lose your virginity to Bailey Malcom from your class. Guess what, Connor? Yes, I still remember her full name even though I've never even seen the girl. Even though I've only ever heard her name once, years ago. Want to know why? Because I hated her, still do. You sounded so happy because of her. Even told me you liked her, and then I just... died all over again. So I couldn't tell you anything about my mom, because I was frozen in time and space. The only person I thought I had, left me. Because that's what you did that day. You left me." Tears start to fall down my eyes, and I remove them quickly with the back of my hands, suddenly going through all that hurt and loneliness again.

"So you left me too..." He whispers under his breath, and I nod, still not looking up at him.

"I stopped calling you, taking your calls and reading your letters. Your life was better without me, while I was miserable, needy, broken without you. You weren't there when I had to go to my rehabilitation programs so I could sit without any painkillers, you weren't there when I had depression, when I was practically living alone because my father stopped coming home. You were just never there, and still I wanted you so much. But most of all, I couldn't stand the thought of you falling in love with someone else as I watched, while I..." I take a deep breath to find the courage to show him the deepest, darkest and most sacred parts of my heart. And so I look up at him standing in front of me like an angry God, his tall frame hovering over me. His wet clothes and hair don't even dare to make him less disheveled, they make him more powerful, more like a deity, the God of Chaos.

"While I'd been crazy about you ever since I was a kid." I whisper, shaking with my whole body and shuddering with my entire being. His forest-green eyes darken as they hold mine, a feeling I can't find the name of burning so brightly, it takes my breath away.

"Soon I started to regret what I had done, at that point I was even ready to have you in my life only as a friend than not have you in it at all. I sent you a letter, but it was sent back to me: you'd apparently changed your address. And so I started to wait for you to reach out to me again."

"Do you even know that for years, the first thought I'd have every single morning would be you? 'Maybe today will be my lucky day. Maybe today he'll call me again or come see me and tell me he missed me too'. But you never did, did you? You never came for me, and I was so broken without you. Yearning for you, aching for you. And then after a while Sydney and Jack showed up in my life, and suddenly I was not alone anymore. Sydney saved me from the darkness, to be honest, while Jack was my fresh air. When he confessed his feelings for me in front of everyone at school, I couldn't hurt him by rejecting him in public... I just couldn't. That's why I agreed to date him. And slowly, Sydney and Jack started to mend me together."

"Jesus Christ, Mia," He growls, kneeling before me, takes my face into both hands to look me in the eyes. "Why? Why haven't you told me all of this before?"

"Because I didn't want you to forgive me out of pity. Truth is, you forgot me, Connor. You always forget me the second you leave me." Tears streaming down my face, body shaking with silent sobs, I hold his stormy stare. "Not my shoes, not my perfumes that you like, not my bright clothes or loud laughter, nothing makes me unforgettable to you. I'm just a fleeting memory to you, a passing moment in your forever. A void that can be filled with anyone, you said it yourself."

"No," He says under his breath, before repeating it louder, filling the room with his raspy voice that echoes through the walls. " I could never forget you. I tried to get to you every possible way. I didn't stop, not until I saw you with your prick of a boyfriend himself. I even spent my first paycheck on a ticket to you. I wanted answers, but most of all, I just wanted to see you." I close my mouth with a hand, unable to believe what I'm hearing.

Does this mean he felt the same about me too? Does this mean he used to love me too? 

"No one was home that day, so I decided to wait there until you showed up. I waited for you for hours, Sky. And then you showed up with him, so I hid myself because I couldn't believe I was such a fucking loser, waiting on you for years, running after you, while you had obviously moved on from me."

"So yes, you are a void, but one I've never been able to fill. With anyone, or anything. No matter how hard I tried, how hard I still try, nothing ever comes close to filling the empty space you left right here." He grabs my right hand pressed over my mouth and rests it on his chest, where his heart beats like crazy. It stuns me when I realize it's running that wild for me.

"But-but, you were in love with someone else." I stutter, finding it hard to breath because of all the confessions.

"I don't even remember her name, because I was never interested. I didn't sleep with her, she never ever mattered. No one ever did except you. I lied about all of it. All of it."

My mouth drops open in surprise, a gasp leaving my lips.

"W-why?"

"My friend back then... he told me it was the only way to know if you had feelings for me. I was too scared to lose you to confess directly. And then you acted so happy for me, you fucking wished me good luck with her." His words are rough, eyes burning with anger.

"Wanted to kill you, I swear to God, Sky. How dare you wish me luck with someone who wasn't you? I was so mad at you, couldn't find it in me to call you again, but then I started to miss you so much it became unbearable. Every second I spent not talking to you felt like torture. So I started calling you again, and writing to you every fucking day, while you just shut me out more and more. I had no way to know what was going on. Even when I moved out of the house or left for Italy to study, I checked my old email box any way I could. And once I earned my first paycheck, I got a ticket straight to you. That's when I witnessed you with him and stopped trying to get to you. I fucking thought you had replaced me."

The world outside no longer matters, just Connor and the way he is looking at me with so much emotion. Everything I've always wanted to find in his eyes, but never did.

How could we miss each other like this, like two passing ships in a dark night? How could we love and still not believe in each other at all?

I climb to my knees, the fabric of my dress pooling around me, clinging to my body where the rain is still lingering, and reach for him with both hands. Even though he's in the same position before me, he's so much taller than me, I need to lean up to cup his face into my palms. He doesn't push me away, or glare at me for being brave, instead he melts, face leaning into my left hand, as if he's craving my touch as much as I do his.

My heart is so loud, I can barely register the storm outside, or even the next words that break out of my mouth in a whisper, but oh so effortlessly.

"I didn't... I never replaced you, Connor. You're the darkness I've always craved to hold, the only Sun I've kept bending for, you're the biggest event of my existence and the most devastating loss of my life."

His hands wrap around me, one at the small of my back, pulling me slowly against him until I'm straddling him with my legs around his waist, and then steadily pressing me against his body. His left hand slides up to cup the side of my face, his thumb brushing over my cheekbone like he is memorizing me.

"Tell me you're telling the truth." Connor whispers, resting his forehead against mine, sharing each of his breaths with me. "Tell me you mean every. fucking. word, Little Monster."

I nod, wrapping both arms around his middle.

"Every word. Do you, too? Or is this just another way to make me suffer before I lose you again?" 

"You never lost me, Sky. I'm so fucking sorry about Sophie, sorry you had to go through it alone, so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most, so sorry my small stupid lie has ruined what we could already have for years."

"I'm sorry...T-too. For making you feel abandoned, I of all people know how much you hate it. If I had a chance to turn back time, I_I..." I don't get to finish what I'm about to say, as I break into louder sobs, my whole body shaking with emotions, and yet relief.

"Fuck, don't cry. Not for me, don't cry. I don't know what to do when you're like this in my arms." Connor mumbles against me, his thumb brushing under my eyes as if he's trying to make the tears disappear with his magic. The hand on the small of my back steadies me over his body, gripping me with so much ownership and certainty I find it hard to believe I never realized how he really feels about me. 

"You do... you know what to do." I whisper, hiccuping, before finding his eyes with mine. When realization sinks in, his eyes light up. I don't know if I've ever seen anything as beautiful as him like this... not in my entire life. I don't know if I ever will.

The candles light up the darkness within the castle with a yellow hue, the walls echoing our heavy breathing, as we inch closer and closer to each other with both our bodies and souls, not caring about anything in the world. 

"Sky," he says, my name trembling on his lips. His voice is low, rough, filled with a longing so fierce it makes the thread around my heart tighten. His forehead rests against mine, the tip of his nose grazing mine as he breathes me in slowly, his breath warm against the cold clinging to my skin.

I couldn't look away from him right now if my life depended on it. The lines of his face are softened by the glow of the candles, as his thumb slids down to trace my bottom lip.

He takes my face into both hands, and starts to kiss my tears away with a kind of tenderness I've never ever experienced before.

It's addictive, gentle, so enchanting I start to believe we're in a dream. One I don't ever want to wake up from.

Slowly, his mouth moves down to mine, his lips capturing my top lip before his teeth tag at my lower lip. He's not kissing me fully, silently asking me to give him a sign if this is what I want. And God, it is.

I shift on his body, securing myself over him, tighten my grip around his broad body, clutching at his jacket like it is the only thing tethering me to the ground.

My fingers curl into the fabric, pulling him closer until there is nothing between us but the whisper of our breaths and the steady thrum of our hearts. I feel the solid weight of his chest against mine, the rise and fall of his breathing, the hold he has on me as if I'm the one, most precious and permanent thing in his life.

His lips brush against the corner of my mouth, the touch so light it sends a shiver down my spine. And yet it isn't enough. So I turn my head, chasing him, always chasing him, my breath hitching as his mouth finally meets mine.

The kiss is slow at first, and then something shifts. His hand slids down to my waist again, gripping me tightly as he deepens the kiss, his lips moving against mine with a hunger that leaves me breathless. My arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer until there isn't a single inch of space left between us.

His other hand moves down from my face too, tracing a line down my arm before settling on my hip, his fingers digging in just enough to remind me this is real, that we are finally real.

~***~

Author's Note

So this happened!!!!! Did you guys realize what happened all those years ago, before reading this chapter? I have left many hints in the old chapters, but I'm not sure if they were any good lol :D

I had so much fun writing this chapter, actually it was like 20 pages long lol, so I had to cut it into 2 chapters. Which means the next chapter is coming next Monday and it's honestly one of my favorites, because it is sooooo hawt and beautiful and dreamy. Will also open a door to a crazy romance-bliss. This is a hint you might not get by the way hahaha.

Anyway, I'm not lying when I say Connor is one of my most favorite characters and you will soon see what I mean. He's that calm Mia needs, and if I had to describe their relationship vibe I'd go with the "super-hyper gf and calm bf" trope. I can't wait to share more Connor content with you all.

This said, the main drama of part 2 is coming soon too. I've given you some hints about it before, but I'm sure not many of you will see it coming. So I hope, I really hope you stick around till the end of this book, so we can fangirl together all the time. You know how much I love doing it, and no it doesn't matter that they are fictional characters created by me.

Please don't forget to vote and comment as much as you can, because it helps motivate me and get this story to more readers on Wattpad. As always, I'm overwhelmed with all the time and love you give me and my writing, thank you for that, always!

See you next week!

Love, Melanie