"Freedom is taking control of the rudder of your life."
~Yukito Kishiro

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Elsa

Anna, Dom, and I stood in the long line at Kind Coffee, and I stared up at the menu, my eyes consistently gravitating towards a drink I didn't want. Anna, noticing my consternation, asked, "Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing, just... having a weird déjà vu moment, I think," I replied, fiddling with my necklace. "I'm thinking of getting something for Spencer. What does he like?"

Anna stared at me curiously. "What do you think he wants? Follow that déjà vu feeling."

"Um..." My eyes drifted to the same drink again, and I didn't want to believe it could be as simple as following my gut. Still, it was worth a shot. "S'mores latte?"

Judging by the grin on Anna's and Dom's faces, I guessed I'd been right. Anna wrapped her arm around my shoulder and said, "See? Your memories are still in there. We just need to access them."

"And we will," I declared confidently. "I'm not going to stop until I have them back."

"Neither will we," Dom assured, smiling sweetly at me.

The three of us approached the counter and ordered our drinks. We headed back to the car afterward, having gotten what we wanted, and drove back to the compound. Anna, Dom, and I sat in my kitchen's breakfast nook with our coffees and chatted about this and that. It was more me asking questions about things than anything else, but Dom and Anna seemed unbothered about answering them.

About two hours later, Spencer shuffled in the door. The bags under his eyes told me he hadn't slept much last night, if at all. He seemed to perk up at the smell of coffee, though. His head swiveled to determine where it came from, and his eyes landed on us.

"Hey, we got you coffee," I said shyly, lifting up the latte for him.

"Elsa got it," Anna corrected, "and she picked it out all on her own."

"I picked it out because I listened to your sage advice," I countered as Spencer took the drink from me.

He took a sip and stared at me, surprised. "You got my favorite."

I shrugged. "I followed my gut."

Spencer gave me a smile that made my heart melt. "Thank you for this."

"Any time. Would you like to join us?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." Spencer sidled into the booth next to me while Dom and Anna started up the conversation again. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that while Spencer appeared to be actively listening and watching, his mind seemed to be in other places. That or something was eating at him with the way he slowly tore the edge of his coffee cup sleeve.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who noticed because Anna said, "What's up with you? You're on edge."

Spencer sighed, rubbing his face before speaking. "Had a meeting with Caleb and Lily while on patrol about something. It's not even something I have control over, and I'm not at liberty to say what it is, but they'll be talking to all of you about it later."

"Good news or bad news?"

"Depends on your opinion about the subject. I see both sides to it. Let's put it that way."

"That does not help me in any way whatsoever." Anna slid over Dom's lap and out of the booth. "Looks like Caleb and Hunter are going to explain to me now. I'll see you three in a bit."

Dom made a face, then said, "I'm going to make sure she doesn't throttle your brothers for whatever this topic is about. You two kids have fun."

Without another word, Dom left Spencer and me alone in awkward silence. Knowing I had to be the one to break it, I pulled out his phone and handed it to him. "Sorry I didn't give it to you sooner. I got caught up looking at everything in your camera roll."

"I do kind of have a lot," he said with a slight chuckle.

"That's okay. It gave me a ton of memories to look forward to when I recover them."

"It wasn't a bad idea then?" Spencer asked, twirling his phone around on the table. "Giving you my phone?"

"No. Why would it be?"

"I came in your room earlier to take it back before I went on patrol, but I noticed you had dried up tear stains on your face. You cried yourself to sleep last night, didn't you?"

My cheeks flamed. "Yeah, but not because I was upset over the photos. Not technically. I was upset because I saw that we had this amazing relationship together, and I couldn't remember a single thing about it, and I want to. I want to so badly, but nothing is breaking past this barrier in my head, and I don't know what to do to-"

The front door swung open, and Hunter and Caleb strode in. One look at Spencer and my apparent boyfriend simply nodded, got up, and went upstairs. Other than being stunned by his sudden disappearance, I wasn't too upset. I was used to Spencer leaving me before our conversations got overly deep.

"Hey, are you busy?" Caleb asked, walking up to me with Hunter on his heels.

I stood up to greet them. "No, just drinking my coffee. Look, before you say anything else, I wanted to apologize about my outburst last night."

They both shook their heads, Caleb saying, "Elsa, you don't-"

"But I do. I was out of line, both as your beta and as your sister. You're trying to do the best you can without losing your sister in the process, and I understand why you kept the cure from me. I don't agree, but I at least understand, which is a lot more than I can say for my state of mind last night. So, I'm sorry..."

"We're sorry too," Hunter and Caleb replied simultaneously. My feet moved on their own accord, and I lurched forward, pulling them both into a hug. I could feel the tension in their shoulders, and it made me pull back. "What's on your minds?"

"We want to give you something," Caleb said, his voice soft. He pulled out a vial of pitch-black liquid with a bluish tint. I held out my hand, and he placed it in my palm. Caleb curled my fingers over it and covered my hand in his. "We thought about what you said, and as much as it terrifies us, you're right. This is your life, and you get to decide how you handle this. So, in your hand is Le Mur Briseur. You can take it if you want or not, but the choice is yours now. We're sorry for keeping it from you."

"We just ask that you tell us when you're going to use it, so we can be there for you when you take it," Hunter chimed in, his blue eyes filled with tears.

"Hunter-"

"I have to go handle stuff at the hotel, but I'll see you later." My oldest brother kissed me on top of the head and rushed out of the compound.

"He can be a hard-ass sometimes, but he has a soft spot for you and Anna," Caleb said, shoving his hands in his pockets, "so he's not taking this too well."

"And you?"

Caleb shifted on his feet. "I'm the same, but I don't want you to not do what you want because you're worried about upsetting us. If you want to take it, take it. If you don't, we won't stop until we figure out a way to cure this."

I stared at the vial in my hand and nodded. Enclosing it in my fist, I asked, "How's Roy and Paul? I've been meaning to go see them, but-"

"They're packing up their things; we thought it best they don't hang around after the fiasco with Spencer. They leave tomorrow morning to go back to the Academy, so you're welcome to see them any time before they leave." Caleb twisted around to look at the stairs, then faced me again. "Speaking of Spencer, how are you two doing?"

"We're... okay. He still manages to avoid conversations getting too deep, whether he means to or not." I went into our discussion last night, leaving out the part where Spencer kissed me senseless. "I still need to find whatever it was that he threw. I never got a good look at it."

"I'm glad to hear you two are working things out. As for him being distant, we've all lost a lot, but Spencer's lost more than others. His parents, his ex-girlfriend, all in one go with him believing they didn't know he loved them. He's pushed us all away, but today was the first day I saw him closer to his normal self, and I have no doubt it's because you two are working things out."

"Any advice on how to get him to open up?" I asked hopefully.

"Sorry to disappoint, Ice Princess, but no. You were usually the only one who could." Caleb glanced at his watch. "I need to get going. I promised Lily we'd have a date night tonight. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"All right. I'll see you later." Kissing me on top of the head, Caleb left my house and me standing by myself in the kitchen, the vial heavy in my hand.