"Every night, her thoughts weighed heavily on her soul, but every morning she would get up to fight another day, every night she survived."
~R.H. Sin
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Elsa

The moment Spencer's lips crashed onto mine, I melted into him. I had no memory of him, but all the emotions I'd been dealing with towards him suddenly made sense in one fell swoop. There was no mistaking this, amnesia or not: I loved Spencer. Every atom, every fiber of my being wanted Spencer Stark to kiss me and never stop.

He pulled away, almost jerking back, but his forehead stayed braced against mine, his thumbs mindlessly rubbing my cheeks. I wanted to cry from happiness as something in this messed-up world finally made sense to me. I heard myself say his name, and something inside Spencer broke. A slight growl erupted from his throat, and his lips were on mine. It was different, though. Unlike the sweet, gentle, longing kiss before, this one was hungry and desperate, devouring.

Spencer pushed himself into me, using the wall to pin me down. Our bodies pressed into each other to the point I could feel every curve of him, and it still wasn't enough for me. I grabbed onto his hips, desperately trying to pull him even closer to me. The movement made Spencer grunt before jerking away from me and suddenly putting distance between us.

I frowned, disappointed. "Why-"

"I've got two, almost three months of repressed emotions," he said, his chest rising and falling rapidly. "I don't want to lose control as bad as that sounds. We're humans, but we're still wolves. Sometimes the animal takes over us, and last time we let that happen, you could barely walk the next day."

I was too stunned to say anything back; whether it was because of his words or because I was still recovering from the kiss, I wasn't sure. I watched as Spencer pulled out his phone. Unlocking it, he handed it to me and said, "Here. All my photos and videos. Some are ones I took, some are ones I saved that you and the others sent me. I have nothing to hide from you anymore, so you can read my texts if you like. I just... want you to know who I am and what we were before we do anything."

I took his phone with a shaking hand. Spencer lifted my chin up with his finger, then gently placed a kiss on my brow. "I'll be in my room if you need me."

I nodded, wishing beyond reason he would return to kissing me senseless. However, true to his word, Spencer trudged up the stairs, head hung low. I could hear his heart beating erratically still, but I think it wasn't just from the pain anymore.

Shuffling over to the couch, I plopped down, curled up under a blanket, and scrolled all the way up to the beginning of his three-thousand photo-filled camera roll. I hit the first one. Spencer was much younger than he was now, probably not much older than fifteen, and much lankier too. He and Caleb smiled proudly on the soccer field, holding up a trophy. The following few photos were of Lily and a strange red-headed girl being involuntarily lifted up by Spencer and Caleb and fighting them on it. By the looks on the boys' faces three photos later and the girls' triumphant one, it was obvious who won that battle.

The red-haired girl appeared a lot, and through a video, I learned her name was Callie. She and Spencer must've d+ated for a bit because they looked totally in love in some pictures. In others, Spencer seemed a little withdrawn from her, and not long after, she never appeared in the photos again.

The more I scrolled, the more Spencer aged and buffed up, turning into the guy I knew today. I watched a video of us dancing the tango and a hip hop routine about fifteen times each, unable to believe the choreography and the stunts we pulled off. I swear we almost kissed at the end of the tango, but for some reason, we didn't. Instead, Spencer pulled me to my feet and gave me a big hug. If we weren't dating then, surely we were close to it?

There were a few of me with Caleb, and a few with Lily after that, which I figured out was the time no one in my family knew Caleb belonged to the Stark pack. There was even a video of Spencer defending the lensless glasses he wore, saying he could poke his eyes out after what he witnessed.

A few pictures existed from our recovery period during the war. Spencer and I looked happy and content despite the injuries we'd sustained.

When the pictures of myself and Spencer at Caleb and Lily's wedding popped up along with us at Hunter and Josie's, a knot formed in my throat. No one could deny the love Spencer and I had for each other in those photos. The looks we shared were unmistakable: we were head-over-heels in love. Even in the photos he'd saved of me from other pack members, if he was in the background, his eyes were always on me, always filled with awe and adoration. His demeanor back then seemed to be a total 180 from his demeanor now, but I guess that's what happens when you go through what he is.

However, even after staring at the photos and watching all the videos well into the early morning hours, nothing jogged my memory. All that remained were the feelings.

Why can't I remember?

The thought ripped the knot out of my throat, and the first sob escaped my lips. As hard as I tried, nothing could stop the cries anymore. Rather than being found on the couch in a blubbering mess, I headed swiftly to my room, closed the door, and crashed onto my bed. Despite believing not too long ago that I had no tears left, it turned out I did, and I ended up crying myself to sleep.
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Spencer

I never fell asleep after talking to Elsa, especially after taking the cold shower. Instead, I stared up at the ceiling, mulling over everything that occurred over the last couple of hours. My body ached from the wounds, but I ignored them. I could've asked Elsa to give me blood to heal them, but considering the crappy behavior I'd exhibited, I thought my best punishment would be to let them heal naturally.

At one point, around eight-thirty in the morning, I heard Elsa, ever so softly, running up the stairs to her room. Her heart beat crazily, and every fiber in my being wanted to run to her and ask if she was okay. My mind screamed at me to leave her be, that she'd come to me when she was ready. I'd dumped a lot on her last night, not to mention the passionate kiss, which emblazoned itself permanently into my brain.

"Spencer?" Lily called out, knocking on my door.

"Come in," I said, sitting up and rubbing my face. My alpha stepped inside, shutting the door behind her.

"So," she began, sitting on the edge of my bed, "how'd it go?"

"She knows."

"And?"

"She's... absorbing it."

"I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"A bit of both, I guess," I replied, bracing my cheek against my hand as my exhaustion told me to go to bed and enjoy the sleep that wouldn't come. "She wasn't against the idea, but I gave her my phone, so she could go through the photos and whatever else she wanted. I haven't heard from her since."

"I think she's asleep." My alpha's nose wrinkled. "Her scent is all over you. Did you two-"

I shook my head. "No, but we did, uh, make out for a short time."

Lily raised her eyebrow. "Like a few seconds or minutes?"

"Seconds."

"Damn, and her scent's all over you after that?"

"Yeah..."

"I think she's going to come around, so don't worry." Lily looked me up and down, frowning in concern. "Why aren't you healed?"

"Elsa patched me up last night, but she didn't offer to give me blood," I replied casually. "Considering I caused all the problems last night, I deserve to let it all heal naturally."

"Spencer-"

I didn't give her a chance to prod further. "Does Elsa even know we can heal by giving the other blood?"

"Come to think of it, no. It wigs out most people who aren't used to it, and we thought that might be a little extreme. We should probably tell her soon, though..." A flash of dismay flickered across Lily's face. "In the meantime, while we wait, you want to go on patrol with me? I'm itching to get out of the compound."

"Yeah, sure. I'm going to go grab my phone. I'll meet you outside."

Lily nodded and left. I shuffled out of my room and gently knocked on Elsa's door, listening for her reply. There was none. Poking my head inside, I found Elsa passed out in bed, my phone next to her hand. I quietly picked it up and was about to leave when I noticed something on her face: dried tear stains. My heart stopped at the sight. Was giving my phone to her and then just leaving her the best idea? Did I mess up again?

I reached down a brushed a piece of hair out of her face. Elsa stirred at the contact but didn't wake. Deciding to leave my phone with her in case she still wanted to look at it, I kissed her on the head and let her be. Exiting her room, I wondered what the end of the day had in store for me when Elsa confronted me about everything and whether it would be good news or bad news.