"There were magnets in my bones for that iron in her blood."
~Atticus
_____________________________________

Spencer

I slammed my door shut. Turning around, I braced myself against it, ignoring the sharp, stabbing pains in my body and my throbbing headache. All I could focus on was my rage at Roy kissing Elsa and my rage at myself for being so stupid. I tried to do the right thing to protect Elsa from being overloaded with information and being forced into a relationship she didn't even remember. Instead, I made her feel like I wanted nothing to do with her and pushed her into Roy's arms. It felt like every time I tried to do the right thing, I continually did the wrong thing.

Smashing my fists into the wooden door didn't do near enough to quell my anger, but it was the closest I could come to without trashing my house or committing murder. Pushing myself away, I limped to my dresser drawer. Opening it, I dug around, trying to find a decent pair of pajamas when, like some sick joke by the universe, I saw the red velvet box nestled amongst my shirts. Against my better judgment, I opened it and stared at the sparkling diamond ring within. Memories of Elsa swirled in my head: us dancing at the competition, our first official date by the lake, our first time hanging out outside of dance, falling asleep with her in my arms for the first time, the two of us curled up on the couch or in the bed binge-watching shows into the wee hours of the morning, dancing with her at Caleb's wedding, dancing with her at Hunter's wedding, Roy dancing with her-

I snapped the box shut at the thought of Roy, clenching and unclenching my jaw in an attempt to once more rein in my anger. When the uncontrollable rage struck me, I whirled around and chucked the ring box at the door.

Elsa gasped, swiftly ducking as the projectile soared over her head through the open door, clattering down the stairs to an unknown location. I stared, horrified, as Elsa stood back up. Glancing over her shoulder, she asked, "What was that?"

"Nothing. It was-" my voice hitched in my throat when she faced me. A purple bruise showed prominently on her cheek, and bile rose in my throat. "Did I do that?"

"No." Elsa shut the door and leaned against it. "One of the twins accidentally did it during the fight."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry for everything. For the way I just behaved, for the way I've been behaving. I thought distancing myself from you was the right thing, for you and for me, but I was wrong. You're furious at me, rightly so, along with my alphas and your family, and now I've screwed up so badly, I don't know if I can come back from it."

Arms crossed tightly across her chest, Elsa walked up to me, keeping a conservative distance between us when she stopped. "You're right, I am furious, and we can discuss your behavior later, but first, I want to make sure you're okay. You took a beating down there."

"I'm fine. Just a few nicks," I said, not wanting her to see how much I was actually hurting. I didn't want to see the concern in her eyes any longer because it gave me the false hope that some part of her remembered me, felt something for me. I couldn't do that to myself. Not right now.

"Take off your shirt and let me see," Elsa ordered, frowning. "Your heart is beating too erratically for you to be fine."

"I- okay." Not wanting to start a useless argument with her, I obeyed. My body screamed at the movement, but I gritted my teeth and gave nothing away. Elsa closed the distance between us, her hands trailing over the multitude of wounds. I tensed at the touch, momentarily flashing back to the last time her hands had been on me like this. It'd been for a very different reason. Stepping back, I said, "See? I'm fine."

"Fine?!" Elsa's sharp blue eyes met mine. "Spencer, those aren't nicks. Those are stab wounds. Get some clean clothes and follow me downstairs. We need to clean those up."

I opened my mouth to protest, but one pointed glare from Elsa told me it'd be stupid. Choosing the safe option of remaining silent, I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and an old, loose-fitting hoodie before following her downstairs. To my surprise, none of our pack was down there. When I pointed this out, Elsa said, "Oh, they tried. I made them stay out."

"I'm surprised. I thought I'd be the last person in the pack you wanted to be alone with," I said, leaning against the counter while Elsa rummaged through our cabinets. She pulled out a first aid kit.

"Well, believe it or not, you're the only one I want to be around," Elsa replied, ripping open some alcohol wipes. "I know all the others; they made sure of that, but I don't know you. I need to because I know you know things about me and that there's more to us than just roommates. So you have two options. The first is you tell me what I want to know while I bandage you up. The second option is that you stay silent and think about what you want to say while I bandage you up, and you tell me when I'm done. Your move."

"Where do you want me to begin?" I asked softly.

"I don't know, Spencer. I don't know where things start for us. I don't know anything," Elsa said, half-exasperated, half defeated. "You have to be the one to tell me, so you start where you think is right."

I nodded, mulling it over while she dabbed the stab wound on my shoulder. I flinched at the pain, unable to hold it back as the stinging persisted long after she stopped. Elsa smiled sympathetically, albeit a small one. She said softly, "You're lucky their knives weren't dipped in wolfsbane. You'd be in for a world of hurt, one I don't think I could save you from."

I shrugged. "I've had worse."

"Do I want to-"

"It was the last war. Almost died. I didn't."

"I'm glad." She gingerly dabbed antibiotic cream on the wound. "So, are you going to tell me now, or you going to tell me after?"

I clenched my jaw, realizing I had to face this sooner or later. I needed to man up and tell Elsa what I'd been dying for her to know but too damn scared to say anything in fear of the repercussions. My voice barely above a whisper, I said, "I had planned to tell you everything the day you showed up from the Academy, but when I saw the look of total confusion on your face, I made the decision to have you believe I was just a friend. I didn't want to overwhelm you on the first day by telling you we were dating. I didn't want you to feel forced to be in a relationship with a guy you didn't even know."

"When you cut off Anna that day, about us being betas, she was about to tell me the truth, wasn't she?" Elsa queried. I nodded in response. "I get the first day, but why not any of the days after? It's like you couldn't even bear to look at me."

"Because the more I learned about your accident and discovered I'd been the target, I started realizing I'm the one who damn near got you killed. Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of that. Every time I look at you, all I can think about is how I failed you."

"What do you mean you almost got me killed?" Elsa asked in a surprisingly nonchalant tone as she finished bandaging up my torso and turned to the nick on my cheek.

My shoulders sagged at the flashback to that afternoon. "We had a big fight. It was over Roy-"

"You really hate him, don't you?"

"I do now. I just didn't trust him back then." Elsa backed away from fixing up my wounds, and I threw on my hoodie. "I said some things I shouldn't, things I regretted the moment they came out of my mouth. You left to go see Hunter, and you took my car because yours was in the shop. Had I just listened to you and pushed down my paranoia about Roy, you wouldn't be in this predicament right now. You'd have your memories."

Elsa cocked her head. "You were the target, though, right? These people saved me for a reason, but what if it had been you instead? What if you'd been in the crash instead of me?"

"Then I'd most likely be dead," I said simply, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"Listen to me," Elsa said quietly yet firmly, placing her arms on my shoulders, "I may not remember you, but I know I'd rather have no memories at all and have you alive than have my memories and have you dead."

I gave her a small smile, her words echoing Dom's from not too long ago. I pushed the thought out of my head, placing some distance between us, feeling if I didn't, I'd cave in to the urge to kiss her like my life depended on it. However, she'd had one guy too many kiss her without permission tonight, and I was already on thin ice with her. I didn't want to crack it and plunge into the freezing depths any sooner than I already would be.

"I've been selfish, Elsa. So god damn selfish and cowardly," I said in controlled anger, my fury at myself finally breaking through. "I was too terrified that if I told you what happened, that you'd remember what happened that day and end things between us because when you walked out the door that day, you didn't say I love you. We always said it, no matter what was going on between us, and you didn't, and worried doesn't even begin to cover the panic I felt in my chest. I thought you were going to come home that night and end things right then and there. I still freak out over the idea, even now, because I know you're going to get your memories back, and I know you're going to remember that day and all the emotions that came along with it. I know you're going to remember my behavior during this time with your amnesia, and the thing that'll stick out most is that I only told you this when I couldn't avoid you or the truth any longer. Hell, I pushed you so damn far away, I pushed you into the arms of another guy. I mean-"

I laughed humorlessly, running a hand through my hair and grasping a fist full of it, praying the physical pain would trump the pain in my heart.

It didn't.

Elsa stepped towards me. "Spencer-"

"I tried to tell myself Roy was no threat to me after our fight," I continued, watching as Elsa leaned against the wall closest to me. "I stupidly convinced myself that he wouldn't dare make a move on you, amnesia or not. I even more stupidly thought I'd be able to control myself if he did, but when I saw him kiss you in the courtyard... I don't even remember going down there. Let's put it that way. Then you tried to break up the fight, and I saw you get hit, my hatred and fury deepened. It was one thing to hit me. I instigated the whole fight, but to hit my mate? No, that-"

"What?" Elsa's eyes widened. I froze as I realized what I said. "We-we're mates?"

Cat's out of the bag now...

"Yeah... I was going to hold off on that part because this whole shitshow created by me was going to be rough enough."

"No, don't hold anything back," she snapped suddenly. "I'm tired of people holding back on me! This is what started my anger in the first place! Do you know how much I would've killed to have known we were mates? Do you realize I wondered day in and day out why I felt the way I did for you? How it felt when no one would tell me why I wanted to rip the person's throat out who hurt you in Russia? Why it felt so damn wrong when Roy kissed me earlier?"

"Elsa, listen-"

"No, you listen. I'm tired of playing this game where people give me just enough to satisfy my curiosity or just enough information where they're able to finagle their way out of giving me the whole truth. I just want someone to give it to me straight without all the sugarcoating! I mean, for god's sakes, we're mates, and you're acting like you've never talked to me before in your life. If you can't tell me how much we loved each other, then show me!"

My heart skipped a beat at the implication. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I want you to kiss me, damn it!" Elsa exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air. "Kiss me and show me what I've been missing since I lost my memories! I want-"

I lurched forward, unable to stop myself, having heard the words come out of her mouth. Grabbing her face in my hands, I planted a kiss on her lips.