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Chapter Quote:

"When you love someone, you protect the, from the pain.  You don't become the cause of it."
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Chapter 12

Elsa

My mind raced as I put on my pajamas.  I couldn't stop thinking of my nightmares.  I couldn't stop thinking of the shadowed faces, the disembodied voices, the terror coursing through my veins.  But if Caleb thought my dreams might actually be a memory of what happened to me, and that they might lead to a cure, then I was willing to go through the entirety of that dream, or at least attempt to.

"Elsa?  Can I come in?" Josilyn called out from the hallway.  I told her she could.  My brother's wife stepped into the room with a glass of milk in one hand and a heaping plate of chocolate chip cookies.  With a smile, she said, "Caleb told me the plan.  You would always eat milk and cookies whenever you were stressing over something when we were little.  I know you don't remember that right now, but I thought you still might enjoy it."

"As long as you sit and eat them with me," I told her happily. "And thank you.  This is really, really sweet of you."

"You're my sister.  I'd do anything for you." Josie sat down on the bed with me while we carefully ate the cookies, dipping them in milk, and making sure we didn't make a mess on the sheets. "Where's Anna?"

"On patrol.  She was trying to get out of it, but I can sense her going stir crazy in the house.  I think she needs to blow off some steam."

"Why does she need to blow off steam?"

"Between her frustration over what's going on with me and her anger at being hunted again, I think she needs to be out and left to her thoughts, which is hard to do when she's having to watch me twenty-four-seven."

"What do you mean she's frustrated?" Josie asked, her brow furrowing. "You don't think she's mad at you, do you?"

"No, no, no.  I mean she's frustrated that someone did this to me, and that the one thing she did remember from her time away, which she told me a bit about, now can't remember her.  I hate hurting her like that.  I hate hurting anyone who doesn't deserve it, especially when I'm not meaning to do it.  I'm going to find a cure if it's the last thing I do."

"I believe you.  But don't believe for a moment that you're hurting any of us.  The only ones hurting us are those who did this to you, and those who are trying to take down this family again."

"How are you doing?  And be honest with me."

Josie glanced down at the plate. "I'm hanging in there.  The others all make jokes about how I'm always in the library and rarely leave except to eat, sleep, and use the bathroom, but it's the only thing that gets my mind off things.  I'm terrified about so many things," she confessed.

"Talk to me about them," I encouraged her. "I may not be able to give advice, but I can lend an ear to listen.  So what's going on?"

"A few years ago, during the last war we were in, we were all staying at the Academy.  Hunter and I got into an argument because some of my insecurities partially got the better of me, although some of it was genuine concerns about my future with him and of the pack... I'm not like the rest of the pack because of my heart condition.  I'm not as strong or powerful as the rest of the pack members.  Even you with your memory loss, you could still kick my ass."

"Are you pregnant?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

"No, no, not pregnant," she replied just a little too quickly.

"But?  I feel there's a 'but' after that."

"But," she began, "we've been trying.  So far nothing.  It was exactly what I was worried about.  I'm tiny and weak, and I don't think my body can handle a pregnancy.  I'm worried because if I do get pregnant, I don't want to pass my condition on to my children, there's a chance my heart can't handle the birth and my child or I could die, and then I'd leave Hunter all by himself, and-"

"Josie," I interrupted before she could make herself more panicked than she already was. "You're far from weak.  Just because you're not as strong or as powerful or have as much endurance as the rest of us means nothing.  You're a rock in this pack, and you deal with a lot of crap on all sides.  You've been through hell multiple times, sometimes because of me from what I've heard."

"Who told you that?  You didn't-"

"No one said that I put you through hell or anything, it's just the conclusion I came to after hearing everything.  But we're not talking about me, we're talking about you. I believe that if you're meant to have children, you will.  And if there are complications, then you have an entire pack to help you through it.  We're not going to let anything happen to you."

"I know..."

"You could always adopt.  I'm sure there are some orphaned Guardians out there in need of loving parents like you and Hunter."

"True... but why would the Searchers let us adopt any kids when we have such a bad track record of getting involved in wars and getting killed?"

"Because they know we don't start the wars, and they know you would go to the ends of the earth to protect those you love, especially your children.  Talk it over with Hunter and just consider it."

"Knock knock," Caleb said, poking his head in the door. "I brought you some milk and coo- wow.  You beat me to it."

Josie and I grinned at my brother who was flicking his eyes between the nearly empty plate between the two of us, and the one in his hand.

"I can always eat more," I told him.

"Then more you shall have!" He exclaimed as he came to sit on the bed with us. "Not going to lie, I may have snuck a couple on my way up here."

"That's completely unforgivable," I joked.

"I'll renounce my alpha status immediately for this severe grievance," Caleb said. "But first, we'll destroy the root of the problem."

Another set of cookies was placed in front of me.  Josilyn stayed and helped me and Caleb eat them before giving us hugs and going to her own house.  Caleb I turned on TV to watch the show Lucifer which had apparently been one of our favorite things to do.  His and Anna's show was Brooklyn Nine-Nine.  I kept convincing him to watch another episode to procrastinate on going to sleep because I didn't want to face my fears, face my dreams.

But I needed to.

If there was a chance this could solve the mystery of the elusive cure for my memory loss, then I wanted to do everything I could to help my pack mates.  They were doing everything they could for me, so I wanted to do everything I could for them in return.

"I'm going to be right here, Ice Princess," Caleb said gently, kissing me on top of my head.  He took position in the armchair next to my bed.  We'd brought it in from the library for this exact reason.  I settled myself under the covers, pulling them tight under my chin.  It did help me fall asleep, but it didn't prevent the terrors of my dreams.
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Spencer

Caleb was in the master bedroom with Elsa.  I could hear the two of them chatting from down the hall, but couldn't make out what.  I could also hear the show Lucifer on in the background.  It was a good show, one I'd always watched with them, Caleb had even invited me to come with him, but I couldn't bring myself to be around Elsa yet.  It hurt to see her, not because she didn't remember me, but because I knew I was partially to blame.  If I hadn't run her out of the house that day, she wouldn't be in this state in the first place.  Until I found a person of significant importance that contributed to her accident, until I could do something that actually helped her, until I could do something for her that counteracted the guilt that hit me like a brick wall every time I saw her, I tried to avoid her.

I know she noticed, which made it even worse.  I knew I needed to start talking to her, or at least start being more than just polite to her.  But we'd been in this weird limbo ever since she'd gotten back, and now I didn't know how to get out of it.

My phone buzzed, breaking me out of my thoughts. I rolled over in bed to see who it was from.

From- Caleb: You sure you don't want to come join us??

I replied to him that I was sure, that I was half asleep anyway.  It was partially true, I was exhausted, and while I was actually kind of sleeping, it was very light.  Every little noise woke me up.  Usually I was dead to the world when I slept.

I closed my eyes again only to be interrupted by my phone buzzing again.  I felt the need to check it even though I figured it was my alpha just saying 'ok'. To my surprise though, it was Dom, asking if I was up because he needed to talk to me about something.  Knowing that I wasn't actually going to be sleeping well for a while, I told him he could come over.

Dom knew where the secret key was to our house, same with Anna.  They were over here all the time, and Elsa and I were always over at theirs.  We joked that we should've built a tunnel connecting our houses together.

I threw on a jacket, then made my way downstairs.  Dom was just entering when I reached the bottom of the steps.  The two of us mutually decided we needed a cup of coffee.

"So what's up?" I asked, getting some mugs out of the cupboard.

"I need your help," Dom replied.

"At midnight?" I glanced at the clock whose hands were pointing straight up.

"Anna finally fell asleep, and I wanted to speak to you without anyone else around.  Elsa and Anna, as different as they are, they're also really similar in their fashion tastes."

"You getting her a dress and need to know what size she is or something?"

"No, something a little more expensive..."

It took me a couple seconds before it hit me. In an excited whisper, I asked, "Are you going to ask her to marry you?"

"Again.  Yes.  Well, I never actually asked her the first time.  She just found the ring."

"What is it with those two always finding rings?  I swear, when I ask Elsa to marry me, I'm going to buy the ring the day of." The words were out of my mouth before it dawned on me what I'd just said.

"When are you asking her?"

"I don't know.  Her memory loss has delayed that, and considering the last time we talked when she had all her memories was of us fighting, I'm not entirely sure she'll want to marry me right off the bat once she gets them back.  But enough about my woes.  What do you need my help with?"

"I need a couple things from you.  First, do you know what ring size Elsa is?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Could you find out if she and Anna are the same size?  You can make up the excuse you're trying to figure out Elsa's ring size because you're planning on marrying her," Dom mused, his voice tinged with laughter.  I handed him his cup of coffee whilst taking a sip of my own.  It was probably, no, definitely, a bad idea to be drinking coffee right now, but it was too good to stop.

"All right, what else?"

"I'm asking Ren for approval, and I'm going to ask Elsa too, but I was planning on taking you to meet up with Arya to help pick out a ring.  You can message Elsa with any questions if we have some, Arya will know what her daughter likes, and you're also  just good at keeping me calm."

I smiled. "I'd be honored."

"And, if all goes according to plan and she says yes-"

"Which she will."

"Which she will," Dom repeated, but he didn't sound one-hundred percent sure, "Would you be my best man?"

I choked on my coffee. "Seriously?"

"I'm closer to you than anyone else here with the exception of Anna herself.  I'm close to Elsa too, but I don't think she'd want to be a groomsman, and I know Anna would ask Elsa to be her Maid of Honor."

"For sure."

"Would you accept though?" Dom queried, in a tone that almost seemed shy.

"Of course.  It would be an honor.  When were you thinking?"

"I was thinking of going to get the ring sometime next week, and then asking her pretty soon after so neither of the twins have a chance to find the ring."

"They do have a bad habit of that, don't they?"

"How many has Elsa found now?"

"She found Josie's and Lily's.  I think there may have been a third," I said, setting my coffee down and pouring myself another cup.

"I'm not sure if that's a talent or just ridiculously good luck."

"Probably a bit of both."

Dom was about to make what I knew was going to be a joke based on the expression on his face which I recognized all too well, but instead a scream erupted from upstairs.  Even though I knew Caleb was with Elsa, I rushed upstairs to see what was going on without hesitation; Dom was on my heels.  When I threw open the door, I saw Caleb desperately trying to get his little sister to wake up, but she simply continued thrashing around.  Caleb narrowly avoided being punched in the face.  I went to help him, trying to grab one of Elsa's arms before she injured us, or worse, herself.  The moment my hand took hold of her wrist, she shot up, her other hand, balled in a fist, coming straight for my face.  I caught it in the nick of time.

Her panic-stricken blue eyes stared into mine as she registered what was going on.  Slowly, her eyes travelled up to see her fist being held in my hand, then to her other arm which was also in my grasp.  I let go of her arm and lowered her fist to the bed.

"You're okay," I whispered. "It was just a nightmare."

"It was so real... so bad," she replied, her voice cracking.

"What happened?" Caleb inquired, coming into her line of sight. "How far into your dream did you get?"

"Farther than before but I... they weren't you.  They weren't you guys.  The faceless people."

"Faceless people?" I repeated.  I'd had images of faceless people before, especially after my parents had died.  But that was because I dreamed about the people who had blown it up, creations of my own imagination of how it might've gone down, but considering I didn't know who had done it, the villains were faceless, black voids.

Elsa nodded. "One kneeled down next to me and forced my mouth open.  I was trying to scream and fight back, but I couldn't do anything.  I couldn't move.  I was completely paralyzed. H-he took something out of his pocket, but then I woke up."

"What did he take out of his pocket?" Caleb demanded, his voice tinged with anger.  It wasn't directed towards Elsa though.  It was directed at the people in her dream, people he was convinced were real.  He believed that her dreams were actually a memory of that night she was in the accident, and I was inclined to believe him.

"It was a vial of some sort."

"Dom, would you go grab Anna and make some cups of tea or coffee?  I'm going to go grab Hunter and Josie and Lily and discuss this new information.  Elsa, would you be willing to do more of these sessions?  The more you find out in these dreams, the more I think we'll be able to help you."

Elsa nodded, but said nothing else.  Caleb kissed her on the head and ran out of the room, Dom behind him.  I turned to face my girlfriend who was now hanging her head, staring at the bed sheets.

"Elsa?" I prodded hesitantly.

She looked up at me, tears slowly filling her eyes.  But when she spoke, her voice was surprisingly steady. "You don't have to stay.  I know you probably want to go to bed."

"I've had two cups of coffee, and more importantly, I'm not leaving you when you're not okay."

She glanced back down at the sheets to hide her face from me while she collected herself.  However, when I saw not only her shiver, but a tear drop down onto the blue cotton, I pulled her into my arms.  She gave no resistance as she silently wept, continuously trying to gather herself but always breaking down again.

Having seen Elsa go through so much without breaking, I realized just how terrifying these dreams were to her.  She rarely cried over anything, so knowing these dreams had that power over her made it that much clearer to me.

"Do you want me to stay the rest of the night with you?" I inquired softly.  But remembering she had no memory of me and thinking she might believe it was me coming onto her, I quickly added, "In case you have any more nightmares."

"I don't want to keep you up."

"You won't.  I'm not tired, and I don't sleep much anymore anyways."

"How come?"

"Nightmares," I admitted.

"Does anyone help you with yours?"

"Mine won't be helped until we get this new war over with."

"I'm sorry..."

I shrugged. "It's okay.  I'm used to them.  Come on.  Let's both try and get some sleep."

Elsa moved over to the other side of the bed as I began to stand up to go to the armchair Caleb had been occupying.  We both gave each other confused looks before Elsa blushed and said, "Sorry, I thought you would be more comfortable in the bed, but if you want the chair, go ahead."

"Sorry, I didn't think you would want a stranger sleeping next to you," I replied , feeling my own cheeks starting to flame.

"But you're not a stranger.  You're a pack member.  And if we live in the same house, then we're obviously close.  Or at least I would think so."

"I'll make sure I stay on my side," I told her with a small smile.  I got into bed next to Elsa who was lying on her side, facing me.  Her eyes were shut, but I could tell that she was still acutely aware of everything going on around her, including what I was doing.  Her heartbeat was a bit erratic, but I attributed it to her adrenaline rush from the nightmares, and possibly the nerves of having me in the bed next to her.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I closed my own eyes, feeling surprisingly comforted by having Elsa in the bed next to me again.  I knew it was only for tonight, but it helped a lot for some reason.  But at least for the rest of the night, for the first time since her accident, my dreams were free of the usual horrors.

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