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Trishalini POV

"Where is Maharaj?" I asked, gently patting the babies down. I was trying everything to stop them from crying.

"I do not know, Maharani," the attendee replied, and I inhaled a deep breath. Another attendee came running and bent down a little.

"Maharani, Commander Ashwin wants to meet you," she said, and I nodded to let him come in. Standing up from the bed, I took the crying Harsh in my arms and placed the dupatta over my head.

"Pranam, Maharani," Ashwin wished me, and I nodded.

"Ji, Pranam," I replied and tried to move a little to give the baby a sense of moving.

"Actually, due to the changes in taxes, the anger in the crowd is increasing, and people are being rebellious," he informed, and I nodded, looking away for a moment.

I felt my fingers trembling and asked.

"Any sign of Abhi?"

He lowered his gaze for a moment and shook his head.

"No, and even if I would ask him something like this. He would not have anything to say," he said, and I gulped, lowering my gaze. My heartbeats increased, and I walked back to the cradle and put the baby in it.

"Ashwin," I called out in a low voice, "By any chance, he is... hating himself?" I asked and turned back to look at him.

Ashwin stood silent and shook his head slowly.

"I cannot tell anything, Maharani. He only answers in yes, no, okay, and we have not really talked much since...." he stopped himself, and I nodded.

It had been three weeks since Baapusa's death, and my family had family apart.

"Okay, take the good soldiers with you and listen to the people's needs and what exactly they are angry about. Please be careful while treating them. No fights, no abuse, and absolutely no blades," I ordered, and he nodded.

"Ji, Maharani," he said, and suddenly, he stopped after taking a few steps away.

"Can I take Kumar Shantanu with me?" he asked, and I knit my brows with slight confusion.

"He is a guard. Can he manage the riots?" I asked, and he gulped, nodding slowly.

"He is trained," Ashwin said, and I nodded.

"Alright," I said, and he went out from there.

Clapping twice, I called an attendee and asked.

"Maasa and Daadisa, have they had their lunch yet?"

The attendee bent down her head a little and answered.

"Daadisa has eaten a little, but Ranima is not eating, Maharani. The attendees asked three times, and every time they asked, she said she was not feeling it,"

I nodded and looked back at Meenakshi.

"Can you carry Yash with you?" I asked, and she nodded, looking at the cooing babies.

I took Harsh in my arms, and I asked the attendee to bring some food for her as we both walked towards her chamber.

After Baapusa's death, she stayed in Daadisa's chamber and kept her condition in mind, but no one said anything.

Everyone was broken, and I did not know whom to hold first.

Since then, Abhi has behaved distantly. We have hardly talked about anything. I spend most of my time with babies. I could not leave them alone. And he did not visit my chamber even once.

He was hurting himself. And he did not even know about it.

As I entered the chamber, I looked at Maasa lying on the bed and Daadisa caressing her head. She could not stop crying.

"Maasa," I called in a low and slow voice, and Daadisa lifted her gaze and looked at me. A weak smile appeared on her face, noticing the babies in my hand.

"Why are you not eating Maasa?" I asked, putting the babies on the bed, and noticed a tear rolling down Daadisa's cheek.

"They are growing up," Daadisa said, and I smiled, sitting with her and nodding.

"Ji, hn, keh rahe the ki apni Badi Daadisa ke saath khelna hai,"

"Yes, they asked to play with their Badi Daadisa," I said, and she chuckled, taking Yash into her arms.

"Aw, my little baby. How are you?" she asked, and my smile shrunk, looking at Maasa.

Standing up, I walked to her side and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. Her tears were not drying.

"Maasa," I called out slowly, gently caressing her head.

She looked into my eyes, and I could not help but feel like breaking into cries when I saw her like this. But, inhaling a deep breath, I caressed her head and said.

"Bhojan to kar lijiye, Maasa,"

"At least eat something, Maasa," I said, and she shook her head.

"Bilkul icha nahi hai, Trisha,"

"I am not feeling like it for real, Trisha," her words made me lower my gaze, and suddenly, Harsh began to cry.

I fisted my hands on my skirt, and she looked behind me for a moment.

"Bacho ko kyu nahi sambhalti ho, Yuvraj ro rahe hai,"

"Why do you not take care of the babies? Yuvraj is crying," she said, and I gulped silently. When he cried even louder, she suddenly sat up and washed her tears.

"Aw, what happened, my baby?" she said and leaned in to take him in her arms.

A slight smile appeared on her face.

"Take care of them, Trisha. They are fragile. See, he is uncomfortable with the clothes," she said, and I looked at Daadisa, nodding in agreement.

"Kya kare, Maasa. Hume itna pata to hai nahi bacho ke baare me. Aap dono bataenge tabhi to Gyaat hoga,"

"What can I do? Maasa. I do not know that much about babies. I will know if you two tell me," I said, and she unwrapped him a little and placed him in his lap.

"He is full?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Ji fed them just a while ago," I answered; suddenly, an attendee walked in.

"Maharani, someone wants to meet you," she informed me, and I looked back and nodded.

"Ask him to wait," I answered, and she left.

"Maasa, eat something at least for me," I said, standing up to take the plate from the attendee's hand and sitting back before her.

She caressed the baby. He calmed down in her arms, and I made a bite for her and forwarded my hand.

"Bilkul icha nahi hai, Trisha,"

"I am not really feeling like Trisha," she said, and I shook my head slowly.

"Maasa, you need energy. I cannot take care of the children alone. I need the help of both of you. So, please, they are your grandchildren as well. If not for me, at least for them," I tried to say, and she smiled weakly, taking the bite.

I fed her a few bites until she shook her head, and I passed the glass of water.

"Trisha, tum jao, Harsh or Yash ka dhyan hum rakh lenge. Jab inhe bhook lagegi to bula lenge,"

"Trisha, you go. We will take care of Yash and Harsh. I will ask for you whenever they feel hungry," Daadisa said, and I nodded before leaving.

The attendee was still standing outside, and I knit my brows in confusion.

"What happened? Why did you call me like that?" I asked, and she hesitated while saying.

"Maharaj is back,"

My heartbeat stopped, and I immediately looked in his chamber's direction.

"Is everything okay?" I asked and immediately ran towards his chamber.

Climbing the stairs, I entered his chamber, and the moment I stepped into his bed chamber, my heart sank deeper, finding it messed and cluttered.

Raking my eyes, I tried to find him and called out.

"Abhi," my voice came out slightly shaky. I could not see him doing this himself.

He did not want to talk to anyone, meet anyone, or do anything, and he was just having something that was making him sleep a lot.

Suddenly, I heard the jug clank near the bed and immediately ran towards it.

Finding him lying on the floor, my heart sank more profoundly, and I immediately kneeled.

"Abhi," my heart beats raced as I noticed the blood coming out of his hand, and he was drunk.

"Where the hell did you go?" I asked and tried to stand him up. But he was heavy, and suddenly, he pushed me away.

"I do not need anyone's help. I am a Samrat," he said in a muffled voice, and I shifted closer, wrapped my arms around his shoulder, and tried to stand him up.

"You are not a Samrat for me," I reminded him, helped him sit on the bed, and pushed him down over it.

He sighed deeply, and I put his legs up, but suddenly, he pulled his legs away.

"Hamare per mat chuhiye,"

"Do not touch my feet," he said, and I sat beside him and looked at him.

"Hn to khud utar lijiye apni jootiya,"

"Then take off your bellies by yourself," I said with slight anger and shifted closer to take his bellies off.

He shifted on his chest, and I shifted closer to his chest and pushed my fingers in his head.

"Where did you go?" I asked, and he closed his eyes.

"Nowhere," he answered, and I clenched my jaw a little before looking at his wounded hand.

"Why are you doing this, Abhi?" I asked, taking his hand in mine and wrapping a cotton bandage on his hand, picking it up from the side table.

"I am doing nothing. I do nothing good. I am worth for nothing," he said in a breaking voice, and I tightened the bandage on his hand and gently lifted his head to put it in my lap.

"Acha ye to bataiye aap gaye kaha the?"

"Alright, at least tell me where you went," I asked, caressing his head and washing the tears off his cheek.

"I went to find him, and he was nowhere," he said in a breaking voice, and I could not stop the tears rolling down my cheek.

"He is inside your heart, Abhi. Why are you finding him outside?" I asked, and he closed his eyes.

"I cannot find him inside my heart. It is empty. It is hollowed. It does not feel anything. I do not feel anything for anything. Everything seems dark," he muttered, and I leaned in to kiss his head and spoke in a low voice.

"Do not be too harsh on yourself, Abhi," I said, and he wrapped his arms around my waist and inhaled deeply.

"I know you hate me too, Trisha. I forced you to marry me, and now I cannot even erase because we have kids," he said, and I immediately placed my fingers on his lips.

"Aaj to keh diya ye aapne, aaj ke baad mat kahiyega. Hamare bache ishwar ki den hai, koi majboori ya galti ka fal nahi hai,"

"You have said it today but never dare to say it again. Our children are God's blessings, not any result of a mistake," I said, and he closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.

"Hum esa nahi keh rahe the,"

"I was not saying this," he said, and suddenly he opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Where are they? Is anyone with them?" he asked, and I nodded.

"They are with Daadisa and Maasa," I answered and gently pushed him away to lie down against the pile of pillows. He placed his head on my midriff, and I gently caressed his head.

"Aap unse mile bhi nahi hai kabse. Vo rote hai aapke liye, Abhi,"

"You have not even met them. They cry for you, Abhi," I said, and he shook his head.

"Hum nahi chahte vo hume ese dekhe. Hum nahi chahte ki unhe apne Baapusa se prem ke alawa kuch bhi mile,"

"I do not want them to see me like this. I do not want them to give anything except love," he muttered, and I leaned in to kiss his head.

"Stop drinking, Abhi. I know you are low, you are not feeling good, but destroying yourself is not an option," I tried to say, and he closed his eyes.

"Kya kare fir, Trisha. Darbaar me jaate hai to Baapusa yaad aate hai, mantriyo se baat karte hai to vo yaad aate hai, baag me ghoomte hai to gulaabo se unki yaad aati hai. Har cheej me unki yaad hai, or har cheej se unke naa hone ka ehsaas hota hai hume. Humse nahi saha jaata,"

"What should I do, Trisha? When I enter the court, I remember Baapusa. When I speak with the ministers, I think of him. Walking in the garden, the roses remind me of him. His memory is in everything, and everything makes me feel his absence. I cannot bear it," he said, noting a tear rolling down his cheek.

Washing it, I wrapped my arms around him and caressed him.

"Take as much time as you, Abhi. Mourn as much as you want," I said, closing my eyes and kissing his forehead.

"But, do not do anything to yourself. I will kill you if you try to," I said and felt his breath slowing down as he was falling asleep.

He has not been able to sleep at night since that day. It was horrifying to him, and he was keeping himself away from me because I had to stay with the babies.

He did not want to give bad energy to the babies.

When he fell asleep, I gently pushed him aside and kissed his forehead before stepping down the bed. The kids must be crying now, and I had to look after the dinner menu and prepare for tomorrow's meeting.

Seeing his condition, I had asked Ashwin not to bother him much and to give him time to relax.

He was a Samrat for the world. But, for me, he was still that sixteen-year-old innocent and soft Abhi.

He was young for suffering all this. He was just twenty-three.

And, suddenly, I remembered that it's been one year of our marriage. I immediately looked at him.

Yes, he married me this day.

A slight smile appeared on my face, but I chose not to tell him.

Leaning in, I kissed him again before walking out to look after the work.

Maasa called for me to spend some time feeding the babies, and I went there. After that, I went out to meet the second commander-in-chief to learn about the ongoing riots.

He told me that more than half of the soldiers were out, catering to the needs of the people with Ashwin.

Since half of the staff were on leave, and more than half were new people, managing the change has been difficult.

I did not even know the names of Abhi's new attendees and maids.

"Meenakshi," I called for her when I went back to my chamber.

"Ask the soldiers outside Maharaj's chamber to inform me whenever he wakes up," I said, and she nodded and walked away.

I looked after some letters, and I did not know, but for the last few days, I have not felt good.

"Maharani," Meenakshi came back, and I looked up at her.

"The soldiers said that he woke up a while again and fell asleep again after taking some medicine," she answered, and I knit my brows.

"What medicines?" I asked.

"He complained of a headache," she replied, and I nodded.

"He is asleep now?" I asked further, and she nodded.

"Maasa and Daadisa ate dinner?" I asked, and she nodded.

"Yes, the babies are keeping them busy," she replied, and I smiled.

"Everyone needs someone to hold on to live the life. No one can live alone. And, sometimes, the mere hope of someone's arrival keeps us alive," I said, and she nodded.

"You should also eat, Maharani," Meenakshi said, and I stood up from the couch and stretched my arms.

"I should take a bath and change first," I said. I went in to take a quick bath and let my hair open to dry up a little. Then, I changed into the nightgown and sat down on the bed.

The attendees had changed the bedsheets.

"Meenakshi," I said, and she looked up at me from the floor.

"We should bring the babies here. They must be crying and not letting Maasa and Daadisa sleep," I said, and she smiled and nodded.

We both walked to their chambers and found the babies sleeping soundly.

"Trisha," Maasa said, and I sat on her bed, looking at them.

Daadisa was already asleep.

"They look exactly like Abhinandan when they sleep," she muttered, and I nodded.

"Maasa, did you eat well?" I asked, and she nodded with a weak smile.

"I really hope your Baapusa were here to see them grow," she said, wiping a tear from her cheek.

I placed my hand on her hand.

"Maasa, he is in a better place now. He was in pain here," I said, and she broke into cries and nodded.

"I know," she exclaimed in a slow voice, and I gently caressed her hand.

"But I know he is definitely seeing them grow. He loved them so much," I said, and she nodded.

"Maasa, you should sleep now," I said, helping her lie back and covering her with the comforter.

"Trisha," she called out for me. And I smiled, looking at her.

"Ji," I asked, and she gulped, looking at me.

"My child, are you taking care of yourself?" she asked, and I lowered my gaze for a moment and nodded.

"Ji, Maasa," I exclaimed with a smile, and she closed her eyes.

The physicians suggest some sleeping herbs in their food so that they can sleep comfortably.

I and Meenakshi took the babies with me and came back to my chamber.

I was taking care of myself because the one who could take care of me when I fell needed my care the most at this time.

And, I could not fall weak.

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