#TD11

"Hi Daddy. I miss you," I said while looking at his grave

Today, I visited my dad for his death anniversary. The flowers and candles I brought were arranged nicely behind his stone. I crouched and stared at it.

"Uwi ka na daddy. Mom and I miss you so much. Miss ko na rin mga pagkain na niluluto mo. You know what? Mom's cooking has improved pero ikaw pa rin ang the best," I giggled. "I remember when sometimes, you get stressed from work, you cook to relieve stress. That's what I'm doing now."

The wind blew to my hair. The leaves of the tree behind me fell on the ground. I sat down on the grass comfortably. "I never thought law would be this hard but the way you handle your job seemed so easy. You enjoyed what you were doing. I understand now how you get mad at me sometimes whenever I sneak inside your office when you're working. I just love seeing you work and the amount of effort you put in every case.

Kahit na sobrang busy ka noon, you always make time for me. Hindi ka nagkulang sa'kin. It must be hard raising me alone when mom was working abroad. I'm sorry kung naging makulit ako at matigas ang ulo," I smiled. "You're so patient with me and you let me play with you while you work, sometimes you'd even drop your work. I feel guilty now. Sana hindi kita masyadong ginugulo no'n."

"I wish you're here dad. Hindi ako kasing galing at talino mo para mag-law. Bobong bobo na nga ako e. I'm burnt out. I still need to review for our bar exams. I feel like I can't do it anymore. I'm anxious. I began to doubt myself. Magiging lawyer pa ba ako katulad mo pa?"

"I wish you're here to guide and mentor me. Ikaw din ang magpapalakas ng loob ko. I know you'll be the first one to congratulate me when I become a lawyer. Don't worry pa. I'll do my best. I'll study hard. Magiging lawyer din po ako," I said proudly

"I'm sure you will Trisha."

I looked behind me and saw my prof in one of my law subjects, Atty. Torres. I stood up and almost tripped on the ground but I managed to pick myself back up. I fixed my coat and smiled awkwardly.

"Oh, hi Sir! Ano pong ginagawa niyo dito?" I greeted

He looked at the father's grave behind me. "To visit your dad."

I blinked twice. "Oh, right. Uh, kanina pa po ba kayo? Ginulat niyo naman ako Sir."

He chuckled. He's wearing what he usually wears in class. A suit and tie. A basket of flowerd in his hand. I stepped on the side and let him see my father. He then carefully placed it behind his stone. He stood up straight and put his hands inside his pockets. His expression remained stern while looking at dad's grave.

"Do you visit him often?" I asked

He shook his head. "Ngayon nalang ulit."

I nodded. "What's he like as a lawyer? He's a great father but I didn't know much about his work since I was only little when he passed away."

"Just how great he was at being a father, same goes when he was a lawyer." He looked at me and smiled

I smiled back. I wanted to know more about their work and dad's passing so after visiting dad, we went to a nearby park. We sat down on one of the benches.

"He's the best in our firm. Eventhough I'm much older than him, he works harder in every case he had handled. He's keen and meticulous. Bago siya sumalang sa korte, e handang handa siya. He had won numerous cases. As his colleague, I'm honored and proud. Despite his achievements, he remained humble," he said. "He's a different person outside the court. He's kind and has such a warm personality, a bit clumsy at times. He's a loving father indeed."

"I agree Attorney. You two seem really close."

He sighed. "When the news came out that he passed away, I was devastated and heartbroken. To have lost such a good friend, a great lawyer, and a person with a big heart, it was a loss. I never thought he'd die like that. Alam ko na marami pa siyang matutulungan na mga tao. We can't find lawyers like him in our firm."

My eyes lowered down on the ground. My heart felt as if it wants to come out of my chest. He tried to remain calm as he talk but deep down he's still mourning for his death...just like I do.

"He said he wanted to be a professor too like me and teach law to all aspiring lawyers. He was very passionate. He takes pride at what he does as well."

I smiled weakly. "I was hoping he can teach me too. Well, he had taught me some when I was little but he wanted me to grow up more so I can understand it better. Sa kanya talaga ako nag-mana. I just wish I'm smart like him."

"You are Trisha. You just have to trust believe in yourself. I believe you'll be a great lawyer like him too, maybe even better," he encouraged. "Nandito naman ako para tulungan ka."

I lifted my eyes on him. "Thank you Sir. Ngayon po kasi, nag-dodoubt ako sa sarili ko. May konting takot. I'm worried if I can pass the bar exam. I was extremely passionate at first but..." I sighed. "I just miss dad. I guess I was dependent on him too much. He kept me grounded. Without him, I feel like I have no purpose of what I'm doing now."

"You're young so it's normal to feel that way. I hope the fire, the burning passion inside you won't go out. You have a strong heart, protect it," he added. "You're father will always guide you."

"Is that what you also say to your kids? I'm sure you're a loving father too."

He nodded. "To my kids and students. Law may be a challenging subject but I believe you can surmount every obstacles ahead of you."

"Thank you po."

There's a huge burden that lifted on my chest after hearing those words from him. My heart warmed. I instantly felt comfortable around him. At first I thought he was such a tough and strict prof but in person, he has a pure heart. I understood why dad is friends with him.

"Do you think it was just an accident?" I finally asked. My heart raised while waiting for his answer

His eyes remained in our front view. "According to the cctv footage that was retrieved, it turns out his car got hit by a truck. The culprit was able to get away. Some claimed that he was drunk while driving and hit his car. I beg to disagree."

"Right. I remember the night when I last saw him. He was in his office talking to someone on the phone. If I remember correctly, he was in rage. It was like a heated argument. I didn't fully understand what they were talking about nor who he was talking to," I said. "Do you, by any chance, know?"

His brows slightly furrowed. "He must be talking to a lawyer. I forgot to mention that he transferred to a different law firm so new people were introduced. Hindi ako sigurado kung sino bang abogado ang kausap niya."

"Oh, I thought you knew.."

He looked at me. "Did you hear anything else?"

"My memory is vague. I can't remember.."

"I'll try to find out who it was but I don't think it might be related to his case."

I licked my lips. "I just want to find the person who did this to him. Gusto kong mabigyan ng hustisya ang pagkamatay niya," I said desperately. "Was it really an important case? For him to leave the house in the middle of the night...or was his death planned all along?"

"You're dad is workaholic and it maybe it got too much to the point where..." he trailed off

"Sa ilang taon na magkakilala po kayo at parehas ng trabaho, may kakilala po ba kayo na may galit sa kanya?"

He looked at me apologetically. His eyes filled with sympathy. I didn't need his pity at the moment. I need answers.

"No. Your father has no enemies whatsoever but in our field of work, we're used to receiving death threats. I believe he received some too."

"Maybe...maybe that what caused his," I paused and looked away. "I expected you'd help find justice of his death."

"I'm a retired lawyer Trisha. I'm truly sorry," he said sincerely

There was a long moment of silence.

"Once I finally become a lawyer, I'll fulfill my promise to seek justice upon his death.."

***

The next morning, I felt extremely sick. The sickest I have ever been. I can barely move my body. Every muscle hurt like hell. My breathing was hot, like my lungs was burning. I even thought I was burnt out.

"Trisha. I told you to just stay in bed. Do you need something? I can get it for you," Keith said

"I'm okay Kai. Can you pass me my notes?" I asked while pointing at my notes on the table

"There's no way you're studying in that state. Gusto mo bang lumala ang sakit mo?"

I sighed. He's in strict mode again. I can't bring in a word.

"Malapit na bar eeexaaam e!" I complained. I felt like a kid ranting but he didn't care

"Yes but you should prioritize your health first. Praying you'll recover soon and study again for the exam," he said then fixed the blanket on my leg. I lightly kicked it. He frowned.

"Kung ayaw mo, ako nalang kukuha." I was about to stand up but then he held my shoulders

"Tsk. Don't be stubborn. Gusto mo bang isumbong kita sa daddy mo?" he warned. "Tito oh, yung anak niyo, ayaw makinig sa'kin. Gusto pang lumala ang sakit."

"Hey! Don't bring daddy here," I complained

His lips curved into a smile. "Health is wealth Trisha. You're overworking yourself."

"You're not a doctor."

His brow shot up. "Soon, I will be."

"Law kinuha mo."

"Bakit? Bawal bang pareho?" he bragged

I rolled my eyes at him. "Tsk. Yabang," I coughed when I felt a sting of pain in my chest

He chuckled. "May gana ka pa ring magsungit kahit may sakit ka na. Now that's talent."

"Umuwi ka na at magpapahinga na ako. Mag-review ka na rin. I'm sorry kung na-istorbo pa kita."

"You didn't." He then stood up. "That's why I brought my reviewers here. Dito ako mag-aaral at babantayan din kita."

My lips parted. "What?"

"Yeah just in case you'll do something..." he bit his lip. "Just rest, okay? Call me when you need anything." He planted a kiss on my forehead. He turned around and walked back on the couch. He began to study after

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Asan ba si Kate?"

"At school."

In the end, I decided to just rest since my body demanded it. I laid down on my bed. I took a peak at Keith who's in the living room. He was a few feet away from my bed.

"Keith," I called

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I'll pass the bar?"

He stopped for a second then looked at me. "Of course. Wala ka bang tiwala sa sarili mo?"

"I feel like I'm still lacking in a lot of things," I said weakly. My voice was hoarse. It hurt to speak. "And I hate being sick. I can't do anything!"

"You should know your weaknesses and strengths then work on it," he said. "Don't talk too much. Inuubo ka na."

"Paano kung hindi ako pumasa?"

"Pwede ka pa naman ulit mag-take."

"E, ayokong mapag-iwanan. I want to pass it the first try."

"If you really want something, it wouldn't matter to you how long it will take. You have to push yourself."

I let out a sigh. "I wish I'm smart like you."

"I don't have it all sweetheart. May mga bagay na gusto ko sa'yo na wala ako. I think gano'n ka rin sa'kin. We balance each other."

I yawned. My eyes turned heavy. I began to feel sleepy but I want to talk to Keith more then I realized I might be disturbing him too much. My mouth just wouldn't shut up.

"I like everything about you e."

And that was the last thing I remember before I passed out.

Three weeks left before the bar exams. Everything felt so fast. I was relieved that I was able to recover quickly. I felt like I need to catch up so I religiously spent the last remaining days to study. Keith and I would also threw each other's questions that might appear in the exam.

"Goodmorning Ms. Lopez."

I startled when I heard a familiar voice. I lifted my eyes and saw my professor. "Goodmorning din po Sir!"

He noticed the coffee and reviewers on my hands. "Oh, nagrereview ka pala."

"Opo! I kinda feel lightheaded and hyper at the same time. Must be the coffee," I chortled then took a sip on my coffee. The ice has already melted therefore it tasted bland.

"Goodluck Beatrice! Isa ka sa mga estudyante ko na masipag at matatag ang loob," he said proudly. "I just want to congratulate you all in advance. I'm proud to handle students like you who are passionate and dedicated."

My smile grew wider. "Thank you po kahit na hindi ako gano'n katalino, salamat po sa pag-guide sa'kin. Sorry din po kung hindi ako nakakasagot lagi sa recit," I chuckled awkwardly. "Still, you're the best prof! I feel lucky to be your student."

"Likewise."

He then bid farewell since he still has classes to attend to. I, on the other hand, continued to review. I was too engrossed that I forgot I already consumed my coffee but my body wanted more. My mind was too preoccupied then I heard a familiar voice called me.

"Hi Ate Beatrice! Goodluck sa bar exam!"

My footsteps stopped when I saw Mark passing by. His smile was so bright that it lessen the stress and pressure I was feeling. His energy was contagious. I smiled back and waved at him. "Thank you Mark!"

***

Months of preparation and the day has finally come. Keith and I took the bar together along with our other classmates before. We waited...and waited until the results came out. My mind went blank when I saw my name was on the list who passed the bar. And I remembered how I screamed in overflowing happiness.

"Congratulations Ate Trisha and Kuya Kai!" Kate cheered happily

It was a simple celebration. We were at mom's house and in front of us the food that she cooked for us. I also baked a cake. It was my first time so I was nervous if it tasted good.

"Congratulations anak," mom smiled then kissed the top of my head. She then congratulated Keith. "You too Keith. I'm proud of the both of you." Mom looked like she's about to cry

"Thank you po tita. Thank you for preparing us these delicious meals," he smiled back. "Until now, I feel like I'm still dreaming."

"You finally fulfilled your dream Kai!"

He looked at me. "I couldn't do it without you Tris."

I bit my lips. My cheeks slowly heated up.

"Let's eat!" mom said then began serving us food on our plates. Kate thanked her since she was the first one to be served. I was next then Keith already insisted he'd serve his own. Mom then sat down beside me. We prayed first then began to eat

"Ang sarap po ng luto niyo tita," Kate complimented

"Thank you Kate," mom returned a smile

I secretly took a picture of Kate and Keith since they look sibling goals in front of me. Kate looked happier than Keith. If only she knew that Keith's doing all of these because of her and their father. I couldn't help and told them to look at my camera. They both looked at me innocently.

"Picture!"

"Oh, akala ko pinipicturan mo na kami kanina pa," Keith said

Kate, without saying anything, followed right away. She moved closer to Keith and hugged him. Keith was a bit surprised and eventually wrapped his arm around Kate's shoulder. They both smiled at the camera. My heart warmed. These two angels looked precious.

"Congrats ulit Kuya! Love you!" Kate said

"I love you more," Keith replied with a kiss on her forehead

I hope I can get a kiss too!

"Can we visit dad? I'm sure he'll be happy when he finds out you passed the bar. Dad deserves to know too," Kate said then her face turned gloomy. "I just wish he's here to celebrate with us."

Keith and I exchanged looks. Meanwhile, mom excused herself to get the cake that I baked in the fridge. She stood up and left us. Keith then looked at Kate.

"Sure Kate. Don't worry. Makakasama na rin natin si papa soon. Please wait a bit more, okay?" Keith said in a gentle voice but deep down, he felt pressured. We both did. Kate was hopeful. There was a mixture of melancholy and hope in her eyes, like we're her only hope and that made us feel anxious to fail, especially Keith

Good thing mom went back with the cake then the ambiance felt light again. She carefully placed it in the middle of the table.

"Who's up for dessert? My lovely daughter and lawyer, Trisha baked this," mom said proudly. She was more proud of me baking the cake than I did. I was not confident at all

"Ooh! I'm excited to try it," Keith said which surprised me since he's not a fond of sweets. I suddenly became nervous. Mom and Kate waited in anticipation too. Keith already got his own slice. I watch his every movement. Our eyes met. His lips curved into a smile.

"What?"

I swallowed hard. My heart was pounding loudly inside my chest. He finally took a bite.

"How is it?" I asked even before he started chewing it

He was frozen on the spot. My brows furrowed, confused. He blinked a couple of times while his mouth slowly moved. He then coughed and put the plate on the table. That was not a good sign. He then drank water.

"Ano? What's your comment? You can be honest," I said. Knowing him, he's very straightforward and doesn't like to sugarcoat his words so I kinda expected he didn't like it

He looked at me and forced a smile. "Tris, I love you but I think you should just stick with cooking."

Still, he tried to be nice eventhough I expected a more harsh comment from him. He talks and acts like a critic sometimes. I looked at mom and Kate and they too, had the same reaction. It almost looked like they want to vomit. I couldn't believe them so I took a bite for myself.

"Grabe naman. Hindi naman siguro gano'n kapangit-" I wasn't able to finish my sentence since I choked by the awful taste of the cake. I immediately asked for water. Mom handed me a glass of water and I chugged it. I caught Keith laughed at me

"I baked that for us kaya!" I defended. "May nakasulat pa na 'Congratulations lawyers!' na icing."

"Well, you should have just bought one instead."

I pouted. I felt bad for my cake. I didn't know what went wrong. How can my cake taste so awful? I guess I should practice more or like Keith said, just stick to cooking.

After our simple celebration, I helped mom cleaned the table. Keith insisted to wash the dishes but I refused. He was persistent and I didn't want to argue with him anymore.

"Sabi ko naman kasi ako na e," I said while watching him wash the dishes. I was leaning against the kitchen counter

"Nah. You must be tired from baking that delectable cake," he teased

"Hindi ka pa rin maka-move on sa cake ko ah."

He barked a laughter. "Just needs more practice. You'll get better. Mas marami ka namang alam na lutuin na masasarap na pagkain."

I smiled. "Okay lang kasi love mo pa rin ako."

After a while, he's finally done with the dishes. He wiped his hands on the towel and stood beside me.

"Congratulations Trisha. I'm proud of you. Your father must be so proud of you too."

I looked at him. "Thank you. I know proud din sila sa'yo."

"Are you proud of me too?"

"Of course! Bata pa lang tayo, proud na proud na ko sa'yo. You should be proud of yourself too."

He managed to smile but I noticed the worry and sadness in his eyes. I held his cheek. "Hey. You're doing so well Keith. This is only the beginning. One step at a time, okay?" I said softly. "I know you feel pressured right now. I know you have such high expectations to yourself but trust me, lahat ng expectations mo para sa sarili mo, mahihigitan mo yun. I believe in you."

"Thank you Trisha. I wish the same to you too. I honestly don't know what I'll do without you."

We stared at each other for a moment. This time, his smile felt genuine.

"So, how does it feel now that you're a lawyer just like your dad?"

My lips parted. I suddenly felt the urge to tell him the truth about my father and I was caught off guard by his question. I avoided his gaze.

"I, uhm...I still can't believe it actually."

Konti nalang pa, mabibigyan din ng hustisya ang pagkamatay mo.

"Hmm?"

I looked at Keith again. I was afraid he can see right through me. "Nothing."

"Seems like you're holding back. You can tell me, hmm?" his voice was soothing, reminds me of my dad

"Uh, wala. Naisip ko lang ulit yung cake," I chuckled softly, hoping he wouldn't notice

"Why can't you look at me then?"

I didn't realize that he's already standing in front of me. My gaze remained on the floor. I was so close to giving in. This shouldn't feel hard in the first place so why am I holding back? I'm sorry Keith. I hope you'll still remain on my side.

"Tell me when you're ready. I won't get mad. I hope you won't push me away."

Dear Diary,

Pakiramdam ko ay malapit na kami sa hustisya na kinakamit namin. We're slowly moving forward yet our past still lingers on us. We don't want to disappoint our future selves and also the people who believed in us, who we fought for, and who fought with us.

If either one of us will break, none of us should be blamed. I'd say we fought hard. We'd grieve and move forward. And I hope in the end, we'll still have each other.