˗ˏˋ buzzing heads and fuzzing hearts 'ˎ˗

➷

With her head hanging down the edge of the bed in an uncomfortable position, the weight of Sakshi's head pressing on her belly, and Keerti lying on the floor like a starfish, talking about something funny that happened in class this week, Mahika takes something... atypical into consideration.

Maybe it's all the blood rushing to her head, or the warm fuzziness of the little bit of alcohol the three of them just shared in her chest, or her friends' familiar laughter ringing in the room that makes her think about this, but the, What if I just told them circling her subconscious seems to be very adamant on making her notice it today.

It's... weird. She can't fully blame the alcohol, but she also can't let it off the list. It's contributing to the bravery for sure, but mostly, it's the conversation they were having. About how everyone around them seems to assume that Dhruv and Mahika have something going on between them. That their friends obviously know the two of them wouldn't be together in a romantic sense even if they were the last two people left on the planet, but at the same time, none of them have ever seen Mahika interested in anyone before.

It's because you're trying to look for it between me and a man, had been at the tip of her tongue, but she had quickly bit it back and crushed the thought inside her head before it could grow in size.

Because it's something she had been finding herself a little... bitter about in particular.

Mahika is close to all of her friends. She'd clung to Naina all her life (and vice versa), and no one around them had assumed they were dating? Why was it that she only ever got suggestive looks when she was around Dhruv? Why is it that there's no way anyone would joke about the position she's lying in right now with Sakshi?

It's not that she doesn't believe in physical intimacy between friends; she favors it. She's always craved closeness in all of her relationships. But what she doesn't understand is the line that people always blur between friends only when the two people in question are of opposite genders.

So Mahika... thinks about it. About telling her friends that there's only one person she's really ever liked and that they've never been able to tell despite how often they're all together.

She could be wrong, but she thinks there's something very different and very obvious about the air between her and Amoli. Hell, Mahika feels like a different person when she's around Amoli. In a good way.

And honestly, what's the worst that could happen if Mahika tells them, anyway? Plus, she very strongly believes that her friends would be supportive. There's no way they wouldn't be. The only reason why she'd been hesitant so far is the... change that might come with it. What if they see her differently? Different how? She really doesn't know. But it still holds her back.

Maybe it's because she's spent so long not talking about it, that talking about it now feels unnatural, almost. Like it's something that she isn't supposed to say out loud.

She wishes she didn't have to.

A long exhale from Sakshi breaks Mahika out of her thoughts.

"If we are talking about this, I have something to confess," she says, and Mahika raises her head from the awkward angle to give Sakshi all her attention. Even Keerti, who despises changing positions when she's tired, turns to her side and props her elbow on the carpet to cup the side of her head in her palm.

"God, don't look at me like that," Sakshi whines at the attention and covers her face. "It makes me nervous."

Mahika chuckles and drops her head back down. "Sorry."

Keerti doesn't move, though. "You can ask us a question after. If that helps, I mean."

Sakshi moves away from Mahika as soon as she hears that. When Mahika raises her head again, Sakshi is lying on her stomach and looking at Keerti with twinkling eyes. "Really? What if it's a really personal question?"

"I did not agree to this," Mahika mumbles, not minding in the slightest when they pointedly ignore her. She doesn't really mind.

"I wouldn't expect any less from you," Keerti snorts.

"Mean." Sakshi sniffs. "True, though."

"Stop stalling."

"God. Fine. I, uh..." She looks down at her nails, and Mahika shifts further down so her head is resting on the bed properly so she can pay better attention. "You're not allowed to laugh, okay? Or make fun of me."

"Deal," Mahika assures.

"I um, used to like Dhruv."

Mahika feels her eyes widen, but there's the sound of someone slapping a palm on the carpet, and then Keerti lets out a loud, "I knew it."

And then Mahika's eyes widen even more, and she gets in a similar position as Sakshi to stare at Keerti in disbelief. "You what?"

Sakshi buries her face flat on the mattress and lets out a muffled groan. "She asked me about it once. I said no, but I had a feeling that Keerti kind of knew."

Mahika blinks, absentmindedly tilting her head to one side. Maybe she was oblivious. Far more oblivious than she thought. Maybe that's why she never noticed how Amoli felt about her and misunderstood the entire situation.

"Mahi is clueless as fuck. This is hilarious."

"Shut up, Keerti, I was so scared she would know back then." Then Sakshi looks at Mahika, a faint dusting of pink on her cheeks. "You and Dhruv were always together and like, even though it was obvious that you were just friends, you were so close? It was kind of..."

"Don't say intimidating," Mahika interjects.

"It was definitely intimidating."

Mahika buries her face in her hands and groans. Sakshi laughs, and adds with an eye roll, "Don't worry about it, though. It wasn't very long before I realized how completely whipped he was for someone already."

Mahika feels her chest throb with a dull ache.

Keerti lets out a faint noise of dissent. "Feels like we've had a silent agreement to never talk about this out loud."

"Yeah," Mahika agrees softly.

"Do you guys think... he's doing better now?" Sakshi asks after a few seconds of complete silence between them, and while Keerti just lets out a noncommittal hum (although she looks like she's thinking very hard about it), Mahika realizes that they have no idea if he is.

He hasn't talked about it, and Mahika hasn't brought it up. So far, Mahika has seen him react the same way that she does about Naina not being around—the faraway looks and the constant blanking out—every time the said girl is mentioned in the conversation. Like he can physically feel her absence.

Now that Mahika understands better than anyone.

"This is making me sad. Sak, ask Mahi a question. And make it uncomfortably personal," Keerti says suddenly.

"Hey!" Mahika protests, but a laugh immediately bubbles out of her throat at the fact that this is a very Keerti thing to do. Even Sakshi snickers. "I did not sign up for this. Why won't you volunteer? The question thing or whatever was your idea, anyway."

"I'm a boring person, Mahi. Focus."

Mahika laughs again, giving up. "Unbelievable."

"Alright, Mahi..." Sakshi begins, and Mahika is still shaking her head, unable to stop herself from laughing. "Tell me the wildest thing you've done recently. Honest."

A bare second passes before the question makes the ghost of a pair of soft lips press against her own, her jaw, her neck. They part and whisper praises in her ear, curl into a mischievous smile against her cheek when every single inch of her skin prickles with goosebumps, and close around her earlobe to tug at the sensitive skin.

Mahika feels her heart jump all the way to her throat.

Fuck.

"We're not playing twenty questions." She can only wish her voice doesn't sound as strained as she feels.

"That would imply the presence of alcohol, which is unfortunately not the case here," Keerti points out calmly.

"We drank like, less than an hour ago."

"Not the point, Sak, we're supposed to make Mahi uncomfortable."

"And you're succeeding," Mahika adds, an amused little smile sitting on her lips as she reaches for a pillow and puts it under her chin.

"Perfect. Go on. Please."

Mahika thinks about it again. She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, and then quickly lets it go when the image of the hotel room flashes through her mind again. Her fingers tremble at the thought of telling the two of them about that night, and her heart trembles at the thought of keeping it to herself any longer.

But the thought of accidentally outing Amoli keeps her from a lot of things.

So she's not sure where the next words that leave her lips come from.

If she can't let out the full truth, she thinks she can let out a tiny part of it. The harmless part. The one that neither puts her nor Amoli on the spot. If I don't mention any names, it'll be fine.

"The night of Naina's wedding..." she starts quietly, not meeting either of their eyes. "I kissed someone."

Sakshi gasps in surprise, and Keerti lets out an audible, "No fucking way."

Mahika shrugs, trying to play it off casually. As if her hands aren't shaking under the pillow.

"Who?" Sakshi prods.

Cheeks growing warm and belly swarming with now-familiar but still uncomfortable butterflies, Mahika shakes her head. "I'm not telling you that."

Sakshi looks like she wants to ask more, but Keerti lets out a whistle and says, "Fair."

The silence between them stretches once again, but it's the... kind where Mahika knows they're all thinking. When neither of them asks anything else for a few minutes, she assumes the conversation is over.

She thinks whether her chest feels lighter after saying that out loud and... it does.

"Is it really that surprising?" she asks softly in the silence.

Sakshi doesn't say anything, but Keerti seems to contemplate it for a few seconds. "I mean... kind of?" Then she rolls onto her back again and adds, "Although, at the same time, not really. You've always been a very private person."

"Yeah," Sakshi agrees. "Not in a bad way or anything, though."

"Oh, yeah, not at all."

"Really?" Mahika asks, even though she knows what they mean. She'd always thought of herself as a bit closed-off instead, though, and she's a bit taken aback by how... less negative 'private' sounds. Keerti has always had a way with words.

"Yeah." Keerti stretches her arms above her head, arching her back off the floor and both Mahika and Sakshi make a face at the pop sound that comes from her spine. "You've never been the type of person to talk about things like that. That's what I think, at least. You manage to be extremely affectionate and ridiculously private at the same time, honestly. I don't know how you do that, but I respect it."

"So cool and mysterious," Sakshi shifts closer to tease, and Mahika shakes her head with a smile and shoves her away.

"You're weird."

Sakshi scrunches her nose and wiggles back into Mahika's space. "You love me."

Mahika thinks about all of the times she hasn't given Sakshi and Keerti the credit they deserve for always sticking by her side, and makes a mental note to do better from now on.

"Yeah," she replies to Sakshi's previous comment and flicks her on the nose.

"Unfortunately," Keerti mutters a second after, and the three of them burst into another round of unrestrained giggles.

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a/n

hi hello HEY how have u guys been !!!!!

writing wlw makes me feel so... at home? does that make sense? idk what this feeling is exactly, but it's nice.

i've had this chapter inside my head for a while. like I've Been Bothering My Best Friend Very Regularly (every damn day) With The Ideas Swarming My Head For This Chapter while. it feels so good to finally have it out here pls

thank you so much for reading, 26k+ reads on this book, 2k followers, and for always being here no matter how big of a gap my updates have between them. very very grateful for all of you <3