˗ˏˋ tiny pleas and lullabies 'ˎ˗

➷

Rubbing her index finger on her already reddening eye, Mahika rolls her shoulders for what she believes is the fifteenth time in the past hour. The back of her eyelids as well as the back of her brain, both have started to burn from continuously looking at house interior structures.

The exhaustion from the vacation is finally catching up to her, and the thought that she's going back to college in less than two days makes her stomach fill with dread. Letting loose for a little while has gotten her used to the lifestyle—it's always been something Mahika finds herself in awe of, the way it's so quick to get off track even if you've been living a certain way for years and years.

When she stretches her arms above her head and looks around the mess of her room, her eyes fall on her open but yet to be emptied suitcase, as if mocking her how she's drowning in work after taking it too easy. The fact that she has a choice in the matter just makes the situation more ridiculous, considering her coworkers and her boss had both emphasized that she could take her time with everything.

That's simply not who she is, though. Besides, this is something she oddly finds solace in. Overworking might have started as an escape for her; a coping mechanism, perhaps. But now it's the only way of living that she knows. And old habits die hard, after all.

At least this time, unlike so many other times, she had traded her contact lenses for her glasses hours ago, or she would be miserably trying to find one (or probably both) of her lenses behind her lids because of how much she has been rubbing at her eyes.

Mahika leans back in her seat and cracks her knuckles—a habit that both her mother and her friends have clicked their tongue at her for multiple times—staring at the screen in disdain. And it's as if the universe takes pity on her state for once: unruly hair sitting atop her head in some vague semblance of a bun, eyes ringed red, shoulders slumped, because a familiar ringing, immediately followed by a dark box appears in the middle of her work screen.

Mahika picks up the Skype call even before her brain fully registers the name, a smile that looks like a mixture of relief and longing pulling the corners of her lips further away from each other.

It doesn't stay for very long, though. And the universe was definitely not taking pity on her. If anything, now that her eyes catch sight of the addition to her usual friend circle, her eyes go embarrassingly wide.

Amoli is sitting beside Naina, looking nothing short of a dream with hair that was definitely not this short the last time Mahika saw her. Unlike before, when Amoli was insecure about leaving it open because it was supposedly very hard to tame, now it barely brushes her shoulder.

With a hitch in her breath, Mahika realizes that it makes her cheeks and her dark, wide eyes seem... softer.

"You look like shit."

Mahika unwillingly shifts her eyes to shoot Keerti the driest look she can manage, but ends up breathing out a laugh. "I'm aware."

Naina furrows her eyebrows and leans closer to the screen, and Mahika knows that if they were anywhere around each other in person right now, Mahika would get smacked on the arm. "You really threw yourself into work right away?"

It's both a question and a statement dripping with perturbation at the same time, a mixture that makes Mahika miss her mother and resent the empty house more than she already was. At a loss for words, she just shrugs weakly in reply.

"That's why she picked up so quick," Dhruv observes, and she looks at his side of the screen with narrowed eyes. "She was already on her laptop."

"Are you trying to get me in more trouble?"

He nods quickly.

Mahika leans back and scoffs.

Samay claps his hands together. "Now, now. We aren't here to fight."

"The fact that I'm about to beat Mahi up and forcefully put her to bed says otherwise," Sakshi comments, dramatically doing the 'I'm watching you' gesture with her index and middle finger at the camera.

"Careful," Mahika says. "I might actually take you up on that offer."

Everyone on the screen looks at her with equally unimpressed expressions.

Amoli is, surprisingly, the first one to break the silence. "Did you not get any sleep at all? Be honest." She thinks back on the two hours of sleep she managed to get the other night before she got sick of lying there while her stomach churned with anxiety and threw herself out of bed to work, and tries her hardest to keep her expression blank.

"Yes," is all she says in the end, and Dhruv lets out a laugh that sounds both amused and exasperated. Naina just throws her hands in the air and lets them drop on her thighs with a smack. "Okay. Okay," Mahika interrupts just as Naina opens her mouth, aware that she has a long lecture coming her way if she doesn't salvage this situation on time. "I just... it felt weird, okay? Being all by myself after we were together for so long."

The expressions on everyone's faces sober up, because it's not every day that Mahika opens up to them about how she feels. Her cheeks heat up so she breaks eye contact with the camera and looks down at her keyboard instead, subconsciously taking note of the slightly fading keys and the smoothened out spacebar from all of the years she's worked on it.

"I needed a distraction," she adds in a mumble, lightly tracing the edges of the touchpad with the tip of her fingernail.

The longer everyone stays quiet, the more awkward she feels. She knows she took them by surprise, always the type of person to be there for everyone but never letting anyone do the same for her, but did they have to react like this the one time she actually tries to be honest with them and herself?

Just as she feels the first few traces of bitterness begin to graze her expression, Naina says, "Keep looking like that and I'll come over right now."

Mahika's eyes widen for a split second before she lets out a surprised laugh. It comes out a bit watery, and she catches Sakshi wiping subtly under her own eyes.

"Do it, coward," she jokes, but honestly? She half means it.

Naina raises a hand like she's going to hit her. "Can't even smack you through the screen. Bitch."

"Naina just gathers us all to have a crying fest," Keerti teases to lighten the mood, and it works like a charm. Samay is the first one to snort, Dhruv shaking his head in amusement beside him. Naina just gives her a dirty look but sniffles and gives up, leaning to her side to rest her head on Amoli's shoulder.

With a sigh, she says, "This wasn't supposed to get sad—thank you, Mahi—because I was actually supposed to confirm what day suits you guys best for dinner together this weekend."

"I'm jobless," Samay announces, as if that answers the question.

"Do I have to remind you that you have a class this Saturday?" Dhruv raises an eyebrow at him, making Samay's mouth part in realization.

"Shit. Forgot about that." Then he raises both his thumbs in approval when he addresses Naina. "Sunday then."

She nods, and Mahika's eyes instinctively follow the fingers caressing Naina's hair away from her face. Amoli's nails are now painted a bright blue, and Mahika has come to the conclusion that the color is very, very distracting.

"Sunday then," Sakshi echoes.

"I'm down."

"Yeah, me too."

"Mhm."

"Alright," Naina says with a nod, pulling her head away from Amoli's shoulder and joining both her hands before holding them in front of her. "We can meet a bit earlier, because none of you are coming to the airport to see us off the next day."

"Excuse me?" Dhruv is the first one to speak, looking genuinely offended. Mahika's mouth parts in disbelief right after, expression pretty much similar to his.

"We have an early morning flight!" Naina quickly adds, but there's a line between Dhruv's eyebrows already. He folds his arms across his chest and leans back. "Seriously. It's super early. You guys don't have to be there. Mondays are stressful."

Keerti scoffs. "Don't tell us what to do."

Amoli giggles, but quickly covers her mouth when Naina turns to shoot her a betrayed look.

"Yeah, honestly, who do you think you are?" Sakshi asks in a teasing voice, and Naina finally breaks, breathing out a laugh. It's both relieving and burdening, because every time Mahika hears the sound of her tinkling laugh, she's forced to think about how soon enough, she won't be able to hear it in person.

"I'm serious, you guys," she says after a moment, growing sober again. With a sigh, she adds, "Besides, I want our proper goodbye to be peaceful. Not all of us bawling at the airport in each other's arms at ass crack of dawn."

Then don't go, Mahika almost says, for the first time letting herself think completely about how empty it's going to be once Naina leaves. The thought is suffocating and she feels her chest tighten almost painfully, mouth parting in an attempt to swallow back the lump in her throat and breathe better.

"She's right," Amoli adds, albeit a little timidly. Mahika looks up and meets her eyes, but Amoli averts hers shyly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Arnav and I are going with them anyway. You guys don't have to worry."

"What if we wanna bawl at ass crack of dawn?" Samay asks in all seriousness, and Naina hangs her head to hide her wobbly smile. "You're really going to take this away from us? I refuse."

"Yeah, me too," Dhruv chimes in, but his tone suggests that he's just messing around now, but Mahika is pretty sure everyone except Naina can hear the slightest bit of strain in his voice.

Mahika knows that if there's anyone on call right now who's struggling to keep their composure just as hard as her, it's Dhruv. Sure, Mahika has known Naina longer, but she doesn't doubt for a second that Dhruv is just as devastated as she is. For everyone else, things are slowly going to fall back into place again.

But for Dhruv and Mahika, a piece of them is going to go missing forever.

Because it all sounds wonderful in theory—keeping in touch for as long as all of them shall live. Claiming that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Making promises and then promising to keep them. But Mahika is afraid that reality has never, and will never work that way.

In the end, Naina does convince everyone to keep the goodbyes limited to their dinner on Sunday. Mahika isn't happy about it, but one look into Naina's eyes and the desperation shining in them, and Mahika has to swallow all of her defiance back against her will.

When they hang up, her chest feels heavier than ever, and she hates the fact that she can count the days left till Sunday on just one hand.

Her phone chimes only seconds after.

Is it okay if I call you?

Mahika tips her head back and stares at the ceiling, blinking until her eyes dry. When she's sure she can clear her throat without feeling like there's a boulder blocking her airway, she types out a reply.

yeah

Even though she knew that her phone would ring any second now, it still makes her jump when it does. Mahika dreads being asked if she's okay or not, but she picks up anyway.

Except, Amoli doesn't ask that.

Instead, the second Mahika puts her phone to her ear, she hears the words, "Tell me what I can do to help."

And all of the tears that Mahika had pushed back with force come rushing forward at how soft, how tender Amoli's voice is even through the phone. She closes her eyes and takes in a shaky breath before getting up and shutting the lid of her laptop without looking at it. Amoli doesn't say anything if she hears how Mahika pushes her chair back with more force than necessary, and she doesn't say anything when Mahika's bed creaks as she curls up on it with her knees tucked into her chest.

Images of Naina and her giggling and running across the street in the rain flash through her mind. Growing up. Meeting at the library to study together. Growing up. Eating at new places every week and pretending to be food critiques. Growing up. Naina graduating first, and Mahika following in her footsteps and getting into the same university. Growing up. And then some more.

Leaving. Leaving. Leaving.

Mahika squeezes her eyes shut, a tear trailing down the bridge of her nose and clinging to her skin for a second before dripping down on the pillow under her head.

"Can you talk to me, please?" she asks, pleads, and hopes that the words make more sense coming out of her mouth than they do inside her head.

"About what?"

"Anything."

And Amoli does.

She talks about how she still can't ride a bike because she's scared all the way back from the one time she fell off it when she was thirteen. Talks about how she still has a scar on her knee from how badly she scraped it against the asphalt. Talks about how Arnav still teases her about it.

Amoli talks and talks, about the past and the present, and Mahika listens. At some point, she loses track of the conversation, just focusing on the way the voice of the girl on the other end caresses her ears and soothes the ache in her chest.

And eventually, with the phone still held to her ear, the very same voice lulls her to sleep.

➷

a/n

uh, hi? 😳

i missed this book so much i'm ):

i just wanna say thank you so much for being patient. this is not me coming back and making a promise to stay regular with my updates, but this is a token of assurance that i'm not abandoning this book. a lot of people have reached out to me regarding this in the past two months.

i'm just busy and very, very tired because of a lot of things, but i promise that none of my stories are going anywhere. i'm just trying to focus on finishing 'missed by a mile', as well as my health for now, but i'm going to be back. soon. in the meantime, if you aren't already aware, i'm halfway through my ONC entry! i very genuinely feel like it's my best writing so far, and i would be insanely grateful if you guys could give that book some love too <3 (it's gxg, too *wink wink*)

thank you so much for reading!

i hope you're all taking care of yourselves x