thirty-one
˗ˏˋ fragility and heartsease 'ˎ˗
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They're both pink-cheeked and avoiding each other's eyes when Amoli steps back.
She tucks her hair behind her ear, and Mahika looks away when her fingers yearn to replace Amoli's. She silently stares at the wall over Amoli's head for a few seconds, contemplating. Definitely overthinking a little. Mentally trying to pinpoint what it is that makes her feel so out of her element when she's close to Amoli.
It just doesn't make sense that she's so worried all the time. Because there's so much; so many things she can think about that she wants the two of them to do together: Play board games. Try a different restaurant every week. Visit museums. Do face masks. Dance in the kitchen. Check out bookstores. Bake cookies. Go on road trips. Create a photo album. Read to each other. Sit on swings. Watch cheesy movies. Hell, she wants them to draw together and she doesn't even know if —
"Can you draw?" Mahika blurts, and then feels her cheeks turn even warmer when Amoli looks up and blinks at her in surprise.
She then spends a good ten seconds staring at Mahika with her eyebrows drawn together like she's trying her best to unravel what's going on inside her head.
"Only in like... Uno," she replies eventually, no expression on her face whatsoever.
Mahika's embarrassment melts into amusement, even as her first thought is, Uno, huh? That's another thing added to the list. She puts her hands on her hips, bends down a little, and raises her eyebrows. "This is a very important question."
"Well, my artistic abilities end at drawing stick figures," Amoli says and mimics Mahika's position, seemingly unaffected by how much closer it brings their faces together, earlier timidity almost forgotten amidst the beginning of their usual banter. "If you hold a gun to my head, you could maybe get a cloud out of me. Why?" She tilts her head to one side, Mahika's eyes following the movement. And then Amoli raises her eyebrows, corners of her lips twitching with a smile trying to make its way past. "You want me to draw you like one of my French girls?"
Mahika feels her own smile widen a smidgen at the terrible joke, but she clears her throat and wipes it off her face in favor of raising her eyebrows at Amoli. "If you've already got other girls lined up, why are you here, exactly?"
Amoli lowers her eyes and rolls her bottom lip between her teeth, as if in thought. Mahika tries not to follow the gesture with her eyes, moving her gaze to fix it somewhere between Amoli's eyebrows. For a second, she looks like she's about to say something serious, and Mahika braces herself in case Amoli is about to surprise her with another one of her 'lists'.
But then she looks back up at Mahika from beneath her lashes and murmurs, "I don't know either, really."
So Mahika leans back with a roll of her eyes and throws the shirt at Amoli's head, watching it unceremoniously slide down her face and into her hands.
Ignoring the smile twitching its way to Amoli's lips, Mahika walks around her to leave the room. "When you're done changing and being a nuisance, come join us in the living room," she says over her shoulder.
"Wait, hey," Amoli calls, and Mahika stops at the door to look back at her. Amoli has draped the shirt over one shoulder, and is looking at Mahika with raised eyebrows. "Aren't you forgetting something?"
"I am?"
"Yes?"
"Are you asking me or telling me?"
Amoli folds her arms across her chest when she realizes Mahika is being difficult on purpose. "You're forgetting something, Mahi."
So Mahika, in a moment of bravery, steps back in and close to Amoli, and ducks her head to kiss her on the cheek. "There," she says, like her ears aren't burning.
When she pulls back, Amoli's cheeks are glowing pink, but Mahika can't tease her for it because she's sure she looks the same. "I meant pants," Amoli says, very, very quietly, eyes fixated on the tiled floor.
"Sure you did," Mahika says sniffily, turning her face away and resisting the urge to scream at the ceiling when she moves towards the closet again. The sound of the drawer opening is a little too loud in the suddenly silent room, and even though Mahika's ears have started to ring, she straightens back up after grabbing the first pair of sweatpants she sees.
She holds them out to Amoli, purposely ignoring the way the other girl is now pressing both her lips between her teeth, obviously to hold back a smile. Maybe a laugh. Mahika is not going to give Amoli the satisfaction of breaking into an embarrassed pterodactyl screech right now, so she holds on.
"Anything else?"
Amoli hums out a 'no', and clears her throat before looking at Mahika. "Thank you." Her eyes are shining with mirth, voice wavering with amusement.
"Alright then," Mahika announces, voice unnecessarily loud and high-pitched, as she turns back around on her heels and bails out of the room with her entire face feeling like it's on fire.
-
In the kitchen, Mahika finds herself humming for the first time in what feels like years.
She can hear Keerti and Sakshi talking and laughing in the living room alongside the low buzz from the movie they put on earlier as she sets aside the quick snacks she prepared earlier so she can get their drinks ready.
It's truly a wonder what a little bit of warm company can do for you, she thinks to herself with a shake of her head and a little smile, because usually, there would be a dull ache in her chest around this time from both working or studying through the week and missing her mother.
A featherlike touch on her elbow startles her out of her thoughts for a split second and she spills a few drops of the lemonade on the kitchen island while pouring some, letting out a tiny sound of distress and steadying herself before she makes a bigger mess.
She hears Amoli's muffled giggle from behind when she quickly reaches for the cloth to wipe the counter.
Mahika clicks her tongue. "Don't sneak up on people like that!"
"Sorry," replies the other, not sounding apologetic in the slightest. Though Mahika wouldn't exactly say she minds when Amoli hooks her chin on her shoulder and adds a cheeky, "hi."
Scoffing half-heartedly, Mahika feels herself falter again when Amoli vines both of her arms around one of hers.
As elated as Mahika is about the fact that Amoli feels comfortable enough around her to touch her without hesitance and joke around this way, she also feels like she'll soon go into cardiac arrest if she keeps getting surprised about it.
"How exactly am I supposed to work like this?" she asks, mildly surprised that her voice comes out even somehow.
"I'm sure you'll figure out a way."
"Oh, you little —"
"What are you guys doing?"
Mahika startles again at the new voice, and drops a little more than just a little lemonade on the counter this time, cussing to herself. Before she can process the rest of the situation, Amoli is already responding to Sakshi's question without a hitch in her breath.
"Mahi is trying to make drinks and I'm... giving her moral support."
"Bothering me," Mahika corrects airily, wiping the spilled liquid for the second time and trying to ignore the way Amoli's fingertips against her palm begin feeling warmer, warmer, warmer, now that Sakshi is in the kitchen with them.
She's trying to work on the panic that shouldn't be here in the first place, considering that she's close to her other friends like this all the time. This isn't a big deal, she reminds herself, but she doesn't have the heart to look at Sakshi's face yet. There's nothing out of place about this.
It's ridiculous that she always feels the need to reassure herself, especially when she doesn't know anyone who is as attached to physical affection as Sakshi is.
And it seems like Amoli is way further than Mahika is at the reassurance part, anyway.
She hadn't even flinched.
"She's learning from the best," Sakshi sings, stepping closer to stand beside them. Mahika feels like a rubber band. Like a rubber band that was stretched too far. "Want help with anything?"
Mahika clicks her tongue. "I'm almost done." She points in the direction of the bowls. "You can take the popcorn, though. And the sandwiches. Amo and I will be right out with the drinks."
"I got you."
"Thanks, Sak."
Leaning some of her weight against the counter as soon as Sakshi walks out of the kitchen, Mahika hangs her head a little and lets out a breath.
"Do you need some space?" Amoli asks quietly, loosening her hold on Mahika's arm and taking a step back.
"No, just —" Mahika starts and stops just as quickly, already missing the feeling of having her close. "No," she tries again, and gently pulls her arm out of Amoli's hold so she can turn around. "Stay."
Amoli's looking at her with kind, patient eyes and yet again, Mahika remembers how far they've truly come from the first time they met. A few months ago, they couldn't even look in each other's direction without fuming or throwing ridiculously backhanded comments every chance they got.
And now Amoli is standing in Mahika's kitchen — wearing Mahika's shirt that fits her perfectly — looking soft and warm and so, so much like she's always belonged here, and Mahika's fingers suddenly itch to reach out and brush away the wisps of hair on her forehead.
"Can I hold you for a second?" she asks before her mind convinces her to keep the words to herself, and the tightness in her chest loosens right away when Amoli immediately gives her a shy nod in return.
"You don't have to ask," Amoli whispers once Mahika's arms tenderly find their way around her waist, eyes shining with sincerity. "Really."
Mahika leans down and tucks her nose against the side of Amoli's neck, wishing she could make herself smaller somehow and just let Amoli hold her for a bit. Although, it seems like her height doesn't prove to be much of a problem because Amoli loops her arms around her neck and pulls her even closer somehow.
Her lips barely brush the shell of Mahika's ear, and she fights back a little shiver at the feeling.
It also happens to bring back a certain memory that leaves Mahika's cheeks burning, but she doesn't have to worry about it for now because Amoli can't see her face anyway.
She's been trying not to think about it. Trying.
"Well, consent is important," Mahika murmurs, and she wonders if she's just imagining the way Amoli stiffens for a second at the warmth on her neck.
"Mhm," Amoli hums against her shoulder in response after a second. Mahika can feel her smile. "It is. You already have mine."
And there's just... something about the words that leaves some restless part deep in her subconscious enough peace for it to quiet down. For good.
"Okay," Mahika whispers, and it feels a little like something, somewhere has changed. "Okay. I'll keep that in mind."
"Good," Amoli whispers back, and turns her head to press the softest of kisses to Mahika's hair. "Because I like this."
I like you, Mahika thinks without a beat, and feels the flush on her face spread all the way to her neck. She knows she's never said the words out loud, but she's never felt the need to before this.
Amoli hasn't either, and Mahika defeatedly thinks back on the times where they could have said it instead of the frustrated 'stupid fucking crush' or the desperate 'I can't be friends with you, Amoli' or the terrified little 'I just want to be with you'.
But right now, with her heart feeling safer than ever and at complete ease inside the bubble they've formed around them, Mahika doesn't think she needs to.
➷
a/n
hello again, my loves <3
i hope you have all been doing well x
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